The Cassette

Length: 8K

Genre: angst

Rating: PG

Summary:  We can love someone with all our hearts but sometimes love isn't enough.

Jongin inserted the small flat case containing two reels and a length of magnetic tape that winds between them into his old, rather dusty cassette player. Closing it shut, he pressed down on the play button and waited for the music to being playing. The familiar tunes poured out from the speakers and Jongin let the music engulf in senses. The music delivered nostalgic feeling, mostly pain. He remembers how he recorded this music many years ago but never published it. For him, life is just like a cassette tape. There are always two sides; if there's happiness then there's sadness. If there's love then there’s hate. If there's life, then right around the corner, there’s the inevitable death.

SIDE A

13 year old Jongin sits on the grass in samdong park with his guitar rested on his lap. He sighed as he looked up at the bright blue sky. No one wanted to hear him play. Boys around his age would rather play soccer or fool around than play music. But for him, music is kind of an obsession. It was his life.

His mother would say that music was a part of him, running through his veins, and someday he'd be a great musician just like his father. His father died long before his mother gave a birth to him from a terrible car accident, killing him instantly. He didn’t even know that he'd have a son. But at that time Jongin’s mother was just as blind as his father. His mother so devastated; losing her husband sent her into a spiraling depression and she tried to kill herself several times until she realized that she was pregnant.

“You are my last hope.” his mother cried. She would play music for him while in her womb. He could hear it, the sadness in the songs, the love, the happiness. He wanted that. He wanted to make people feel through music.

And that's why Jongin fell in love with music.

Music was his mother savior and somehow made him feel close to his father, even though he never knew him. But now, doubt began to grow on his heart. Maybe other kids were right. His music was lame. Maybe he should just be normal instead and play soccer at the field with the other kids. Maybe he should tell his mother that he wanted to give up on music. He wasn’t going to make it as big as his father did anyway.

The clouds that had been blocking the sun drifted slowly away. Jongin was hot. He used the back of his hand to wipe the sweat that began to accumulate on his forehead. Summer this year was unusually hotter than last year. The temperature had climbed to eighty-six degrees, maybe scientist right about the global warming.

“Hey,” A boy stood in front of him. Jongin tilted his head upward, squinting his eyes to get a better view but the sun light hurt his eyes. It was only after the boy sat down in front of him that Jongin could see him clearly. “Could you play a song for me?” the boy pointed at the guitar with a small smile on his face. His smile was heart-shaped and when Jongin stared into his eyes, it felt like he was lost at the wide blue ocean.

“Sure,” Jongin nodded but then he hesitated. “Just know that I'm not that good yet.”

One of the boy's eyebrows arched. Questioning yet amused, like somehow Jongin's words entertained him. “Good or not good, I’ll be the judge of that. Try me.” His lips twitching up into a half smile.

“Okay,” Jongin shrugged and allowed himself to smile a little. “What song would you like me to play?”

“Anything.”

With that cue, Jongin placed his guitar in the right position and gently started strumming his guitar. Usually, whenever Jongin began to play, he would get lost in his world every time, but this time, he was well aware of the boy presences.

“Your mouth is a revolver

Firing bullets in the sky

your love is like a soldier

Loyal 'til you die”

Jongin started to sing.

“And I’ve been looking at the stars
for a long, long time
I’ve been putting out fires
all my life.”

The boy eyed him intensively. A faint blush painted across Jongin cheeks, feeling embarrassed under his stare.

“Everybody wants a flame
they don’t want to get burnt
and today is our turn
Days like these lead to...
Nights like this lead to
Love like ours.
You light the spark in my bonfire heart.”

As soon as the song finished the boy beamed at Jongin with an excited smile spread across his face, clapping softly.  “That was really beautiful.” he said. “You’re really good.”

A shy smile came onto Jongin’s face. He felt an odd tightening in his chest and butterflies filled his stomach. No one has ever called his music beautiful. His mother, yes, but that doesn’t count. This was the first time another person complimented him. Before Jongin could respond, the boy was already on his feet, standing over him.

“Sorry, I'm late for something. Play for me again sometime?” The boy waved his hand, his smile still shining brightly, before turning away, “See you around.” and he jogs to the pavement.

Jongin realized that he forgot to ask the boy his name. Sighing a little bit, he gripped the neck of his guitar lightly and stared back up at the vast blue sky above him. Even though he didn’t get the boy’s name, he gave him something else, something much more meaningful than a name.

A reason to not give up on music.

7 years later

The large concert hall is packed with people chanting, “The wolf! The wolf! The wolf!”

Jongin stood backstage with his band member. He had a blue guitar slung over his shoulder; the thick black strap secured it across his chest. His bandmate, Sehun, lit a cigarette beside Jongin, taking a few puffs from it before offering Jongin a drag.

“You need to stop smoking.” Jongin shook his head lightly, refusing the offer.

“I’ll quit when I’m dead.” Sehun shrugged, placed the cigarette back at his lips, and started blowing out smoke rings.

The two of them started the band during high school after their friendship took off fairly quickly once they found out both of them had an intense passion for music. The band became more serious after they graduated. It was just the two of them for so long, but once they entered college, Jongin and Sehun ended up gaining three more members to make the band complete; Chanyeol, Baekhyun, and Luhan.

“It’s a full house, you guys.” Chanyeol exclaimed, smiling energetically at the members after he peeked through the black curtain and saw how packed the gigs was, drum sticks clenched in his large hands. “We’re gonna rock the stage tonight!”

Over the summer, the band became so famous that they were offered gig after gig at various concert halls around Seoul. But tonight was the biggest stage they have ever performed on.

“There’s a rumor that a music producer is here tonight.” Luhan said as his tuned his bass. “Maybe this will finally be our chance to make it big!”

“Hell yeah! We’re gonna make this the best performance we’ve ever done so we can sign with a label company and become famous worldwide!” Baekhyun spit out, his arm folding around Chanyeol shoulder; a big smile plastered on their faces.

Jongin was grinning from ear to ear to see his entire bands faces full with joy and hope. The thing about happiness is that it was contagious. He couldn’t help but get excited as well. “Tonight couldn't be any better.” he muttered under his breath.

Jongin wondered how he had ever thought about giving up on music in the past. If he had given up, he wouldn't be able to see this view, hundreds of fans calling his name, staring out into the sea of people who enjoyed his music, and feel the warm feeling that surrounded him as he played. He also wouldn't have met and been able to know all of these idiots who became like family to him.

Sehun throws down his cigarette, stomping it under his faded red converse. “Come on. Let's make the crowd go wild.”

∞

The lights dimmed as they appeared on the stage; the crowed instantly went to chaos and screamed their name. They took their positions, Chanyeol in back behind his drum set, Luhan off on the far right with his bass guitar, Baekhyun behind his keyboard, Sehun standing to the left of Jongin, and Jongin stood behind the mic, center stage, and ready to rock.

“Hey, what’s up everyone?!” he shouted and the crowd went nuts, shouting and screaming back at him in response. “Thank you all so much for coming out tonight to see us.” More screams filled his ears. “Are you ready to rock?!” he said and got even more intense screams as the respond.

His eyes scanned the crowd; there were a lot of very beautiful women out there and a lot of guys as well. When his gaze met with a pair of familiar blue eyes, he took a step back as his eyes widened, stunned. Could he really be here right now? Year after year of waiting and searching, year after year imagining this day would come; year after year thinking that maybe he won’t ever see that boy again, he was in the crowd. Jongin closed his eyes and shook his head softly. Maybe he’s just imagining this. But when he opened his eyes, the boy still stood there, staring back at him with that heart-shaped smile.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Sehun nudged him.

“Nothing,” Jongin replied and strummed his guitar as the cue for the band to start. As he sang, his gaze never left the boy’s face. The boy who taught him how to swim when he feel like drowning, the boy who gave him hope, the boy that made him believe in music again, Jongin sang for him tonight and no one else.

∞

As soon as their last song finished, Jongin hurried backstage, setting his guitar, and going into the crowd. He ducked his head and tried not to drawn any attention to himself. The closer he got to the boy, the more his heart beat like crazy in his chest. And when finally the boy stood in front of him, only a few inches away, Jongin realized he had been holding his breath. A part of him was afraid that the boy would disappear or someone would awake him from this and said that this was only a dream. But this was real,

“H-Hi,” Jongin said nervously. "Do…do you remember me?”

The boy looked at Jongin with the same intense eyes and the same amused expression just like all those years ago. Jongin still remembered that day vividly as if it just happened yesterday.

“Well yeah,” The boy said. Jongin eyes sparkled with excitement when he heard that. “You just performed on stage.” The boy pointed at the stage.

As soon as the words left the boy's mouth, Jongin's stomach lurched as his excitement dead. Jongin shook his head, “No, I meant before this. Do you remember? Years ago? At the park? A boy with guitar? You asked me to play you a song?”

The boy shook his head, avoiding Jongin’s gaze. “No. I don't remember.”

“Oh,” Jongin ran his hands through his hair. There was a long pause before Jongin straightened himself, tried to ignore the ache in his own heart. “Name's Jongin. Yours?”

“Do Kyungsoo.”

“So, how about hanging out together after this, huh?” he had to try to get him to remember. “We can go grab a bite to eat?” Jongin asked half grinning.

“You’re not allowed to flirting with your music producer.” Kyungsoo said smirking and handed Jongin his business card.

“Wait---what?” Jongin taken aback astounded, slowly taking the card out from the pale hand that offered it.

Kyungsoo's smirk grew wider, “See you tomorrow at my office with the rest of your band, Jongin.”

∞

Breathe Kyungsoo.

Breathe Kyungsoo.

Breathe Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo said to himself as he walked away from the gig. He too, still remembers that hot summer day vividly. His tan skin, his sharp jawline, his sweet smile, his enchanting voice, the green grass that contrast with his beautiful eyes, the way his hands danced across his guitar, Kyungsoo remembers it all. The only thing that changed was Jongin’s not that shy little boy anymore. He’s grown up to be a confident man. Kyungsoo unconsciously smile as he remembers that day.

But happiness is a tricky thing. A moment would make you happy overnight but the next day the same exact moment could be like a living nightmare.

Kyungsoo’s smile turned into a frown. He knows that all too well. He knows that the truth would hurt both of them.

“Kim Jongin” He tastes that name again. That name still delights him. The same name he said every night for years. The same name who never left his prayer. The same name who someday will destroy him.

∞

Jongin sat on the black leather couch at Kyungsoo's office. After the band sign the contract, Jongin insisted to stay. The rest of the band had left him with questioning look.

“Sugar?” Kyungsoo asked as he made a cup of coffee for Jongin.

“Yes, baby,” Jongin replied with cocky tone.

“Cheesy. If you do that again I’ll kick you out of my office.” Kyungsoo suppressed a smile and handed Jongin the Styrofoam cup of coffee.

“You wouldn't.” Jongin stated.

“Try me.” Kyungsoo sat at his desk, Jongin across from him. He propped his chin on his hand, watching Jongin intensively.

“You just can’t help yourself, can you?” Jongin teased with a small smile.

“Help what?”

“Watching me.”

Kyungsoo looked slightly uncomfortable but then re-arranged his expression into his usual amused face, “First of all, Mr. Kim, the last time I checked I’m straight. Secondly, I already told you yesterday that you are not allowed to flirting with your music producer.”

“Who said I was flirting with you?” Jongin grinned, arching one of his eyebrows.

They stare at each other for a long time before Kyungsoo finally spoke, “Fine, you weren’t.” He bit his lower lips, tore his gaze away, and fixed his eyes on the poster which, somehow, became more appeal to his eyes.

“Friends then?”

“Friends.”

When Jongin left his office that afternoon, Kyungsoo figured out that they were both very excellent liars.

∞

August, the last month of summer, was unexceptionally warm this year. The air was crisp and fresh for this time of year.

Seoul Summer Festival is being held on dae-gu, one of largest areas in Seoul, and is already crowded with a lot of people from everywhere around South Korea and even from Japan. There were a total of 12 stages with the main stage aired on national television. Hundreds of bands would be performing today and The Wolf is lucky enough to get scheduled on stage B, next to the main stage. It will surely boast their popularity.

The Wolf is scheduled to be on stage at 4:00pm and since it was only 2:00pm, Chanyeol and Baekhyun excused themselves, doing only God knows what and there no sign of Luhan; probably running late.

Jongin stood behind stage B with Sehun waiting for their time to perform, too lazy to wander around. Not even their producer/manager, Kyungsoo, is in sit. Jongin pulls out his phone from his jean pocket, checking to see if he had any messages from Kyungsoo. Seeing that is inbox was empty, he decided to text Kyungsoo first.

To: Kyungsoo

Where are you? You’re coming, right?

A minute late, his phone notified him that he’s received a message.

From: Kyungsoo

Too eager to meet me?

Jongin chuckled when he read that, and immediately replied to the text.

To: Kyungsoo

You said no flirting. Breaking your own rules now, aren’t we?

From: Kyungsoo

Who said I was flirting with you?

To: Kyungsoo

You know you want to. LOL

From: Kyungsoo

Fine. No flirting. On my way.

To: Kyungsoo

Ok. Take care.

Jongin shoved his phone back to his jeans. He took another a sip of his coke while Sehun smoked his cigarette.

“You changed a lot this summer.” Sehun said out of the blue.

Jongin looked at his friend confused. “For better or for worse?”

“Depends.”

“Depends on what?”

“Depends on--” Before Sehun was able to finish his sentence, they both heard a woman shriek out in pain. “What the ?” Sehun mouthed and threw away his cigarette.

Jongin, startled at first, glanced around to locate the scream. No one heard the shriek except them; people were too busy enjoying the bands without noticing what happened. He gestured Sehun to come with him. They both walk quietly to the source of the shriek. More shrieks could be heard, turning pain and agonizing screams. When they could see clearly what happened, Jongin was already boiling in rage.

“That crazy bastards name's Luca. Don't mess with him, Jongin. That girl probably his girlfriend, Soojung,” Sehun whispered. “He got arrested last year for drugs but his rich father bailed him in less than twenty four hours.”

Jongin couldn't hear what Sehun said clearly. His teeth gritted and his jaw clenched. All he could see is that a crazy boy was harassing his own girlfriend who’s pleading for help and mercy, for him to stop. If Luca wasn’t going to stop then Jongin would make him stop. Seeing this girl reminded him of his mother, in a way, and he wouldn't stand to see a boy who hurt a girl physically. Who dares assault a woman, let alone in public? He rushed over, leaving Sehun to run after him, to help the girl. Jongin didn't think twice when he punched Luca really hard in the face.

Luca’s eyes widened and he stumbled back, “What the hell? What’s your ing problem dude?” Luca said as he spit out blood from his mouth.

“You, you . Stop harassing that girl.” Jongin pointed at Soojung, who’s now already in Sehun's embrace. Soojung trembled and looked at them with horror. Sehun’s unexpectedly calm but he’s ready to intervene if Jongin couldn't handle this alone.

“That's none of your business.” Luca snickered and without warning slamming his fist across Jongin’s jaw. “I can do whatever the I want with my .”

Jongin winced as he felt a sharp cut on his jaw, stumbling back from the force of the hit. He sends a glare at the cocky boy before grabbing Luca by the front of his shirt and punched Luca again and again, each time harder than the last.

Jongin wouldn't have stopped if Sehun didn't stop him. He’s panting when the festival security came and escorted Luca. He watched as Luca groaned in pain and screamed at him, “You'll pay for this!”

                     ∞

"You look like a .” Was the first thing Kyungsoo said as soon as he saw Jongin. He brought a first-aid kit in his left hand and then sat in front Jongin.

“He looks much worse, trust me.” Jongin said half grinning.

Kyungsoo didn't answer. Instead he opened the compartment and brought out some cotton and alcohol. “Tilt your head.” He commanded. Kyungsoo leaned forward and dabbed Jongin's jaw, cleaning the cut.  He scanned Jongin's face in search for other wounds.

Jongin winced but didn't say anything. He looked at Kyungsoo's face closely. He seemed to hold his thoughts for a second before Kyungsoo snapped, “You just can’t help yourself, can you?"

“H-Help what?” Jongin stuttered.

“Watching me.” Kyungsoo smiled.

"Ugh. That was my line," Jongin smirked and then added, “So; you’re starting to flirt with me now?”

Kyungsoo shook his head lightly and said, “You started it today. First, you said Lots of Love to me, and then you can't stop looking at me.”

“Lots of love? When?”

“You said LOL in the text.”

Jongin eyes widened, hoping Kyungsoo wasn’t that naïve to not know what LOL meant. Seeing the seriousness on the others face, he chewed inside his cheek before bursting into laugh.

“What?” Kyungsoo asked dumbfounded.

“You know, you really are cute,” Jongin cupped Kyungsoo's cheek in his hand which made Kyungsoo blush. He looked straight into Kyungsoo's eyes, still trying to hold his laughter and then genuinely smiled, “LOL means laugh out loud. But if you want it to be lots of love then it's fine with me. It's fine as long as the person is you.”

Kyungsoo felt an odd bubbling feeing in his chest. He turned his gaze away from Jongin but not his hand; his hand had a lot more warmth and comfort to it than Kyungsoo imagined.

“Idiot…”

                     ∞

Autumn had passed in the blink of an eye and winter came in its place. Jongin and Kyungsoo’s relationship grew immensely, becoming closer and closer to each other as the days went on. They spent a lot more time together than they realized. It didn't feel like Jongin was getting to know Kyungsoo, in fact, it felt more like they both had known each other all along, like old friends catching up to talk. In a way, being with Kyungsoo felt like listening to an old song you used to love but hadn’t heard in a long time until someone played it again and you fell in love with it all over again.

Yeah, something like that.

However, Jongin was starting to get the feeling that Kyungsoo was hiding something from him. No matter how close they became, there was still some sort of gap between them. Something that Jongin couldn't name what. It irritated him.

“I hate you.” Kyungsoo whined which made Jongin chuckle. “I hate winter and I hate ice skating.”

“You agreed to spend time with me today. This is how I want to spend my time.” Jongin grinned as he skated around the whole rink effortlessly, leaving Kyungsoo standing awkwardly somewhere in the middle of the rink. “Besides, you know you love me. Don’t deny it.”

Kyungsoo absentmindedly watched Jongin skate and felt something warm inside his heart. Yes, he really does hate winter and ice skating, but he loves spending his time with Jongin. Watching him skate like a child was so captivatingly beautiful.

Yes, he's in love with Jongin but will he admit it?

No.

Love, after all, couldn't save them from the truth.

Kyungsoo let out a sigh at the same time Jongin finished skating around the entire rink.

“What’s wrong?” He looked concerned.

“My hands cold. Let's go back.”

“Here. Let me warm them up for you.” Jongin held both of Kyungsoo hands, smiling. “Your hands fit perfectly in mine.” Jongin said softly; too soft that Kyungsoo thought he imagined him saying that. Jongin pulled him. Without any notice, Jongin began to skate backwards, facing Kyungsoo, eyeing him intensively with a mischievous smirk on his plush lips.

Kyungsoo felt his feet slide out from under him, losing his balance. Jongin grabbed him around the waist, pulling him in with so much force that they both fell over, Jongin landing on his back against the frozen ice, Kyungsoo clinging to his coat and cushioned from the fall by Jongin’s chest.

“You alright?” Jongin asked, not wanting to move until he knew Kyungsoo was fine.

“Y-Yeah, I’m okay.” Kyungsoo managed. He wiggled his way up, only to find Jongin’s face expectantly close to his. Their faces were only inches away and their bodies were pressed into each other. Realizing how close they actually were, Kyungsoo swallowed the sudden lump in his throat. He yelled inwardly, telling his body to move, but somehow he felt paralyzed by Jongin’s eyes. In that instant moment of connection, eyes meeting eyes, Kyungsoo was having trouble breathing.

The same thing could be said for Jongin. He could feel Kyungsoo’s breath brush against his lips. Kyungsoo’s small body in his arms, his cheeks a tint of red from the cold, his eyes wide with what Jongin thought was surprise; Kyungsoo was so perfect, so beautiful that he couldn’t help himself. He tilted his head upward, connecting his lips to Kyungsoo's lips. For a moment world felt like it stopped. Nothing else really mattered. Only the two of them existed in that moment and it somehow was enough for Jongin.

Kyungsoo gasped. He pushed himself away and managed regain his balance and stood. Dizziness surrounding him, he skated to the exit and changed to his shoes before running away. He felt warm tears well up in his eyes, threatening to overflow any moment.

This couldn't be happening. He couldn't fall in love with Jongin. He wasn’t supposed too. He kept repeating to himself over and over again to never fall in love, to never fall for Jongin. So, why can’t he listen to himself? Feelings can't lie. He felt so alive when Jongin was near him and that thought alone made him shiver.

Why? Why did it have to be Jongin?

“Kyungsoo, wait,” Jongin chased after him. He grabbed Kyungsoo's hand, preventing the smaller boy from moving any further, spun him around so that they were facing each other. “I'm sorry.”

“Don’t try to flirt your way out of this.” Kyungsoo said, expecting Jongin to say yes as usual and they would go back to normal, like the kiss never happened, “You shouldn’t have done that.”

But instead, Jongin shook his head.

“I can't help it. I can’t help myself when it comes to you. I want you. I want you so badly, Kyungsoo. I want to touch you here,” Jongin traced Kyungsoo's lips. “I want to hold your hand like this. I want to know how to make you happy, how to make you fall in love with me.” His voice started to tremble.

“Jongin-”

“I want to know all the music you love. I want to know you more than any other person you know. I want to be the only one for you. I’ve had been waiting for such a long time to meet you again, to see y9our face, to see that heart-shaped smile again, and now that I have you I don’t want to let go. Not when you are breathing next to me.”

Kyungsoo couldn’t help but let the tears fall down his cheeks.

"Do Kyungsoo, I want you and I want you to want me too.”

∞

SIDE B

“Who the celebrates their anniversary every month?” Baekhyun said in a sarcastic tone after he saw Jongin arrive at their basecamp with another present and some wrapping paper.

Jongin rolled his eyes and joined Baekhyun and Chanyeol on the couch, placing the gift neatly in his lap, “If I could, I would celebrate it every day.”

“Aww, Baekhyun you’re just jealous.” Chanyeol teased and planted a kiss on his cheek, and then whispered in his ear, “Should I wrap myself up and be a gift to you tonight? I’ll give you something you can unwrap…with your mouth.”

“Shut up,” Baekhyun suppressed a smile, trying his hardest not to be lured in by the y comment, “but seriously, remember how Jongin always mocked our relationship? And now he’s even worse than us.” he slaps Chanyeol on his board chest, pointing at Jongin as he wrapped his present for Kyungsoo as neatly as he could, “Look at him; he didn’t just fall in love, he’s head-over-heels, infatuated, crazy in love for our music producer.” Baekhyun shook his head.

Jongin's lips turned into a straight line. “I really don’t care if I was infatuated by him. I mean, I really love Kyungsoo a lot…” Jongin defended himself while his hand struggled to wrap the presents.

“Maybe he got laid and that's why he really infatuated by him.” Chanyeol said without thinking twice at the same time Sehun arrived at the basecamp.

“Who got laid?” Sehun raised one of his eyebrows, joining the three of them on the couch, his body squashed between Baekhyun and Jongin.

“Our Jonginnie.” Chanyeol said again.

Jongin couldn't help but roll his eyes again, “My relationships not based on like yours. Stop talking about me like I'm not here, you .”

“Don't tell me you never have a with him.” Baekhyun snickered. “It's been 5 months already, right?”

“Seriously, guys, enough.” Jongin deadpans, standing to his feet. He stuffed the half wrapped present into a paper bag before storming out of the room. Even down the hall, he could hear Baekhyun shout “Since when did you become an over sensitive ?”

Jongin admits he’s never had with Kyungsoo. Their skin ship limited to kiss only but it's enough. It's enough for him. He doesn’t want to have with Kyungsoo; he only wants to make love. Every touch, every word, every glance, and even every silence they shared already gave him a burning sensation. It already felt like they were make love with each second they spent together, or at least it did to Jongin. Maybe Baekhyun right; he's infatuated by Kyungsoo and hell,

Jongin couldn't care less.

∞

There were still two hours before their appointment with Kyungsoo, but since Jongin couldn't contain his feelings, he decided to make a surprise visit to the love of his life. After what seemed like forever, he stood in front of Kyungsoo's house. His house is much bigger than Jongin imagined, this was the first time he’s ever stepped foot here.

Kyungsoo always changed the topic every time he would ask him where he lived and what his house was like. Jongin assumed maybe because Kyungsoo didn't want to make Jongin look at him differently for how glamorized and stylish his place was. Materials didn’t matter to Jongin, though. He’s a very simple man with simple needs, just as long as Kyungsoo stayed by his side.

Jongin pressed the house doorbell and hid the gift behind his back. Seconds later, the door opened and an old maid looked at him curiously, scanning him intently from head to toe before asking politely, “Can I help you?”

“Yes, actually I need to see Kyungsoo. Is he home?”

“And may I ask you what your relationship is between you and master Kyungsoo?”

“Oh, uh, friends.” Jongin mentally remind himself to tease Kyungsoo later about his nickname at home, master what.

“Friends are always welcomed here.” the maid smiled and gestured Jongin to come inside. She escorted Jongin through a long aisle until they stopped in the living room.

“It's so quite here…” Jongin mumbled to himself but the maid seemed to have heard what he said.

“It's only madam and master living here. Please, wait here while I go tell the master that his friend is here.”

Before Jongin could respond, the maid already left, leaving him alone in the living room. He glanced around the room; the living space was very spacious, warm, and inviting. Several different sized frames hung on the walls. He looked over each and every one of them as he waited, seeing pictures of Kyungsoo when he was a child to him graduating high school and college. His eyes stopped abruptly on a family photo.

“What the hell?”

He looked closer at the old photo to see it more clearly and his heart started to feel uneasy. “Th-This can’t be right…that’s impossible.” Jongin’s eyes shifted to other side and found a lot of old newspaper articles that were taped onto the wall.

The newspaper article is about his father, his mother, and even him.

“You shouldn't be here!” Kyungsoo rushed into the room with a frightened face and gripped Jongin's wrist, attempting to drag him out of the room but Jongin yanked it away with ease.

“Do Kyungsoo, explain this to me.” He pointed to the family photo and then to the newspaper. “Tell me whatever I was thinking now is wrong.”

Kyungsoo remained silent and drop his head.

“Kyungsoo, look at me,” Jongin tilted Kyungsoo's chin up with his hand to force him to meet his gaze. “Please don’t break my heart. Tell me what’s going on.”

Kyungsoo looked through Jongin's eyes. He knew that what he was about to say would hurt Jongin so badly. So, here’s the boy he has been in love with for years, standing in front him, and he’s about to tell him the darkest truth, when the truth could destroy both of them. He exhales shakily.

“You are my half-brother, Jongin”

Jongin stepped back, putting space between them, eyeing Kyungsoo in disbelief and shaking his head. “No. You’re lying. There is no way.”

“Jongin...” Kyungsoo's hand tried to reach out for him, but Jongin jerks away, leaving Kyungsoo’s hand to linger in the empty air.

“When?” He says softly, almost inaudible, but speaks up more when his mind can’t process the disturbing information. “Since when have you known this? I mean, why did you act like you never knew me at my first concert? Why didn’t you tell me this from the start?” Jongin raised his voice; he looked at Kyungsoo, feeling betrayed by him. “How could you just sit there and lie to me for damn near a year? Was this all a joke to you? Am I just a ing joking to you?”

“Of course not,” Kyungsoo cuts in, “I never thought of you as a joke! It’s just…I couldn’t tell you. I didn’t know how to tell you.” He stares at the ground, feeling Jongin’s eyes burn a hole through his pale skin for answers. He inhales; attempting to calm his nerves, and then says, “My mother hates you and your mother.”

“Why?”

“Isn't it obvious? Your mother stole my mother's husband, my father. The reason why my....or our father died in the accident that day was because your mother called him.” Kyungsoo fidgeted the hem of his shirt, shaking.

“Stole? Now you’re calling my mother a ?” Jongin’s boiling in rage. No one was ever allowed to call his mother a , especially to his face.

“No, Jongin please understand, that’s not what I meant.” He pleased. “When our father died, I was still a baby. I grew up with my mother telling me her hatred to you and your mother, how terrible she was for stealing our father away from her and what a bastard child you were. So, as I grew up, of course I believed what she told me. I wanted revenge. Sure, I hated you for fourteen years of my life and I didn’t even know who you were, until I met you that day,” Kyungsoo realize his mouth trembling as he spoke, and a vacant stare from Jongin didn't help him. He tried to regain control of himself before continue,

“It's no coincidence, there's no such thing as coincidences in life. I expected you to be someone I could hate. I expect you to be a bastard or an , but when I saw you that day so many years ago, that summer in the park, I saw the most beautiful boy I had ever seen. I saw vulnerability, a shy little boy sitting under the large oak tree looking meek and timid. That wasn’t how I pictured you at all. I didn’t see any cockiness like I thought you’d have to resemble our dad. I should hate you but I can't Jongin, I can't. When you sing, you took my breath away, you took heart with you, my soul, and I know it's wrong. It took me years of suffering, missing you, until I decided to recruit you to the company. I shouldn't have let you fall in love with me and I should have never fallen in love with you, but I did. I…I love you, Kim Jongin and that’s not easy for me to say.”

Jongin was taken aback with Kyungsoo words, if this were a normal situation, he would be ing happy, damn near overjoyed to hear Kyungsoo confess like that, but right now, his mind too clouded and blinded by rage that Kyungsoo’s words didn’t reach his heart. Jongin paused for a moment before finally spoke.

“Give me time to be alone.”

∞

Jongin stood backstage with the rest of The Wolf members. They were getting ready for a spring fest and going to be on stage in less than fifteen minutes.

He felt a little bit jittery since this will be their first main stage and his problem with Kyungsoo was not helping him either. It's been two week; they haven’t talked at all, to be exact, Jongin’s the one who’s been ignoring Kyungsoo. It’s just not as easy as you see in the movie, sometimes love wasn't enough. He felt betrayed, stabbed in the back, and mocked by the one boy that was his everything, the boy who made him believe in music again.

“Yo ,” Sehun flicked his forehead, Jongin looking utterly surprised by the sudden action, “Someone’s searching for you.”

Jongin’s eyes shifted to the back stage door and found Kyungsoo standing there, smiling weakly at him.

“Can we talk for a minute, please?”

He wanted to say no, and was about to tell Kyungsoo to leave, but someone kicked him on the with so much force he nearly fell over. He turned to find the culprit, Baekhyun, standing over him. “Go. We still have time before we perform.”

“I’m gonna kick you back later.” Jongin pointed to Baekhyun before approaching Kyungsoo and motioned him to follow him out of the backstage.

“So?” Jongin crossed his arms over his chest, waiting for Kyungsoo to say something.

“Please, stop ignoring me. I’m sorry for what I did. This isn’t how I wanted things to turn out.” Kyungsoo said softly, a look of guilt written all over his face. “Forgive me, can’t you?”

“What if I can't?” Jongin retorted, not bothering to hide the bad attitude. “What if your apology isn’t good enough?”

Maybe it would be less complicated if he forgave him. But then what? What would the future have for them? They were half-brothers. They had the same blood, the same DNA, coursing through their bodies. Sure, they’re both boys so it shouldn’t matter, but Kyungsoo is now his older brother and it’s wrong for siblings to have a relationship like that. Plus, Kyungsoo’s mother hates him.

The only thing that would come for them was only hurt and pain. Even though he’s mad at Kyungsoo for lying to him, he couldn't stand see Kyungsoo hurt anymore. It only hurt for now; Kyungsoo would be okay in future. He would be better off without him, as if they never existed in each other lives.

“You said you loved me, didn’t you? If you love me then we can work this out.”

“What if love isn't enough? What if my love for you turned into hate?” Kyungsoo looked hurt, and it took all of Jongin’s might not to reach out to him and comfort the smaller boy. It’s for the best, Jongin kept reminding himself.

Kyungsoo managed to say something that was barely audible, but Jongin heard it loud and clear,

“So, you hate me now?”

“Maybe,”

Jongin said coldly and turned his back, ready to leave, when he heard something loud ringing in his ears, almost like a few gunshots went off, followed by a loud thump. He turned around, wondering what the noise was, and once he saw the sight, his heart stopped.

He watched Kyungsoo fall lifelessly to the ground.

“Kyungsoo!” Jongin screamed in agony. He looked down at Kyungsoo, feeling like the whole world was shutting down on him. Kyungsoo's hands were clutching his stomach, blood pouring out of it. His mouth was open like he was about to say something but didn’t have strength to do that. “No… Kyungsoo this isn’t happening!” Jongin screamed once again, falling to his knees next to Kyungsoo; his blood spreading rapidly across Kyungsoo's shirt and across the floor below him, barely breathing.

 Jongin pressed his hands against the wound on Kyungsoo's stomach, trying to stop the bleeding. “It's going to be okay. You'll be safe and sound. Kyungsoo listen to me, please, stay awake. Stay with me!” Tears instantly fell from his eyes and raced down his cheeks. He realized his body is shaking violently as he watched Kyungsoo bleed to death in front him.

“Don’t leave me, Kyungsoo…” he begged.

Kyungsoo coughed up blood he was choking on. Feeling his life draining from his body, his eyes manage to make their way to Jongin’s desperate figure. His hand slowly begins to move as it took all the strength he had just to touch Jongin’s hand one last time.

Jongin held his hand. He started to hum, trying to comfort Kyungsoo the only way he could. “If you’ll be my star, I’ll be your sky. You can hide underneath me and come out at night.” He could feel Kyungsoo’s heartbeat slowly fading. He bent down and to cradle his fragile body in his arm, his silky hair. “When I turn jet black and show off your light, I live to let you shine. I live to let you shine.” Jongin closed his eyes as he continued his song, his voice breaking every now and then, “but you can fly away from me and never comeback if you find another galaxy far from here with more room to fly.” Jongin’s mouth trembled and he choked on his own tears, squinting them tightly to help rid them. “Just leave me your stardust to remember you by.”

When Jongin opened his eyes, everything seemed to blur around him, like it’s only a nightmare. He'd wake up soon. He’d wake up with Kyungsoo still alive and breathing. Everything over the past two weeks would be a bad dream. He and Kyungsoo would be happy again.

Right?

It’s cold. It’s really cold. He could feel Kyungsoo’s body becoming colder and colder by the second. “I’ll make you warm, Kyungsoo.” Jongin whispered weakly. He tightened his grip on Kyungsoo’s body; Kyungsoo’s blood soaking into Jongin’s white t-shirt. A part of Jongin screamed, telling himself that Kyungsoo will no longer be here, he’s not even breathing anymore, but a part of him doesn’t want to believe it, being in denial is so much easier to believe. Kyungsoo would be okay. He knows it.

Jongin wasn’t aware that people were already around him, running and screaming in chaos. He wasn’t aware when the rest of his band members surrounded him, trying to help. He wasn’t aware that Sehun yelled, “Its Luca! That bastard’s the one who did this.” or when Baekhyun whispered, “Jongin, I'm so sorry! Everything will be okay.” He wasn’t aware when police came with the paramedic. He wasn’t aware that Chanyeol and Sehun moved him away from Kyungsoo’s body so the paramedics could attempt to save him, but he refused to move.

“Jongin...” Sehun squeezed his arm, asking him to get up. “The paramedics are here.”

“Tell them to help him now! Why the they are so slow?” His eyes never left Kyungsoo’s body. “Look. The blood already stopped. He’s going to be okay and safe, Sehun. I saved him.” Jongin pushed down on Kyungsoo's wound harder. “He will be okay.” He said again, more to himself.

“Jongin,” Sehun looked over him with pity. “It stopped because he’s already gone.”

“No!” Jongin sobbed and shook his head. “He will be okay!”

Sehun gently grabbed Jongin's arms, helping him get up while the paramedics brought Kyungsoo's body to the ambulance. “Jongin, everything will be okay.” He assured him.

Jongin's hands are covered with blood. He grasped Sehun shirt and clung on it, leaving a red mark on the shirt. "That should be me! It should be me who got shot! It should be me who died! He saved me! Sehun, he’s dying on me. I love him so much and he died without knowing it!” He sobbed so hard while Sehun rubbed his back in an attempt to comfort him.

“Jongin, he knew that you loved him. Everything will be okay. He's safe now.”

In movies, when the one you loved is dying, you still have time to say anything you want to them. However in reality, they died instantly. You don’t get the chance to do anything or say anything. Everything is just too late.

“You don't understand,” Jongin whispers,

“the last thing I said to him was that I hate him.”

∞

SPRING MUSIC FEST TURNS INTO TRAGEDY AFTER A MAN SHOOTS SOMEONE

1. [+3,614, -18] WHO IS THE CRAZY BASTARD WHO’S DOING THAT? I was there and aware when people started to scream and run. This is a disaster for our music nation!

DO KYUNGSOO, MUSIC PRODUCER OF FAMOUS COMPANY PRONOUNCED DEATH YESTERDAY DUE TO SPRING FEST SHOOTING

1. [+5,614, -184] OMG!! I’ve know him since he debuted and made some music for my oppa TT_TT my big condolences!

THE MYSTERIOUS SHOOTER TURN OUT TO BE LUCA WITH REAL NAME KIM SANG HYOON, HE SAID HE DID IT OUT OF REVENGE

1. [+2,420, -107] Isn't he the band member from the Akira? I heard he had a drug scandal last year. What a piece of trash. Shooting someone out of revenge is pathetic. What a lowlife.

DO KYUNGSOO THE MUSIC PRODUCER AND KIM JONGIN THE WOLF VOCALIST IN A GAY LOVE SCANDAL

1. [+3256, -82]  I heard that Kim Jongin broke down on Kyungsoo's funeral and keep begging for Kyungsoo to be alive. This is so sad. Stop judge them!! It’s still a better love story than Romeo and Juliet. TT_TT #fightingjonginoppa

DO KYUNGSOO AND KIM JONGIN REVEAL TO BE HALF BROTHER

1. [+2111, -568] WTF?! It feels like I’m watching a Korean drama.

KIM SANG HYOON A.K.A LUCA WAS SENTENCED TO LIFE IN PRISON FOR THE MURDER OF DO KYUNGSOO

1. [+12,420, -556] He should be sentenced to death instead. Hope he roots in jail!

THE WOLF RELEASED THEIR FIRST FULL LENGTH ALBUM AND STAY ON TOP CHARTS FOR WEEKS

1. [+15,420, -223] This is the best album I ever heard! They’re going to be famous worldwide, their songs are really heart wrenching. I heard that Kim Jongin was the one who made the songs; it said that he dedicated it for Do Kyungsoo.

KIM JONGIN ESCORTED TO HOSPITAL AFTER FAILED SUICIDE ATTEMPT DUE TO DEPRESSION

1. [+10089, -2378] OPPA! The rumor said he tried to overdose on prescription pills. Please keep safe, oppa; we are here for you TT_TT #fightingjonginoppa

∞

Jongin abruptly stopped the cassette player, the memories too painful for remember at the moment. He opened the small compartment and pulls the square device from its spot and stares at it in his tan hands. He feels nothing but emptiness, sorrow, loneliness, and pain. The audiocassette, this little piece of plastic, held the love song Jongin wrote for Kyungsoo, the song that Kyungsoo never heard, the anniversary present that never was.

Today, Jongin would have a special interview on a big time talk show with his band about new album they were making, and about his relationship with the deceased Kyungsoo. This would be the first time he’ll speak about Kyungsoo in public.

There's something funny about memories. Somehow, he forgot the very first song he sang for Kyungsoo and forgot about the song after that. Like every memory before Kyungsoo's death ceased to exist. This is why he made this cassette and would publish it soon; this is the song from the deepest part of his heart, a song that was only made for Kyungsoo will now be shared with the world. As long as people hear this song, Kyungsoo would still remain alive and remembered in people’s hearts, or at least that’s what Jongin hopes. Jongin might not remember the first song he sang for Kyungsoo but he remembers all the songs he made after Kyungsoo's death.

He remembers it, all too well.

∞

Next Update: 13/08/2014