Warnings: mentions of self-harm, suicide attempts, some swearing / written on phone

 

 

There were some memories he would always keep to himself. The memory of Jongin was one of them; a boy, younger than him, with dreams shining deep in his eyes. That boy had been his friend or something close to it. Jongin had always been shy. He loved to dance and wanted to become someone that could be meaningful to people. Junmyeon had been surprised to hear such mature thoughts coming from a ten year old boy. He had felt suddenly young, suddenly not mature enough to face the world.

And then Jongin had disappeared.

It had been so sudden Junmyeon had thought of a lie or a joke. But a few days after, Jongin had never returned home and his family had left the town.

Junmyeon had never been able to be himself again after that.

He glanced at the clock, sighing when he saw there were still twenty minutes left. College . He knew he had to go there, but it felt less and less interesting as the days went by.

The only thing that was interesting was the woods next to the city he was currently living in.

Jongin loved woods. He used to go there and play all the time while Junmyeon was watching. They had been friends for years and Junmyeon knew every single habit Jongin had. Like rubbing his eyes sleepily all day long, but being super excited when he had to dance, his genuine, loud laughs and his heart-warming smiles. Loving animals, being shy and cute naturally, but quite cold when you didn't know him.

Junmyeon wanted to cry.

Jongin wasn't there anymore. Jongin was dead.

That's what the police had said to them at least. Killed by an animal or a crazy murderer. All he knew was that there had been so much blood. Nobody would have survived this.

But Junmyeon was at school. In college, to be more precise. He couldn't- he had to look strong. Here, people knew him as the smart, calm and outgoing guy, good-looking and quite popular, not the lost child whose best friend was dead.

The boy next to him was sleeping in class. He had come late and Junmyeon had never seen him before. He thought about Jongin and his forever sleepy frown.

Junmyeon stared at the sleeping boy for a few seconds before he resumed to listening to the lecture. Fifteen minutes to go. He almost got up and left the class. Yes, "almost" was the point of this sentence.

Nobody was paying attention to their teacher anyway. He could see a boy in the front texting to someone, a girl reading a book and another kid trying to catch up on his maths homework. Good luck with that, Junmyeon thought. He wasn't bad in maths, it was just that they had a test next period, and it was hard enough without being as lost as the kid, who sighed in front of his book for the nth time since the beginning of the lecture.

Life went on, as it always did. Junmyeon had grown up feeling empty everyday. His parents had tried to contact Jongin's family, but nobody had answered their calls, as if they had vanished. Just as Jongin had.

Of course, Junmyeon had felt anger. Anger at his parents for not being able to comfort him, at Jongin's parents for not being there to explain, at the police for not having found anything in the past ten years and at Jongin for just disappearing, when he should have been there, having fun everyday with him.

He should have been twenty today.

Today, like today, because it was the 14th of January – his birthday – and so cold Junmyeon could feel himself freeze outside along with his heart.

He stood up as soon as the class ended. The sleeping boy hadn't woken up, and if Junmyeon had had time (and had cared) he would have helped him. But he hadn't, so he just ran outside and forgot about that brat who had slept through the two hours lecture. Kids these days.


 

 

Maths. Maths. Junmyeon sighed. Well he didn't fail, but the test was so long and complicated he felt like he had worked his mind away.

Seeing Jongdae after that tiring day (ok more like morning) was a relief. Jongdae was his best friend – or one of his closest friends at least, Jongin being his favorite since they first met, when he was six and Jongin only three.

"Man, I'm so done with school right now" Junmyeon sighed as he sat next to Jongdae, who only laughed.

"You should be happy then. There's a party tonight." He said, smiling.

"What? No way, I have homework." Junmyeon buried his head in his arms, willing himself to doze off, just for a few minutes. His afternoon was free of any lectures, and he wanted to enjoy this little bit of freedom.

"Dude, you're no fun." Jongdae whined. "It's at Chanyeol's place you know ? It's huge and there'll be a lot of people."

"Yes. Great." Junmyeon mumbled in his arms.

"There will be the girl you're crushing on, by the way."

"Which one ?" Junmyeon asked. "You know I'm not crushing on any girl."

"Oh sorry. The boy you're crushing on will be there. Luhan." Jongdae corrected, an evil smirk on his face.

Junmyeon raised his head, already blushing. He had thought at first the person he was attracted to was a girl. He had been wrong, although you couldn't really blame him. Luhan was pretty manly after all, but also pretty in general. He almost looked like a princess and Junmyeon had fallen hard for him, even after learning he was actually a man, one year older than him.

"I'm not crushing on him !" Junmyeon protested.

"Talking about crushes ?" A voice asked, sounding amused. Junmyeon turned his head to look at the source. Of course it would have been Luhan. He was lucky like that. Luhan had a big smile plastered on his face.

"Yes, our Junmyeon here is totally smitten with-"

"Shut the up !" Junmyeon growled, slamming his hand on Jongdae's ugly mouth. Oh, how he hated it sometimes. Then he realized he had sworn. He never swore (at least not in front of Luhan or anyone he wanted to impress), and Luhan's shocked expression was a sign that he didn't even expect it.

"Hum. Right. So Chanyeol's place?" Luhan said, his smile returning, albeit a little bit smaller. "Are you going?"

"Y-Yes ! I am. I was actually saying to Jongdae how excited I was !" Junmyeon automatically said.

Jongdae scoffed.

"Really ? Great !" Luhan said. His smile was blinding. "I'll see you tonight then !" He waved at them.

Jongdae bit Junmyeon's hand. It reminded him it was still on this mouth and he removed his arm.

"You are so lucky, dude." Jongdae finally said after a silence. "Like Luhan is one of the hottest guys here. And you were the one he wanted to see at the party. He didn't even ask me if I was coming."

"Jongdae, you always go to parties anyway."

"Irrelevant." He smiled. "So you're going to Chanyeol's place." He ruffled Junmyeon's hair. "You need to look hot."

"I already do," Junmyeon said frowning.

"Yeah, no. Please try again. I have some clothes and make up that would look great on you." Jongdae added.

"Make up ? Why would I wear make up ? Isn't that for girls ?"

"You, my friend, need to see the world for what it is. Make up is one of the ultimate weapons for the ones who want to look hot." Jongdae explained.

Junmyeon didn't feel it was a good idea.



 

 

As he came at the party, wearing skin tight jeans and a white tank top (he had nice muscles to show), and having reluctantly agreed to the smokey eyes gracing his face, Junmyeon thought everything had been a very bad idea.

He thought it had been a terrible idea as he saw Luhan making out with some other guy (Was it Kim Minseok ? He couldn't really distinguish his face). Apparently, Minseok had been chasing after him for months and had gathered up the courage to talk to him at the party. Luhan seemed to be the kind of guy that liked showing affection through his body rather than his words.

Junmyeon was sure that a bruised ego would be the only result of this night. He wasn't heartbroken. He didn't even like Luhan and- he needed to sit down.

He found a place next to a younger girl (Choi Jinri ?) chatting with a cute boy named Daehyun. She smiled kindly at him as he sat a bit too close to her. He was the kind of guy that looked harmless and definitely not y, even with heavy make up on and tight, uncomfortable clothes. He ordered a glass of vodka, surprising Jinri and Daehyun. He caught the words is it really Junmyeon ? and stuck up and nerd and definitely not hot.

He was still reasonable in a way and decided not to oneshot his drink. He still needed to go home, one way or another.

He sipped his vodka, slowly, enjoying the awful taste and maybe he should have drunk it in one go or taken rum. Rum is good.

"I'm sorry," someone said, unsure, "aren't you Kim Junmyeon ?" He turned to see Jinri. She was slightly blushing. Junmyeon hoped for a moment it was because of him and not the alcohol. He nodded. "Really ? You look different !" She paused. "A good different. I don't know if you remember me but-"

"You're Choi Jinri. We were in the same high school." She beamed at him.

"You're really awesome." He hiccuped. Where was he awesome exactly? "What you probably don't remember is that I used to have a crush on you." Junmyeon choked on his drink. "It's ok, I moved on! It's just that... you look really hot tonight." Junmyeon stopped drinking because he would probably die if he went on. "And I was wondering if I could... kiss you ?" She giggled. Everyone was drunk here. "If you don't want to-"

He cut her with his lips, crashing them against hers. It was soft, warm and smelled a bit like rum and vodka. Something nice. He moved and felt her moan. She liked it. He liked it. It had to be great. She pushed him gently away.

"Wow. Thank you." She smiled shyly. "I'm so happy you did this." Junmyeon sighed and poured rum in his glass, earning himself a glare from Yoora, Chanyeol's older sister who wanted people to participate, as in paying the drinks. He drank it in quick gulps. Jinri put her hand on his arm. She felt warm. She had a boyfriend. She didn't like him anymore but had thought it would be fun to fulfill her old desires. He understood. He couldn't really blame her. "You're not a bad kisser you know, for a kind of stuck up guy." She then added and Junmyeon ordered another drink. So much for getting laid tonight, or just being loved.

Luhan and Minseok left the living room to go somewhere else and Junmyeon had never felt so down in his entire life.

He looked for Jongdae because he needed to go home. He was starting to feel dizzy and sad and wanted to cry. But Jongdae was busy laughing with a man who seemed to embrace his theory on make up and attractiveness fully, considering his gorgeous eyes lined with a thick and deep black. The red eyeshadow was a smart plus and Junmyeon felt weirdly jealous.

Jinri kept talking to him, not that he minded. She hadn't come alone but with her friend Soojung, who had left her to dance with two guys, one of them being Sehun, another acquaintance from high school. The other wore plain black jeans and a t-shirt with a weird Superman drawing. The whole outfit wasn't great, but the stranger was hot. He had white hair and blue eyes (it had to be contacts) and his body moved like it was made to dance.

Junmyeon suddenly recognized him as the sleeping boy from earlier this day. He had the same clothes. But he would have noticed if the sleeping boy had had white hair, right? He felt a bit confused.

Maybe Chanyeol would know who he was. He was dancing with another guy, Yifan, one of Luhan's friends. Junmyeon thought he could go and talk to him. He jumped on his feet and all of the sudden the alcohol in his system (four ? Five drinks ? He didn't know) said hello. His head was spinning and he fell on the ground. People didn't even notice. He heard Jinri and Daehyun laugh, Yoora wasn't even there anymore. Everything hurt and he felt more alone than ever. His world went black.

 

 

 

When he opened his eyes, there was a lot of blue and white, and warmth everywhere. The ground wasn't hard anymore but soft like a pillow. A deep, soothing voice was telling him not to worry. Maybe he was dead. He could already hear Jongdae asking him to stop being so dramatic and start living his life at its fullest. Bull, would have said Junmyeon. He should have stayed home.

He groaned as the pain in his head hit him. Someone put a wet cloth on his forehead. He thanked them out of habit, and a deep and attractive laugh answered him. He was lucky.

A hand caressed his face. He whined softly, because the hand was incredibly warm. The hand retracted, as if the person attached to it thought they were unneeded or unwanted. Junmyeon couldn't really see anything in the dark (were they in Chanyeol's room ?) but he caught the stranger's arm and put it right where it belonged, touching his skin. It wasn't even out of ual frustration. It just felt right. Their body warmth, the softness of their skin. It felt like home.

Junmyeon heard a low, disbelieving chuckle. So that was it. He closed his eyes; he couldn't bear the humiliation and was too tired to actually care about being rude.

But the stranger wasn't mocking him. They climbed on the bed (oh, so he was on a bed, right) and pulled the blanket over the both of them. Junmyeon felt warmth engulfing him in a pleasant way. He felt arms encircling him (the person with him was definitely male - he could feel sinewy muscles and strong legs pulling him closer). The whole experience was weird. He didn't even know the man he was (literally) sleeping with, and yet everything felt right, as if he had waited for him during his entire life.

He tried to speak, to ask for a name, to turn around and see a face, anything he could recognize. But the man whispered something to him, something that sounded sleepy, as if he wasn't really awake anymore and that warmed his heart. Something that sounded strangely like Junmyeon hyung.


 

 

 

When he woke up, it was because the warmth had left him. He felt weirdly empty and rose on the bed. His head hurt less (less than it should after drinking that much). He rubbed his eyes. Someone was in the room, dressing up hastily. He saw a glimpse of ruffled black hair, and a cute face. "Jongin ?" He didn't know why he had said that. Jongin was dead.

The man froze anyway. He then laughed quietly and said in a calm voice : "Kai. My name is Kai." Junmyeon nodded sleepily. He was so tired. The man - Kai - seemed to notice this. He walked closer to the bed. "Please rest." He said in that deep voice of him. It wasn't as deep as Chanyeol's but Junmyeon found it enticing all the same. "You need to sleep."

"What time is it ?" He croaked. Life was so unfair. That attractive stranger (Kai, Junmyeon's brain reminded him) had an amazing face and voice in the morning and Junmyeon smelled, looked and talked like . Ok that was maybe a bit harsh, knowing that the world was a bit blurry for him at the moment. Kai could have looked ugly in the morning, he wouldn't have known. He sounded attractive.

"Like 6 am ? You should not get out of bed." Kai put on his shirt, something colorful with weird drawings on them. Junmyeon registered that Kai had slept in the same bed as him, half-. He had been half- and Junmyeon hadn't even enjoyed it. And the colorful thing he had on reminded him of someone.

"You are the sleeping boy from yesterday morning !" He accused, finger pointing at Kai (or trying to, at least).

"Uh ? Oh yes !" Kai laughed once more. "I tend to get sleepy quite often. I'm sorry if I look uninterested. I'm working hard." He added.

"But your hair was white last night." Junmyeon mumbled, the world not making any sense. He decided he wouldn't make any either.

"Was it really ?" Kai touched his hair absently. "I believe I would know if I had dyed my hair, don't you think?" His voice sounded sharp all of the sudden. Junmyeon didn't know, so he stayed quiet.

Kai visibly didn't like his question, because he quickened his pace and went out of the room with a hushed bye, without leaving time for Junmyeon to thank him. That was frustrating.

Having attractive people running away from him was frustrating but it wasn't unusual, and Junmyeon fell back on the bed, sulking. Kai had been sweet and mysterious but oh so frustrating. Did he really need to run away ? Junmyeon felt bad because he had wanted to ask "please stay with me". Like in bed. Not even in a ual way. In a "let's cuddle all day long" way. Junmyeon shook his head.

He wanted to know more about Kai. What kind of person was he ? Cuddling with strangers was a habit that Junmyeon wouldn't have expected from Kai. He looked like someone who would everything that moved. Then again, Junmyeon didn't look like a guy who would drink his sorrows away, did he?

He got up after a few minutes. He couldn't fall back asleep. He didn't feel complete anymore. Well, he hadn't felt whole for years.

Chanyeol was helping Yoora with the mess they had done (Junmyeon had been too drunk to actually participate). He greeted them. Yoora glared briefly at him; then she smiled, a really broad and kind smile that looked so much like Chanyeol's Junmyeon couldn't doubt they were related.

"Kai told me you were still sleeping," Chanyeol casually said.

"I was trying to." Junmyeon replied, looking around. Surely Kai couldn't have gone too far.

"Were we too loud ?" Chanyeol worried. Junmyeon laughed.

"No, no it's not your fault. Wait, you know Kai ?" He felt a bit betrayed.

"Yes ? Kyungsoo was dating him at the beginning of the year and I met him." Chanyeol grimaced. "You didnt know him ?" Junmyeon shook his head. "Well, Kyungsoo became really weird after they broke up. He's always hanging out with Kai, but he stopped talking to us."

Junmyeon wasn't particularly close to Kyungsoo. He hadn't seen him in months and now felt bad because he hadn't been present for him when he needed him the most. Maybe he didn't need him that much, but as a good friend, Junmyeon would have preferred being there.

"I thought Kai was an after that, but he took care of you last night when you collapsed." Junmyeon blushed at the memory. "He seems pretty sweet to me now. Or maybe he likes you."

"Why would he ?" Junmyeon wondered out loud. "He doesn't even know me."

"I thought he knew you. He kept calling you his hyung and didn't want anyone to come close to you. He was concerned about you, I guess."

Junmyeon smiled to himself. It was rather unbelievable.

"I need to thank him." Junmyeon said. "He didn't have to help me."

Chanyeol blinked. He looked up at Yoora who only shrugged. "You want me to tell you where his dorm is ?" He asked Junmyeon. "But I have no idea. I just know he is Minseok's roommate."

"Oh." Junmyeon couldn't hide his disappointment. He had genuinely wanted to see Kai again, but of course life had never been fair to him, and it wouldn't start now. He thanked Chanyeol and Yoora for the party, and any help they had provided. Leaving wasn't an option; he assisted them for some tasks like cleaning the house for a while, but he had class at 9 am and had to go.

Going home (to his dorm) was terribly boring. He was alone - Jongdae had left without him - and his depressing thoughts invaded his mind. Like Jongin's death (he thought about it at least once a day - sometimes once an hour when he felt really down), Luhan kissing someone who wasn't him.

Kyungsoo being weird and Kai's entire being. He had barely seen his face, but he was familiar. There was something about him, the way he moved, talked, behaved, that was so foreign and strange and at the same time, well known to Junmyeon.

He didn't want to think about it.

A lot of people believed he was oblivious to the world, but the truth was that he was sometimes too aware of everything around him. The truth was that sometimes, it hurt less to be blinded than to see the world for what it was, and it was one of these times. Black hair, cute, sleepy frown. Warmth. Home. He was seeing Jongin in Kai. It wasn't healthy.

He had had a therapist a few years ago. The day Jongin had disappeared, Junmyeon had been barely thirteen, and it had scarred him forever. Living hadn't been an option back then. He had wanted to die, so many times. He had tried to as well, and that was why his parents had thought a therapist would have dealed better with him than them. Of course they were wrong. Intrusive questions, such as Were you in love with Jongin ? Notes on papers, a cold voice repeating and deforming his words, unveiling the supposed ugly truth. His parents being stunned by the therapist telling them their son had been attracted to a ten year old boy. He hadn't eaten for days after that. He had never been attracted to Jongin. Jongin was a child, Jongin had been a child and Junmyeon was supposed to protect him. He should have been here for him. He should have died instead of him.

Junmyeon gasped for air. He hadn't noticed he was in front of the university, sobbing quietly. There were people, they were watching him, wondering what was wrong with him. He rubbed his arm, where he had cut himself repeatedly when he was fifteen and had a therapist. Back when dying had been the only solution.

Jongin. Junmyeon squeezed his eyes shut. Jongin. It was overwhelming, and so sudden he dropped to his knees. He was hyperventilating. Jongin. Was. Dead. He kept repeating this, wounding himself because he hadn't the right to think Kai and Jongin were alike.

"Junmyeon !" Someone shouted. Junmyeon raised his head. Luhan. It was Luhan. He looked pretty like this, reddened cheeks and sweat glistening on his skin. "Junmyeon, what happened?" He came to him and soon, he was holding him in his arms, kneeling right beside him. He let him cry. Junmyeon was always ugly when he cried. But Luhan didn't seem to care. Luhan wasn't really his friend, they didn't talk that much, but feeling someone's support right when he needed it was one of the best feelings in the world.

Junmyeon groaned. "I'm sorry." His nose felt stuffy. His eyes were probably red from crying and thank god someone had put off his make up because he would have looked even uglier with black running down his face.

"It's ok, Junmyeon. What happened ?" Luhan asked again, worried. "Did someone harass you ?"

"No, it's nothing like that." Junmyeon assured. He just had a relapse. Like the panic attacks he had ten years ago, when he couldn't breathe anymore, when he was dying.

Luhan frowned. "You need to talk to someone about that. I know we're not close, but I'm worried about you."

Junmyeon felt lightheaded. "What ?"

"I saw you yesterday. You were drinking so much... and then you fainted. It was so scary. The fact that you spent the night with Kai worried me the most." Luhan said, while helping him up on his feet.

"But... but you were with Minseok ?" Luhan tilted his head. "And what about Kai ? Do you know him?"

"I wasn't with Minseok, Junmyeon. I had been waiting for you. I saw you come in and go straight for the bar. You didn't even see me."

"I saw you kissing him!" Junmyeon said. He sounded a bit jealous. He didn't want to be so obnoxious. Luhan seemed perplexed.

"He kissed me, Junmyeon. I didn't want to, but he kissed me. Then he thought pulling me inside a bedroom would be better. Ok, he is attractive, but I don't like him." Luhan took a deep breath. "I like you, Junmyeon."

Junmyeon choked on his saliva.

"I actually wanted to ask you out, last night. And you drank so much, Kai was there and-"

"Kai ?"

"Oh yes. Kai." Luhan spat his name as if it were filthy. "He is dangerous. Minseok is friend with him. I think Oh Sehun and Lee Taemin too." Luhan glanced at him. "I know you're probably wondering why I'm telling you this. He was nice to you, right ?"

Junmyeon nodded, apprehensive.

"He was nice to Kyungsoo as well. I saw everything, Junmyeon. He was so nice and so cute. I liked him so much." How did Luhan know Kyungsoo ? "But their relationship turned sour. I could see Kyungsoo's wounds everyday, he started being so quiet and scared of everything. Then they had , and Kai dumped him. However, Kyungsoo still trails behind him like a lost puppy, even though he looks like he wants to kill him half the time." He sighed. "Don't be deceived by his good looks. This kid is really dangerous."

Junmyeon could barely believe Luhan. Was it true ? Had Kai only wanted to have with him, just like he had for Kyungsoo?

Luhan took Junmyeon's hand in his and led him inside the main building, where he was supposed to be. It was almost 9 am and Junmyeon had never wanted to ditch classes more. Luhan looked at him.

"You shouldn't go to class. I'm not sure whether you noticed, but Kai has taken a lot of classes just to be with you." Junmyeon stopped walking. Luhan turned around. "That's how motivated he is. I think he was born in 1994 ? But since he was homeschooled, he has been able to take advanced classes."

"1994 ?" Junmyeon whispered, taken aback. That was Jongin's year of birth.

"Yes. Look, maybe you don't like me and I can understand. But as a friend - and only as a friend - I can tell you that Kai isn't someone you should be friend with. Don't talk to him." Junmyeon nodded slowly. "I'm serious."

"I just wanted to thank him. And I do like you." Junmyeon said. "I'd like to date you."

Luhan gasped, and his face distorted for a moment. Junmyeon feared he had misunderstood the situation. "I'm sorry, I'll just-"

Luhan let out a weird laugh, the kind of laugh that sounded demented. But Luhan often looked crazy, so Junmyeon wasn't scared. Then he took Junmyeon in his arms. "I'm so glad he didn't get to you." What was he talking about? "I'm so glad you agreed to date me."

Junmyeon responded to the hug, slightly embarrassed because his heart was beating fast and his breathing was shallow. He had just cried and Luhan smelled so good. Luhan felt good. "How do you know Kai ?" He suddenly asked. Luhan's grip tightened.

"I used to date Minseok. We broke up, but he doesn't seem to understand that it's over between us." Luhan sighed longingly. Junmyeon frowned. Was that a normal reaction when one talked about their ex ? "Kai was already hanging out with him back then. I was his friend as well. But Minseok and I broke up and Kyungsoo happened and Kai revealed he had always been kind of an ." Luhan released him. He was smiling. "I can't believe I'm dating Kim Junmyeon."

I can't believe I'm dating you would say Junmyeon, if he knew how to be smooth. He didn't. He only blushed and giggled and looked disgusting but Luhan didn't care. He kissed him lightly on the cheek (gross, would have yelled Jongdae).

"Wanna go to my room?" Luhan asked in a cheerful voice. "I have video games we could play."

Junmyeon laughed nervously. He had almost thought Luhan would do something else (the kind of thing Kai would do, he thought bitterly), but he was still his sweet self. It relieved him. He had never really been in a relationship before, and Luhan's small attention was enough to make him swoon. Nevermind the fact that they had been at a party last night and that Luhan had been kissed by his ex. Or the fact that Junmyeon had slept in the same bed as Kai.

"Is it ok ?" He said in a quiet voice.

"Of course!" Luhan assured. "I don't have any classes today, and you are really tired. You're Jongdae's roommate right ?"

"Yes." Junmyeon was sure Jongdae was wondering where he was. He took his phone out and texted him quickly.

"He could give you his notes... he takes the same english class as you." Luhan said, lost in his thoughts.

"Yes he does. Wait, how do you know ?" Junmyeon was a bit startled.

"I'm interested in you. Why do you think I always find you after your classes ?" Junmyeon thought about it and realized it made sense. "I'm sure you know my schedule as well." Junmyeon's face went red once more.

 

 

Luhan's whole apartment was really tidy. He was sharing it with Yixing, a cute dance major who Junmyeon had seen sometimes with Chanyeol. He loved music. Yixing said hello to him, but seemed quite focused on whatever he was working on.

"Look, all those games for us!" Luhan exclaimed. "I also have movies... Yixing, you can't come." Yixing looked up at Luhan. "It's a date." Luhan's tone was playful.

"I wouldn't have been able to watch anything," Yixing said. "I have homework, unlike some people." Luhan hit him lightly on the arm, laughing.

Junmyeon envied their relationship. He wasn't jealous of Yixing. He just loved the dynamic of their friendship. He had had friends in high school, Chanyeol, Kyungsoo, Sehun and Jongdae being some of them. But he never thought of them as close friends (except maybe for Jongdae). Seeing Luhan interact with someone he was rooming with, a friend who he could rely on was something new.

Luhan's room was even neater, if it was possible. He invited him to sit on a chair next to his bed, who counted as restricted area. He had heard about it, from people who knew Luhan better than he did. Luhan hated when people went on his bed. He wondered if Minseok had been there as well.

"I'm sorry if my room is messy," Luhan said while looking for games to play.

Junmyeon spluttered. Messy ? What would he think of his room then ? There were clothes scattered everywhere, books and papers on the floor and on his bed.

Playing video games with Luhan was fun. He was much better than Junmyeon, but he was the kind of player that would help anyone who needed it. It was refreshing after playing with Sehun or Chanyeol who enjoyed beating him a bit too much.

Jongdae had answered him with a few disbelieving question marks and confused emoticons. It only made Junmyeon laugh, as Luhan was tickling him because he had lost for the tenth time.

But everything had an end, even good times with his newly acquired boyfriend. He bid Luhan goodbye at 6 pm and went on his way to the dorm where Jongdae awaited him, ready to assault him with questions.

On his way down, he bumped into a weird looking guy. He had shaggy black hair, and worn out clothes. He even smelled weird, an earthy, wet scent. He glared at him, and Junmyeon profusely apologized and went away. The guy had dark circles under his eyes, as if he hadn't been able to sleep lately. Finals, thought Junmyeon, except it was January, and the guy actually looked like he had went outside.

It's only when he reached his dorm that he realized that the weird looking guy had been Kyungsoo.

 

 

 

"Jongdae," Junmyeon began.

"What do you want? You didn't tell me anything about Luhan and you. You didn't even go to your english class," Jongdae protested absentmindedly, texting to someone else. Peobably the guy with eyeliner.

"Yes we're dating, no we haven't kissed yet, we spent the whole day playing video games and watching movies. Is that enough ?"

Jongdae pouted. "You could have told me earlier."

Junmyeon patted him on the shoulder. They were both sitting on Junmyeon's bed. "It's about Kyungsoo."

"What about him ?" Jongdae inquired, still not interested.

"I saw him today." Junmyeon stopped talking, wondering if giving that information was allowed. "I almost didn't recognize him."

"I haven't talked to him in months you know." Jongdae said, texting again. He laughed at some dumb message his new friend had sent him. "I wouldn't know what he looks like now."

"Chanyeol told me he became weird after he broke up with his boyfriend."

"Wait." Jongdae locked his phone and looked at Junmyeon. "I thought he was still dating him."

"What?" Junmyeon felt dumb. Was there something he didn't understand ?

"I saw Kai - is that his name ? - kissing him like two days ago. And Minseok was complaining about how loud they were when they were having ." Jongdae said.

"But Luhan told me they had broken up." Junmyeon didn't know how true the sweet persona Kai had made up was. He was starting to believe Luhan.

"There are rumors going around about Kai and his habit of sleeping with a lot of people... and something went wrong with Kyungsoo." Jongdae went on, his voice becoming serious. "I don't really know, you should probably ask him, but he couldn't bear the fact that Kai didn't love him like he did." He closed his eyes. "Why does it bother you ?"

"Chanyeol and Luhan said Kai was interested in me." Jongdae whistled.

"You are so dead." Junmyeon raised an eyebrow. "Kyungsoo is going to keep you away from his Kai."

"I wasn't going to do anything with him," he mumbled.

 

 

 

 

And by not doing anything with Kai, he didn't mean seeing him in class the next day. Junmyeon sat next to him, because it was his usual place.

Kai looked paler than the last time he had seen him and seemed to have a hard time focusing on the lecture. He still turned to him.

"Hey," he greeted weakly.

"Good morning." Junmyeon replied, wanting to show some distance between them. Kai tensed on his seat. "Didn't sleep well ?" Junmyeon asked, more out of politeness than anything else. He took a pen and some notebook out of his bag.

"You could say that." Kai answered. Of course, his escapades were certainly not helping. He gulped, as if he were nervous. "I never asked you for your name, or your number," he finally said.

Junmyeon remembered Kai calling him by his name. He could have dreamed. "Oh, I'm sorry. I'm Kim Junmyeon." He extended his arm. Kai took his hand greedily and shook. His grip was strong, and his fingers lingered on Junmyeon's skin a bit too long for his liking. "I think my number is off limits for you." He added sweetly, a fake smile plastered on his face.

"I'm Kim Kai," Kai said. "I don't understand why it would be off limits." He smirked. Junmyeon hated this look, because Kai's face was so similar to Jongin's cute one and that smug smile was so unlike Jongin it hurt to look at it.

"My friends told me what you did to Kyungsoo." Junmyeon said harshly. "Please leave me alone. I have a boyfriend."

At first, Kai looked confused, then hurt. He nodded and his attention to the class, but Junmyeon could see the way his hands were clenching. His knuckles had become white. Junmyeon was now sure that Luhan had been right. Kai was without any doubt trying to hold back, but the facts were there. He wanted to hurt Junmyeon because he had said something upsetting to him.

He still remembered the warmth, the sweet voice and the caring touches. Something didn't feel right.

Junmyeon decided to look for Kyungsoo. If there was someone who could help him, it would be Kyungsoo. He was the only one who knew the truth, along with Kai.

Kai didn't try to talk to him after that. He looked miserable when he went out of the room, and Junmyeon felt guilty. Believing rumors without asking Kai was unfair to him, but at the same time, if he wanted to have him, he would have to be sweet anyway in order to do so. Kyungsoo's looks didn't help in making Kai any less of a monster.

Junmyeon saw Luhan from far away. He was talking with Minseok. This should have shocked him or at least angered him, but it wasn't surprising. He appeared to be pleased to talk to Minseok. Junmyeon didn't trust Minseok, so he made a sharp turn around a corner to avoid his boyfriend and his ex. Except he didn't count Luhan's weird ability to notice him anywhere.

"Junmyeon!" Luhan shouted. Junmyeon couldn't run away now. He went back to Luhan and Minseok, the latter looking rather hostile. "Junmyeon !" Luhan said again, a little breathless. His cheeks were flushed. "Junmyeon, could we go to my room ?"

Junmyeon's hands went to find his jeans' pockets. He felt really uncomfortable. "I have classes." Why was Luhan like this ? In front of his ex above all ? Junmyeon hated the embarrassment he was feeling. Luhan was his boyfriend.

"We ditched yesterday. We could do it again." Luhan looked at him intently. Minseok was pissed.

"I thought you hadn't any class yesterday." Luhan giggled.

"Oh, right." Luhan came closer to Junmyeon and without any warning, kissed him. He could hear Minseok swear, but it didn't matter. Luhan's lips were surprisingly soft ; his hands found his hips. Junmyeon started kissing back. That's when Minseok teared them away from each other.

"Ok Luhan, I got it." His eyes were blazing. "Stop doing this in front of me."

"I hate your guts. I'll keep doing it if I want to, I like him." Luhan hissed. Minseok's eyes widened and he looked younger for a second. Then he reported all his attention on Junmyeon, who wondered why he got into something so complicated.

"Are you happy ?" He snarled. "Luhan is supposed to be mine."

Junmyeon wasn't really sure about how a relationship worked, but he was certain that being someone's property wasn't healthy, especially when the other was clearly with another person. He took Luhan's hand and stared at Minseok.

"Luhan is not yours." Minseok let out a scandalized noise.

"What do you know about us ?" He said, threatening. "Who do you think you are, ruining our relationship ?"

"Minseok, there's no relationship to ruin. We're not together anymore." Luhan ground out. "Junmyeon is my boyfriend."

"You don't understand anything. Junmyeon and you aren't meant to be." Minseok's tone was desperate. "You're mine, Luhan."

Luhan punched Minseok. Junmyeon wasn't expecting it, Minseok neither, because he stumbled back, his eyes wide, holding his cheek. Junmyeon could see tears in his eyes. Minseok walked away, visibly shaken by the events.

"I'm sorry you had to see this. He wasn't like this before." Luhan had a wan smile. "I don't know what happened." Junmyeon patted him awkwardly on the back. He didn't know if being Luhan's boyfriend was a good idea, with all these ex issues. But Luhan needed some support.

"We can grab some coffee after our classes if you want. I need to go now, but I'll be there. It'll be ok." Luhan was baffled.

"You're really something, Kim Junmyeon." He murmured.

"So I've been told." Junmyeon said, winking (He could hear the usual greasy coming from Jongdae).

Waving at Luhan, he began to run to his next class. He wasn't late, just cautious.

That's when he bumped (yet again) into another man (where were girls in this school ?). A glaring, weird smelling man. Kyungsoo.

"Oh, hi," he said, not knowing what to do.

Kyungsoo's eyes were so wide Junmyeon suspected something was wrong with him. "Do you realize what you are doing?" Kyungsoo screeched.

What was he talking about ? He took Junmyeon by his shoulders and shook him. He was stronger than he looked. Junmyeon felt his joints crack.

"You're making everything worse, can't you see ?" Kyungsoo's eyes were eerie. Junmyeon found it very disturbing. They were literally glowing with rage, and he noticed Kyungsoo actually had contact lenses. But they were brown. It didn't make sense, because Kyungsoo had brown eyes. Kyungsoo was panting and looked very angry. He was hurting Junmyeon, his grip on his shoulders tightening. "You are making a big mistake."

"Hum. Kyungsoo ? It's me, Junmyeon. Remember me ?" Junmyeon tried. Maybe Kyungsoo would calm down if he reminded him of someone he knew. Like himself.

"I know who you are, ." That was more like Kyungsoo. "Stop doing this."

"What happened to you, Kyungsoo?" Junmyeon's shouders really hurt. "And seriously, what are you talking about ? You're not making any sense."

"Nothing happened to me," Kyungsoo growled. He let Junmyeon go and stepped back. "Think about what I've told you."

"Ok Kyungsoo, you're really scaring me right now." Junmyeon wanted to escape. Kyungsoo's eyes were fixed on him and he was trembling. "Is this about me dating Luhan ?"

"You are not dating him." Junmyeon couldn't describe Kyungsoo's tone. Was it a disbelieving remark or a cold statement ?

"I ran into Minseok and him two minutes ago. Luhan made it very clear that I was dating him. It started yesterday. Can't you all just leave us alone?" Junmyeon was starting to get mad. "Minseok has issues and you don't seem sane to me either."

Kyungsoo laughed but he had a murderous look on his face. "I'm going to kill him." He said, clenching his teeth.

"Who ?" Junmyeon was afraid of the man in front of him. This wasn't Kyungsoo anymore.

"Not your business yet," Kyungsoo simply answered. "Luhan and you can't escape reality forever, you know." He added after a pause. "I'm sorry Junmyeon." Well he didn't seem sorry at all.

Junmyeon didn't get any real answer from Kyungsoo, but as he retreated back, he could see that he had gotten himself in a ty dramatic situation. Was there anybody who could help him understand whatever the hell was going on ?

 

 

 

Another day had passed and Junmyeon was still with Luhan, no one weird had approached them (save for Jongdae and Chanyeol who were weird in a peculiar way), life was good.

Life was still good when Luhan stopped meeting him after school, or when Jongdae started looking at him with sad, pitying eyes. Junmyeon hated it.

Life was still good when Kyungsoo bumped into him (did he know how to talk to people without going into them all the time?) and angrily whispered I told you so. Kyungsoo seemed to be permanently furious.

Life was still good when Kai, who hadn't spoken with him for weeks, stopped going to his classes.

Junmyeon loved to live in denial.

"Luhan is being an ," Jongdae stated one day after their classes, as they were sitting at a coffee shop. Chanyeol fervently agreed.

"I thought it would be cool to see you two dating, but he's being selfish. There's something wrong with him."

Sehun was silent, blowing cold air over his hot chocolate. February was still a cold month after all.

"There is something wrong with the whole world," Junmyeon said. "I don't even care anymore."

Whatever Kyungsoo had been warning him from, it had happened. The day before, he had caught Luhan making out with Minseok. He hadn't seemed to feel guilty at all, when he found him later, drowning in dark thoughts in front of his dorm. Luhan had kissed him goodnight sweetly, just as he usually did. As if the make-out session had been a figment of Junmyeon's imagination.

"And Jongdae is dating Byun Baekhyun, by the way," Sehun blurted. The three others blinked at him and his unexpected words.

"Why is everyone I know gay ?" Chanyeol asked, slightly more cheerful. "Not that it bothers me, but Kyungsoo and the two of you-"

"I'm not gay," Junmyeon started. "I'm bi, just so you know."

Jongdae laughed and said his playful and legendary why are you doing this to me to Junmyeon when he added "Jongdae is the only one here."

"Sehun isn't dating anyone, right ?" Jongdae turned to the youngest, hoping he could one way or another. Sehun fidgeted in his seat.

"You're dating Zitao, aren't you ?" Chanyeol said. Sehun blushed.

"Zitao? Who's that ?" Junmyeon felt giddy. He wasn't drunk at all. They were sitting at a café and he was just high on caffeine. Nothing new.

"Dude, you're dating Luhan and you don't know Zitao ?" Jongdae said, as if he were personally offended.

"Hum. Is Luhan supposed to be friend with every Chinese student here?"

"He isn't. It's just that he is close with Zitao as well. Or was close. Lately he's been-" Chanyeol trailed off, looking worriedly at Junmyeon.

"Hanging out with Minseok. I know." Junmyeon groaned. "No need to be extra cautious around me. I know everything, I know he's cheating on me with his ex and we've been together for like what? Five weeks?" He let out a sharp laugh. "This is ing ridiculous. I should break up with him."

Sehun looked up from his mug. "Are you serious ? You've been bothering us with Luhan for months and you'd give up on him just like that?"

Junmyeon rubbed the bridge of his nose tiredly. "Look, he's never really been with me to begin with so why should I make any effort? Kyungsoo had warned me."

"What ?" Jongdae exclaimed. "How would he know about this ?"

"My theory is that Kyungsoo is always high and is somehow a medium as well." Junmyeon said in a serious tone, making Jongdae and Chanyeol laugh. Sehun only frowned.

"Kyungsoo contacted you ?" He suddenly asked.

"Contacting me wouldn't be the right word. He just bumps into me when he wants to talk."

"It's just that he's been a little...wild lately." Sehun took a sip of his now lukewarm chocolate. He made a disgusted face and put it away from him. Chanyeol took the mug and drank some of it.

"More like angry and totally out of his mind," Junmyeon corrected. "At least he was right about Luhan and me." He ordered another coffee. "And he talked about killing someone so watch out!" He made an attempt at imitating Kyungsoo's murderous glare, earning himself a few laughs from his friends.


 

 

When he came back from his little trip to the café (alone because Jongdae had left him to see Baekhyun – what a nice friend) he was surprised to see Luhan kneeling in front of his room, looking sadder than ever.

"Luhan ?" He said quietly. "What are you doing here ?" He couldn't really bring himself to be angry with the other when he seemed so lost.

"Do you hate me ?" Luhan's voice was so small Junmyeon feared it would break if he just raised his own.

"No, of course not," he assured him. "What is going on ?"

"You forgot our date today." Which date ? They hadn't had a date since the beginning of the month. Since Luhan started being too busy shoving his tongue down Minseok's throat and-

"What the hell? Which date are you talking about ?" Junmyeon was totally not getting angry. Not at all (see the denial still playing).

"Junmyeon, please don't make a scene out of this. Let's go inside." Luhan begged him.

"What the actual Luhan ?" Oh no, now he was swearing. "Do you enjoy ing with my mind?" He laughed an ugly, mean laugh. "I'm so done right now."

"Junmyeon..."

"It hurts so much. Seeing you with Minseok..." Junmyeon felt himself tearing up. His voice became quiet again.

"What do you mean ?" Luhan asked, confused. He got up, obviously worried.

"Don't play dumb, Luhan." Junmyeon said. "Please don't."

"There has to be a misunderstanding," Luhan affirmed. He took Junmyeon's keys from inside his pocket and opened the door. He let Junmyeon in and locked them inside the room. Junmyeon almost expected to hit him or scream at him or mock him for his guilelessness.

Nothing happened. Luhan looked pained.

"What did Kyungsoo tell you ?" He said.

"He didn't tell me anything, Luhan ! I saw it. I saw you kiss Minseok with my own eyes ! More than once even! Can you just admit it so I can break up with you and move on with my life ?"

Luhan let out a tiny sob. "You want to break with me ?"

Junmyeon narrowed his eyes. Luhan gasped.

"But I love you !" Junmyeon's heart fluttered. But he let himself harden.

"If you loved me, you wouldn't have done this to me. We've been together for five weeks, and during these five weeks, I'm sure you've been cheating on me for at least two." Luhan shook his head.

"No. No I haven't." Luhan said.

"I've seen you! Stop lying to me !" Junmyeon was sobbing now. Luhan mumbled a weak no and took him in his arms. His kissed his tear-stained cheeks and soothed him.

"I'm not cheating on you." Luhan's voice was strong and assured.

"Stop lying to me," Junmyeon whimpered.

Luhan let go of him and took him by the hand. He led him to his bed and made him lie down on the blanket. He touched his face gently.

"I'm not cheating on you." Another sob shook Junmyeon's entire body. Luhan went to lay next to him. He hugged him and kissed him on the lips. "I'm not cheating on you," he repeated.

Junmyeon nodded weakly.

"I would explain everything to you, but you're not ready to hear it." Not ready ? What did that mean ? "Besides, I'm not sure I know everything so it wouldn't be that good." Luhan kissed him again. "Just to be sure you've understood this, I hate Minseok. I love you. I don't want to be with him. It's you that I want."

Being wrapped in a blanket with his boyfriend was the nicest feeling in the world. Junmyeon could feel himself snuggling up to Luhan, taking in all the warmth he could receive. He fell asleep, a small smile playing on his lips. Their couple issues could wait.

Blood. A lot of blood. Concerned blue eyes and fluffy white hair. So much white. Fear. Pain. Someone is hurt. Is that him? He's bleeding. He's lost so much blood. But he knows who's guilty and he's scared of them. He needs to run away. Fluffly white hair is following him. Go away. Leave me alone. The one who hurt him is-

Junmyeon woke up screaming, waking up Luhan by pushing him accidentally off the bed. He was thrashing and crying.

"Hey, shh. It's ok. I've got you. I'm here, it's me, Luhan."

"Luhan?" Junmyeon hiccuped.

"Yes. It was just a bad dream, ok ?"

Junmyeon wasn't sure it was just a bad dream. It had felt so real. But Luhan also felt real. He had climbed back on the bed and was warm against him, consoling him with soft, heartfelt words. Junmyeon nuzzled against him.

"Did I hurt you?" He whispered.

"No, everything is ok, Junmyeon."

"Why do you keep telling that ?" Junmyeon felt weirdly scared. He backed away and searched for Luhan's face.

"Junmyeon ? I'm saying this because it's the truth. You just had a bad dream, but I'm here. You don't have to tell me what it was. Just know that I'm here with you." Luhan's eyes weren't glowing, he was his usual, caring self.

"I'm sorry," Junmyeon mumbled.

"You really don't have to be." Luhan his hair.

Junmyeon fell back asleep, listening to Luhan's steady breathing and feeling safer than he ever did before.

Except maybe when he had slept with Kai, his traitorous mind reminded him.


 

 

Junmyeon woke up, expecting to be alone in his bed. He saw a black-haired head, and drool on his pillow. An arm was wrapped possessively around his waist. Luhan's sleeping face greeted him and he couldn't help but kiss him gently on his forehead. Luhan whined.

"Not now, Junmyeon." Junmyeon released a breath he didn't know he was holding. He wasn't sure why he was so relieved to hear his name coming out of Luhan's mouth. Probably because he knew that somehow, Luhan still loved Minseok, and he was just a mean to escape from feelings that they both didn't understand. This relationship couldn't work.

Luhan opened his eyes and smiled. He was breathtakingly gorgeous, even with his swollen eyes and drool on his cheek. "We could still stay in bed." He snuggled closer to Junmyeon. "You smell really good in the morning." Luhan noticed. He kissed him slowly.

Junmyeon groaned. "Luhan." They shouldn't be together. Kyungsoo's words were floating in his mind.

Luhan's eyes were sparkling with mischief and lust, surprising Junmyeon. "Yes ?"

He kissed back. Maybe they could make it work.

 

 

The next day, Junmyeon felt really, really good (no more denial, could it get better ?). The lazy, slow morning they had the day before had been amazing. So had been the rest. When Jongdae had finally come back from his trip at Baekhyun's, he had found them heavily making out on the couch. He had stared at Junmyeon expectantly and glared at Luhan but had said nothing.

So yeah, everything was fine again (Luhan had told him not to worry about this whole Minseok thing and that he'd deal with it – Junmyeon didn't know how, but Luhan looked furious about the situation; he would find a way to right the matter).

He was holding Luhan's hand in the hallway, leading him to this café he had found a few days ago, back when he was hurting too much because of Luhan. He shook his head. It was fresh, but he had to move on. Luhan was willing to try, he was willing to give it a second chance. Everything would be fine.

Junmyeon feared he was trying to convince himself.

Luhan tensed brusquely next to him. Junmyeon looked up and saw Kyungsoo coming to them. He was seething, his blue eyes blazing and his fists clenched. Wait. Blue eyes ? Junmyeon felt Luhan shiver. Kyungsoo had brown eyes, right?

"You s !" he roared. "What have you done ?" Some people looked at them and others walked faster to avoid any dramatic happening. Kyungsoo came closer. Luhan whimpered in fright and Junmyeon held Luhan's hand tighter.

"Leave us alone, Kyungsoo." He said, his voice stern.

"Leave us alone, Kyungsoo," said man mocked, clearly not going to do as Junmyeon had asked. He stared at Luhan. "You two had , Luhan. I can't let that pass." Luhan looked down, visibly ashamed.

"How does this have anything to do with you? Luhan is my boyfriend !" Junmyoeon cried out. "We're both consenting adults !"

Kyungsoo glanced at Junmyeon. "You didn't tell him, I assume," he said to Luhan, voice low. His eyes were still very blue but he seemed to have quietened.

Luhan nodded, his eyes on the ground.

"Didn't tell me what ?" Junmyeon inquired. "Luhan ?" He turned to his boyfriend, whose head was dropped in disgrace.

"Oh, look at that." Kyungsoo's voice was bitter. "I know you like or love him or whatever. But can't you see how lucky you are ?"

Luhan raised his eyes. "I don't want this, Kyungsoo. I'm sorry about you, but this isn't what I want."

"You can't not want this !" Kyungsoo said, his tone incredulous. "You can't want to waste this on him !"

Junmyeon's heart beat faster. His cheeks felt warm. Kyungsoo had just pointed that he was unworthy of Luhan's love. Kyungsoo had been his friend. Strangely enough, it made him feel like . He had thought they were friends, he had thought that, even if Kyungsoo hadn't talked to him in weeks, even if he hadn't been close to him, he had believed they were friends.

He started crying.

This seemed ridiculous, how emotional he had been for the past weeks, but he always had a low self-esteem and was now persuaded Luhan was with him out of pity. Seeing Jongin in Kai had been the last straw, putting him back when he was thirteen, lost, hurting and alone.

"Junmyeon ?" Luhan's voice sounded worried. "He didn't mean it." He assured, his hand on Junmyeon's shoulder.

"I meant it." Kyungsoo looked dangerous, threatening. "I meant it, and now you're going to come with me, to fix what you've broken."

Luhan breathed in. "Is Kai ok ?" Junmyeon perked up, through his tears and Luhan's caring touches. Why was Luhan concerned about Kai ?

"You're asking this now ?" Kyungsoo guffawed. "Of course he isn't." He sent them a sharp look. "It's all your fault."

"I'm sorry, but I can't help loving Junmyeon."

Junmyeon smiled, and Luhan beamed at him.

"You've really done this ?" Kyungsoo said, apalled. "You can't be serious."

"Do you love Kai ?" Junmyeon asked. Kyungsoo turned his unsettling blue eyes to him.

"No, I don't." Kyungsoo said. He looked confused.

"Do you love anyone ? Do you know how it feels ? Why do you keep harassing us ?"

Ok so maybe it hadn't been the wisest thing to say, Junmyeon thought, as Kyungsoo's whole demeanor changed. If he looked menacing a second before, he now seemed ready to kill him.

"Yes I ing do know how it feels," he swore. "And I also know how rejection feels like." He shrank on himself, his anger being replaced by sadness.

Junmyeon assumed he was talking about Kai. He was ready to apologize and say he wasn't interested, but Luhan beat him to it.

"You can't talk about rejection." He said, his voice cautious but caring. His had was still on Junmyeon's shoulders, them.

Kyungsoo sighed. "Follow me, please." His voice was tired. Junmyeon glanced at Luhan who didn't add anything and took advantage of the fact that he was holding him. He forced him to follow Kyungsoo to a dreadful place.

Needless to say, Junmyeon didn't understand anything.

"Isn't this Kai's dorm ?" Junmyeon wondered out loud. He knew this because Chanyeol had actually found it a week after he had asked for it, but Kai's reputation had been a discouraging detail for him.

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes and led them through stairs and hallways to a door. Luhan looked apprehensively at Kyungsoo.

"Don't do this to him." He said quietly.

Kyungsoo's expression was unreadable. He opened the door.

Inside the room was Minseok. He looked kind of down, wrapped in a blanket on an old and used couch. It smelled weird, the same earthy and wet scent Junmyeon had perceived on Kyungsoo.

The weirdest fact was about Luhan. As soon as he entered the room, he let out a low humming sound, that soon turned into a moan. Junmyeon stared at him and saw his dilated pupils, his flushed skin. Luhan was his lips. But the worst part was that even if he looked incredibly , he seemed angry.

"Kim Minseok !" He said. His voice was more like a groan than anything else. "Stop doing this !"

Minseok finally noticed them. His eyes widened when he saw Luhan. He left the couch, staring at his ex.

"Luhan ?" He said, breathless. "Is that really you ?" Junmyeon saw his eyes turn a deep, dark blue. He felt scared and squeezed Luhan's hand. Luhan squeezed back.

"Stop it, Minseok." Luhan pleaded. He really didn't sound like he wanted him to stop anything.

"Luhan, I thought you had understood," Minseok tried patiently. He looked sane, not like the last time Junmyeon had seen him. "I can't control this anymore than you can."

"Make it stop !" Luhan dropped to his knees, trembling. Junmyeon wanted to be here for him, to support him, to help him feel better, but Minseok was faster, even in his blanket. He shook his head while looking at him.

"Luhan, I'm sorry you had to live this. I know you want a normal life, but-" Minseok got interrupted by Luhan's lips on his. The kiss was messy, and Junmyeon felt his heart sink as Luhan moaned Minseok's name against Minseok's lips.

"I'm sorry Junmyeon," Kyungsoo said, and for the first time, he actually meant it, and Junmyeon didn't care.

Kyungsoo took him by his arm. Surely he would lead him to Kai and someone would explain whatever the was happening to him. He hadn't realized he was crying until Kyungsoo gave a tissue to him. He could hear Minseok and Luhan go way further than a simple kiss and his entire body felt numb.

"Maybe you hate me, or Luhan, or Minseok," Kyungsoo said. "And you have the right to." He put his hand on the doorknob. "Just don't hate Kai, please. He doesn't deserve this either."

Junmyeon heard quiet noises behind the door.

"Kyungsoo ? I'm not in the mood." Someone croaked, and even if Junmyeon hadn't heard that voice often (or recently), he knew it was Kai. A tired, weak Kai, but Kai nonetheless.

"It's not for me this time," Kyungsoo answered, and he opened the door.

Junmyeon could see a lump beneath the blanket on the bed. So that was where Kai had been hiding.

"Why haven't you been to your lectures ?" Junmyeon asked instead of greeting him. Not that he had been worried. He just wanted to know.

Kai threw the blanket off. He looked really tired, pale with dark circles under his eyes. But he also looked happy, his eyes wide and, to Junmyeon's relief, brown.

"Junmyeon hyung ?" He said, his voice a little louder.

"Yes, that's me." He turned around and saw that Kyungsoo was still in the room, surveiling the both of them.

Kai smiled at him, a real smile, not those awful smirks he had seen on his face. And with his messy hair, his crinkling eyes and his smiling face, it appeared obvious to Junmyeon that the man in front of him was Kim Jongin. He had always been Kim Jongin and Junmyeon had been too blind to see it.

He almost felt angry, but he remembered Kyungsoo's words, and he was sure that Jongin didn't deserve the hatred he could give to him. So he came closer.

Kai - Jongin - crawled back on his bed. "No, hyung." If he hadn't been sure of it, he was now: Jongin was the only one who called him hyung.

"Jongin," he murmured and he saw Jongin's eyes go impossibly wide.

"Hyung?" He said again, in a tiny, scared voice. Was he scared of Junmyeon ?

"I'm not mad at you, Jongin," Junmyeon said. "I'm not sure I understand what's happening, but I'm not angry." He came closer again. His knees touched Jongin's bed. He was so close. Jongin whimpered when his back came in contact with the wall.

"Junmyeon," Kyungsoo said warningly. "He isn't scared of you." And as soon as he said that, Jongin closed the distance between them and his face was so close to his he could feel his hot breath on his mouth. Junmyeon felt lost.

Jongin's eyes turned blue.

It made Junmyeon jump back, as if he had been burned. His eyes were a clear, icy blue, way lighter than Kyungsoo's bright or Minseok's dark ones. They were blue anyway and Junmyeon felt afraid.

"What is going on?" He asked, but Jongin seemed out of it, so he turned to Kyungsoo, who only shrugged.

"It's really complicated if you don't know everything." Kyungsoo replied.

"That's why I'm asking, ."

He had growled his answer, making Kyungsoo laugh. Jongin, however, looked surprised.

"Hyung ? Did you just swear ?" He said.

"That's not swearing for him, Kai." Kyungsoo explained. Jongin's blue eyes turned curiously to Junmyeon.

However cute Jongin was, Junmyeon didn't pay attention to him. Kyungsoo's reaction had only angered him ; nothing made sense anymore and Luhan had thrown him away. " off Kyungsoo. You're ing with my head since the beginning and you broke us up, Luhan and I."

"Oh no," Kyungsoo groaned.

Jongin's face darkened. "What ?" He hissed. He held his nose high, and it took a few movements of his head for Junmyeon to realize that he was sniffing the air, and more specifically, him. He growled, showing teeth that hadn't been there before, sharp, threatening teeth that didn't look human at all. Junmyeon stepped back again. Kyungsoo seemed ready to intervene.

"Jongin stop, you're scaring me." Junmyeon wished he hadn't been here, he wished Kyungsoo hadn't found him, or that he had never found Kai. He wished Jongin had never disappeared.

He fell on the floor, everything was too much for him to handle. Jongin was growling above him, and Kyungsoo was trying to help by talking to him. Junmyeon wasn't sure. It sounded more like barks and snarls than words.

"You've had with Luhan ?" Jongin said, his voice murderous. "I'm going to kill him."

Junmyeon raised his head. Jongin's hair was white now, and nothing was logical anymore so he chose not to even try to understand.

"Yes I have." Jongin's eyes fell on him. His expression had nothing human left and it was frightening to think that the cute little boy he knew and loved had become this monster. "You're not going to kill him because I still like him. And I don't know you." Jongin frowned. "Look, you had with other people, right ?" How could he rationalize in front of a beast ? He felt oddly at peace. "I can as well. We're not together." Jongin whined pitifully. "Yet." Junmyeon added and the word felt foreign on his tongue. But it seemed to help, because Jongin seemed more peaceful. He sat down next to Junmyeon.

Kyungsoo relaxed. Junmyeon could see him retract black claws. He decided to ignore it.

Jongin was panting, his eyes were still that disturbing icy blue and his hair was white. But he peered at Junmyeon in wonder, not furiously, and that was some kind of progress.

"I know it hurt you," Junmyeon started. Jongin nodded, a small pout on his face. How could he act cutely after saying he'd kill Luhan ? "But I haven't seen you in ten years and-"

"Eight," Jongin corrected, sulking.

"What ? Anyway, I haven't seen you in a long time and it's obvious you've changed more than I would have expected." Subtle ways to tell your friend he is something akin to a dog or a wolf. "I mean... I thought you were dead, Jongin."

Jongin seemed truly pained by Junmyeon's words. "I'm sorry, hyung."

"And now you're here, and you're certainly not human anymore and you're saying you want to kill Luhan because he had with me as if you owned me." Junmyeon shuddered. This wasn't the Jongin he knew, and he was scared of him. "I think I need time to... sort everything out."

He got up, and asked Kyungsoo to move. He didn't.

"Kyungsoo..." Junmyeon was getting angry.

"Hyung," a small voice said. Junmyeon turned to see Jongin, ready to scold him.

Jongin was crying. It looked weird, with his new appearance, but it hurt Junmyeon all the same.

"Hyung, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have." Jongin hiccuped, and snorted, and it was gross. Junmyeon didn't care. All the fright he had felt disappeared in front of the friend he had once lost. He came back to him and took him in his arms.

Jongin was warm, much too warm for a human being but it felt nice. Junmyeon brought him back on the bed. Jongin bit his lips, sharp teeth tearing the skin and drawing blood. He it away before Junmyeon could say anything.

"Can you stay with me ?" Jongin asked, blushing. It was obvious now that Jongin wanted to be more than friends with Junmyeon and that terrified him. For him, Jongin was still a child, even if he was a man now, and even more than human. For now, he had to be strong.

"Yes, of course," Junmyeon said nicely.

 

 

 

Jongin fell asleep quickly. He looked like a small child like that, Junmyeon absently thought while his hair. He was bigger than Junmyeon now, and it made his heart ache. He hadn't been there to see him grow up.

Jongin's hair wasn't the only thing that was white. Junmyeon could see that his eyebrows had whitened, along with every single hair on his body, probably. Jongin had a white stubble that was more developped than Junmyeon's.

"I suppose you need some explanations," Kyungsoo said. He looked almost relieved, and way calmer than he did before.

"You could have at least warned me about Jongin's anger issues !" Junmyeon complained. Jongin whined against him and pulled him closer.

"How would have I done that ? Oh, Junmyeon, I'm sorry but we're actually not human and, oh . This condition affects our mood greatly. So watch out for angry werewolves !" Kyungsoo said mockingly.

"So you are werewolves." Junmyeon repeated, making sure he had understood.

"Doesn't shock you that much, huh ?" Kyungsoo said.

"I had time to be shocked, don't worry," Junmyeon affirmed. Jongin's body was heating up fast. Wasn't he already warm enough ? Jongin whined again and snuggled closer to him, so close that every part of their body was touching. "Is that normal ?"

"It is. Wolves tend to cling to their mates when they're reunited after a long time."

"Mates ?" Junmyeon felt like he was falling on a totally unknown ground. "Am I Jongin's mate? Can you please explain everything to me?"

"You are his mate." Kyungsoo sighed. "That's why I told you I didn't love him. I actually did when I was still human, but once you become a wolf you realize that having a mate is no laughing matter."

"Is it what happened with Luhan and Minseok ?" Junmyeon asked.

"Yes. I'm sorry, but it's almost certain that Luhan never really loved you." Junmyeon laughed bitterly. "I mean, he tried, he wanted to, but it's impossible. Minseok and him are bonded."

"Bonded ?" Junmyeon said again.

"They're mates, just as you've probably understood. But they made love after Minseok was turned. It means life bond for wolves. But Luhan hated what Minseok had become so he left him. Except you can't run away from a bond."

Oh. So everything kind of made sense. Junmyeon felt used. Luhan didn't really want him.

"Like I've told you, you can be angry at whoever you want. Luhan has been kind of a selfish , Minseok as well and I ruined your relationship. Luhan was strong willed enough to stay with you even while wanting Minseok with every fiber of his being." Kyungsoo breathed in. "Just don't hate Kai. He left you alone and he knew you were with Luhan. You don't know how much pain it brings to a wolf who knows their mate."

"I won't hate him. Just tell me why you keep calling him Kai. What happened to him ?" Junmyeon pressed him.

"Kai is his name now. Kim Jongin is officially dead. You should maybe ask him about it." Kyungsoo sat down on the ground. "Kai got bitten ten years ago."

Junmyeon felt himself tear up. He wasn't ready for this. He looked down at Jongin, sleeping peacefully in his arms. What kind of pain did he have to endure ?

"He never gave me real details about this, and Minseok doesn't know much more than me, so you'll have to ask Kai. All that I know is that he woke up, alone, freezing and lost and some people took him in."

"Who ?" Junmyeon asked.

"Minseok's family." Kyungsoo sighed. "They didn't know about wolves. But they fed him, gave him a roof and clothes. They gave him a family."

"Why didn't he come back ?" Junmyeon didn't get it. He would have accepted Jongin, whatever had happened to him. He had suffered so much from his loss.

"He did come back. But I think he saw something that pained him so much he ran away again."

Junmyeon looked at Kyungsoo. "When ?" He sobbed. "When did he come back ?" When had he been there for me? Jongin's arm tightened around his waist.

"He told me you were crying and covered in blood. Your blood. I'm sure you don't remember this, because he was in wolf form."

But Junmyeon did.

The nightmare he had had, two days ago. It was from that night. And it hadn't been a nightmare. It had really happened ; he had been wounded. And it had been his own fault.

From what Kyungsoo had told him, Jongin had tried to hide his predicament for years and it had worked, until Minseok had angered him too close to a full moon. Jongin had turned and bit him. It had been a few years ago, when Jongin had been fifteen.

"I think he was really brave. He spent some nights out in the woods, since Minseok's house was close to them. He made it look like love for nature."

Then, Jongin had had to teach Minseok how to survive. He had learned it through years of being quiet, homeschooled and isolated from the world. Minseok's boyfriend, Luhan had sensed something was wrong with Minseok. He had left him, but a bit too late. Minseok had followed him in college and tried for years to have him back. They had dated again, the year before, but it hadn't worked out.

"For Luhan, Minseok was just being weird. Maybe a bit crazy."

And Jongin had found Junmyeon through Minseok. He had talked about some guy that Luhan liked. Jongin had known it had to be him.

He had dated Kyungsoo after realizing that Junmyeon wasn't going to notice him anytime soon. But the wolf in him had been frustrated and he had taken his anger off Kyungsoo, turning him into one of them in the end.

Junmyeon listened to everything quietly. He felt slightly less lost.

"So you have a mate." He finally said, after Kyungsoo had told him everything he knew.

"I do." And as a great sorrow overwhelmed him, Kyungsoo curled up on the floor.

"Is it that painful to be far away from them ?" Kyungsoo was shivering. "Is it why you're always angry ?"

"It is. It's like a constant reminder I'll never have him." He looked so fragile, so small Junmyeon wanted to hug him, except Jongin was like a rope tying him to the bed. "And no, I'm also angry because you're all dumb."

"Who is he ?" Junmyeon asked softly, ignoring Kyungsoo's last comment.

Kyungsoo trembled harder. "Park Chanyeol," he finally whined, tears welling up in his eyes.

"Kyungsoo..." Junmyeon tried, not knowing how he could help him. "You should at least go talk to him."

"I can't." Kyungsoo whimpered.

"Chanyeol is sad you're not talking to us anymore. Well, now to them, since you're talking to me."

"I heard him," Kyungsoo said. "He thinks I'm weird."

"You are weird, Kyungsoo." Junmyeon bit his lips. With Jongin clinging to him like a koala, it was hard to think. "Look, I'm still convinced Chanyeol won't hate you if you come and talk to him. You don't have to tell him about the mate thing right away."

"Chanyeol likes girls." Kyungsoo cried.

"You can't be sure until you try, Kyungsoo."

At that moment, Jongin's eyes fluttered open and he let out a cute little whine (a canine whine, Junmyeon couldn't help but notice). "Hyung ?" He smiled sleepily and hugged Junmyeon tighter.

"I might die from this," Junmyeon breathed out. Jongin set him free, apologizing cutely "Stop, it's ok."

And right after that, the door to Jongin's room opened. Luhan peered in sheepishly, followed by an equally sheepish Minseok. Junmyeon could see that they weren't bad people.

"Hey," he said. Luhan waved at him. He looked healthier than he did before. Junmyeon had never noticed he looked ill because that was how he had looked for years.

Jongin tensed. Junmyeon his arms. He could understand Jongin would feel worried because of everything that had happened.

"I guess you know everything ?" Luhan attempted, looking a bit unsure. "Minseok filled in some facts I hadn't... understood."

Junmyeon could feel Minseok's eyes on him. "Yes I know everything. And it's fine, really." He smiled at Minseok. "I won't steal your mate, don't worry." Minseok nodded.

"Just so you know... I really like you... love you even." Minseok started growling and Junmyeon could see Jongin's teeth elongate more. He still kept quiet. Junmyeon rewarded him with a kiss on his forehead.

"I'm happy you feel this way, Luhan. I do too." Luhan's smile was grim.

"But it can't go on, right ?" Luhan finished for him. "I love Minseok. This is so frustrating because it's completely irrational, and overwhelming." Minseok pouted and mumbled something like "you're not the only one". Junmyeon thought he looked cute. "And even if you don't love Kai yet, you'll end up wanting him and needing him in ways you won't always be able to understand." Luhan smiled, his face more luminous. "I hope you won't hate me for this."

Junmyeon shook his head. "I would never be able to hate you." He looked at Minseok, Kyungsoo who was still on the ground, and Jongin who was looking at him like the child he was. "Besides, aren't we like some kind of pack?" Jongin giggled. If he hadn't been sad over Chanyeol, Kyungsoo would have probably hit him.

"Yes ! That's what I was saying to Minseok !" Luhan said, visibly happy to have at least a friend backing him with that stupid idea.


 

 

 

Junmyeon hadn't been able to leave the bed. Jongin was a cuddler. Jongin didn't like when Junmyeon was too far away from him and Junmyeon could understand. After spending eight years away from each other, they had to catch up.

"Stay with me," Jongin asked. Junmyeon wondered how this big baby had been able to survive without him.

"I have to go back to my room." Junmyeon tried to leave Jongin's embrace but it was too tight. Jongin was really strong.

"Call Jongdae and tell him you don't want to see him." Jongin required sleepily.

Junmyeon cast a judgmental glare at Jongin but did it anyway.

"Jongdae ? It's me, Junmyeon."

"Calling your good friend now, to tell him you're well ?" Jongdae sounded resentful.

"What happened, Jongdae ?"

"Luhan and you got into a fight with Kyungsoo and you guys disappeared. I don't know," Jongdae said, his voice carrying so many emotions, even over the phone. "Maybe I was worried."

"I'm so sorry !" Junmyeon said. He looked at his phone and saw the missed calls, mostly from Jongdae, a few from Chanyeol. There was a single message from Sehun, saying did you guys  ? Junmyeon threw the message away before it could give Jongin any bad idea.

"I was at J- Kai's place." He said. He heard Jongdae choke.

"What ? So you've decided to become Kyungsoo's replica ?" Jongdae laughed, but it wasn't his usual cheerful laugh. Junmyeon felt guilty. "Look, lately I haven't been totally ok with what you were doing with Luhan. You kept dating him. Ok. Fine. But now, where are you ? In Kai's bed, probably."

Junmyeon spluttered. It was true, if he wanted to be honest.

"See ?" Jongdae sighed. "Come back anytime you want, just explain to me what is happening because I'm not that smart." Jongdae hung up on him.

"I'm sorry hyung." Jongin's voice was really close, his breath on his neck. His arms tightened around him. It was almost as if he were trying to be as close as he could physically be to Junmyeon. Jongin rubbed his head against Junmyeon's back.

"It's fine, really. I'll just have to explain a lot of things to Jongdae tomorrow." It was such a bother.

"I can come with you, if you want." Jongin said. Junmyeon nodded.

"Yes, we could do this."


 

 

He hadn't realized he had been sleeping until he woke up in Jongin's warm arms. Jongin's hair was black again. He looked for his watch. Oops. 10 am. Maybe he should stop sleeping so much. Maybe he should start going back to his classes.

"Wake up, sleepyhead!" He said while pinching Jongin's cheeks.

"No, hyung, stop..." Jongin whined.

"We have to see Jongdae," Junmyeon reminded him.

"Oh !" Jongin sat up. He looked like he was still asleep. "I had forgotten."

Dressing up was one thing. Going to the dorm was another one. Junmyeon felt more and more scared as the minutes went by. Jongdae was going to kill him. They had come in, Jongin and him, but nobody had been there. Jongdae was probably with Baekhyun and maybe it was better for them.

Jongin was sitting on his lap and he was heavy.

"Jongin, can't you just sit next to me ? I won't run away." Jongin pouted and shook his head vigorously.

"No, I don't want to." He said.

"What are you, five ?"

Before Jongin could answer (something dumb probably), someone slammed the door open. Junmyeon didn't even need to look; it was Jongdae. It was normal for him to enter their room this way. What wasn't normal was that he wasn't alone. Junmyeon could hear quiet laughs and playful words. He felt Jongin hug him. This mate thing wad getting on his nerves really fast.

Jongdae was the first he saw. He looked at them in surprise.

"Junmyeon? You're back ?" He dumbly asked. Jongin wriggled closer to him. Junmyeon wondered why he thought that Jongdae would steal him. He probably smelled like Baekhyun.

"Yes," he said in a cautious voice. Jongdae's eyes narrowed.

"Care to explain why Kai is here ?" Baekhyun appeared next to him, seemingly friendly but a bit embarrassed, just as anyone would be in that situation. Junmyeon felt bad for him.

"Kai and I," he paused, because that name was still foreign to him when Jongin was the one who bore it, and also because he knew that Jongin wouldn't like the rest, "are friends."

Jongin hissed quietly against Junmyeon's ear, which didn't startle him. He hadn't done it consciously at least, and Junmyeon could understand his frustration.

"Says the guy who has Kai in his lap." Jongdae said spitefully.

"What do you have against him ?" Junmyeon exclaimed, ready to defend Jongin. He knew he didn't look impressive, with a boy twice his size (ok he was exaggerating) sitting on him, but he was willing to contradict his friend, whatever it would take. He realized with a shiver that it wasn't him who was thinking like that. Jongin purred against him. It was the mate inside of him.

Jongdae frowned. "I thought you didn't like Kai." Baekhyun looked at them curiously. "Because of what happened to Kyungsoo."

Junmyeon felt Jongin stiffen. He had been quiet until now, and Junmyeon had hoped it would go on. "Kyungsoo is fine," Jongin growled out.

"I'm not sure he is, though," Jongdae interjected. "He doesn't seem healthy or fine to me."

Junmyeon wanted to groan. Jongin rose from his lap and faced Jongdae. He looked frightening like that, squaring his shoulder and clenching his hands. "You don't know anything. Kyungsoo is fine." Junmyeon got up and took Jongin's arm. He didn't reject him, which was a good point. He still seemed tense.

"Ok. What are you trying to do, Kai ? And what the are you doing with him, Junmyeon ?" This wasn't good. Jongdae didn't swear often. Even Baekhyun looked baffled.

"Please calm down," Junmyeon said while squeezing Jongin's arm. "Both of you," he precised, sending a sharp look to Jongdae. "Kai isn't trying to do anything. He is a close friend I thought I had lost, if you want all the details, Jongdae."

"What about Luhan ?" Jongdae urged. "You were having the time of your life two days ago." He sighed. "You missed a lot of classes as well, you idiot."

"You're not mad at me ?" Junmyeon asked. Jongin put his head on his shoulder. Jongdae raised an eyebrow at him.

"No. I wasn't to begin with." Junmyeon smiled, . "Now, Luhan ?"

"They broke up." Junmyeon winced. It was Jongin's cold voice that had answered and he could see the youngest wanted them to drop the subject as soon as possible. "Luhan is back with Minseok." Even if Junmyeon knew it, it kind of hurt to hear it from someone else.

Jongin turned to him and kissed him on the cheek. Junmyeon started. This was unexpected. He looked up to see that Jongin was gazing at him with a worried expression. He had sensed his sadness. Right. Mates. Wolves. Everything was fine.

"But you're not dating." Jongdae said. Baekhyun laughed under his breath, apparently amused by them. He then cleared his throat.

"Hi, I'm Byun Baekhyun, Jongdae's boyfriend." He had introduced himself with a confidence that Junmyeon lacked and envied him. "I suppose you're Kim Junmyeon, his roommate ?" Junmyeon nodded and saluted him. Baekhyun shook Jongin's hand a bit sternly. After all, Jongin's appearance was unsettling, even when he looked normal. He was taller than all of them and more than good looking. Junmyeon hadn't stared. He could admit it ; Jongin was hot.

Junmyeon felt the atmosphere change, becoming somewhat burning and oppressive. He glanced up at Jongin who was sweating.

"I have to go," Jongin said, and he was blushing. Maybe he was embarrassed by his own behavior (and he should be, Junmyeon thought). "Goodbye Jongdae, Baekhyun. I'll tell Kyungsoo to come and see you." His tone was so kind Junmyeon wondered where the monster he had seen the day before had gone. "I'll see you later, Junmyeon hyung!" He said cheerfully. And he kissed him again, instead this time it was full on the mouth.

Junmyeon didn't even have the time to react; Jongin released his lips, did a cute bow and ran away, his cheeks red.

Jongdae laughed. "Does he have like a split personality?" Junmyeon himself didn't know. He stood in front of where Jongin had been, where he had kissed him. He touched his lips and blushed crimson. By this time Jongdae was laughing so hard he was crying. Baekhyun was only smiling but Junmyeon knew he wanted to laugh as well. He clenched his teeth, still red.

"Shut up, Jongdae." He said.

"No but, really ?" Jongdae managed to say between fits of laughter. "Not dating ? Only friends ?" He let out a shaky breath. "Nobody's going to believe you."

Junmyeon rolled his eyes. There were some memories he would have rather kept to himself, and this particular event was one of them, but it made him feel lighter to know that Jongin was with him again. What would happen later didn't matter.

For now, he was happy.