Chapter 12: HER

I couldn’t sleep that night. L.Joe’s face was all over my mind. The way he looked at me, it seems like he is asking for something.

I know. Time.

He asked for some time to sort his feelings out. That just means he wants me to think that there is still hope for us.

And I don’t want to think that way. If I did, I would just be the old stupid Kim Hana who fell for the wrong Prince. I know better now.

And besides, if he really loves me, he wouldn’t even be confused. He wouldn’t even need time. I know the Bible said that Love is patient but I can’t keep hurting myself waiting for someone who was busy sorting his feelings out.

I deserve better. Every woman deserves the best man. I do too.

And right now, L.Joe’s nowhere near the ideal men in my life.

We started off. We started really messy – our relationship. Everything was a complication. Everything was ed up. He was with my best friend. I was his fiancée. I was seeing Jiho. From that mere scenario, I know that he is not meant for me.

But I still fell for him.

I still spent five years of my life wanting him and wishing he would come back to me when I told him that I missed him. But no. He shoved me away. He wanted me stay away from him.

From then, I knew that I should really move on. Those five years of hope, those five years of wishful thinking only made me suffer so much. I have to stop torturing myself.

I have to stop blaming myself too.

Everyone makes wrong decisions too. I’m just an extreme example of how one decision would make your life miserable. I was miserable.

And I have to be happy. I guess, 5 years of misery was enough consequence for me. Maybe I deserve happiness now. Somehow. With Woo Jiho.

My phone suddenly vibrated.

From: Woo Jiho

Watch Music Core in 10 minutes.

I narrowed my eyes at his message. What is he up to now?

But then, due to my curiosity, I walked to the receiving area and turned the TV on. It’s a good thing that I have finished all my paper works so, I’m just waiting my time out.

I sat on the couch and watched Music Core.

“Hello, everyone! We have, now, Block B who had just made their comeback!” MC Minho beamed as I heard some screams from the audience. Then there’s Block B behind him with all smiles.

I smiled as I saw them smiling and happy like that. I know these guys. They are really friendly and they are hardworking. That’s why they succeeded.

Block B smiled and bowed to the audience. “1, 2, 3. Do you wanna be? Block B! Hello, everyone! We are Block B!” They enthusiastically greeted as they bowed once more.

Well, isn’t their greeting a bit redundant?

But anyway. It’s their trademark.

“Tell us about your new song.” MC Soohyun asked and the mic was given to Jiho. Oh. Zico now because he looks like an idol. I mean, he is an idol. But he’s still Woo Jiho. My Jiho.

I smiled when he looked at camera. I know I act like a fool but why did I feel like he is smiling back at me when he smiled in there?

Hah! His words must have left a big impact on me! Which is good. I’m loving this feeling.

“Well the song is about loving a girl too deeply that you think no one is better than her. There’s this part in the lyrics that says, ‘Except for you, everything looks plain’. It was that kind of love where you see only her and adore only her.”

I looked at Jiho’s eyes and it feels like he is looking back at me. Is this why he wants me to watch this interview?

“Wow! It’s such a deep song.” MC Minho beamed. “Do you have an inspiration when you made this song?” He asked Jiho.

Jiho just chuckled. “I actually wrote this song five years ago, when I had a girlfriend that I really loved. But I didn’t want to release this song when I know that she wouldn’t hear it. So, we’re releasing this now, now that she’s back, to tell her that nothing changed. She is still the only HER for me.”

I didn’t know why my tears are b in my eyes right now after hearing Jiho’s words. He doesn’t really fail to catch my heart no matter what he does.

And what was he thinking? He is an idol. He has a lot of fans. Why is he telling this on public TV?

He’s just telling me that he loves me more than anyone else. I can’t help but feel bad for leaving again. Ugh! Jiho always gives me a freaking guilt trip.

“Is she watching right now?” MC Soohyun asked.

Jiho chuckled and looked at the camera. “HER, are you watching?” He asked and the audience grew wild.

I can’t help but smile and nod. “Yes. I am watching.” I replied as if he could hear me. My heart is beating loudly. I couldn’t help but chuckle.

This time, I’m more than convinced. I am for Woo Jiho. No one else but him.

--

“Miss Kim, do you need something?” Namjoo asked me as I walked to her.

I shook my head. “You can go. We don’t have any work to do. You can call this a day.” I smiled at her.

Honestly, I’m too happy today. I don’t want to work. Yes. I get that feeling from time to time too. Besides, I’m really done for the day.

Namjoo looked at me, surprised. “Are you sure, Ms. Kim? We still have 2 hours.” She confirmed.

I smiled and nodded. “Yes. You can go.” I replied. “I’m going too.” I showed her my bag.

She smiled at me and nodded. “Okay! If you say so!” She beamed then she immediately fixed her things.

I chuckled and walked to the door. “Lock the door when you leave! Bye, Namjoo!” I waved as I opened the door.

She nodded and smiled back then she continued fixing her things. I left her and walked to my car.

I was never been this relieved and touched in the whole last five years of my life. It was like a resurrected feeling for me. It was like I’m feeling new again.

Maybe I was too busy looking back that I have not known what I have to be in the future. I was so into dwelling into my past that I forgot that the real deal is the present and the future.

I was too stupid looking at the wrong Prince. I was too blind to see that the right one was with me all along.

I walked to the parking lot when someone dragged me to one of the alleys and pinned on the wall.

My eyes widened when I saw L.Joe’s face so close into mine.

“W-what are you doing?” I asked him. “Let go of my hands.” I ordered as I yanked my hands from his grip. But he was too strong.

He took a deep breath then he looked at me in the eyes. “Please,” he breathed. “Please tell me you still love me.” He told me.

I looked at him, confused of what he is asking me to do. Why would I tell him I love him?

“What are you talking about?” I asked. I don’t really get what’s getting into L.Joe’s mind. First, he’s telling me to stay away from him because he doesn’t want to complicate things with his girlfriend, then, he asks me to give him time to sort his feelings out, then now, he’s asking me to tell him that I still love him.

He tells me he’s confused but right now, I am too. I am confused of what he is thinking. I am confused of his actions.

A part of me wants him to come back but a bigger part of me wants to move on. I want to move with Woo Jiho, leave the past behind and be happy.

L.Joe shut his eyes. “Please, Hana.” He spoke my name. “Please tell me you still think about me. If you can’t tell me that you still love me, please. Please, tell me that I still occupy your mind before you go to sleep and when you wake up.” He told me.

I looked at him and suddenly all my defenses are falling down. How can you have that strong will to forget one person but then he shows up and you’re back to square one again?

How can there such be a stupid feeling when you’re hurting but you know that the only person who could heal you is the same exact person who hurt you?

I sighed hard. Just when I have convinced myself that I am for Woo Jiho, L.Joe comes back and ruins everything. He sidetracks me from all the principles I am living with.

And now I am staring into his eyes and I have this feeling that if I don’t take him down now, I would be making another big mistake in my life.

Kim Hana doesn’t make the same mistake twice. I have been hurt enough. I don’t want to hurt again.

I took a deep breath. “Byung-“

“You still occupy her mind before she sleeps and when she wakes up, Lee Byunghun. But that’s not love. That’s guilt.”

I was shocked to see Jiho standing at the side. How could he come here when I just saw him on TV? Is he Do Minjoon or what? Is he an alien who could teleport?

L.Joe looked at him and loosened his grip on me. “I am not talking to you.” He scowled at Jiho. “Get your out of here. Mind your own business. I’m talking to my fiancée.”

Jiho smirked and crossed his arms. “Fiancée?” He raised his brow. “Correction: Ex-fiancée.” He told L.Joe.

L.Joe gritted his teeth and clenched his fists. “Get the out of here or you will have it, Woo Jiho.” He threatened.

Jiho scoffed and opened his arms wide, offering his body. “Try me, Lee Byunghun.” He challenged.

The next thing I knew, L.Joe threw his fist on Jiho’s face. Then Jiho quickly answers back and L.Joe was down on the floor.

I gasped as they continued to throw their fists on each other’s faces.

“Stop it.” I spoke but they were still at it.

L.Joe collared Jiho and pushed him onto the wall. “Know your place, Woo Jiho. Hana’s not yours.” He gritted his teeth.

Jiho smirked at him. “The possibility of her being mine is greater than the possibility that she would be yours, Lee Byunghun.” He told me. “She was mine, first. You just ed our relationship up.”

“She fell for me.” L.Joe retorted. “I did too.” He continued.

I froze when he said those words. Why does he have this great impact on me? I’m going insane with what I am feeling for him.

“You never loved her, Lee Byunghun.” Jiho talked back. “If you did, you would never treat her wrongly. You won’t hurt her even though she hurt you so much. If you really did love her, you should’ve followed her to Boston and begged her to come back.” He breathed. “Love never boasts. Pride is never associated with love. Love always trusts, always protects, always hopes, always perseveres.” He continued.

Jiho looked at L.Joe. “Now tell me, did you persevere?” He asked then he yanked L.Joe’s hands from him. “Don’t tell me to stay away from her when she wants me to come to her. I’ll always be with her, as long as she wants me to. I won’t push her away.” He spoke. “Because I’m not going to act like you, Lee Byunghun. I won’t act like I am the only one hurting. I won’t act like the world revolves around me alone.”

L.Joe froze in his spot. His hands fell down to his sides.

“Love is all about give and take.” Jiho told him again. “I thought that was a cliché expression. Why don’t you know it?” He asked for the last time then he walked to me and took my hand.

He looked at me. I bit back my tears. His face is bruised. “Are you alright?” He asked me.

Then I broke down again.

How many times do I have to tell myself that Woo Jiho is the one for me?

How many times does he have to prove that he is the right choice?

I’m really stupid.

And right now, I have to be back to my senses.

I hugged him tightly. I really belong to him. It was given in the first place.

--

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