“I think about you all the time. Even when I have so much to worry about, even the late hours of the night, you are always on my mind…”

Dear Diary,

Holding the DNA report in my hand, looking around the tiny house that they lived for the past 7 years, my heart hurt so much as if it was shattered into millions of pieces. The neighbours said she moved here when So Won was around 1 year old. Nobody stay with her. No husband, no parents. She was all alone. She was so young and doesn’t know how to take care of a baby. They always heard the baby cries and her baby was very weak. I guess that was around the time when she started to find out So Won was suffered from thalassemia. A 19 to 20 years old girl, with a sick daughter, staying in a place like this, without anybody beside her, how could she survive? 

It was my fault. It was definitely my fault. I should have tried harder. I should have hold her tighter and insist not to let her go that day. I thought I still have time. I thought I still can see her after that. I thought giving her some time to cool down and not pressuring her could make things better but I was wrong. She didn’t come back to school after that day.

I was bewildered. Everything happened in a sudden and I felt breathless. I was so worried about her that I kept calling her, texting her but there were no reply at all. I have no choice but to beg my teacher to give me her home address. My heart dropped to my stomach when I saw the house was already empty and the neighbour told me they have moved away one month ago. She moved away? Where? Nobody knows.

I hate coming home. The pressure, the stress, the fights, it just make the situation worse. My father was furious when I refused to go to UK. I told him I wouldn’t go until I find her. I was still in Seoul for another 6 months after I graduated from high school, waiting and looking for her. No news at all. Nothing. She was like disappear into the thin air. My father was getting more and more impatient with me. My sister ran away from this home few years ago. I’m his only hope now. He can’t stand anymore and we had a huge fight. I even threatened him I will go away like my sister did. But then, he collapsed in front of me. I thought he will die that night. His heart stopped and if it wasn’t my mother gave him CPR in time; I think I really kill my father. He got a heart attacked. He stayed in the ICU for a month and I was so guilty for causing him like this.

My mother was there to support me when I had hit the rock bottom. She told me nothing is more important than a career for a man. She said I was still young. I don’t understand what the real world is all about. If the person I love so much really love me back, she wouldn’t have run away. She said it was the time I should let go and get back on track with my life. I looked at my father who was laying lifelessly in the hospital bed. My mother was right. And she was right. If she could let go of my hand so easily, what makes me think she actually love me? She told me to treat all these as a teenage dream. Everything that happened was just a dream. I think I should let go too.

At last, I agreed to go to UK after one of the top medical schools accepted me. It has been almost 10 months since the last time I saw her. I remembered I texted her the night before I go to UK. She didn’t reply. I told her I will wait for her in the airport. I’m not begging her or forcing her to be with me. I just want to see her for the last time. Just once. I was in the airport 5 hours earlier. I waited for so long but she didn’t show up. My hope was totally shattered.

And now, this woman that told me everything was just a dream, she was standing right in front of me, telling me the truth behind her disappearance was because of my mother. Did I hear it correctly? My mother? The wise woman that I love so much, I trusted so much, I respect so much, she was the reason behind all these. She was the reason why I lost the most previous 8 years’ time with my daughter. It was so scary. The woman I love so much, she was hiding a daughter behind my back. The mother I love so much, she was hiding the truth that she was the reason behind all these. Can I still trust them? I don’t know.

Love,

Min Ho

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9 years ago…

“Are you Park Shin Hye?”

Park Shin Hye was startled when a woman was standing in front of her. She knows her name and she doesn’t look like someone ordinary. Her clothing, her bag, the fancy car with a driver behind her, everything looked expensive.

“Yes. I am. May I know who are you?” Shin Hye asked politely as she bowed at her.

“I’m Min Ho’s mother.” Kim Mi Kyung smiled.

Shin Hye’s eyes widened in shocked and she felt her whole body tensed up. “A-Annyeonghaseyo.” She stuttered. She looked at her nervously. “Min Ho is having a student council meeting. The meeting will take a while. Do you want me to tell him you are here?”

Kim Mi Kyung shook her head. “I know. I’m here not looking for him. I’m here looking for you.”

Shin Hye looked at her with a surprise gaze. “Looking for me?”

“Yes. Can you spare me some time so we could have a drink nearby?” She asked with a warm smile.

Shin Hye nodded as she stepped into her car when she opened the door for her.

They were now sitting in a 5 stars hotel coffee shop nearby the school. Shin Hye was trembling, not sure it was because of the cold air conditioner or because she was very scared. She dare not to look straight at Kim Mi Kyung and kept looking down at her own drink.

Kim Mi Kyung let out a soft smile. “Don’t be so nervous. I’m not here to scare you or to threaten you. I’m just here to talk to you.”

Shin Hye looked up slightly as she nodded her head slowly.

“How long have you known Min Ho?” She asked.   

Shin Hye bit her lip before answering her. “About 4 months.”

Kim Mi Kyung nodded. “Do you know he have a girlfriend before he met you?”

“I know.”

“And you still insist to step in between them?” She asked again.

Shin Hye looked up at her. “I didn’t know about it when I fell in love with him. But I have to admit I was the reason why he broke up with her. I’m sorry.”

“I like your honesty. You are very scared right now but something inside of you makes you strong. I think that was what makes you attractive… to my son.” Kim Mi Kyung said, still smiling.

“What do you want to tell me?” Shin Hye was very sure she didn’t come here to see what kind of girl she is.

Kim Mi Kyung sighed. “Do you know after Min Ho broke up with Chae Won, what happened to him at home? He had a huge fight with his father and he was locked up in his room. And that was the reason why he was absent from the school for 3 days.”

Shin Hye’s eyes widened in shocked. She didn’t know about it. She did ask Min Ho why he didn’t come to school and wasn’t answering his phone but he just said there was some family problem he needed to settle. He didn’t say he was locked up.

“I was quite shocked when I see him fighting against his father. That anger in his eyes, the determination to be with you; that was the first time I saw that in my son.” Kim Mi Kyung sighed again. “Then I reminded myself, he is only 18 years old. Still a teenager. It seems like the teenage rebellion spirit that had been living inside of him for all those years had finally broken free. He said he don’t like Chae Won. He said he only like you. He even said he love you.”

Kim Mi Kyung looked deep into Shin Hye’s eyes. “Love? What do you both know about love? Can love make both of you survive the hardship in front of you? He said he love you but are you sure that was really love he was talking about? Could it be the excitement that you are giving him makes him too immerse into the feeling that he thought it was love? Even if it’s really loves we are talking about now, do you think his father will approve you? He won’t. In his mind, Chae Won is the only choice he want for his son. His family will always be the biggest obstacle that you will never cross over.”

Shin Hye’s tears started to well in her eyes. She didn’t know how to reply her. After what happened that night, she was sure Min Ho was guilty and felt responsible for what he did. She was sure he likes her but love? She doesn’t know.   

“He has a great and bright future ahead of him. His life was well planned even when he was only a baby. He will become a doctor in the future. If he insists to run away with you, how would his life be after that? What can you give him? Love? He will lose everything. Is that what you want for him?” Kim Mi Kyung continued.

Shin Hye bit her lip hard as tears started to roll down. She was right. Is that what he wants for him? No. She doesn’t want that. She looked up at her with a weak smile. “What do you want me to do?”

Kim Mi Kyung let out a deep sigh. “I told you earlier. I’m not here to threaten you or to force you to do anything. I’m just here to explain to you the situation both of you were facing and will be facing in the future. You might think that I’m a bad person because I was trying to pull both of you away from each other but as a mother, I just want the best for my son. I don’t expect you to understand me but what I can say to you is I’m sorry.” She took a pack of tissue from her bag and passed to Shin Hye.

She took the tissue from Mi Kyung and wiped her tears away. She nodded her head slowly as she looked up at her. “I know what I should do next. You won’t need to be worried about me anymore. Although I might be too young to understand what love is all about but I want the best for Min Ho too.”

“Thank you.” Mi Kyung looked at her with an apologetic expression. “I hope this conversation between us can be kept as a secret.”

Shin Hye smiled slightly. “I won’t say a word.”

“Thank you.” She then passed a name card to Shin Hye. “Call me if you need my help one day.”

Shin Hye looked at her name card and chuckled softly. What help she will need from her? What she needs to do now is to break her son’s heart and move on with her life.  

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“I don’t blame her. I might not understand about it last time but now, I can truly understand her feeling at that time.” Shin Hye paused as she looked up at Min Ho. “I’ll do anything to protect my daughter. Just like how your mother did to protect you. So you shouldn’t blame her either. If not because she came to see me that day, your life would be totally different now.” She continued. But then, her heart clenched painfully when she saw the tears welling up in his eyes.

Min Ho chuckled sadly at himself as tears started to flow down. He took a deep breath, trying to steady his uneven breathing. After a long moment, he looked back at Shin Hye. “Is that the reason why you broke up with me, here, on that day, 9 years ago?” He asked softly.

Shin Hye looked down and nodded her head. “I have no choice. I can’t drag you into the hell with me.” She averted her gaze back at him again. “Your mother was right. We were too young back then. We don’t even know what is love.”

“You already know that you are pregnant when you broke up with me? Did my mother know about it?” Min Ho asked again. His gaze was painful.

Shin Hye shook her head. “No. I swear I didn’t know I was pregnant at that time.” She then bit her lip and looked away. “Your mother doesn’t know either.”

Min Ho smiled sadly. “Can I still trust you?”

Shin Hye looked at him disappointedly. “I don’t need you to trust me. You might think we are all lying behind your back but everything we did was because we want the best for you. We want to protect you. Look at yourself now. This is the future your family want for you.”

“But did you ever think that I should be the one who choose what I want?” Min Ho looked at her painfully. “All of you were the same. Plan for me, choose for me, and decide for me. Am I some kind of toy that should be control by all of you? You all want the best for me? Did you ever try to ask me what is the best for me? Why are you so sure I will lose everything if I choose to be with you? With my results, I can always apply for scholarship and study in the local university.” Min Ho inhaled deeply as more tears rolled down his cheeks.

“Why do you choose to let go of me? It was not the best for me. I feel the best when I’m with you. Yes, I’m a successful doctor now. I have a great career; I have a very smart, rich and beautiful fiancée now. But do you think this is what I want? Those things were not what I want. Those were the things that all of you want for me. I was suffering every day and night thinking of you. Cracking my head to figure out why you just disappeared like this. Was it because I’m not strong enough? Was it because you were angry with me for that incident that night? I kept asking myself over and over again.” He paused, took a step closer to Shin Hye. “And So Won. She grew up without a father. All these years, I left you living in that tiny old house in Busan with a sick daughter, without support, without anybody. I left both of you suffered there and I was in UK, enjoying my life and studies, engaged with someone I don’t love, become a great doctor and a good son. Do you think all those were the best for me? Do you know how much it hurt me knowing that both of you were suffering all these years alone?”

Shin Hye cried as she shook her head fiercely. She tried to speak but she just doesn’t know what to say. She held tightly on his arms as tears continued to roll uncontrollably. “All those things was already the past. Can we just put it aside and… talk about it later? So Won is more important now. You have to help her.”

Min Ho’s attention was caught by her words now. “What happen to So Won?” He asked, trying hard to control his emotion.

“Doctor Song said her iron level continued to increase. She has to start deferoxamine injection tomorrow. She has to get injection every day and there might be a lot of side effects. So Won is only 8 years old. She already suffered a lot. Can you see the needle holes on her hands? You have to save her. You have to test your blood. Your bone marrow…”

“It’s not compatible.” Min Ho cut her off, looking at her sadly.

Shin Hye’s grip on his arms slowly loosened up and her eyes was looking at him in disbelief. “What?” She asked, doesn’t want to believe what she just heard.

“My bone marrow is not compatible for So Won. I already tested my blood in Busan.” Min Ho said as he inhaled deeply.

Shin Hye let go of his arms and took few steps backward until her back wa