​"And if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you." -Friedrich Nietzsche

2017.

The sheets ruffled beneath Yoona's writhing body, her breathing labored; short and harsh in the exceptionally silent bedroom, as beads of perspiration dotted on her forehead, caught in the throes of nightmare she couldn't escape.

The memories she buried, burned bright and vivid, flashed by her mind with such clarity, with such speed and precision that had tightening in a claustrophobic beat.

She recalled her friendship with Sooyoung, their usual and favorite spot under the majestic maple tree, the cheeky banter and laughter exchanged, the first time she met him, his gentle smiles, the yellow umbrella that started everything. She dreamt of the times they spent to understand each other, the advices and support from Youngbae and Sooyoung alike, Youngbae's easy camaraderie, Jiyong’s sweet gestures, the time taken for him to truly be himself around her, for her to open her heart to him.

She remembered the first time he held her hand, the blush on his face, her first kiss; so tentative, so sweet, so tender, their first time together, the I-love-you-s exchanged, the plans they had for the future; him bringing home the bacon as she tended to a house filled with three children; two sons and a daughter, and a poodle.

Forever; that was what he said then.

And as quickly as the beautiful memories came, they departed just as quickly, draining away all the light and happiness as the nightmares arrived in full force.

They started slowly, a young Yoona losing both her parents in a car accident, the screeching sound of brakes, the smell of smoke and blood, the light fading from her father's eyes as tried to reassure his only daughter, his darling daughter who was trapped at the backseat all alone, eyes wide with horror with a bloodied doll in her arms. She remembered the loneliness, the stark fear of living in a stranger's house- a distant relative from her mother's side, the occasional violence she received when her aunt had too much of a drink, the leery looks of her aunt's last boyfriend.

The dreams shifted to the cold treatments of her beloved, the confusion, the concerned looks of her two friends as they watched the couple grew apart. She dreamt of her first encounter with Kiko, the purse of the Queen Bee's thin red lips, the disdain in the latter's eyes as she eyed the twenty year old Yoona, the bully from the Queen's minions and the heiress's promise of reclaiming what she had lost, the threat of taking Jiyong away and the blurry, hazy image of a tanned, lean body pressing her against the wall of an empty classroom.

She relived the time she caught Kiko and Jiyong in the sculpture room, their bodies a frenzy on one of the wooden desk and the shattering of her heart. The ugly, satisfied smirk on the Queen's upside down face when she saw Yoona stood frozen at the doorway, the obnoxious and deliberate loud moan, the gloating in the former's eyes as she wrapped herself even closer to the hovering body above her, and the crack in Yoona's heart grew bigger. She remembered Jiyong stilling himself, as though he felt an unknown force watching him, the frustrated whimper from the girl underneath him, the brief shock and guilt in his eyes the moment his gaze rested on her before his eyes narrowed into slits, the animosity radiating off him stunning her.

And as her traitorous mind would have it, the worst memory of them all played in an excruciating slow motion; Jiyong rolling his hips, burying himself deeper into Kiko, the 's sharp gasp, the dragging of her nails onto Jiyong's back with a wanton moan, her eyes shut tight in pleasure and all the while, Jiyong's eyes never left Yoona's, the corner of his lips quirked up in a smirk, as if daring her to stop him.

Yoona awoke with a loud gasp, her heart slamming against her ribs in an almost painful manner. Drawing long, calming breaths, the girl willed herself to remain in the present, her hold on reality flimsy as the tendrils of her past threatened to overwhelm her senses. It had been too long, far too long since she had dreamt of anything related to her past, to him, to them.

With wobbly legs, Yoona got up from her bed, not forgetting to don on her black robe, covering herself modestly as she made her way from her room to the kitchen. It was only when she stood at the balcony, a glass of fresh juice in hand did a mild sense of calm wash over her. And with calmness, came the questions.

Why? Why dream about them after so long?

Hands shaking, Yoona ran a hand down her face, wondering for the umpteenth time if she had made a right choice in opting for revenge when she had created a rather decent life for herself abroad. All it took was two nights in Korea and all her nightmares had surfaced.

She recalled the stranger's words in the quiet, rundown bar in Japan; Yoona had proceeded to have gotten herself half-drunk at the nearest possible bar the moment she had got hold of the news of Kiko's and Jiyong's engagement.

The extremely tipsy Yoona had then proceeded to rave and rant about the woes of her world, uncaring if she was being a tad of a nuisance. She had been midway into her slurry rant when a soft accented voice interrupted her speech. It was the lone fact that someone was speaking Korean fluently that made her pause.

Blinking, Yoona tried to study the woman beside her the best that she could. Dressed in a body fitting dress and with a sheer of cosmetic make-up, the woman appeared to be no more than thirty-five, her striking ruby lips drawing the attention of any man whom walked past her, her beauty luring them in but the eyes... Her haunted eyes that suggested she was older, wiser... more scarred than her average counterparts.

"Excuse me?" slurred Yoona, as she tried to recall what was it that the woman said earlier.

The lady with the ruby lips merely gave a tiny, knowing smile at Yoona's behavior.

"Revenge." came the soft-spoken accented reply and Yoona couldn't decide which was more astounding, the idea of revenge or the fact that a meek looking Japanese lady was suggesting something so dark in nature.

"This is crazy." muttered Yoona under her breath. Taking a last swing of her alcoholic beverage, Yoona made a move to leave, only to stop at the mysterious woman's gentle whisper, "Don't you want to make them pay for all they have done? For all the heartbreaks, tears and sleepless nights you suffered through? The pain of losing a part of yourself that you can never get back, don't you want justice to be delivered?"

Mouth agape, Yoona spun slowly to face the lady sitting beside her, the latter's words sobering her up faster than any hangover remedy. There was something within the Japanese's words that struck Yoona, the wisp of pain laced in the choice of her words... Like she could relate, understood completely the hell Yoona had once been exiled to.

As though in a trance, Yoona sat back down, wanting to know more, wanting to hear the other woman's tale. The stranger indulged Yoona in a fond smile, the kind where a mother would give to her young child.

"I was seventeen then..." Recounted the stranger, her eyes glazing as she brought herself back into her own past. "I had been a straight A student, a little timid, a little bashful, almost always hiding in the background, trying to blend in." Yoona quirked a little smile at this, remembering the time where she was almost, exactly a doppelgänger of the lady before her.

"One day, I was offered a spot in the student exchange program and I was so incredibly excited over it. Mind you, such opportunities were very rare back in my time. I was hesitant of course, traveling to a place where I could barely speak their language but my parents and peers encouraged me, and so I took up the chance."

"I was partnered to a boy, a little older than me, with the cutest smile I had ever seen and for the first time in my life, my heart had beaten so, so fast. His mother was Japanese, so we had no trouble in communicating, and he was the one to actually tutor me Korean during my stay there. I was flattered, never in my life had a boy paid so much attention to me. Naturally, one thing led to another and we became together, and by the end of the seven months exchange programme, he proposed and I said yes." The lady took a sip from her whiskey glass and chuckled; bitter and short-lived.

"Everything was perfect for a while, too perfect and I should have realized something was amiss. I left Korea, with promises that I would be back soon to reunite with him, and him promising that he would wait for me no matter what. No sooner I got home, my parents and I got into a huge row, for how could I be engaged to someone I barely knew? And as stubborn and a romantic fool that I was, I held my ground even when my dearest parents threatened to disown me, packing my bags to leave home in protest, to be with my one true love... So imagine my surprise when I returned to his place, less than two days after, finding him canoodling with another in his bed; the same bed where I slept in."

Yoona's heart panged at the woman's words, being able to relate to the other woman, no woman should ever experienced that, resisting the urge to envelope the stranger's hands into hers.

"Long story short, it turns out I had been just a bet, a toy, he wasn't serious about me by any chance. The worst thing was... when I went back to Japan two weeks later. As devastated as I was, I couldn't find it in me to return home immediately, ashamed that my parents had been right after all. But when I went home... Imagine my horror when I found out I lost my father in a robbery gone wrong. Turns out my old man had chased after me when I left home, a-and..." The Japanese lady took a shaky breath, her eyes haunted with the pain of losing her father, "I-I never got to say goodbye and I was never the same since. Sometimes I wondered if I could have gotten a little closure, if I retaliated back at the boy who had hurt me so, would I have been less bitter, would I have been able to truly move on? And listening to you just now..."

Yoona's heart jumped to her thr