Strange.

It was the word Luhan used a lot this past few days to describe Sehun’s comportment.

Luhan noticed how he’d always be the first to initiate a kiss or a hug lately. He also noticed how Sehun’s deep in thoughts, how he would sleep at his side instead of holding Luhan like he always did. How he always find something else to do than studying at the library, he even asked Luhan to not wait him at the cafe anymore – Sehun said that it was because Luhan should go home and rest more. Luhan was well aware of all those things.

But he didn’t know what was bothering Sehun.

He asked him more than once but never get a reply since Sehun was, everytime, dodging the question by changing the subject.

'Leave him alone, he'll come back to you in no time.' Was what Baekhyun replied confidently after Luhan told him about Sehun's odd behavior and how it was worrying him. He also added, 'but he better come back soon because I don't have any photos to take anymore, I need my daily Hunhan feels, are you guys trying to kill me?!'

Luhan believes his best friend so he followed his words. He waited and gave Sehun some time to reflect and finally talk to him.

But impatience was getting on the way.

Sehun was taking too much time. It was an understandment to say that the way he was currently acting hurt, and not just a little. They barely spend time together recently and, because exams were coming, even if he hates it, Luhan insisted that Sehun come with him at that party held by one of their classmate, Yixing. Luhan didn’t consider him as a “friend” he was more of a good acquintance, they wouldn't have much to say if he wasn't from China too.

Sehun was reluctant at first but that didn’t stop him from looking breathtakingly handsome in his skinny jeans, his black jacket covering his white shirt whose the first three buttons were undone exposing his defined collarbones and a loosened tie around his neck – Luhan high fived himself for forcing him to put it – his brown hair were styled up in perfection and god, Sehun was handsome.

And it seemed like Luhan wasn’t the only one thinking that as he watched from afar, in between the crowd, a girl in a horribly tight-fitting and short and did he said tight-fitting? red dress talking with Sehun. The loud music was covering the girl’s laughter, but it wasn’t covering the sight of her bending forwards and slightly slapping – and lingering her hand way more than necessary for Luhan's liking – Sehun's chest, Sehun who smiled in return.

A genuine smile that Luhan worked so hard to get.

He was rewarded with Sehun giving it to someone else.

With a sigh, Luhan stepped out of the piece. It was too much, he needed to get out. He took a minute to appreciate the silence filling his ears as the door of the balcony close behind him and the fresh, clean air assaulting his nose. A great contrast with the smell of alcohol inside of Yixing's huge house where a hundred people were creating a heavy atmosphere with their dance moves.

Looking at the sky, he wished he could understand what was happening.

He wished he knew Sehun more.

Crossing and posing his arms on the parapet, Luhan sighed again. The problem is that he took their relationship like one of those romantic stories he reads so often. Those romantic stories where the protagonists are in a perfect love with no problem, no difference, no fight. Frowning, Luhan realized how childish he still was, how he imprisoned himself in a world that doesn't exist all because of his wish to escape the real one.

Now he realized how much he needed to grow up.

He has to close the book of his invented world because it was just a fiction written by no one but himself, it was not real. He had to stop trying to live that imaginary story where everything's perfect because he was a victim of it. Luhan had to understand that he was not alone; if he wanted his relation with Sehun to end like one of his greatest fantasy, his boyfriend had take part on the writing.

All this time, the only thing bringing him back to reality was his jealously; the fear of losing Sehun, the fear of his tale ending badly and Luhan actually never thought it could happen because it never did on the ones he read.

Luhan admits that his attraction for Sehun was firstly, only because he was goodlooking; he viewed that as a love at first sight. But no, it doesn’t exsist. Luhan didn’t mind admiting it because he may have fell in love with Sehun's appearance first, but he fell in love with his personality next. And then, Luhan just knew, he could even feel it.

He fell in love with Sehun.

And though it was the case at first, Luhan was certain it wasn't his imagination but his heart talking.

“Luhan?”

Surprised, Luhan opened his eyes and turned his head around, he saw Sehun avancing towards him, eyeing him curiously.

“Are you okay?”

Luhan blinked at him then quickly diverted his eyes. No wonder everyone was staring and swooning over Sehun when he arrived. Because damn, Sehun was attractive. Biting his lips, Luhan mumbled an, "I'm fine."

Sehun hummed and they stayed like that, standing next to each other. Why was Luhan feeling so nervous? He wished Sehun could return inside because maybe that'd stop those scary questions bugging him. Luhan didn't want to answer any of them since they shouldn't be in his mind in the first place.

"W-who was that girl you were talking to?" Luhan gulped as it was too late to take it back. He couldn't bear the silence so he searched for something to say and came up with that. He decided he deserved no blame. It was totally understandable he'd say something stupid with his head throbbing because of his bothering thoughts mixed with Sehun's cologne. It was getting crazy inside; it was as if the party was currently happening in his head and –

"Are you jealous again?"

When Luhan faced Sehun, he was awaiting for a blank face; the habitual reaction when the jealousy subject is brought up, he didn't thought Sehun would give him an amused look. When he realized he was staring, Luhan looked away, his mouth opening and closing, opening and closing, opening and this time, he was ready to reply when he felt two hands turning his face. His eyes were wide when they landed on Sehun's smile. Not a small nor a thin one like he gave to that girl earlier no, it was a real smile. One that Luhan couldn't take his eyes off, one that Luhan's been waiting for four days. Startled, Luhan could only stay still as Sehun started moving his thumbs, carressing Luhan's cheekbones.

"You should really not."

Luhan didn't know what to say. Found out Sehun wasn't waiting for a reply as he pressed his lips on Luhan's just after.

Luhan was blinking rapidly, trying to process what was happening. The feel of moving lips erased everything on his mind emptying by the seconds. His heart was pounding loudly and before he knew it, his arms were around Sehun’s neck. His brain giving him a sole information; keeping Sehun close. It was more an alert than a counsel and Luhan was more than glad to follow it. He didn’t feel himself being pushed against a wall. Warm hands cuping his cheeks slided down his hips. His own hands were on Sehun’s hair, desesperatly trying to hold him close.

Between dancing lips and clashing tongues, if he could think, Luhan would have wondered how he lasted so long without the addiction that is feeling Sehun. Althought he didn’t know how it feel to be drunk, Luhan was persuased he was. A strong feeling was running through his whole body, clouding his mind, directing his actions. Luhan wasn’t in control anymore, the need he was holding back was now dominating his every moves. And Luhan let it, he let the sensation conquered him.

It was screaming through his arms tightening, bawling through his deepening, eager kisses, requiring to in no circumstances, break apart. It was boldly asking him to take Sehun right here, to take his clothes off through his fingers frantically struggling to touch more skin. Like a slave of his own heart, Luhan complied. His hands glided down Sehun’s neck and began working on his tie before suddenly stopping.

Because Sehun pulled away.

Luhan stumbled forward when he unconsiously tried to reconnect their lips and groaned in the back of his throat when he failed. Slowly refinding his senses, he cursed himself for wanting so much instead of solely take what was given to him.

He opened his eyes and Sehun was still in front of him and holding him but his head was turned towards the door.

The door that was hang open.

With someone holding the knob.

Who let go of it after meeting their gazes.

With his mind – less than before but still – jumbled, Luhan ran after Junmin. Without thinking, he didn’t notice that he slightly pushed Sehun on the process. The face of Junmin was worrying him a lot; he looked uneasy and Luhan was sure it was because of the alcohol. He really wasn’t expecting Junmin to be here because he feels sick just at the smell of the drinks. Luhan remembered when they were younger, he threw up and missed school for two days after gulping down a glass all thanks to a stupid bet.

That’s why he was turning his head towards every directions, in search of his friend. Luhan pushed himself in between sticky bodies and strong smell of alcohol, calling Junmin’s name through the blasting music. Luhan coughed, the hotness making him feel dizzy, the hazy smoke was blurring his view and the darkness wasn't helping.

Whoever it was, he was so relieved when he was being tugged towards the exit. He took deep breathes when he was finally out since he hold it the whole time they were going downstairs. One more minute in the piece and he would have faint for sure.

“..Th-thank you.” He looked up and was surprised but reassured that it was Sehun.

“I’m going home.”

“Huh? Oh, uh, okay. Let’s go.”

When they walked there an hour or so ago, Yixing’s residence didn’t seem that far away from theirs. Luhan felt like suffocating, more than when he was on Yixings's house a few minutes ago. Sehun’s unreadable face and silence was making him uncomfortable. He was fiddling with his fingers as he hoped that he didn't upset Sehun, that they were okay again.

Unfortunately, the tense atmosphere wasn’t thinking the same...

As soon as they get inside, Luhan asked Junmin if he was feeling better. When the latter said no, naturally concerned, Luhan told him he could bring him some things he needs and make him tea.

If only Luhan knew that Junmin wasn’t suffering from something that could be healed with some drink. That Junmin did want to throw up but not because of the liquor. If only Luhan knew that it wasn’t Junmin’s stomach hurting but his heart.

If only he knew.

If only.

Junmin texted him back that it wasn’t necessary and concluded the conversation by thanking him.

Looking at his phone, Luhan frowned. Was everyone acting strangely or was it just him? Shaking his head, he get up from the couch and took wary step towards Sehun’s bedroom. The boy was sitting on his bed, his back against the headboard, watching something on his tablet.

Luhan was contemplating asking him again what was wrong. Sehun was acting as if nothing happened at the party and, just, why? Stepping inside the room to take his pajama, Luhan decided that he didn’t want to be disappointed again.

But it wasn't disappointment he was fearing.

It was Sehun's answer.

When he get outside the bathroom, the light was turn off, meaning that Sehun didn't wait for him again. Luhan tried not to think too much about it as he reached the bed and slided under the cover carefully.

He traced Sehun's features with his eyes and without noticing, his fingers replaced his gaze. Luhan sighed and scooted closer. If Sehun wasn't willing to give him what he wants, he would take it himself. He pressed his forehead on Sehun's chest and curled his fingers on the back of the sleeping boy's shirt. He was about to close his eyes when he felt an arm wrapping around him. He blinked a few times when Sehun burrowed his nose on his hair.

Luhan should ask himself what was wrong with Sehun. Why he was ignoring and coming back, ignoring then coming back again without saying anything. Luhan should but he didn't because, as pathetic as it sounds, any attention Sehun would give him, if it could reassure him, Luhan would take it. So he closed his eyes, hoping that the cycle would end with "coming back" and not move anymore.

Luhan was long asleep by now, and Sehun was still holding him tightly. He was holding him as if Luhan was a diamond and Sehun was too scared to let him fall. Scared that someone would realize how precious he was and pick him up.

Scared that someone would steal Luhan from him.

Sehun just needed some time. He was maybe not using it well, but that's how he deals to clear his thoughts ; alone. When he thought that he was done with them, something had to make them come back again.

The same thing that create them.

Holding his diamond tighter, Sehun closed his eyes.

Hoping that he won't do a wrong move and shatter it.

...