Chapter Thirteen: Secrets and Anguish

        “‘I remember many things…all of them are not good.

          Yet some are blurry while others are clear.

          I can tell you exactly what I had for breakfast on Saturday morning of the weekend before today.

          But I can’t tell you what I had for breakfast today.

          Is it a good thing that I can remember bits and pieces of lessons or lectures we all suffered through?

          Not really.

          Is it good that I can sit and write down the names of everyone who hates me,         

         even having their name be correctly spelled to the dot in the ‘i’ or the cross in the ‘t’?

          Most people don’t think so, either.

          My life isn’t perfect.

          I am not perfect.

          Yet I complained about it,

          Even when my family was alive.

          I know everyone’s secret in this room,

          I remembered them all...

        But no one knows mine.

          I can tell you Harry has a crush on Francine.

          I can tell you Francine has a crush on Harry.

           And i can tell you she's too afraid to admit it.

        How she's so afraid he'll reject her.

        How he's so afraid she'll reject him.

         There are two types of secrets.

        Ones we hide from others.

        Ones we hide from ourselves.

          Yet I can even tell you that I have a bigger secret.

          Who am I?

          Or really,

          Who am I to you?’” Mrs. Gilligan read off the paper in her hands, stopping when the class started to laugh.

          Julie felt the blood flowing out of her face and down her body. She felt the blood seep through her pants, even if it was five minutes until the ‘bell’ rang. She knew it wasn’t from the cuts in her knees, though.

          It was from the paper in Mrs. Gilligan’s hands.

          Every day, they wrote a letter to the class, explaining something personal or public. Julie had done it last Friday during class so she wouldn’t have to do it later, but she gave the teacher the wrong one. She was trying out a personal one, but then it seemed kind of stupid, so she changed it to a “My hair is this, my eyes are that, who am I?” story instead. Yet, she gave the wrong one to the teacher, whom was reading hers out loud.

          First.

          Yay.

          The only thing Julie was happy about was that she didn’t put her name on it, so she could just turn in her original one at the end of class in private with the teacher.

          Julie could feel the eyes roaming around the room, some staring at Harry and Francine with smiles. Julie felt bad that it was told this way that they liked each other, but they didn’t seem to mind. The whole class knew; even Mrs. Gilligan. Only those two didn’t know.

          Mrs. Gilligan put down the paper, her eyes scanning over the class.

          “Anyone know whose this is?”

          The class all shook their heads, including Julie. Mrs. Gilligan sighed before looking at it again.

          “I actually liked this one, too,” she said absentmindedly. She then began to read another one, the class always knowing whose paper it was. When the bell rang, though, she put the papers away on her desk before announcing surprising news to the class. “Student who wrote the secret poem with no name: I would like another one like that tomorrow. I would like to know what you know, as you seem so smart. That is a- oh wait! Yes, tomorrow we have a new kind of day. The headmaster thought it would be cool for the single mothers or fathers of this college to bring in their kids for the classes to show what life in college is like. Isn’t that great?!”

          The students collectively groaned, considering that there were only three people in the class who were single and had kids: Julie, Mrs. Gilligan (her husband died five years ago due to heart cancer. She has a kid about nine years old), and Kraig (who had three sons in the ages of nine to sixteen. His wife died three years ago to a car accident. They’re okay now…just a little bum when it gets close to a special event she used to always cook or do something for.).

          The students all left, Julie walking slowly behind them, limping from the pain. She walked to the daycare and watched her kids playing. Beakhyun and Chanyeol were playing and laughing with the others, all of them smiling. They only stayed away from the queenkas and kingkas kids, giving Julie a funny feeling. Julie walked in, smiling at Jill when she turned around to her.

          Jill yelped when she saw Julie, almost dropping a bowl on one of the teacher’s kids. Quickly, she caught the bowl, putting it down, then running to Julie.

        "Oh my Buddha," she muttered as she put her shaking hands on Julie's face hesitantly. "What happened to you, Julie?" Julie smiled, weakly at her.

        "Gomawo, Jill," she replied.

        At the sound of Julie's voice, Xiumin turned around, smiling widely. Running to his new Umma, he giggled, yelling "Umma!" Julie turned around slowly before gathering all her strength to pick him up. He hugged her as he usually did, waiting for her to laugh or rub his back as she usually did. Only, she didn't do that...instead, her knees collapsed, making her hiss in pain when her knee caps made contact with the floor. She started to fall forward onto the floor, but realizing she'd crush Xiumin, she quickly manuvered herself so she'd land on her back with Xiumin still on top of her.

        Jill screeched as Xiumin cried out, touching his mother's face as her eyes closed, not opening or anything. He didn't know what else to do, seeing as his brothers were still playing, oblivious to their new mother and that Xiumin was gone, so he just patted to her face to wake her up. He figured she was just playing, as she usually did in this way, but when her arms loosened from around him, that was when he began to freak out.

        Taking a deep breath as tears filled his eyes, he yelled at the top of his lungs, "OMONI!"

        The heartbreaking cry of anguish from Xiumin made his brothers stop before turning around to see their eldest brother sitting on their new mother, still patting her face to wake her up; Jill still in shock of what to do. Kris, Luhan, Suho, Lay, and Chen waddled up to their new mother, tears filling their eyes to see her not waking up. They began to push and patt on her as well. Seeing no response, they also began to give out cries of anguish, the other kids turning to stare at the scene going on around them.

        Snapping out of her daze, Jill ran to the first aid box she had in one of the cupboards. She ran back, her eyes scrutinizing Julie's body to find any wounds. Seeing the blood stained knee caps of her pants, she quickly rolled up the legs to see if it would reach above her knee.

        It didn't.

        Seeing the kids (besides Beakhyun and Chanyeol who were still staring at Julie laying on the ground) freaking out over Julie, Jill panicked. Pulling down Julie's pants was the only other option, but it would be super weird in front of the kids. She suddenly formed an idea.

        Putting the first aid kit in the connected bathroom, she came back over to pick Julie up. When she grabbed Julie, though, Xiumin went crazy. He began to yell and cling to his mother, as did the rest of them. She tried to calm them down, but since they wouldn't, she just pulled Julie's body into the bathroom, some of the kids being pulled with her while some ran next to her. Jill had hoped not all of them would be in the bathroom (yes, even Beakhyun and Chanyeol who were pulled in by Suho and Lay), but seeing as the majority wouldn't leave, she decided to leave the door a crack open as she began to pull Julie's pants down, gently over her knee caps.

        Once they were down, Jill cleaned the wounds and skin from all dirt, sweat, and blood before putting on the bandages. The boys sat there; all of them watching her take care of their umma. Jill stood up, running to the fridge in the daycare to bring out some water and yogurt for Julie. Putting little sips of water in Julie's mouth proved to be a big help; her waking up somewhat to be able to drink the water and eat some of the yogurt.

        When Julie finally came to, she saw the boys surrounding her with tear streaked faces. Jill was no where in sight, but Julie could hear her talking on the phone to someone...most likely Julie's next professor. Julie raised her arms a little, with what little strength she had, and smiled as her babies came to her, crying into her chest or hair. She wrapped her arms around them before smiling gently as Beakhyun and Chanyeol whom still didn't seem to like her. 

        Then, with one last deep breath, Julie fell back asleep, only this time, the boys knew she was going to be okay. Lying down beside or on top of Julie, the boys snuggled into her, feeling her warmth. Eventually, Beakhyun and Chanyeol got tired of standing there, staring like pabos, so they, too, lied down with their new "mother". Snuggling up to her side, feeling her warmth, was one of the things they really missed.

        And right then and there, deep down, they both came to an understanding that Julie was their Umma...and that even though she could make bad choices, she was still going to keep them, even if keeping them all would risk her life. They decided, then, that they would protect her and be her lights, no matter what.

        Now they just have to wait for everybody else.