~A desire of the heart~

“She was your first?” Vi looked down at her plate as she swirled the pasta around on her plate with her fork. For some reason that hurt her to hear him admit that although, she had figured it out a long time ago. He had really loved her at one point.

“Yeah…” Jae had stopped eating and was just watching her. How had they gotten onto this subject?

“I think she still loves you…” Vi pauses for a moment, then she lifts her eyes to look Jae directly into his eyes. “She told me she was your first love.” Vi throat closed a little as she remember the conversation that she had with Ri-Min a few weeks before.

Jae picked up his fork, “She was. She was my first girlfriend, my first kiss, my first physical relationship; my first wife….she was a lot of things. I think in some way I will always love her, you know.”

“I know,” Vi looked back down at her plate still swirling the food around. “Its not in your character to just stop feeling anything for someone that once meant so much to you.”

They continued back to eating in silence. At that moment neither one knew what to say to the other.

You know what I wish Jae? That I was her, then I would know what it felt like to be loved by you and only you.

Why was she hurting herself? Over the year she had managed to hurt herself effortless, it had become an art form. This was her birthday, damnit! She was stopping this right now. She understood the situation and there was nothing that she could do about it. Jae wasn’t her’s.