utopian [yu̇-ˈtō-pē-an] adj. -  characterized by or aspiring impracticable perfection; impossibly ideal

“How do you know who I am?” Junmyeon asked quietly as he stared down at Mihyun’s gentle hands that were tending to his wounds. He flushed when he accidently made eye contact with the girl, and averted his eyes before mumbling a soft, “Sorry.”

“I know everybody in the school. You’re a year 3 student, Kim Junmyeon, who ignores his academic potential and scores straight Bs’ and Cs’ in an attempt to persuade everybody that he isn’t the nerd they say he is,” Mihyun responds. She pauses for a few seconds before apologizing, “Sorry, that must have sounded rather creepy.”

Junmyeon quickly shook his head, not crept out even the slightest. He expected no less knowledge from the girl who claimed the top spot in academics. He bit down hard on his bottom lip, feeling the slightest bit bitter towards the girl despite the fact that he sincerely respected her. How was it that she was the academic star, yet was an exception to the taunts and jeers that he and many others had received from simply scoring in the top 50?

Junmyeon parted his lips to speak but was interrupted by the sudden rustling of bushes. Mihyun sealed a final plaster on to Junmyeon’s arm and smiled up at Jaesuk who was brushing stray leaves out of his hair.

“I apologize for not arriving earlier, Agassi,” Jaesuk bowed as he wiped his hands clean with a small cloth.

Mihyun simply shook her head and picked up her bag to pull over her shoulder. She glanced at Junmyeon and gave him a small wave. “I’ll be leaving now then. Will you be alright finding your own way home?”

Junmyeon nodded his head, bowing 90 degrees several times as a way of expressing his gratitude.

“Shall we get home then, Agassi?” Jaesuk asked as he held open the car door for Mihyun to enter.

Mihyun paused for a few seconds before shaking her head. “Change of plans, Jaesuk. I guess I’ll be seeing the boys today after all.”

Jaesuk glanced at her with light surprise decorated across his features. “Are you sure, Agassi? The business proposal for the new sector is due by tomorrow morning.”

Mihyun bit hard on her lip as she contemplated her words. She glanced out the tinted window to get a last glimpse at the broken Junmyeon before they drove by, and made her final decision. “Yes, please take us to the Noye house. There is somebody I need to talk to there before I can finish any of my work.”

The high tension that was radiating through the cages wasn’t exactly the warm welcome Mihyun had been expecting.

“Has something happened?” Mihyun called out gently as she stared at Chanyeol who was angrily moping in the corner of the room, picking at the dirt ground with a stick.

All heads darted up at the familiar voice, and the atmosphere lightened just the slightest bit.

“Mihyun! I thought you weren’t supposed to come back for a few days!” Jongin exclaimed happily as he wrapped his arms around the girl to pull her in for a hug.

“N-Not th-that we’re n-not hap-happy to s-s-see you!” Kyungsoo added in as he gave her a bright smile.

“There was something I had to do, but tell me. Why does Chanyeol look like a mix of a murderer and a lost puppy?” Mihyun asked as she glanced at the other from the corner of her eye. “Where are the others?”

“He and Baekhyun got into a big fight,” Jongin informed her in a quiet voice. “So Baekhyun hasn’t been staying here all that often, and he drags Luhan along with him, which of course means that Sehun is added into the bunch as well.”

“What did they fight about?” Mihyun asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Chanyeol accidently let the offer your father gave him slip out,” Jongin answered in a hushed tone. “And Baekhyun certainly wasn’t all too happy about Chanyeol’s plan to reject it.”

Mihyun immediately understood the argument that must have taken place, and slowly made her way to Chanyeol’s side.

“Hi Yeollie,” Mihyun called out as she petted the other’s hair. “What are you doing?”

“Drawing Baekhyun,” Chanyeol spat back as he stabbed his stick bitterly into the ground.

Mihyun glanced at the figure Chanyeol had carved into the ground and bit down on her bottom lip as she examined the practically mutated drawing.

“I don’t think Baekhyun has three eyes, Hyung,” Jongin piped up as he crouched down in front of the drawing to inspect the other's work.

“That’s not an eye, that's a second mouth because he obviously doesn’t know when to shut up,” Chanyeol sneered as he proceeded to carve the other a unibrow. “Either that or he just likes hearing himself talk so much.”

“Obviously it’s because I like hearing my own voice,” Baekhyun growled as he walked into the cage with Sehun and Luhan at his sides.

Sehun’s weary face immediately brightened at the sight of Mihyun, but he made no movements to acknowledge her in fear that she would see him as too desperate and needy. Luhan, on the other hand, feared no such a thing, and didn’t waste any time before he engulfed the girl into a tight hug.

“What are you doing here, Mihyun? I thought you had to finish all your work?” Baekhyun asked as he stepped forward to receive his hug.

“I needed to talk to somebody,” Mihyun responded as she patted his head.

“Who? Me, possibly?” Baekhyun grinned brightly, completely contrasting the deadly aura his better half was emitting.

“Sorry Baekhyun, but I need to talk to Sehun this time,” Mihyun answered as she sent Sehun a smile.

Sehun’s eyes widened slightly in surprise at the sound of his own name, and he couldn’t resist the upward twitch the corner of his mouth engaged in. He cleared his throat and stared at Mihyun in what he hoped was a stoic expression. “What did you need to speak to me about?”

“I just needed some advice,” Mihyun responded as she walked to his side. She placed a gentle hand on his upper arm and gestured for the two of them to leave the cages to speak in private. “Can you spare a few minutes of your time?”

Sehun opened his mouth to agree almost immediately, but restrained the eagerness of his tone. “Yeah, I have some time to give you.”

“Hey Sehun,” Baekhyun chortled as he leaned in to whisper into Sehun’s ear. “You need to work better on hiding your schoolboy crush expression. It’s written all over your face.”

“And you need to work on minding your own business,” Sehun muttered under his breath, but not before flushing a color of bright red.

Mihyun pretended not to hear the silent exchange that occurred between the two and slipped her hand into Sehun’s larger one to pull him out the door. She stopped briefly and cocked her head at Baekhyun and Chanyeol, “While Sehun and I speak, I hope the two of you will as well.”

Jongin and Kyungsoo exchanged glances and quickly bolted out of the room to evade the bombing argument that would soon take place. Luhan tried to follow quickly behind them, but was caught by Baekhyun who grabbed a hold of his upper arm.

“I don’t’ think so, Hyung. You’re going to stay here and make sure I don’t kill this idiot,” Baekhyun scoffed as he forced Luhan to sit down. Luhan reluctantly obeyed Baekhyun’s command and sent Sehun and Mihyun a remorseful wave. Mihyun chuckled at his expression and promised that the pair would return soon to relieve Luhan of his duties. 

“Come on, I know a good place,” Sehun spoke up as he tightened his grip around Mihyun’s small hand to drag her down a series of pathways. He wouldn’t admit it, but he liked the way her soft, petite fingers felt against his large, calloused ones. When he saw Mihyun’s curious expression, he further elaborated by saying, “There’s a little bench that faces the outskirts of the Noye borders. It isn’t great, but it’s the most private area you can find here.”

Mihyun nodded her head silently, and allowed Sehun to pull her along until of them arrived at Sehun’s said bench.

“What is it that you wanted to talk to me about?” Sehun asked as he plopped down on the dirtier side of the bench to allow Mihyun the cleanest he could offer.

“There is a friend that I have,” Mihyun began to explain as she seated herself next to the boy. “He’s in a bit of trouble, and needs a bit of reconstructing in his life, but I don’t know exactly what to say to him.” She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye, “I was hoping you could help me.”

Sehun stared silently at the trees in front of them, not offering any words in response. A period of silence engulfed them, and Mihyun was beginning to think that Sehun wasn’t willing to listen to such a petty story of a stranger until he finally parted his lips, “Well? Continue on.”

The corners of Mihyun’s mouth curved slightly upwards, and she continued to explain Jongdae’s predicament to Sehun, the other offering small nods every few words to show that he was listening.

“Your friend sounds like an ,” Sehun commented when she concluded her explanation.

Mihyun chuckled at Sehun’s direct words, “He seems like one, but I know he’s good at heart. He just needs a little help seeing it, I guess.”

“A lot of help,” Sehun nodded in agreement. He interlaced his fingers and leaned his head against his palms as he stared up at the clear sky. “It seems to me like he doesn’t know exactly what he wants in life – to be accepted by the wide number of peers he hates, or the single person he loves. It’s kind of like… it’s kind of like he adapts a whole different person, isn’t it? A whole new identity to protect him from the harshness of society, right?”

Mihyun nods her head in agreement as she brings her knees up to her chest. She wraps her arms around her them and presses the side of her cheek against the tops of her knees to stare at Sehun. “So what do you think?”

“He sounds like a coward,” Sehun scoffed as he runs his fingers through his hair. “Hiding behind some character he created, but…”

A small smile forms on Mihyun’s lips. “But?”

Sehun glanced uneasily at her before stretching his arms towards the sky. “But… I don’t blame him… Sometimes…. Sometimes you have to do what you have to do in order to survive in this cruel world.” He thought about his own borders and walls he had set up around himself and Luhan to prevent anybody from being able to hurt them. How his cold behavior had prevented so many others from befriending him or Luhan from fright. The other four Noyes only stuck around him because they were too stubborn to stay away.

“Even if that isn’t how he truly is, he has to live under some made up character to survive. In this world… in this world that destroys the weak immediately… sometimes…” Sehun’s voice drifted away. How could he hold Mihyun’s friend with disdain when he too was in the same spot? When Mihyun had first explained the story of her friend, he immediately hated the guy, and saw him as weak and cowardly, but now… but now, how could he? It would be hypocritical of him to dislike the guy, wasn’t he doing the same himself?

Sehun thought back to the days of his childhood, back when he still retained the innocence of a utopian world. He had been friends with Luhan ever since they were toddlers, and shared much of his childhood with the elder. He mentally envisioned the smaller Sehun, the smaller Sehun who always had his lips spread into a bright smile. The younger Sehun who had enough kindness to share with everybody, and would help anybody who needed his aid.

A bitter smile spread onto his face as he recalled those memories. He knew that deep inside that Sehun still existed within himself, but was barricaded from wall after wall of protection and anger; the numerous amount of walls eventually led to his character today, the stoic and skeptical Sehun.

“So what do you think he should do, Sehun?” Mihyun asked as she stared at the boy’s conflicting expression. “If he’s trying to protect himself through this mask, does that mean he should continue it? Even if he’s suffering? Even if the people he loves are suffering?”

“Suffering…?” Sehun repeated slowly. He remained silent for a long period of time, staring blankly down at his hands as the mental gears of his brain turned. A knowing smile slipped onto Mihyun’s face as she stared at the other who was hard at thought. She had certainly made the right decision in questioning Sehun of Jongdae’s methods.

Almost ten minutes passed by before Sehun snapped out of his thoughts in realization of the girl that was sitting silently besides him.

“S-Sorry, Mihyun,” Sehun stammered with embarrassment as he scratched the back of his head. “I was just thinking, and I—”

Mihyun held up a hand to cut him off and he stared at her with a confused expression. “You don’t have to tell me, Sehun.”

Sehun’s eyebrows furrowed with confusion. “But I thought you wanted advice from me?”

Mihyun smiled and nodded her head, “Yup, and thank you for it.”

Sehun became even more confused with the girl’s words, but didn’t question them any more. He was happy to be able to help the girl, even if he didn’t understand how he did so.

“Why did you come to me for advice anyways?” Sehun asked with a tilted head. “I would think that you of all people would be able to find solutions to any bodys' problems.”

The corners of Mihyun’s lips slipped downwards just the slightest bit, but she retained her bright expression, “Is it that bad to spend some time alone with me?”

Sehun flushed an immediate color of red at the girl’s blunt words, and quickly shook his head in reply, “N-No, that’s not it!” The red tinge darkened in color when the tinkling laughter from Mihyun’s lips sounded in his ears. “L-Let’s go back now,” he muttered as he grabbed onto the girl’s upper arm. He immediately let go when he saw her quickly flinch in pain.

His eyes narrowed at the action, and he shifted his grip over to her hand before pulling it forward. He used his other hand to pull up the sleeve of her shirt, and let out a quiet growl when he saw dark marks scattered across the pale skin.

“I just got into a bit of trouble, that’s all,” Mihyun explained quickly when she saw the dark look in Sehun’s eyes.

“I thought you said you knew how to fight!” Sehun exclaimed as he examined the dark bruises that decorated her wrist.

“I’m five feet tall, Sehun,” Mihyun sighed as she pulled her arm away from his grip. “There’s a limit to how much power I am capable of possessing; I’m not super woman, you know.”

Sehun fell silent at her words, and all he could do was gently caress her injuries with his thumbs after taking her hand back into his. The wounds the girl brought with her opened his eyes to just how normal she actually was. Since the second she had stepped into his life, he had always held her at a higher standard in comparison to everybody else. He envisioned her as almost hero like, always willing to sacrifice her well being for others and rescue them whenever they were in need; her injuries opened his eyes to just how human she really was.

“Sorry,” Sehun murmured as he released her arm from his grip to stare shamefully at his feet.

Mihyun cocked her head at his apology, genuinely confused as to what he was apologizing for. “What about?”

Sehun glanced up, and quickly averted his eyes with embarrassment once he met eye contact with her. “Sorry for… it’s nothing.”

Mihyun didn’t pester him for an answer, and instead suggested that the two of them return to the cages now that their discussion was finished. She also added the fact that Luhan would surely rip their heads off if he had to deal with the bickering Baekhyun and Chanyeol for too long. Sehun nodded in agreement and stole a glance at her before the two climbed to their feet. Sorry for making you into something you’re not.

“Mihyun?” Sehun asked quietly, breaking the silence from their walk.

“Hm?” Mihyun turned her head slightly.

“Are you suffering?” The absolute innocence that was displayed on Sehun’s face almost made Mihyun laugh.

“No,” Mihyun answered after a brief pause. She tilted her head at Sehun and stared at him with her large, bright eyes. “But why don’t you ask Luhan?”

Mihyun pressed her cheek against the cold window, enjoying the cool touch of the glass. Her fingers wrapped tighter around the mug of hot tea that served as a small hearth of warmth in her hands.

She took a deep, shaky breath as she tried to breathe all of her frustrations out of her body. Her chest constricted with a sharp jolt of pain, and she quickly raised the rim of the mug to her lips to take another sip. The mental and physical stress she was undergoing was beginning to take a toll on her, and she wanted nothing more than to abandon everything.

But she wouldn’t.

She couldn’t.

For she was Han Mihyun, successor of the Han family name, top student of her academy, protector of Noyes – the so called ‘bright light of the future’.

A quiet, bitter laugh escaped her lips, and she ran her clammy fingers through her long hair; she had nobody else to blame except for herself.  She had been contacted by her lawyer, and apparently the case was starting to slip in their favor due to the prestigious lawyers that Woosung had hired. She had been just notified that she was expected to speak at the corporate meeting that would take place in two days, and had nothing prepared for the short notice. A glance at her book filled work table deepened the crease of her furrowed eyebrows even more. Her grip on her mug loosened just the slightest bit, and the cup came crashing to the floor with a loud shatter. She felt the hot tea splash against her leg that had been hanging loosely from her position on top of the large window sill and grimaced.

“Agassi, are you alright?” Jaesuk called out with worry as he burst into the room.

Mihyun’s lips curved into a faux smile almost automatically, and she raised a hand to stop the male from entering her room any more. A single step further and he would be able to see the current mess she was in.

“It’s nothing, Jaesuk. I can take care of it myself,” Mihyun’s delicate voice floated out, and Jaesuk nodded his head uncertainly before closing the doors behind him. Her smile immediately fell in correspondence to the click of the closing door, and she heaved a sigh as she crouched down to clean up the spilled drink.

It was hard. She knew others assumed that she saw everything as simple to complete, but truly it wasn’t. She was only human too, just like everybody else, but it seemed like everybody chose to forget that fact. Mihyun was what everybody considered as their safety net, always expecting her to come to the rescue if they were to fail at anything they did.

She clucked her tongue against the roof of , and scolded herself for her thoughts. Truthfully, she had nobody else but herself to blame. It was her own fault that she created such a reputation for herself; what started off as trying to please people with small favors and actions escalated into her being the go to person for help. People, she quickly realized, would never be satisfied with the things that they had. If she were to help somebody with a simple math problem, they would return seeking help for a couple of more, and then again for the entire sheet. It felt good at first, to be able to relieve people of their worries, but soon the expectations kept building higher and higher, and it was up to Mihyun to outdo herself every time.

The real reason she had asked Sehun for his help wasn’t only because she thought Sehun would gain from his words, but because she would gain from his words as well. She didn’t find herself suited to give advice to Jongdae when realistically, she too was hiding behind a faux facade in order to gain her place in the world. Sehun too was suffering the same identity crisis, but the reason she had gone to him was because she knew he wasn’t in too deep, that he could still change himself with a bit of self reflection. She had gone to Sehun to give her the answer to her worries, because secretly, she wanted to hear the advice from another as well.

To the world she was Han Mihyun, the girl who could take on any problem and come to the rescue of anyone in distress. To herself, she was Han Mihyun, the girl who was always biting off more than she could chew. In the eyes of others, she might have seemed like the nearly perfect human being, but she knew she wasn’t even close to achieving such a utopian ideal. It was all an act; she had her fair amount of blemishes.

Her perfection was her greatest flaw.

Her biggest enemy was herself.