How did I let go of someone I’ve loved so entirely before?

Heartless, when I knew, I was loved entirely by her, likewise.

He was a mini clone of him. His son, ruffled hair, his eyes, his nose, his mouth.

Her chubby cheeks.

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Stiffed glances were all he dared upon her. Unreturned, ignored. At least she didn’t throw me out, he thought silently, looking at his little boy and his mother, pushing and pulling over lunch as she insisted on a healthy meal when all he wanted was a hamburger.

Suddenly,

“Appa! Do you want to have lunch too?” His chirpy boy broke off his glance.

He saw her stiffened, seeming to wait for his reply. His little boy, gleaming eyes and waving hands.

“Umma! Appa needs to have lunch too! This lunch is not enough because Appa is a big boy and he needs to eat a lot to be full. Can we go to the cafeteria downstairs that Hyukkie Ahjussi brought me yesterday?” Small eyes twinkling and glinting at the hope of a proper, not vegetarian,lunch.

She sighed, and the little eyes drooped, reaching for the utensils on the table.

“I know, Umma that’s not healthy for me. I will eat this Umma, so don’t be sad okay Umma..”

His little hands fumbled over the utensils on his table.

“Kyukyu ah, next time when you are well, Appa will bring you out for lunch at the amusement park okay! But promise Appa that by then you will be healthy so my good boy has to finish the lunch Umma prepared okay?”

He walked towards the bed, and he notice how she flinched a little aside.

“Amusement park?! Really? Waaaaaaaa yay!!! I will finish my lunch Appa, Kyukyu is a good boy!”

He laughed and smiled at how his little boy started looking enthusiastically at his lunch as he ruffled his little tuft of hair.

“Kyukyu ah, Umma will be going to take some water for you okay?”

The little boy gleamingly nodded as she stood up, he felt her hair brushed past his shoulders.

And then, a faint.

“Thank you.”

She wondered if it’s fate.

Or there really is a special connection.

The moment her little boy woke up, sleepy eyed and all, glancing over his surroundings, registering the room he is at, and she saw how his eyes matched those that was standing behind her.

And she thought she was hearing things when her little boy spoke.

“… Appa?”

And she felt herself shaking, as she felt her most trustable Unnie had her hands in hers, pulling her away and she felt him closing to her little boy.

Their little boy.

Who had not seen any photos of his father because they were stashed away from her sight from her Oppa five years ago.

Knew who his father was, at a glance, and when she asked later on.

“Cause he feels like Appa. He looks like Kyukyu too.”

And she saw him hugging his little boy, their little boy for the first time, as the little head, still fragile from his comatose snuggled on his chest, like how she used to and how the father of her little boy had his arms around the little one and tears falling from his eyes.

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She felt herself suffocating at the thought of him, once again.

For the past four days, he had not left the place.

And at times, she could not breathe, she cannot stand knowing how close he is to her and her little one.

She saw Kyukyu embracing his father, and she realized no matter how hard she tried and how she thought she had done well, a father was a father. It was irreplaceable to her son.

But she was not who she was, and he was definitely not who he was.

They had all changed.

Five years ago, she was already not the girl she was, when he first met, who had big dreams and had wanted a white house near the beach and waking up her beau with whispers in the ears with brunch on the table.

Five years ago, he was already not the guy who she thought would have been her forever.

And five years later.

She is a mother of the most precious gem in the world. She exists, her identity, was all for her little boy,

And he, what is he?

Her ex husband who will be getting married in the very near future to her most trusted Unnie five years ago?

Her legs buckled and the jug almost slipped out of her hands when she felt a hand tugging on her elbows, holding her and saving her from the unwanted contact with the floor.

“…Are you okay?”

He watched his little boy gobbled up the last remains of his carrots and broccoli when his phone rang for the twentieth time today.

He reached into his pockets and before he could yell at his secretary who he had presumed to be.

“Oppa…”

His ears registered and he closed his eyes.

“Yoona.”