“There’s a different between goodbye and letting go. Goodbye is ‘I’ll see you again when I’m ready to hold your hand, and you are ready to hold mine’. Letting go is ‘I’ll miss your hand. I realized it’s not mine to hold, and I will never hold it again’…”

Dear Diary,

Was it my fault? If I didn’t insist to hold on to her hand, she wouldn’t have suffered so much. But I really don’t want to let her go. I know what I want and what she meant to me. I know our relationship wouldn’t be easy but as long as I have her with me, I know I could overcome any obstacles. Was I naïve back then? I think I am.   

After the day I broke up with Chae Won, my whole family know about it immediately. My father was very angry and threatened to send me to UK right away if I don’t get back with Chae Won. We have a huge fight that night. First time in my life I fought back and I even said I rather leave the house if they force me to be with Chae Won. That was also the first time I was grounded at home, not letting me to go to school and my handphone was being taken away from me. I couldn’t even find the chance to call her. I know it will worry her but at that time, the helpless and useless me, I couldn’t do anything.    

I know rumours started to spread around the school about her being the third party and the reason for the break up between me and Chae Won. I was so helpless and I felt so bad to drag her into this mess with me. That 3 days being grounded at home felt like 3 years to me. I missed her so much and when I got back my phone from my mother, I was so happy to get a call from her. But that wasn’t the way I wanted to see her. Seeing her being so painful, totally unable to control herself because of the drug, it scared me. I knew I shouldn’t take advantage on her even if she begged me to help her, I still felt wrong. I’m not sure how conscious was she at that moment but I knew her body, her mind, her senses was completely controlled by the drug and as for me, my body, my mind, my senses was completely controlled by her.

I don’t regret for what I did that night. I love her. I love this woman so much that I wouldn’t think twice to have her in my life. But she left. And now, she came back with a daughter that she was trying to hide everything about her from me. Why? There was only one reason. Because she is my daughter. I knew her. She wouldn’t admit it even if I’m really the father of her daughter. She can lied about her age, about her past but one thing she will never able to hide from me. The blood in her. I’m not 18 years old anymore. I will find the answer. I wouldn’t let her escape from me again. Not this time.

Love,

Min Ho.

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Lee Min Ho closed his diary with a sigh, with his back leaning against the headboard. He massaged his temple as more and more questions appeared, confusing his mind. After meeting Shin Hye tonight, it didn’t help anything but only make it worse. She was clearly hiding something from him. Just then, the knocking sound on his door shook him off from his deep thoughts. The door opened and his mother was standing there looking at him with a warm smile.

“Haven’t sleep yet?” Kim Mi Kyung asked as she stepped into the room, taking a seat on Min Ho’s bed.

Min Ho straightened himself up as he put his diary away to the side of his bed. “Soon. How about you? Why haven’t you slept yet?”

“I was just doing something and then I saw your lights in your room were still on. So I came in to check on you. You were late today. You don’t usually come home this late. Went out with Chae Won?” His mother asked.

“We had dinner together but not until this late. I went back to the hospital for a while after that.” Min Ho replied.

Mi Kyung nodded. “So, is everything okay between you and Chae Won?”

Min Ho looked at his mother with his eyes narrowed at her. “Okay. Why?”

“I’m just concern about both of you. You doesn’t look ready yet when your father mention about the wedding the other day. If both of you are stable, then what is stopping you?” Mi Kyung continued to ask.

Min Ho sighed deeply. He glanced at his diary before he looked at his mother. “I just need some time. There is something I need to be clear first before I walk into the marriage with her. Don’t worry. We already engaged and nothing could change now. Everything was planned and the final step is only the wedding. It will happen.” He assured her.

Mi Kyung nodded again and she knew it was no use to push her son further. It will only make things worse. But then, something crossed her mind. “Oh yeah, you see when both of you are free and try to arrange a blood test for you and Chae Won.”

Min Ho looked at her confusedly. “Blood test? For what?”

“For genetic carrier screening.”

“Genetic carrier?” Min Ho asked again, looking curious now.

“Yes. The genetic was passed down from my side. Your grandmother……”   

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Kim Hae Suk was wiping Park So Won’s hands with a wet cloth when Min Ho came into the hospital room.

A smile immediately curved on So Won’s lips when she saw him. “Ahjussi-oppa. You are here.”

Min Ho smiled. “Yes, I’m here. I promised I’ll come, right.” He walked over as he bowed politely at Kim Hae Suk. “I’m Doctor Lee, the one who sent So Won to the ER yesterday and I’m her mother’s friend. You are?”

“Oh, hi. I’m their neighbour. Her mother is working and I helped her to take care of So Won. She will come over after work. I’m waiting for her to take over my shift. I think she will be here anytime soon.” Hae Suk replied.

“You mean you have been here since this morning? You must be very tired. I can stay here with So Won until Shin Hye come later. You can make a move first.” Min Ho said with a smile. This will be the best chance for him to ask So Won questions when Shin Hye was not around.

Hae Suk hesitated but she wanted to rush back to wait for her daughter’s phone call. She looked at her watch and then at So Won. “You okay if I go now?”

So Won nodded. “Can ahjuhma. Eomma will be here soon anyway.”

“Okay. Then I’ll go first.” Hae Suk turned back to Min Ho. “Please inform Shin Hye that Doctor Song came today, he took another blood test for So Won. He will come again tomorrow and inform us whether she can discharge or not.”

“Okay. I’ll pass the message to her.” Min Ho said.

He made his way to So Won’s bed and sit on the chair beside her after Hae Suk went off. He looked at her with a warm smile. “How are you feeling today? Any fever or dizziness?”

So Won shook her head. “Just feel a bit tired. But I always feel tired. Eomma said it was because of my disease.”

Min Ho’s heart felt a sharp pain as he caressed her cheek gently. “I heard from Doctor Song that you and your mother came back from Busan. You have stayed there for a long time?”

“Yes. Since I was born. We love it there but because Doctor Jin who was treated me retired so we have no choice but to move to Seoul. And eomma said her new job here have better pay. My medicine is very expensive. Eomma have to work very hard to get money for my medicine.” So Won said.

Min Ho narrowed his eyes. “How about your father? He didn’t stay with both of you?”

So Won looked startled. What should I tell him? I can’t tell him he is my appa. “Ahjussi-oppa, can you get me a glass of water? I’m thirsty.”

Min Ho let out a soft laugh. She is using the same trick again. She did that last night when I asked her mother something she doesn’t want to answer. He poured the water into a glass and passed it to her. “How about your grandparents? They move to Busan with all of you too?” He asked again, not giving up.

So Won tilted her head, looking confuse. “I don’t have a grandfather or a grandmother. I’ve never seen them before.”

Min Ho’s eyes widened. “Never?” But how come? Shin Hye’s parents stayed here in Seoul when they were in high school. Something was not right here. She withdrawn from school before her graduation and disappeared after that. How about her parents? Did anything happen to her? “So Won-ah. How old are you?”

It was So Won’s turn to widen her eyes now. Her mother said she shouldn’t let him know about her age. But she shouldn’t lie to her father too. She knew she couldn’t ask another glass of water again. She has to come out with something else, fast. She smiled sweetly at him. “Ahjussi-oppa, why are you asking me so many questions? I think it’s my turn to ask you now.”

Min Ho laughed again. She is avoiding my question again. Smart little girl. “Okay. What you want to ask me?”

So Won put her index finger at her lips and trying to think what she wants to know. “How do you meet my eomma?”

“Hmmm… She was a transferred student at my high school.” He laughed softly when he remembered the day when both of them fell down on the ground. “We met on her first day to school when I accidentally tripped her and she fell down. To be exact, she fell down on me. And she was my classmate. I was assigned to take care of her, show her around the school. That was how we met.”

So Won looked at him excitedly. “How was eomma when she was a student? Was she smart? Was she lazy?”

“She…” Min Ho paused as a smile flashed on his face. “She was not stupid but not as smart as me. She love to read books and she love to write diary under a tree. She loves to talk, love to smile, love to laugh and… love to hit me. She was kind of violent back then. She was a very happy person.” Until she fell in love with me, everything changed. Min Ho let out a silent sigh.

So Won looked at him in disbelief. “Eomma was really different back then. As far as I know, eomma don’t like to talk except with me. She doesn’t smile especially when she saw me having blood transfusion or not feeling well. I never saw her laugh before even when we are watching comedy. But eomma is not violent. She doesn’t hit me. She loves me very much. And you are right. She still writes her diary now.”

Min Ho nodded as he looked down, sighed helplessly. She doesn’t laugh anymore. Is that mean she wasn’t happy all these while? He then looked at So Won again and this time, something hanging on her neck that caught his attention. It was a necklace with a maple leaf pendant. “Your pendant is very nice.” He said as he pointed at her neck.

So Won looked down and held onto the pendant. She looked at Min Ho again with a smile. “I wear it since I was a baby. Eomma told me this is an autumn maple leaf.”

“Autumn maple leaf? You were born in autumn?” Min Ho asked. His heartbeat quickened.

So Won nodded. “Eomma said she love autumn the most. She said that was the season where she got two most precious things in her life.”

Min Ho’s breath became heavy. They met during autumn. There were red maple leaves falling when they first met. When he wanted to ask more, the door was opened. It was Shin Hye.

“Y-You are here again.” Shin Hye looked at him, startled.

Min Ho stood up as he let out a sigh. “Yes. I told you I’ll come again today.”

Shin Hye averted her gaze as she walked towards So Won. “How are you? Did Doctor Song come today?”

“Everything was fine. Doctor Song took another blood test and he will come again tomorrow with the report. If the report is alright, I think So Won can discharge tomorrow.” Min Ho answered on behalf of So Won.

Shin Hye looked back at him as she nodded softly. “Thank you.”

“Have you eaten yet? Want to have dinner together?” Min Ho asked, looking at her expectantly.

She lifted her hand up with a small paper bag in it. “I brought dinner.”

“Hmmm. You just came back from work? What are you working as now?” He asked carefully.

Shin Hye looked away as she put her dinner on the cabinet beside So Won’s bed. “Assistant editor in a publisher.”

“I see.” Min Ho uttered as he took another deep breath. “Erm… I think I’m not going to disturb both of you. I… I got to go now.” He turned to So Won and gently caressed her cheek. “You take care. I’ll see you again.”

“Goodbye ahjussi-oppa.” So Won waved her hand, looking slightly disappointed. She wishes three of them could stay together for a little bit longer.

Min Ho looked at Shin Hye with a slight smile before he walked to the door. Before he stepped out, he turned to Shin Hye again. “We will meet again soon.”

Shin Hye was shocked with the words he threw to her before he walked out. She turned to So Won and asked worriedly. “Did he ask something weird when I’m not around? Where is ahjuhma?”

“Appa asked ahjuhma to go back first.  Eomma. I think you are in a big trouble. Appa asked me a lot of questions. He asked my age, where my father is and where are grandpa and grandma.” So Won replied.

“What did you say? Did you tell him everything?” Shin Hye’s eyes widened in shocked. She knew it. He is a smartass and he will find out very soon.

“I didn’t answer him.”

Shin Hye let out a deep sigh.

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9 years ago…

Shin Hye was sitting on her bed looking at the book in her hand mindlessly. She can’t concentrate on what she was reading because her mind was full of Min Ho. Since that day they were locked in the store room, Min Ho didn’t come to school for 3 days already. She tried to call him but he didn’t pick up. Rumours were spreading around the school that he was grounded by his father because he broke up with Moon Chae Won and she was the reason behind. She took her phone and just when she was about to call Min Ho again, she received a message from him.

“Meet me at ‘After Seven’ at Yongsan-gu. I’ll be there at 8pm. You have to come. I have something important to tell you.”

Shin Hye’s eyes widened as she looked at her watch. It was already 7pm now. She quickly got changed and ran out of her room. Her parents were both sitting in the living room, looking at her now.

“Where are you going?” Her father asked.

Shin Hye was startled and she know she have to find an excuse to go out. “I… I need to rush to one of my classmate’s house now… because… there are some problem with our group project. She lost the report that was done by me. So I have to do it again with her. It’s urgent because we have to submit tomorrow.” She tried to keep herself calm and let out a soft smile. “Don’t worry. It won’t take too long.”

Her mother walked to Shin Hye as she adjusted her sweater for her. “It’s very cold outside. Give us a call if it’s too late. Appa can go to fetch you.”

Shin Hye nodded. “Arasso.” She really felt very bad for lying but she has no choice. The message Min Ho sent to her seems urgent. She has to meet him.

Shin Hye stood outside a pub with the signage of After Seven and looked hesitated. She doesn’t understand why Min Ho asked to meet at this kind of place. Why didn’t he ask to meet at Apple House instead? There were a lot of youngster inside and she guess most of them were around her age. She took a deep breath before she went inside. She walked to a high top table at the corner and took a seat on the high stool.

“Hi pretty, what can I get for you?” A male waiter came to her to take the order.

“Erm… give me a glass of orange juice. Thank you.” She looked down when she saw the waiter smiled at her.

“Sure.”

Shin Hye let out a sigh before she took her phone out from her bag. She tried to call Min Ho but he didn’t pick up. She looked at her watch and it was already 8pm.

She took a sip of her orange juice that was already arrived for some time. She kept looking at the entrance but there was no sign of Min Ho.