“There are things we don’t want to happen but have to accept, things we don’t want to know but have to learn, and people we can’t live without but have to let go…”

Dear Diary,

What is father? As what I found in google, the definition of father is a man in relation to his child or children. I think the definition was kind of simple. A true father is not only blood related to their child but also the responsibilities to protect them, to give them happiness, educate them, and the most importantly was to give them a home. I smiled whenever I heard this word now. My heart fluttered whenever So Won call me appa. But what can I really give her? Protect her? How? I can’t even find the compatible bone marrow to save her. I can’t even cure her. Give her happiness? Can I? I don’t even know what she likes and what she doesn’t. Educate her? It’s too late isn’t it? Her mother has already done a good job on that. I missed the most precious 9 years in her life. A home? I laughed at myself. How can I give her a home when I couldn’t even give it to her mother?

My inner voice yelled at me to fight for her. Her tears were like sharp knives that stabbed into my heart. Can I still do that now? Can I still fight for her? After all the hardship she have gone through all those years, what makes me think that I still have the right to fight for her? Because I was too naïve back then, I fought so hard for her but it ended with pains. She has to endure everything alone because of my stubbornness and childishness. I always said I could protect her, she don’t need to worry because I’m there with her. But what have I done? I just brought her sadness. I’m scared already. I really do. I can’t be so selfish anymore. She sacrificed her future to keep my child. She even sacrificed her parents to protect me, protect us. What have I done for her? Nothing!

I felt helpless again. I always felt helpless when I’m with her. Helpless because I couldn’t do anything to protect her. Helpless because I couldn’t do anything to keep her with me. Helplessly useless and helplessly in love with her.

Love,

Min Ho

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“Are you okay? Do you feel like want to vomit? Dizzy, feeling hot or somewhere not comfortable?” Park Shin Hye asked her daughter with a worried tone. She gently caressed her cheeks, trying to check her temperature.

Park So Won smiled weakly as she shook her head. “I just felt a bit of dizzy and tired. But I have used to it already.”

Shin Hye looked at Song Joong Ki. “Is this normal? She just got the injection 3 hours ago. Will the side effects happen later?”

Joong Ki nodded. “Yes. The injection will make her dizzy, drowsy or maybe having trouble in hearing or seeing clearly. And it may cause her urine to turn red. All these are normal sign of reaction after the injection. So you don’t need to worry. Her body needs time to adjust with the new medicine. I’ll suggest her to take a week off from the school and let her rest at home. She need time to cope with it. I’ll continue to come this week to give her the jab myself and monitor on her closely.”

Shin Hye turned back to So Won and let out a deep sigh. “Did you hear what Doctor Song said? You have to take a week off from school. Eomma will go back to the office and try to take leave to take care of you.”

“Eomma, I can take care of myself. Ahjuhma can take care of me too. You can’t take leave anymore. Your boss will fire you. Then we have no money to pay rental to ahjuhma.” So Won said.

Shin Hye let out a soft laugh. She pinched her nose softly. “Are you hungry? Eomma make some porridge for you, okay?”

So Won nodded with a smile. “Okay. I love eomma’s porridge.” She then turned to Min Ho and Joong Ki. “Appa, Doctor Song. Can you stay here for dinner later? Eomma can cook very delicious porridge. But she only knows how to cook porridge.”

“Yah, Park So Won.” Shin Hye glared at her.

Min Ho and Joong Ki both laughed at the same time. Joong Ki walked towards So Won and has a final check on her before he turned to Shin Hye. “I don’t think I can stay for dinner. I got a call from the hospital just now and I need to go back later. I’ll come again tomorrow. Just give me a call if you need anything. You can call me anytime.” He said with a smile and his eyes were looking meaningfully at her.

Shin Hye felt uneasy with his gaze as she stole a sideway glance at Min Ho. She let out an awkward smile. “Thank you. And I’m sorry to trouble you.”

Min Ho looked away when he saw their eyes met and felt uncomfortable with their closeness. Joong Ki have been very open to him that he felt something for Shin Hye but it still make him sour and suffocated seeing them this close together.

“Appa. Are you staying?” So Won asked, breaking the awkwardness between 3 of them.

Min Ho looked at his daughter’s expectant gaze and then turned to Shin Hye. “Can I stay?”

“Of course. Eomma, appa can stay right?” So Won cut in before Shin Hye could reply.

Shin Hye sighed as she looked at her daughter and pinched her nose again. “If you don’t mind to just have porridge for dinner, of course you can stay.” She said softly without looking at Min Ho.

Min Ho smiled. “I like porridge.”

It was Joong Ki’s turn to feel uncomfortable now. He felt like an outsider being in this house. He let out a sigh and took his bag. “I’ll go now.” He then turned to Min Ho. “I’ll see you at home.”

“Let me walk you out.” Shin Hye said as she quickly made her way towards the door and opened it for him.

Joong Ki put his bag into his car and turned to Shin Hye. “Don’t worry too much. I think So Won should be fine with the injection. Just make sure you monitor her closely tonight. Call me immediately if you find something not right.”

Shin Hye smiled as she nodded. “I will. Thank you so much for your help Doctor Song.”

Joong Ki held her gaze as he took a step closer to her. Shin Hye’s smile faded as she felt her body tensed up when their distance shortened.

“You can just call me Joong Ki.” He said softly.

“Meo?” Shin Hye was startled.

“Because I wanted to call you Shin Hye too. I know we have only known each other for a short period of time but it doesn’t really matter. I feel very comfortable when I’m with you and…”

“I understand.” Shin Hye cut him off, looking nervous now. “I mean, So Wo is Min Ho’s daughter and he is your cousin. Somehow So Won seem related to you and I understand why you feel comfortable.” She said, trying to stop him to continue with what he was about to say.

“No. I want you to know everything I did was not because So Won is Min Ho’s daughter. It was because she is your daughter. I wanted to save her and… I wanted to help you. It has nothing to do with Min Ho. Today when we were in the park, when you saw your father, you cried and your tears really hurt my heart.” He said in a serious tone as his eyes looking deep into hers.

Shin Hye’s eyes were widened in shock. “I… I…” Shin Hye tried to say something but she just doesn’t know what to say. She averted her gaze as she let out a deep sigh. “I don’t want to think of something like this now. My priority is So Won. The situation is getting more and more complicated and I don’t want to make it worse. I hope you understand.”

Joong Ki sighed as he nodded. “I understand. You need time and I can wait.”

“No. It’s not…”

“Good night.” Joong Ki cut her off as he turned to his car and opened the door. He took one last look at Shin Hye with a smile.

Shin Hye sighed as she smiled helplessly at him. “Drive safely. Good night.”

After his car was out of sight, Shin Hye let out a sigh of relief. She massaged her temple as she closed her eyes. Her head was spinning now thinking about everything that happened today. So Won missing, her father, Min Ho and now Joong Ki. She took a deep breath before she opened her eyes again.

“Kkamjjakiya!” She was frightened when she saw Min Ho standing in front of her when she opened her eyes. “Yah!” Her first reaction was hit his arm, hard. “Do you want to die?” She yelled and glared at him.

“Ouch!” Min Ho held onto his arm and narrowed his eyes at her. “You are still so violent after so many years. I thought your temper will be better after become a mother.” He said as he massaged his arm.   

“W-What are you doing here?” Shin Hye stuttered. She was really startled by him but she also felt that her strength was kind of strong just now. His arm must be very painful.

Min Ho looked at her as he bit his lip. “I just come out to see what takes you so long. Joong Ki was already gone and you were standing here with your eyes closed. I was about to call out your name but you opened your eyes first.”

Shin Hye cleared and looked away. “I’m going in now.”

Min Ho smirked as he followed behind her.

“Appa. Do you like the porridge? Very delicious, right. I love it very much every time eomma cook this for me.” So Won asked her father as she put another spoon of porridge into .

“So Won is right. Your eomma’s porridge is very delicious. You have to call appa to come here whenever your eomma cook this, okay?” He said as he smiled widely.

So Won nodded her head. She leaned closer to Min Ho’s ear and whispered. “Then appa you can come very frequent from now on because whenever eomma is home to cook, she will only cook porridge.”

Min Ho laughed loudly. 

Shin Hye glared at both of them as she shook her head. She started to regret her decision of revealing the truth to them. Both of them are really a bad and dangerous combination. She put down her spoon and looked at Min Ho. “Can you finish up the porridge faster and go home already? I’m sure there are a lot of delicious foods waiting for you in your big mansion.”

Min Ho stopped laughing and pursed his lips. He looked at So Won who stuck her tongue out and shrugged her shoulders. Just then, So Won coughed and covered with her hand as she quickly ran to the toilet.

“So Won!”

Min Ho and Shin Hye shouted at the same time as they stood up and rushed to the toilet. So Won was throwing up in the toilet bowl. Shin Hye kneeled down beside her and her back softly. She turned to Min Ho and looked at him worriedly. “Should we send her to the hospital?”

He stepped into the washroom and squatted beside So Won. He took a face towel at the side and gently wiped the sweat on her forehead. He looked at Shin Hye. “Can you get me a glass of warm water?”

Shin Hye nodded as she quickly ran to the kitchen.

So Won inhaled deeply and looked up at her father. “Appa.”

Min Ho flushed the toilet as he gently carried her in his arms and brought her out from the washroom. He put her on the couch as Shin Hye walked to them with a glass of water. He took the glass and slowly brought it to So Won’s lips.

“Drink some warm water. It will make you feel better.”

So Won took a few sips and laid herself back on the couch. She closed her eyes and tried to breathe some fresh air and rest. Her head is very dizzy.

“Should I call Doctor Song?” Shin Hye asked worriedly.

Min Ho put the glass on the coffee table and looked at Shin Hye. “It’s normal to have this kind of reaction after the injection. Her body is trying to adjust with the new medicine.” He sighed as he caressed So Won’s forehead. “So Won-ah, you should rest early today. Let’s sleep in your room, okay?”

So Won opened her eyes and shook her head. “I don’t want to sleep now. I just need to rest for a while. Appa, please don’t go yet.”

“Appa is here. Appa is not going anywhere. Let’s go inside your room and sleep together, okay?” Min Ho said softly.

So Won nodded with a weak smile.

Min Ho was now lying flat on the mattress pad on the floor with So Won half-sleeping in his arms. He patted her back gently as h