FIFTY EIGHT

Euna was waiting for her mommy to get her the pink cotton candy. She loved it when Umma gives her everything especially after she cried so hard. Her mommy would usually talk to her in her Umma voice that meant she was not very happy with what Euna did but when she said sorry and think of the bad things she did, Umma became so nice to her again.

Euna loved the amusement park, it’s really fun taking the rides and playing games with her mommy but she wished Appa was there because it would be more fun. Her daddy always thinks of fun things for Euna to do and he likes playing games with her. Euna loves Umma very much but Appa is really more fun. But Appa is very busy—busier than Umma and she doesn't really get to see him a lot. Her friends at the kindergarten said their daddies are busy too so maybe it was really like that.

She started singing the song being played in the park because she heard it a lot. It was Appa and Samchons’s song. She giggled because she was just thinking of Appa and the park played their song for her. Maybe it was her angel telling the park people that Euna was sad because Appa was not with her—

The wind blew on her long hair and it slapped her cheek so Euna fixed her pigtail but when she looked up, she saw that poster thingie on the lamp post. opened in surprise when she saw his Appa and Samchons on the poster. Then she looked around and saw these Unnies carrying banners and towels and she recognized those letters on them something like Appa’s band Codenameblue. She looked for her mommy but she was still in the long cue. Maybe Euna will check it out and come back right in time for Umma to get her cotton candy.

Euna followed the Unnies. They were talking about her samchons and Appa and they were giggling calling them ‘Oppa’. It was funny that these girls were calling her daddy ‘Oppa’ the way her mommy did. She skipped and saw more unnies and some oppas ahead carrying banners so she skipped some more following them. Then the music got louder.

“Mic check, mic check.”

Oh! That was her daddy’s voice! She squealed along with those unnies who were also screaming. They must like her Appa’s band very much. Euna could not really see well because there were just too many people in front of her and she was still very small— but she was turning five soon so maybe she will get taller like unnies. She continued walking and slipping between the gaps of people since she could not wait to get to Appa. Maybe he would be very happy to see Euna. It would be her first time seeing Appa and Samchons with all these people around.

She made her way through the throngs of people screaming and chatting loudly until she got pushed in front. Her cheeks hurt when she realized she was smiling so wide because Appa was right there on that high stage doing something with his guitar.

“Appa! Appa!!!” She called out as loud as she could because the Unnies were very noisy there was a chance her Appa won’t hear her.

“Appa! Look hewe! Look hewe! It’s me Seo Euna!!!!” She shouted again putting her hands near like the way they did on TV, “Appa! Hewe! Look, Euna is hewe!!!!”

And Jonghyun Samchon saw her! She waved but he looked at her with eyes so big she guessed he was surprised. Maybe Appa will be surprised too and he would think Euna came to surprise him! He would be very happy and Umma would come here and they would listen to Appa together and maybe Appa would bring her up there on the stage! She would be really really shy but it would be fun because her daddy would carry her! Euna was excited especially when Samchon came closer to Appa and whispered.

Yes! He was telling him that Euna was here! Euna came to surprise him!

Euna was very happy. She waited and waited and Appa turned and she saw him looking at her so she called out again and waved, “Appa! Euna came! Euna is hewe!”

She was so happy until Appa looked around Euna— to the Unnies and other people around her. He waved at them—not at Euna, then he went back looking at his guitar.

Her heart was like getting bigger and it hurt a little until it hurt a lot. Euna swallowed hard. She was so sure Appa saw her but he looked away. Euna was confused, she didn’t understand why Appa looked away like he didn’t see Euna. Her lips twitched and her nose felt funny.

Her heart was making her cry.

“Ap...pa…” her bottom lip trembled and her hands were holding her pants so tight because her heart ached. He looked at her again for only a short time and didn’t do anything again.

Then somebody held her waist and grabbed her and carried her away. Euna was so scared she called out to Appa, “Appa! Appa! Appa!”

But Appa didn’t get her. Euna was so scared because a woman carried her away and she was crying because she was so scared and so sad that Appa didn’t get her.

Then she saw her mommy meeting the woman and took her from her.

She was glad to see Umma but sad that Appa didn’t get her when he saw the woman took her away.

Euna wanted to tell Umma but she couldn’t stop crying and all she could say was “Appa… Appa…”

Her mommy hugged her tight and bowed at the woman repeatedly, “I’m so sorry!” And she looked at Euna brushing her eyes and her forehead, “Baby, Appa is waiting for us in the car. Don’t wander off again, you have no idea how scared Umma was!”

Umma lied.

Appa was not waiting for them in the car because Appa was on the stage and he didn’t look at Euna. Umma lied and she couldn’t understand why Umma lied and lying is bad. But Appa is more bad because he didn’t look at Euna. Appa stopped looking at Euna when he really saw her. Euna hated Appa very much, he made Euna’s heart hurt so much.

Euna didn’t like Appa now but it hurts so much because her heart said Euna loves Appa and she couldn’t stop crying even if Umma was hugging her and rubbing her back. It would always make her feel better but not this time. Appa hurt Euna’s heart so much. It was even more painful than not getting a star. At least she did something wrong so she didn’t get a star but she didn’t do anything bad to Appa but he still hurt her and it was really really painful.

She was heavy and her mommy was heaving as she walked but she didn’t want her Umma to stop hugging her. Then Umma mumbled, “Shhh… sweetheart, stop crying. Come on, please… people are looking.”

But she couldn’t stop crying because it was Appa who would call her 'sweetheart' a lot. She cried no matter how she tried to stop crying for her mommy.

Her tears stopped falling somehow when they got in the car. Then she wanted to tell Umma why she was so sad. She opened her lips and started telling her, “Ap…pa… Appa… A-appa…” But she couldn’t say more because there was this big porcupine in like she was sick and she had hiccups and her head was jerking and she wanted to cry again.

“Euna…”

Umma said her name as she put on her seatbelt. Euna swallowed the porcupine pinching and tried to tell her mommy as she looked up to her, “Appa… Umma, Ap..pa… Eu-na… hates Ap—”

Then it was so sad and so painful again that she cried and she cried louder when she saw her mommy was crying too and maybe she was sad too and she didn’t like to see Umma cry.

“Oh, baby… come here…”

Her mommy took her seatbelt off her and grabbed her and let her sit on her lap. She buried her face on her Umma’s chest. Her mommy rubbed her back and rocked her like the way she did when Euna couldn’t sleep or she hurt herself. It felt really nice and she felt a little better but she couldn’t smell her mommy smell ‘cause her nose was feeling funny so she was sad about that too. But, at least Umma loved Euna and she would always let Euna stop crying.

Euna was getting really sleepy hugging her mommy that way and having to try smell her mommy smell so hard  she was too tired she couldn’t open her eyes wider.

“Let’s go home, okay?” Her mommy whispered and kissed her cheek and she nodded then she helped Euna back on her car seat and put on her seatbelt.

Euna was really sad because of her Appa but now she knew that her mommy will always be there and stop her from crying. Euna didn’t like Appa now. Her eyes were getting really heavy but she could still see her Appa on the stage looking away from her. Her heart was really sad about that because Euna’s heart loves her daddy very much.

She sniffed because she didn’t want to cry anymore because it made her mommy sad and she cried too and she didn’t want to see her mommy cry.

Euna was really tired and sad and sleepy and…

~~~

When the door opened, Seohyun was already by the hallway meeting him. He hugged her tight and kissed the crown of her head. Seohyun had always been that to him—she gives him that sense of relief and security. But this time he needed more than that. Yonghwa needed to know that she forg