Chapter 4

Identity Crisis

A/N - Warning - Some serious use of abusive language from this chapter onwards. So beware readers.


“The past is never where you think you left it” – Katherine Anne Porter

It wasn’t the first time. It had happened before, a little while after Chanyeol had gotten out of the hospital in the first place after the attack three years ago. Whenever someone would try to ask Chanyeol about that night, the night that was wiped out of his brain due to severe trauma, he would end up having fits, usually he would be fine after writhing around for a bit, but sometimes the fit would be really aggressive and he would pass out. Baekhyun was always there when it happened, but then one time it happened at Chanyeol’s work place when they had asked him about his college days. After a while, people stopped asking Chanyeol about stuff like that, stopped talking about it around him entirely. What suddenly prompted Kris to speak about it, question Chanyeol about it, directly enough to give him severe brain damage, was a mystery to Baekhyun. It also made Baekhyun absolutely furious.

Baekhyun paced back and forth outside of the hospital room. Inside, Chanyeol was with doctors and a nurse or two. Kris was staring at the ground, seated on one of the chairs meant for people who were waiting. Luhan stood a small distance away from Baekhyun, watching the door anxiously. Baekhyun was chewing on the pad of his thumb, teeth scraping it raw. He wanted to cry, he wanted to scream, demand to know how Chanyeol was, if he was OK, was he still asleep, would he need medication? Baekhyun’s feet stopped and his head shot up when the door opened and the doctors walked out.

“How is Chanyeol?” Baekhyun almost bawled in concern.

“He’s fine. He just needs a little rest. We put him to sleep, he’ll wake up tomorrow morning.” The doctor smiled kindly at Baekhyun.

“C-can I go in to see him?” Baekhyun stammered out.

“Yes, you may, but he won’t wake up right now,” the doctor said. One of the nurses smiled and held the door open for them. Baekhyun almost sprinted into the room, heart slamming against his ribcage, desperate to see Chanyeol. Chanyeol was lying peacefully on the bed, his eyes closed, hair slightly in disarray and lips curved in a small, peaceful smile. Baekhyun clutched his hand and fell to his knees beside the bed in exhaustion and relief. He felt like breaking into sobs, but then he couldn’t, not in front of Kris and Luhan. Sure, he had cried in front of them before, but now, he couldn’t. This was different in so many ways that he really couldn’t explain.

The ride back to Baekhyun’s apartment – where his two friends had decided to crash the night – was silent and filled with an uncomfortable tensed air. The moment the apartment door was closed, Baekhyun punched Kris straight in the face. Luhan squeaked in surprise and Kris hit the floor.

“Baekhyun what-” Kris began in shock.

“You son of a ! How dare you? Of all people I trusted you the most! I’m not even close to trusting Luhan. I’ve known you my whole life! Wu Yi Fan! How could you do that to him?” screamed Baekhyun grabbing Kris’ collar, yanking him up and punching him again. Kris spat out blood and shoved Baekhyun off him, getting to his feet, eyes aflame.

“And what about you, Baekhyun? I’ve known you my whole life! What about you? Why won’t you tell me anything? Why are you so mum about everything? Why are you pushing me so far as to questioning poor Chanyeol?” Kris shouted.

Baekhyun looked away from Kris, not able to look his best friend in the eyes.

“I know you’re not telling me everything, Baekhyun!” Kris growled out.

“Who says?” Baekhyun snapped at him.

“Everything screams it, Baekhyun! You can’t even look at me anymore! God damn it! Look at me in the eyes when I talk to you, Baek!” Kris shouted, grabbing Baekhyun’s collar and forcing the smaller male to look up at him. “I trust you with my life!”

Baekhyun stared at him with large scared and guilty eyes.

“You shouldn’t trust me!” Baekhyun screamed furiously, in the tall, Chinese man’s grip. “Why do you have to trust me?”

“Trust should be mutual, don’t you get it, ?” Kris snapped.

“Both of you stop it!” Luhan screeched at the glass breaking pitch. “Can both of you get your bromance issues sorted out in the morning after a decent night’s sleep? Or I swear I will brutally murder the both of you for ruining my beauty sleep!” Luhan pulled the both of them away from each other, giving them dark looks that chilled them to the bone. “Or wait, chuck that! Sort it out next week because, like hell am I going to let my café go to failure because both of you are acting like high school girls fighting over the same guy!” Luhan pushed past Baekhyun and Kris and tossed himself onto the small bed. “I’m taking the bed with Baek. Kris, you can kiss the floor!”

------o------

Luhan was a light sleeper. He guessed it came from the fear he had for several years, the fear of being kicked out of his home because he was unwanted, the child of a , disgusting in the sight of his own mother, human trash. He was always awake at night as a teenager, convinced his mother would escape the hold of her boyfriend and his aunt and stab him to death, his screams muffled by his pillow. He never asked for it. It wasn’t his fault. He didn’t ask to be a freak that repelled the rules of a civilized society. He would wake even at the sound of the house cat going for a drink of water from his mother’s room.

This is why he woke up instantly at a strange sound. In the dark he couldn’t even tell where he was. He panicked for a brief second before he recognized the blankets on him. He almost threw up. No one in the universe actually owned blankets with oversized pictures of Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki printed on them. It was all too obvious that Chanyeol had them specially made. The sound once again drew Luhan out of his thoughts. He turned. Baekhyun was whimpering in his sleep, tears silently making their way out from under the brunette’s eyelids, creating dark and ugly tear marks on nearly flawless skin. Luhan had been around when Baekhyun had cried before. He didn’t really know what was going on in his friend’s life – they were weird, but real friends – but he could guess it was truly taking a huge toll on the younger’s life. Baekhyun refused to talk about it and Luhan was just glad that he was trusted enough to know at least a little more than the yellow haired giant sleeping in the dining room.

But as time went by, Luhan wondered why Baekhyun was continuing on with whatever he was doing. Luhan didn’t know if the eyeliner queen knew it, but he was killing himself slowly. Luhan was never one to express his emotions freely. His only outward motions were happy, sour, bitter, indifferent or just really ticked off. He definitely had a larger array of colors inside, but the majority was an angry, hurt display of emotions from his past. Luhan had a pretty trashy life, but he knew he wasn’t even close to getting to Baekhyun’s level. The entire world scorned Baekhyun, his own friends acted wary around him and the man – Luhan could clearly see – that Baekhyun loved couldn’t even love him back the right way because Baekhyun couldn’t do it properly.

Luhan was one of those silent observers. Although people around him just naturally thought he was as dumb as the color of his hair and that he spoke without thinking, it was completely the other way around. Growing up in an environment where he had to continuously save his own skin from his own mother, Luhan had learnt to be sharp, observant and cautious. What he acted like in the café was all a façade of sorts, but not a single word was wasted on Kris, Baekhyun and Chanyeol. As crappy Baekhyun’s life seemed to be, he was the color on Luhan’s white canvas. Luhan was alone till Baekhyun stumbled into his café that day, tired and wrung out. The moment Luhan merely asked if Baekhyun was OK – because hey, at first Luhan thought Baekhyun was drunk and he refused to deal with drunkards in his café – Baekhyun cried all over Luhan without meaning to.

Luhan felt the non-existent human side he had wake up and call to him to love the thing and care for the very kind of being that had kicked him out of the lousy he called a home his entire childhood with death threats. Because, Baekhyun never realized it, but he was a lost puppy and Luhan was a er for lost puppies, even if he felt like kicking them in the face on first sight. The moment he accepted one lost puppy, two puppy-wannabe-owners stumbled into his café in the form of Kris and Chanyeol. Despite Baekhyun’s obvious puppy aura and Chanyeol’s absolutely adorable oh-my-god-can-I-eat-you-alive aura, Luhan still was stone cold. Hey, talking to them in the first place was an achievement. Luhan would sooner shove Chanyeol into an oven than tell the younger that he could tell Luhan to put flowers in his hair and he would do it. Luhan was the brother of the stone mountains when it came to emotions.

And yet he found himself sitting up and pulling Baekhyun’s head onto his lap, gently his cheek and running fingers through his hair comfortingly, trying to get him to stop crying.

He heard mumbles. He bent down trying to make sense of what the younger was saying.

“Chanyeol…please…please…” the younger whimpered. “Look at me…please…”

Luhan blinked. Whatever dream Baekhyun was having, it definitely was not a dream of the past.

“I’m sorry…I’m so sorry…”

Concerned, Luhan patted Baekhyun’s cheek.

“Yah, yah, wake up. Hey, Byun Baekhyun, get up,”

Baekhyun sat up, eyes wide, glistening with tears, staring at Luhan with such a heart-broken and lost look that Luhan felt his heart shatter at those eyes. Luhan lost the fight with his hard exterior there. He pulled Baekhyun close to him and his hair.

“Hey, it’s going to be OK. You’re alright. I’m here…”

Baekhyun sobbed into Luhan’s shoulder.

------o------

Baekhyun and Kris refused to speak to each other for several days, even after Chanyeol woke up. Chanyeol was mystified as to why because he couldn’t remember anything about his fit. No one told him that Baekhyun was angry at Kris because he triggered his fit. That would make Chanyeol way too curious about everything. No one was ready to tell him anything. Luhan made sure to steer clear of moments Baekhyun and Kris were alone together. But there was only so long the two childhood best friends could stop talking to each other, especially when Baekhyun needed to lean on Kris.

It was raining again and Baekhyun was running in the rain, crying. He needed Kris. He ran all the way to the older man’s house, barefoot. People stared at him but he could care less about what the society thought of him, especially when he needed someone to comfort him and tell him everything was alright. He burst in through Kris’ door since he knew the pass code and ran in. Kris was sitting there with a dark haired man with dark bags under his eyes. Baekhyun instantly recognized Huang Zitao, the man Kris had been crushing on since High School. Kris looked up at him in surprise and Tao looked even more surprised and shocked. Baekhyun didn’t care that Tao was there, he needed Kris.

“Kris I-” Baekhyun broke off and sank to the ground, sobbing.

Kris shot to his feet and was instantly at Baekhyun’s side. He pulled the cold and shivering Baekhyun into his arms, brows furrowed in concern. Kris had often wondered how he would apologize to Baekhyun and how he would get Baekhyun to return to him on his own accord and the chance came then. Kris lifted Baekhyun off the floor and carried him to his bedroom. Kris put him down onto his bed and then took off his shirt, then his pants. He quickly changed Baekhyun into new and dry clothes, trying desperately to ignore the marks on Baekhyun’s body. He quickly toweled Baekhyun’s hair and then the soft locks till his best friend fell asleep.

He stood up and picked the wet clothes and towel from the ground and put them up in the bathroom to dry. He turned to the room door and froze. Tao stood there, eyes wide in confusion. Kris sighed and then walked back out to the living room once again. Tao followed him in silence.

“Kris ge, who is he?” Tao asked softly.

“My best friend, Byun Baekhyun,” Kris answered sitting back down on his sofa.

“Is he OK?” Tao whispered.

“I don’t know, but then, I never know,” Kris shrugged. “Maybe he’ll tell me what happened when he wakes up. Maybe he won’t utter a word to me when he wakes up. The only thing I can do right now is call up Luhan and tell him to bring the first aid kit from the café because Baekhyun’s feet are cut,” Kris sighed in exhaustion. He was tired of waiting for Baekhyun. From now on, he would hunt without Baekhyun.

Kris pulled out his phone and started texting Luhan.

“Who hurt him?” Tao asked hesitantly.

“I wish I knew…”

------o------

“Where are you going?”

“Back home, it’s getting late. Kris will search for me in a bit,” Baekhyun picked up his bag and lightly dusted the cheap material. He straightened up and turned around slowly when he heard absolutely no response from the deep voiced man. He let out a gasp of surprise when he realized the taller male was standing right behind him. The hair at the back of his head was grabbed and he was pulled closer, whimpering in pain. This man’s lips were just a couple of inches away from Baekhyun’s.

“You’ve been avoiding me these past few weeks. You wouldn’t want to make the same mistake again now, would you?” the deep voice asked, his breath fanning across Baekhyun’s face. Baekhyun shivered.

“I-I haven’t b-been avoiding y-you,” Baekhyun stammered with wide and frightened eyes.

“Liar!” Baekhyun was struck across the face.

Letting out a cry, Baekhyun fell to the floor, caressing his cheek while staring up at his attacker in fear. He grabbed Baekhyun by the hair at the top of his head, yanked him up and struck him again. Baekhyun collapsed on the ground, crying and hiccupping wretchedly on the floor. He was kicked in the side and then struck again. He was pulled into the taller man’s arms to look at him straight in the eyes through red and tear filled ones.

“Why do you make me do this to you, Baek?” the man asked softly, running a finger across Baekhyun’s bruised cheek. Baekhyun trembled. “You know that I love you so much. Don’t you, my Baekkie?” he asked brushing his tongue across Baekhyun’s bruise, slowly. Baekhyun winced. “I asked you a question!” Baekhyun was hit once again, but held in place this time. Baekhyun sobbed.

“I know, I know that you love me,” Baekhyun cried.

“Then you should know not to keep me waiting, right?”

Baekhyun nodded frantically.

“Who do you love, my pretty Baekhyunnie?”

“You…” Baekhyun hiccupped, crying. “I love you,”

“Correct. Come back quickly. Do not make me wait next time,” Baekhyun felt the arms around him let go of their bruising hold on his waist. He ran as fast as he could, not even bothering to pick up his shoes. He ran crying in the rain to his only refuge.

Kris.

------o------

Baekhyun didn’t tell Kris what happened when he woke up. But Kris let it go, instead treating his friend to ice cream and tteokbokki and taking care of him as much as he could. He even gave him piggy-back-rides to the café, which Baekhyun found ridiculous and embarrassing, but Kris would not have any talk about Baekhyun walking. Baekhyun seemed to keep a distance from Chanyeol, who didn’t know that Baekhyun got hurt. Baekhyun seemed to be trying to keep Chanyeol in the dark as much as possible.

Baekhyun was assigned to a high stool in the café so that he could sit and take orders from his seat. It was all a really big fuss in Baekhyun’s opinion, but despite his friends’ cold attitudes, they really did care about him. Sometimes Baekhyun would wonder, if the same thing happened to them, would he be ready to help them in the same way, or try to take care of them in the same way? With his life already in such disarray and chaos, Baekhyun had a hard time seeing it, and in the end, he gave up on trying to imagine what he would do.

Often, Baekhyun would lie at home in distress because even though he went to go visit the man as much as possible, his own words haunted him.

You…I love you.

He wanted to rip his own hair out in frustration and cry. He didn’t love someone so absolutely monstrous. Or did he? He didn’t. It was a question that he couldn’t answer, because deep inside, he was confused about the answer. What had gotten into him? Baekhyun wondered if he should go to a psychiatrist to seek help. But he couldn’t do that. He was scared that everything he had been working for would crumble if he sought for help at the most inopportune time. If he needed help, he should have gotten it before everything got complicated. Baekhyun was ashamed of himself.

Everything was his fault. He didn’t realize that keeping his stalking from Kris would lead to such a complicated and huge problem. In fact, he should have told it to anyone he could when he figured out that he was being stalked by someone. But he really couldn’t back then. The shame and terror he felt when he understood who his stalker was led him to keep quiet about it, because if he revealed it, it would be such a big matter.

“Baek!” Chanyeol jumped in front of him as he dozed at the counter.

“Bloody Hell! Park Chanyeol, you scared me!” Baekhyun started.

“Are you sleepy?” Chanyeol asked with a small pout.

“Hm…” Baekhyun nodded with a faint smile. The customers were watching them curiously, but that didn’t matter because they were all High School girls. “I really can’t seem to stay awake. I think it’s because Kris doesn’t let me walk here in the morning so I have no morning exercise to wake me up.” Baekhyun rearranged his uniform tie.

“I can do something to keep you awake,” said Chanyeol with a smile.

Baekhyun raised an eyebrow in challenge.

“Can you?” he asked. Chanyeol nodded. Before Baekhyun could even blink, he leaned forwards and pecked his nose. Baekhyun stared, frozen in spot with big eyes. Chanyeol kissed his nose again, making sure to leave a little wet spot. “Chanyeol, what are you doing?” Baekhyun breathed.

“That lady was flirting with you,” Chanyeol whispered, kissing the little patch of skin between his nose and mouth. “I didn’t like it,” Chanyeol pressed his lips against Baekhyun’s in a chaste kiss before pulling away, only to kiss his mouth again after giving him an eye smile. He left one last, lingering kiss on Baekhyun’s mouth and then he stopped, pulling away to smile at Baekhyun. “Are you awake now?”

“More than awake…” Baekhyun whispered.

“I love you…” Chanyeol whispered against Baekhyun’s lips.

“I love you too…I love you so much,” Baekhyun said back and he almost flinched at the way the words stabbed him in his brain and heart. Tears stung his eyes momentarily but Chanyeol didn’t notice and just kissed him.

“Aaaand…as much as I love you two together, it would be really nice if you could keep your lovey-dovey-ness outside of my café, please?” Luhan’s sugar sweet voice broke through their bubble.

“Roger that, Miss Xi,” Chanyeol grinned, giving Luhan a salute.

Luhan muttered something under his breath in Mandarin. Most likely promises to rip off Chanyeol’s head later. Luhan merely smiled at Chanyeol, the ‘Sweet and Cute Pretty Boy’ image was essential for his café’s success. The High School girls were already busy discussing the relationship of Baekhyun and Chanyeol. Baekhyun wondered what would happen if Chanyeol decided to become a singer. He’d have girls after him all the time. Baekhyun chuckled at his own thoughts and he got back to work.

------o------

The next day Chanyeol and Baekhyun went to Lotte World. Chanyeol seemed extremely off and Baekhyun couldn’t tell why. None of his smiles were creepy and twitchy and everything he did seemed almost forced. Baekhyun wanted to comment on it, but decided not to, believing Chanyeol would tell him what was up when he felt like it. Baekhyun was right. They got off the French Revolution and then Chanyeol turned to Baekhyun looking like a mess. Concerned, Baekhyun put his hand against Chanyeol’s cheek.

“What is it, Yeollie? Are you OK? Are you feeling well?” Baekhyun asked in concern.

Chanyeol merely blinked back tears.

“Do you feel funny? Chanyeol, are you OK?” Baekhyun asked in a worried tone.

“Baek, why can’t you leave him?” Chanyeol asked him bitterly, not able to look at Baekhyun in the eyes. Baekhyun’s hand fell to his side and his stomach lurched. After riding on all of those rides, Baekhyun still had a strong stomach, unlike some people who threw up after the first roller coaster. But the moment Chanyeol uttered those words, Baekhyun felt nauseous. Back then, his usual answer was, ‘I can’t’. Now, Baekhyun felt like Chanyeol needed a concrete answer.

Baekhyun gave a soft and pained smile, heart ready to shatter.

“Because…I owe my life to him…” was the soft answer.

Your life to someone like him,” Chanyeol could not keep the venom from his usually happy voice. Baekhyun almost sobbed.

“He’s not evil, Yeollie…He just…he just has lost himself, you know,” Baekhyun’s voice almost trembled as he scuffed his shoe against the ground to steady himself. Baekhyun looked up at Chanyeol, eyes silently begging for the taller to please understand what a dilemma he was going through.

“Lost himself…” Chanyeol muttered disdainfully. He looked away from Baekhyun and observed the cotton candy vendor. Baekhyun wished Chanyeol would just look at him and understand some of the pain he was going through because he wouldn’t let Baekhyun be. “Baekhyun, you love me, right?” Chanyeol asked, hesitantly. He didn’t look at Baekhyun, fearing the rejection of the one he loved.

Baekhyun cupped Chanyeol’s face and turned his head so he was looking at him. “Of course I love you, Yeollie. I will never stop loving you. I love you and only you,” Baekhyun spoke the words sincerely, ignoring the mocking voices in the back of his head.

“Really?” Chanyeol sounded like an insecure and lost child.

“Really. You and only you,” Baekhyun whispered.

“I love you, Baek. I love you with all my heart, sometimes I feel like my heart might burst,” Chanyeol pulled the shorter brunette closer and hugged him, burying his face into his shoulder. Baekhyun held him, his gloved hands, pulling the man he loved closer. They both were so broken and they so desperately needed each other, but as fate would have it, they couldn’t even have each other wholly.  Baekhyun often cursed his fate. He wished he was ugly and mortifying, even if it meant that he couldn’t have Chanyeol. He just wanted to see Chanyeol smile. As the days went by, Chanyeol’s smiled got more strained.

“I know you do, idiot. I know you do,” Baekhyun bit his lip to keep himself from crying. He was the reason Chanyeol couldn’t smile anymore. It was all his fault. Baekhyun hated himself. He wished he could rot in hell. He definitely deserved it. It was his fault Chanyeol was like this and Baekhyun wished he could make Chanyeol smile again.

“I’ve loved you since we were in college together…” Chanyeol confessed, a story Baekhyun had heard several times already.

“I’ve loved you since then too,” Baekhyun said. It didn’t matter to him that they were in the middle of an amusement park and near to crying because he needed to hold Chanyeol like this to reassure himself that everything he was doing was not all for naught. The next question Chanyeol asked chilled Baekhyun to the bones.

“Baekkie, did something happen three years ago?” Chanyeol asked.

Baekhyun stiffened, a shiver running up his spine.

“Kris was asking me if I remembered anything frightening.” Chanyeol said.

Baekhyun pulled away, his face stone cold. He was going to murder Kris.

“Nothing happened three years ago, Yeol. Kris is being an and is playing a prank on you. I bet you that Luhan put him up to the task. Or Kris is just being mean. Don’t listen to him when he asks questions like that. When he asks questions like that I want you to turn around and walk away. You hear me?” Baekhyun asked harshly. He was going to kill Kris.

Chanyeol blinked and then nodded.

“By the way, Kris was asking me if I remembered anything about our Biology teacher. Hs name was Mr. Bang, right?” Chanyeol looked down at Baekhyun in curiosity. Baekhyun went white.

“Yeol…” he started trembling in fear.

“Baek? Baekhyun, are you OK?” Chanyeol instantly panicked.

“I’m fine, Yeollie,” Baekhyun whispered. “Yeah, sure, I remember Mr. Bang…Our biology teacher…”

------o------

Chanyeol had gone back home early. His older sister was leaving for London with his mother for treatment. His elder sister had finally managed enough money for a trip there. Baekhyun walked out of the library alone, feeling scared. He knew very well that he was being watched. He heard something behind him. He spun around. Nothing. He turned back around and almost screamed.

A large calloused finger was pressed against his lips to silence him. Baekhyun stared up at the taller man if fear. The man grinned down at him and the finger brushed not-so-subtly against his lips. Baekhyun was frozen in place. He couldn’t move.

“I have a gift for you,” a box was pressed into Baekhyun’s hands. Baekhyun looked at the box that lay in his trembling hands. He looked back up at the man with wide eyes,

“W-why?” he stammered.

“It’s been two years since we’ve known each other, Baekhyun.” Baekhyun shuddered at the way his name rolled of the other man’s tongue. Baekhyun shrank away as the man bent down to his eye level. “Are you scared, my Baekhyunnie?” Baekhyun closed his eyes and shrank away even more. “You’re so pretty like this Baekhyun, scared, white, small, and trembling. So, so pretty.”

Baekhyun wanted to run, but he couldn’t, not while he was still in the school building.

“The gift is because I love you, Baekhyun ah,” the taller male grinned.

You don’t love me, you’re obsessed. You disgust me. Baekhyun thought.

“I have to go,” Baekhyun whispered hurriedly. He tore past the male and ran for his life, box clutched in his hands.

“See you in class tomorrow, Baekhyun!” the male called.

------o------

Baekhyun’s brother called. Baekhyun’s mother died and he was expected to be at her funeral. Baekhyun screamed at his brother over the phone about how he wasn’t responsible for the woman that abandoned him when he was . The argument over the phone was not pretty. It was filled with screams and tears. To make matters worse, Kris was there when he opened the door.

“How was your date?” Kris asked as soon as Baekhyun shut the door.

“Awful, no thanks to you,” spat Baekhyun.

“Was it now?” Kris asked in mock amusement.

Baekhyun clenched his fists. He spun around, aiming his shoe directly at Kris’ head. Kris caught it easily; Baekhyun’s aim never was that good anyways. A clearly sarcastic grin was on Kris’ face now. It had been a week since Chanyeol’s fit and like Luhan had asked them to, they were sorting it out like the masochistic men that they were.

“Tsk. Baekhyun,” Kris said in a chiding voice. “You shouldn’t throw things at your best friend,”

Baekhyun glared at him. “Best friend?” Baekhyun threw his head back, emitting a bitter peal of laughter. “Are you ing kidding me right now? Huh? What the is wrong with you? Did you take leave of your senses? Do you want me to take a frying pan to your head? Maybe you’ll regain your senses!” Baekhyun shouted at Kris.

“Your door password is still Chanyeol’s birthday. It was the same three years ago. Only, I never knew it was his back then. Tell me, did your stalker know about the password?” Kris asked Baekhyun with fiery eyes.

“How could you go and ask Chanyeol? You son of a , what if you triggered one of his fits again? Do you really want me to kill you?” Baekhyun shouted, ignoring Kris’ question.

“Then who should I ask? The dead? Well I hope they talk!” Kris sneered. “There is absolutely no one I can ask but you and you won’t answer. Until you start talking Byun Baekhyun, I’m going to ask Chanyeol all I want and you can’t even stop me!” He followed Baekhyun to the kitchen where the brunette poured himself a glass of milk.

“I drop them!”

“What?”

“The charges! I drop the charges, Wu Yi Fan!” Baekhyun shouted.

“That’s not for you to decide, birdbrain! Yongguk died too!”

“Good riddance!”

“Shut up!”

“What am I supposed to say to you, huh?” Baekhyun snapped.

“I’m damn tired of this ! I feel like I’m chasing my own tail. I’m tired of pretending you’re too fragile to question. Three bloody years Baekhyun and you can’t get over it! You are dating Park Chanyeol, the biggest baby on the planet and you have an abusive relationship with who knows. If you’re not strong for keeping up with all of that, what the actual , Baek?” Kris growled.

“I’m reminded of that incident every minute of my life. OK? Every single minute and it haunts me! But what would you know? You’re not Luhan! You’re a block of ing stone that has no feelings and the last person I need to remind me of that incident is you, so just shut up! God damn it!”

“You must know something! Anything! Who you? Who killed that man?”

“I don’t know!” Baekhyun cried.

“You know, you know something, Baek, and I know you do! I can tell!” shouted Kris. “Someone knows something!”

“I don’t know anything Kris! I know nothing! Stop this! Please just stop this already! Today is such a crappy day already! I don’t need you making it worse!”

Kris stood to his full height, staring Baekhyun down.

“Byun Baekhyun. You know something and you’re not telling me. What is going on?” Kris asked in a deadly low voice. “Why aren’t you telling me? What are you so afraid of?”

“I don’t know anything, Yi Fan! How many times do I have to tell you?” Baekhyun burst into tears. “What do I have to say to make you believe me?” Baekhyun sank to the ground, sobbing. Kris instantly knelt next to his friend. Baekhyun was stronger than this. What caused him to break out of the blue? Both of them knew Baekhyun was lying, but Kris let it pass, for just that moment.

Kris drew the smaller male towards him and gently the trembling boy’s hair as he cried into Kris’ shirt. Baekhyun curled up and Kris realized how truly undernourished his best friend was. Definitely not the best time to bring up the incident.

“Tough day?” Kris gently asked, his voice was amazingly tender compared to the tone he was using just a while ago and Baekhyun appreciated the contrast.

Kris realized that he had been so blinded that he hadn’t noticed the little signs that Baekhyun had tossed his way. The little signs had begged for him to pick them up, but Kris just kicked them to the side, pretending that they didn’t exist. Baekhyun did everything systematically. In a way you could say Baekhyun had the obsessive-compulsive disorder. Baekhyun always took off his shoes and then his coat. This time it had been the other way around; something Kris should have noticed when Baekhyun threw the shoe at him. Baekhyun was going to drink milk, and Kris knew Baekhyun only drank it when he was upset ever since Kris had put him to sleep with warm milk and sugar when they were little kids and there was a thunder storm.

“Yeah,” Baekhyun mumbled.

Kris played with Baekhyun’s hair, a calming technique he had learned earlier on, when they were kids.

“What happened?”

“Omma died.” Baekhyun whispered. Kris tensed up. He remembered when Baekhyun cried in his arms after his mother called him a piece of trash, right after the incident. Baekhyun used to love his mother so much. There was so much Baekhyun lost three years ago and his mother’s support was one of them. “Hyung and I screamed at each other over the phone,” Baekhyun laughed bitterly. “He never even knew I was . Would you believe that?”

Kris massaged the back of Baekhyun’s hand.

“Luhan yelled at me for getting late, as usual, but today it hurt for some reason.”

Kris clucked tongue and muttered under his breath that Luhan was a lazy .

“And then Chanyeol brought up his insecurities,”

Kris closed his eyes. There was nothing much he could do about that.

“And then you…”

“I’m sorry, Baek,”

Kris put his friend to sleep. It was quite clear that even though the case was about Baekhyun, he couldn’t involve him and Chanyeol anymore. Kris pulled out his phone.

“Oh Tao, I need you to do something for me. Search for a Jongin. Maybe a college student. He’s a little shorter than me, dark brown hair, tan skin, full lips, probably dances and most likely does arts. Probably will have paint stains on his clothes. Oh, he also has an attachment with fair skin, pretty short, heart shaped lips, owl eyes, either plays the piano, or he sings. His name is Do Kyungsoo. But I just want that Jongin guy. Thanks.”

------o------


A/N - I might finish Identity Crisis in the next two chapters. Warning all of you before hand, keep the shoes ready throw at me. It's my holidays right now, so I finally put up this chapter and it is unedited. I like typed it up really fast and didn't read through. If you spot a mistake, feel free to tell me. I'm hungry...We had homemade pizza for lunch...I want more. The plot is moving and the story is drawing a close, my lovely subbies. Be prepared!

Here's some Chen:

Kaeppsong~

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indiankpopcrazygirl
IC give a gift for more than a year celebration! Kaeppsong~

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Sana_rakshu
#1
Chapter 8: Omg that was so good a masterpiece truly.... I was hooked from start to end..... The plot,characters, suspense everything was perfect....very well written great work... Loved it
yiseulbi #2
Chapter 8: To be honest, i thought of chanyeol having a mental disorder did occur me. I still cried though at the end. Nevertheless, this story is really beautiful and well-written. It really amazed me that Baekhyun still wanted to save Chanyeol, one way or another and it kinda broke my heart when Baekhyun killed himself. I enjoyed reading this. Thank you for this amazing story, author!:)
naty_kkaebsong
#3
Chapter 8: Chanyeol ㅠㅠ but oh wow this was so perfect! I really wanted to read a psychological story like this and this was just perfect! Everything was really on point and such a well formed story. You did such a good job writing it. And the plot twist was incredible. Honestly, it wouldn't be hard to figure everything out if you didn't wrap up the story so well. There were many hints in the story but then you make it seem like it isn't it. First it was pointed that Yongguk was dead and that Bang was his teacher and later when we found out that Bang was a stalker we could've figured out he died that night. Chanyeol was such a nice guy, so it always surprises me when such a twist happens. And I had some thoughts whether he was the abusive one, but whenever I had that thought I was like no it can't be. Because Baekhyun was feeling so guilty whenever he was with sweet Chanyeol and how he regreted it. But it makes sense how Baekhyun said to both of them that he loved only him. It was basically true. But then again it's the guilt again that got me thinking otherwise. There is one scene that I don't really know how it went tho... when Baekhyun was going out but then Chanyeol and the others came to dinner... when Baekhyun texted him, it should already be to the other Chanyeol since he said he couldn't meet? But the nice Chanyeol was already there so why would he text him? Sometimes I get a little confused with who is who hehe >< What attracts me with this story is especially how neither of them were in their right minds. How Baekhyun still loved Chanyeol after all of that, and how I really liked how he didn't get over his death just like that. I'd be a little disappointed if that were the case. But this was really the perfect ending. That Baekhyun had gone a little crazy too, that he really loved Chanyeol so much. That he couldn't live without him >< Damn, this story is really a whole package. I really enjoyed reading this. The characters were perfect and so on point- I liked even the supporting roles, they were all so good, the whole story just got me so absorbed in it, I just couldn't stop reading.... it's like 3am and I have to het up in like 3 hours bit I just wanted to say how much I loved this! Thank you so much for writing this masterpiece, I am so co ntent with this story. Seriously it's really perfect. I don't even wanna know how many times I've said this already ><
Honestly I didn't think I'd like it this much, but especially with this kind of ending it really suited so well. Thank you again, lots of love ❤❤❤
dazedyeol
#4
Chapter 7: I did not expect that ending... This story was amazing and heartbreaking ❤️ ?
callmebabybaekhyun
#5
Chapter 7: Scaryyyy...
fergalicious
#6
Chapter 7: Oh and sorry is there are some mistakes in my comment, my phone dictionary is in spanish.
fergalicious
#7
Chapter 7: O my Goooooddd, ok so since the scene of baek's "diary" I knew that teacher was the stalker cause I think it was Kris who said baek didn't answer unknow numbers, and because of that I thought that maybe the dead man was a boyfriend of baek but then it was said he has been in love with chan almost since the start of college so If he was to kill everyone with feeling for Baekhyun he could just kill chan soooo I got confused. Thennnn baek said he owed his life to that man sooo connecting clues I was like "well maybe the stalker killed the man who him" I SWEAR IT DIDN'T WHEN THROUGHT MY HEAD THAT THE STALKER WAS ALREADY DEAD, the only thing I was like supeeeerrr sure is that the abuser killed the man who him. I still in shook you have nooooo idea of how much I enjoyed this, I was craaaviinng a good fic for so long and also it make me feel embarrassed cause I just started studying psycology, sooo yeah I feel dumb jiji but honestly I think I gonna read more from you.
_modelmaterial_ #8
I really loved this story tho since im at plot twists I didn't expect that ending at ing all man I was shook af
_modelmaterial_ #9
Chapter 8: Why couldn't he get Chanyeol help ? Its not like Chanyeol did anything