freefall;

Fallen;

 

                 Here in the High Above, or commonly known as heaven, everything is pure and beautiful – a place with no worries or sorrow for souls of the dead. High Above is like a vast ocean; there is no limit to its horizon – an endless infinity of white washed clouds that pile up like snow. In every kingdom, a leader is elected to set up rules and restrictions. For High Above, angels are given individual tasks, but only guardian angels are handpicked by the Overlords to keep an eye on people of the Down Below who are so often lost in their lives, to make sure they find their destiny.

                 I hang both legs over the ledge of a tall building, enjoying the cool breeze, watching out for Kris. He can’t see me anymore, but I’m sure he knows I’m guarding him. For he once was a guardian angel as well.

 

☁  

 

                “Chanyeol,” Kris smiles so wide his eyes crinkles into crescents, “I can’t wait to see Down Below! We’ll finally be seeing people up close.”

                I nod, feeling nervous rather than ecstatic. Every angel that turns a century old is obliged to participate in the Coming of Age, where they will be selected to be guardian angels. Kris and I are among the chosen ones this year, but I have always seeked comfort in the peaceful Above, and wasn’t too happy receiving the news. Kris, however, longed to explore Down Below, wanting to experience the life of humans.

                “I heard humans have really complicating feelings - they cry when they're sad, but they also cry when they're happy; I wonder how that’s like?” He once asked. 

                We have heard stories from the elder Guardians about Below, but we finally have the chance to see it for ourselves.

                “Come on Yeol, let’s go,” Kris says. Wings unfurl slowly from his back as he stretches, almost smacking all 4-metres of charcoal-coloured feathers into my face. He takes off, and I dive after him towards Down Below.

                Wind slaps us in the face as we descend, but the warm air is welcoming. Bright rays of sunlight illuminate nature’s beauty and various man-made structures, showing us an entirely different scenery compared to Above.

                “Over there,” Kris points to two boys, Baekhyun and Chen, who grew up together in the same orphanage. They were our first task, and we were to watch over them until they reach the age of 20.

                “Can I choose first?” Kris asks.

                "Go ahead," I reply, watching the boys laughing and playfully nudging each other with their elbows.

                Kris decides to guard the boy named Baekhyun, and I sense a change in his aura; his eyes lighting up as he points at the boy.

                We spend the rest of the day observing them from a distance, learning the life of humans. That night, Kris tells me he wants to be a human. It doesn’t take me by surprise; I’ve seen it coming. Kris was infatuated with Down Below. Maybe he did not belong here.

 

 

               “That day I saved Baekhyun from falling into the river - he was alone, walking back home from school and he tripped over a branch, and his facial expression was so cute I almost forgot I was supposed to save him, but anyway yeah, I regained conciousness and he's alright now. Sent a light breeze his way to put balance in his step," Kris beams, swelling with happiness.

               "I wonder how his fingers feel like, they look so gentle and pretty. I wish he could see me, or at least, I could touch him-" He continues.

               "You do realise in the end we have to lead them to their other half, don’t you? You will have to face this reality, Kris, you can’t escape responsibility,” seeing him turning around to deny, I added, “I know you have feelings for him, it's obvious. And I know what you're thinking, so stop thinking about it. It's too dangerous and you're just going to risk your own life."

               "It's worth a try. I love him, Chanyeol, I love him so much I think about him every single second, and I dread going back to High Above every evening because it means being apart from him." His usual smile is gone, and tears are b at his eyes.

               "Kris, you know how it ends. Remember when Jaejoong dived down for Yunho?"

               Kris sighs and walks beside Baekhyun, who has no knowledge of our existence. He makes an attempt to hold his hand, but it slips through as though Kris was a permeable object. 

               “Chanyeol,” he calls, but suddenly dark clouds loom over the city and everyone starts taking out umbrellas and running for shelter, including Baekhyun. Kris does not chase after him, because he knows what has happened.

               “They know.” I whisper.

 

☁  

 

               It is against the rules to fall in love with someone from Below, but it is worse if the Overlords find out. Kris was too obvious, anyone could see that he was in love with a human - the delayed footsteps when it was time for all guardian angels to return to High Above, the way he gazes at Baekhyun for a minute too long, the way he walks so closely to Baekhyun, even trying to touch him once in a while. I watch as Kris gets dragged away by two elder Guardians and I follow after, not saying a word while Kris struggles in their firm grasp. He looks at me sadly, as if I’ve betrayed him, but he knows I have not. There is nothing I can do.

               Upon reaching Above, the front gates of the High Court fling open, and we enter the grand hall. The Overlords were seated at the front row - The High One standing at the podium, eyes trailing over Kris.

               Once Kris was standing in the middle of the hall, The High One began to speak.

               “It has come to my attention that you have broken one of our highest rules. You do know the consequences of doing so, don’t you, Kris?”

               Kris nods, his head held high. He wasn't afraid. The thought of repeating the same mistake Jaejoong did had rooted itself in his mind. 

               “Do you have anything to say to that, Kris? If not, we will proceed with your punishment. For that, we will cut off your wings, and you won't be allowed to visit Down Below from this day on, resigning your position as guardian angel.

                “I want to be a human!” Kris confesses, his voice resonating through the hall.

                The hall falls silent, and everyone looks at Kris with mouths hanging open, utterly shocked and surprised. Then, the angels were whispering among themselves, and somewhere in the crowd there was Yoochun, crying as he recalls the death of Jaejoong.

                The High One frowns, clearly unhappy with Kris' answer, and softly asks, “Were you not told about what happened to the guardian angel who once had the same foolish dream?"

                "I know."

                "And even so, you still want to take the risk?"

                With no hesitation, Kris nods, and my heart clenches.

                “Will you regret this?”

                “No.” Kris answers with confidence.

                “You are not to repeat the same mistake Jaejoong once did. I watched that boy dive down, and without his wings, how ever could he survive? He died in vain - Yunho was blind, even when Jaejoong's dead body appeared on their international news, Yunho never knew his existence. I don't want to see you repeat history, neither do I want you to waste your life away. You can stay here in High Above and spend eternity here, find someone you love and live happily forever." The High One replies in complete seriousness as he approaches Kris.

                "No! I'm sick of staying here at High Above, I yearn to know what it's like being a human, I want to feel like how they feel, I want- I want- I want him."

                The High One presses a spot behind Kris' neck and his wings instinctively emerge from his shoulders by his side. The other angels look closely, holding their breaths – young ones were curious, others were concerned, some were fascinated for this has not happened for almost a millennium.

                With a swift move, he cuts off one of his wings. Some cry, some gasp, and some look on sadly, muttering prayers under their breath.

                His face contorts in pain and he bellows in agony when his other wing is cut off. He fidgets and squirms in pain, and I watch tears stream down his face through my own tear-filled eyes. The ceremony ends and slowly everyone leaves to continue with their work. My eyes meet with The High One, and he glances at Kris who kneels in the center of the hall, head hanging low, clenching his fists as he endures the pain. He leaves after I assure him I will take care of him until his wings grow back. I make my way towards him, wanting to help him up, but suddenly he stands up and bolts out of the hall.

                Immediately I realise what he was trying to do and I sprint after him.

               "Kris!" I yell, in hopes that he would hear my voice and remember of me, his best friend, and stop himself from diving down.

               Sadly, he is blinded by love.

                Kris runs to the edge of High Above - where guardians take flight to Down Below, but he doesn't jump just yet. 

               "Chanyeol, go back. There's no point for me to stay here anymore when Baekhyun is all I can think of. I won't be happy here, I rather let my pain die with me."

               "Kris, you don't need to do this."

               "I want to," He says, and dives down before I can say anything else.

 

 

               Sometimes I regret for holding my tongue. Kris said there wasn't a reason for him to stay, and back then, there was so much I wanted to say, but didn't. 

               What about me, Kris? Your best friend who was in love with you for half a century but too timid, too afraid to tell you because he was afraid to take the risk, too worried that his confession might ruin their friendship, too afraid of rejection, too afraid of losing you.

               But that was all in the past, and maybe I did not realise back then, but I have lost Kris way before I knew it.

 

               I leap after him, waiting for perhaps, new wings to erupt from his back, but as he nears the ground, nothing happens. I panic and feel my own wings burst out as I rush towards the falling body, desperately trying to reach him before it was too late. I had to change history - no one save Jaejoong when he dived down, but I could save Kris, I could-

                I catch him just in time, grunting as he falls limp in my arms, and I check if he’s still in one piece. I gently place him on the ground, noticing how his chest rises and falls – he’s a human. Now that he's human, surely, he can't see me. I sigh in relief, glad that at least Kris did not die like how Jaejoong did, and when he wakes up, maybe he could find Baekhyun, befriend him, confess to him, date him, marry him.

               I shuffle aside when I hear a familiar voice, glancing up to see who it belonged to.

               A petite figure who I recognise as Baekhyun peers down at him, and I smile to myself, even though my heart aches. because I know he’s in safe hands. Knowing that, I murmur goodbye, and ascend above.

 

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