It’s the ninth month. Yup, three more months before the divorce.

 

Chaerin lazily sit on her bed and pulls the comforter upwards. She throws her stare outside from the big window of her house.

 

“Unnie…” Haelin calls as she enters her sister bedroom.

 

Chaerin looks at her younger sister as she brings a tray of food and placed it on the bed, next to her. Chaerin gives her the best smiles before looks through the window again. She feel like someone is caressing her hand and she knows it’s Haelin.

 

“Unnie, did you feeling better today?”

 

Chaerin looks back at her and nodded. She looks down at the tray.

 

“Do you want to eat now?” Haelin asked.

 

Chaerin shook her head. She looks away, back to the scenery before exhaled a deep breath.

 

“Unnie, it’s been four weeks, just forget about it now. You need to eat a bit”

                “I’m okay. Last night dinner still makes me full” she lies.

“Unnie, don’t be like this. Come have some breakfast”

                “Haelin, it’s okay. I’m still full. Just leave it there. I’ll eat it soon”

“Hmm… Araseo”

 

Haelin get up from the bed and stares at her sister once more before walks to the door. It have been four weeks since her miscarriage but she has been acting the same thing. Being a total loner.

She didn’t ate her breakfast, and she didn’t come down for lunch, she ate a small portion of dinner after being forced by our parents. And she spent all of her day, in her bed, in her room, being alone.

 

Mrs. Lee decided to talk to her grandfather about her position in the company. Mrs. Lee decided to stop her from working and let her get a full rest to gain back her self. Her decision is right, looking at how she’s acting lately; she will not be able to concentrate on her work.

 

“Oemma, she’s not eating breakfast again”

Haelin complaints as she approached her mother in the kitchen.

 

Mrs. Lee sighed and takes sip of her dairy milk. She shook her head and brushes her hair back.

 

“She’s swallowing herself in self pathetic.” Mrs. Lee added.

                “Have Jiyong oppa call?”

“He did, few times, but she didn't want to talk to him. I heard sometimes people did call her through her cell but she didn’t pick it up.”

                “What’s wrong with unnie? I’m so worried”

“She must be self blaming herself for loosing the baby”

                “But, oemma, she’s the strongest girl in the world I’ve ever known. Why she act like this? It’s tearing my heart apart too.” Haelin sighs.

“I didn’t know myself.”

                “I think self blaming is the hardest thing for a person to encounter, huh oemma?”

“I think so.”

 

The two woman looks at each other for a few times. Shook their head in sync and walks to the living room together.

 

----

 

“Unnie…”

Minzy enters her room with a box of cake with her.

 

“Look what I’ve bought for you”

She shows the box and Chaerin just smile and nodded. She continue coloring the drawing and ignores Minzy as she sat next to her.

 

 

MINZY’S POV

“Have you told Jiyong oppa?”

                “No”

“Wae? It’s been a month”

                “He didn’t deserve to know”

“Unnie, wae? Waee?? I just want to know why.”

                “Because he didn’t even remember we did it”

 

She tilts her head as she lays the side of her face on the bed. She looks at me and blinks a few times. I believe her.

I caress her cheek lightly and she blinks a few times before close her eyes. I know she hurts. Being told that she just loose a baby that she just knows about their existence is something hard to take. And the same time, knowing that the one you love didn’t even remember he did have with you is the worse.

 

I saw her iPhone on the bed side table. I took it and start looking into her inbox. There’s a few, or maybe tons of messages from Jiyong. I believe she didn’t replied any of it since her sent box is empty.

I looks at her.

 

“Unnie, you should at least replies his messages.”

                “I don’t. I don’t want too”

“Why?”

                “Because I might blurted it out to him”

“Bom unnie even did call me several times, asking why you didn’t pick up or replies her message. Unnie, you need to at least talk to Bom unnie”

                “No I can’t. She must told TOP and TOP must told Jiyong”

“Unnie… haish… I don’t know what to do with you… are you going to give up on your life and let your self pitiness eat your self esteem up?”

                “No. I was thinking this past weeks.”

“And?”

                “I’ve decided.”

“Decided on what?”

                “I want to get divorced.”

“What?!”

                “Yup. It’s decided”

“But unnie, you at least need to talk it with Jiyong oppa”

                “We don’t need to talk. He must even like it more than I did. He must be cheer on it and goes party with Dara unnie after sign it”

“Unnie, you can’t conclude such big thing like this. He need to have a words on this too.”

                “Wasn’t he is the one who want this divorce since the start? Why should I listen to him first?”

“I bet your parents will opposed this”

                “I don’t care. It’s my final decision. When I say divorce, then divorce it is” she turns her head away from me.

 

I stares at her and sighs. I her long messy hair and we keep on silent for a few minutes. Suddenly her phone vibrate broke the silent.

I accidentally pressed the read button and my eyes widen in disbelief.

 

From: Jingyo oppa.

CHAERIN! What the hell with the divorced papers that I’ve just received? We must talk! I’ll back to Seoul now! We need to meet! Replies me now!!

 

“Unnie! You already sent the divorce paper?!”

 

She looks back at me and nodded. So that’s the end? The end of her fight on cheering their marriage? That’s it? She’s not as strong as I thought. Just because of one accident, she can’t find a way to keep on the marriage? Seriously, this is too much.

 

“Unnie! I opposed this! I totally disagree with this!” I shouted as I stand.

 

She sits up and looks at me with empty eyes.

 

“It’s decided. My parents agreed with it.” She told me in a low tone and she looks down to her lap.

                “Unnie! I can’t believe you are like this! You are not the strong CL I know anymore”

“Mingkki, I’m a normal human being, I’m a normal woman, I’m fragile too” she said.

 

I sighs and slam her phone on the bed. I rushed out from her room and slammed the door hard. I must talk to Bom unnie about this.

 

 

CL’S POV

Once again, I cried. I cried about my destiny, my regrets, my past, about my unrequited love, my death baby and my soon-to-be-end marriage.

I hug my rillakuma bears again and cry hard on it until it gets wet. I’ve decided. Divorced is the best. I can’t find myself looking at him without feeling guilty.

 

I grab my phone and read his text. His text somehow clenches my heart. But it’s decided. I won’t take it back. I ignore the text and lay flat on the bed on my back. I touch my flat tummy and my visions getting blurry again.

 

If only I know about the baby earlier, I promised I won’t skip my meals, I’ll drink milk, I’ll took the vitamin pills, I won’t stress myself out and I promised I will be careful about my daily routine. I sigh and sobbing again, mourned over my dead baby.

 

----

 

All of my necessary stuff is packed. I’ve decided, no, my parents decided to send me away from Seoul. They told me I need a new air and I need to get inspired once again. I smiles when I saw Haelin enters my room.

She picks up some of my luggage.

“Are you ready, unnie?”

She asked and I nodded in agreement. We walk together to the front door where my parents are waiting.

 

Today, I’m going to fly to Shanghai, to live with my aunt there until I'm ready to face the media. The media about me fall from the stage, unconciouss and hospitilized has been talked everywhere, even in the news. It somehow, the life of celebrity that I keep avoiding, hit me back. Karma is such a .

 

I asked Haeling to go there with me but since Haelin still attending her college, so she can’t accompany me.

 

“Unnie, promise me you will be back soon” Haelin said as she hugs onto me in the car.

 

My mom looks at me from the back view mirror and a smile crept on her face. I think, she must be happy with how I start to talk more than five words to them now.

 

“Sure. I promise I will. Don’t forget to cook me a lots of Strawberry shortcake once I’m back. Ok?”

                “Okaaayyy~~” she cooed happily before snuggles onto my arm.

 

I smiles and her hair. I look out from the mirror. I was wondering how you are doing now? Have you sign the paper? I look at my dad. He promised that he’ll settle about the divorce with Jiyong, I believe him. He’ll never lie to me.

 

----

 

Now, I was alone in the flight. I hugs onto my rillakuma bear as I pulls the blanket up, covering whole of my body. Slowly, I doze to sleep.

 

----

 

I just arrived in Shanghai main airport. I look around, finding my aunt. Well yes, the last time we visit her is when I was 24 and now, I’m 28. I wonder how she looks. Yeah right! YUP! Just as same as the old her.

I spot her red steamed hair from far and I saw she was waving at my like a crazy woman. She was dressed up in her glittery clothes and it shines from a far. I wave back at her and approach her.

Yup, that’s my aunt. A crazy style is already in our blood. Hence, she’s not an average woman. She’s a stylist for some popular names of Shanghai's artist. She looks at me and hugs me before she start talking with her high pitch tone voice.

[Her look: http://c.imagehost.org/0037/Xie_Na.jpg]

 

“Oh my Lady Gaga! Look who is here! It’s my Chaerinnie!! Look how grown have you been since the past, how many years, oh, five? Or maybe less. Well, I can’t remember. Anyhow, Oh my! Look at your face! You are getting older now! Oh no, look at those dark circles under your eyes!”

 

Yup, that my aunt, Lee Xia An or known as Madam Guo, the surname taken from her deceased husband name. Once she talk, she can’t stop talking, and her crazy personalities just attracted people and warm people on the first met.

 

I smiles as she squeeze me in her hugs and starts spin me around to observe me from head to toe. Well, you know a stylist always know what the best for others, although they dressed like a crazy person themselves.

 

She seems like she can’t stop talking as she starts complaining one by one of my clothes. I smirk and quickly squeeze her again. This 46 years old woman really don’t know what ‘tired’ mean is.

 

“Aiyark… Ah-yi, you are talking too much” I joked and she laughs at it.

 

She didn’t take thing like this seriously. That’s why she’s already 46 but she looks as young as 36. Coz all her life, she’s living a happy life with no fears and tears, except when her husband died 10 years ago because of heart attack. That’s what you get when you married a man 20 year older than you. I giggles in my heart.

 

“Oh, okay, we need to go! I have appointment in one hour. Now, come with me! Zouba!” she cheered.

 

I giggle and shook my head a few times as she walks away, pushing my trolley with her.

 

----

 

Once we arrived, she quickly toured me her house. My jaw drops. Her house is awesome. I just can’t believe it.

The house was attached with her studio on the first floor and the two storey apartment on the upper.

There’s one room on the first floor and a master bedroom on the second floor. I can understand why she builds only two rooms. It must be because she has no kids and she lives alone.

 

 “This is my house, ops, sorry, our house. And this is the living room….”

 

The design doesn’t look like the house is hers. Yup, her house isn’t as crazy as she is. The simple white off wall with light brown marble floor, the sofas is all in brown and the carpet is in fade army green colored. Just nice and warm with some red decors hanging.

The kitchen is amazing with a touch of red and green. I’m going to have fun cooking here.

“And here we go, to your room! You can redesign it if you want”

Yup the room is amazing. White with some light aqua painted on the main wall with white bed sheets and the same light aqua blanket, my new room just looks like I was underwater. I’m going to get a nice rest here.

I smiles as I observed around.

 

“Do you like it?”

                “Absolutely”

“Really? Aaa~~ ah-yi was so happy! I afraid that you might think this room is a bit childish with its aqua colored” she pouted, so cute!

                “Meiyou! It’s perfect! Really! Xiexie ah-yi”

 

I hug her and smiles. I think I still got my mandarin with me. I should improve it more soon. As we are hugging, suddenly she pulls me away.

“Ehhh??!” I imitate Park Bom’s style.

                “Oh no! I just remember that I get an appointment, in ten seconds! Oh my Lady Gaga! I need to go now!! Make yourself comfortable. If you want to cook, just cook whatever in the fridge or you can just go out and buy it. I won’t be in my studio! Oh no, if I keep on talking, I’ll be late. Anyway, I’m off now!”

 

She quickly runs out from the house. I giggle on how cute she is.

 

I walk out to the living room and scans around. I smiles when I saw some photos collage of our family hanging on the living room. I smiles. I remember that Aunt Guo is my favorite aunt. She always cheered me up when I cry during my childhood time, she always makes me think of something positive when I get mad and she always there during my growing period.

 

I hug myself as I walk to the veranda. I smile and observe the busy road of Shanghai. No differ than in Seoul. Now I know why my parents decided to sent me here.

With the last time, I promised myself that this time, is the last time I’ll shed my tears over my past. I’m going to move on. I touch and caress my flat tummy and slowly, my tears are running non stop from my eyes. I sigh, took a deep breath and haled it out with all I can. I smile to myself. Goodbye Jiyong…

 

 

---

INFO:

Ah-yi = Aunty

Zouba! = Go!

Xiexie = thank you

Meiyou! = no!

---

NOTE:

 

Since 'Lee' is common surname in China, I decided to make our CL is half Chinese. Well, CL did celebrate CNY right? And here some words for what I learned. Basic but I like it! I should add more in my vocabs...

And you should click the link and figure out where's the characters of her aunt I get from. Well, if you like Chinese movie, you must knew it!

Well, Yorrobeon! It's 4:00 am GMT+8 zone and I'm sleepy. But my cough just won't let me fall asleep comfortably. So I decided to stay awake and writes some more since the comments I read is burning my writting desired on continuing this! Aja Aja!

Okay, so I already drink the cough syrup, which everyone knows, the syrup will make you sleepy. That's my condition now. But the bad cough just won't let me go. Haish. I hate being sick.

But, just thank the bacteria because of them, I manage to do double update like always. Weeeehooooo~~~ *TOP's alien dance here*