We all have very contrasting opinions on Baekhyun’s matter. Some are more understanding than others, some are clearly not. Kris tried to pull all of our focus on different activities so that we would have other things to worry about aside from Baekhyun’s withdrawal.

                I was genuinely surprised by Kris’s stance on the matter. He has remained quiet thus far, not mentioning much about it. He didn’t want to answer calls about it or any magazine interviews about the case either. There was no press conference, no official statement or anything like it. When I asked him, he just said that he would rather deal with it quietly. He didn’t need the attention.

                You might disagree with me, but I actually think that deep down inside, Kris knew he couldn’t keep Baekhyun. He knew that whether win or lose, he would have to let Baekhyun go. Perhaps the lawsuit is just a formality, but it’s been proven that Luhan is capable of being on his own so maybe that’s why Kris is okay with letting Baekhyun go. If Luhan was useless on his own, he might have to fight to get Baekhyun back, but Luhan is just fine. Or maybe because he felt guilty about his treatment towards him.

                As time passes on, media attention died down and we start talking less and less about it. But for some of us, Baekhyun’s disappearance is still very hard to handle. I still couldn’t help thinking about him. Luhan pretends he doesn’t but I know he does. And Kyungsoo.

                “Kyungie?”

                “Go away.”

                “Kyungie please, get up. It’s a beautiful sunny day, don’t you want to get up and go for a walk?” Jongin poked the body under the sheets in his room.

                “No.”

                “Come on Kyungsoo.” Jongin pulled the covers down and revealed a puffy-faced Kyungsoo with red nose and red eyes. “What’s wrong? Have you been crying?”

                Kyungsoo sat up and sniffed loudly. “Yeah. I was reading a fanfiction last night.”

                “Is it about BxL again?”

                “Is there any other kind?” Kyungsoo rolled his eyes. “It was so sad. It was about Baekhyun’s disappearance and how he was suffering from depression and he died in the end.”

                “Really?”

                “Yeah. And on top of that, I punished myself by watching their old videos and ended up crying again. I’m a sadist. A ing sadist. Why do I do this to myself?”

                “I wish I knew why too.”

                “I can’t stop thinking of Baekhyun. I can’t stop thinking of them. I don’t want to think about them but I just do. I can’t control my thoughts and it hurts.” Kyungsoo sniffed weakly. “I want someone to wash my mind out with soap so that I can’t think. It plagues me that I don’t know where and why he did it. I’m a fansite master! I’m the first to know about their whereabouts and activities! How can this slip out without my knowing?”

                Jongin didn’t say anything. He just held Kyungsoo’s hand. The truth is, he couldn’t stop thinking about him too. Baekhyun is his friend, and Chanyeol is his cousin. Both of them are so close and important to him. He couldn’t bring himself to call Chanyeol because he spent all his time with Kyungsoo and because he felt so achingly guilty. He helped Chanyeol propose and sometimes he wished he didn’t. If they never got engaged, BxL wouldn’t have broken up, and Kyungsoo wouldn’t be in so much pain.

                But there is no bigger guilt than keeping the pill to your lover’s pain a secret.

                He debated over and over again as to whether or not he should tell Kyungsoo the truth. That Chanyeol and Baekhyun will get married. Kyungsoo loved Baekhyun, what if this changes the way he feels towards Baekhyun? What if this changes the way he feels towards him, Kim Jongin?

                “Kyungsoo, would you like to hear a story?”

                “Is it another sad fanfiction?”

                “Not really.” Jongin cleared his throat. So he told him a story. A story about a boy who was in love with another. They were going to get married, but the world is against it, so they ran away from the world, hoping they would never be found. Kyungsoo listened intently, watching Jongin’s lips move.

                “That’s sad,” Kyungsoo said as the story finished off. “But is running away the best option?”

                “What would you have done instead then?”

                “I would have tried to figure something else out without running away. That’s a sign of cowardice.” Kyungsoo narrowed his eyes at Jongin. “Why are you telling me this anyways?”

                “I know someone like that.”

                “Who?”

                “Baekhyun.” Jongin sighed. He caught Kyungsoo’s perplexed expression and he finally got the guts to explain. He told him everything. Chanyeol, his cousin, the proposal after the comeback showcase, their love story in high school. Kyungsoo’s eyes widen at every word and by the time Jongin was done telling the truth, Kyungsoo’s eyes looked like it was about to fall out.

                “I couldn’t tell you because I didn’t know how you would react, and I wasn’t sure if telling you was the best move. If everyone knew what happened, it might put them in danger and I don’t want that to happen. Privacy is so hard to buy when you’ve sold it out to the public.”

                “Get out.”

                “Kyungsoo…”

                “Get. The. . Out.”

                “K…”

                “Please. Get out.”

                Jongin left the room and Kyungsoo broke down. He cried even harder than when he did last night. He thought he was getting better, but now he just felt like he had been cut again.

                I can’t tell you what hurts more, the fact that knowing the truth did not heal his pain, or the person that did help to heal him was also the one to help hurt him.

                                                                *********************

                Kyungsoo left the dorm, wiping away his tears. We bumped into each other in the same convenience store. I was out to get some milk, he wanted something sweet, hence the chocolate piling in his arms.

                “Hey.”

                “Hey.” He smiled weakly.

                “You’re Kyungsoo right?”

                “Yeah, you work for Starling right?”

                “Yeah, I remember seeing you. Are you alright?”

                Kyungsoo shrugged. “I had a spat with my boyfriend.”

                “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. I’m sure everything will be alright.” I said, putting my things on the cash register. Kyungsoo smiled weakly again.

                “Is everything alright there?” he asked me.

                “You mean work?” he nodded. “I guess we’re all okay.”

                “That will be 5000 won sir.” The cashier spoke up.

                “Can you include the groceries of the kid behind me?”

                “Sure.”

                “Oh no, you didn’t have to…” Kyungsoo tried.

                “Just put your candy down.” I told him and dragged him next to me. He put the candy down and I paid for it. He smiled a little wider now and thanked me.

                “You look like you needed it. I can only imagine how you feel these past few weeks.”

                “I’m just so confused that’s all.”

                “I understand.”

                “I almost don’t understand what life is anymore.”

                “I don’t think you can attempt to understand it.” I told him as we left the store. “If we did we wouldn’t be in this mess. We wouldn’t be so sad and so ed up 90% of the time.”

                “I feel so ed up right now I could piss on life if I could.”

                I laughed at that one. “Tell you what; my house is just around that corner and down the street. If you need help, or just someone to talk to, you’re always welcomed. My name is Yixing and my housemate is Zitao. We would welcome you anytime.”

                “You would let a total stranger into your house?”

                “I know your name and I know you’re a college student and I know you’re a BxL fan who is in love but fought with his lover. You’re not that much of a stranger.” I told him. “I also know this much about life. Life doesn’t always . If you open your eyes, there’s someone waiting to be nice to you.”

                “Thank you.”

                “Stay strong kid.”

                Kyungsoo and I waved goodbye and we walked our separate ways down the same road. We may be headed in different directions but it’s still the same road.

                As I get to my house I can’t help but turn around and look down that same road. What if we, as humanity, are really all on the same road but just in different directions? What if one day we decide to come together in the centre? What would we say, what would we think, what would we do? What impact would it have on all of us?

                If we’re on the same road, then shouldn’t we all be the same? Why do we turn in different directions? Why is that a crime to some? Are Luhan and Baekhyun on the same road with different directions? Would they ever walk towards each other again?

                I put the things away and go back to my room. I opened my laptop and for the first time in a long while, I started writing. I’m not quite sure what I wrote, but the words flowed out so naturally, they made sense to me then.

                Perhaps they will make sense to someone soon.

                                                                                **************************

                Jongin stared into the camera in front of him. After he left Kyungsoo’s dorm, he had to rush for a scheduled photo shoot. He let the flash blind his eyes as he shifted his body.

                “Great work!! More, more!”

                Jongin was inclined to believe that it didn’t matter if he was bad at modelling or not. He could make a funny face and they would still say “Great job!”. He had a good face and a very influential father. They probably wouldn’t care if he was fat. He didn’t even need to try. And when you stop trying for something, you stop appreciating it.

                He got off set and saw a familiar face across the room. It’s Sehun, the model he screwed over for the Guess ad campaign. The two men shared a heated gaze before coming into the same dressing room. Sehun was getting his hair done and Jongin was getting some badly needed rest. He tilted backwards and caught the sight of Sehun’s phone. His eyes narrowed at the blonde beauty as his wallpaper.

                “Are you a BxL fan?” he asked him.

                “What’s it to you?” Sehun eyed him precariously.

                “What’s up with you, sour puss? I’m just trying to make conversation.”

                “Well it ain’t working.”

                “Are you ticked at me for stealing your spot on the Guess campaign?”

                Sehun glared at him. “That’s none of your business.”

                “Fine.”

                The two of them went back to silence. Jongin was in a bad enough mood and he really didn’t want to deal with anymore that Sehun is giving him.

                “He’s my boyfriend.”

                “What?” Jongin whipped his head.

                “Luhan is my boyfriend.” Sehun crossed his arms. “I don’t know why I’m telling you this. But you wanted to know. Luhan is my boyfriend.”

                “Wow.” Jongin breathed. “So you are the ex-Starling trainee that Luhan is so close to.”

                “How do you know that?”

                “You want to hear something crazy? I am related to Park Chanyeol, who is…”

                “Engaged to Byun Baekhyun.” Sehun continued.

                “And have probably eloped.”

                “Where is your cousin?”

                “I don’t know. I didn’t contact him at all.”

                “Why?”

                “Because the engagement broke the group apart and my own boyfriend is falling apart like the group itself.”

                “My boyfriend is a mess.”

                “My boyfriend is a mess too.”

                “And I thought we hated each other.”

                “I don’t.”

                “I do.”

                “And yet we have quite a bit in common.” Kai said.

                “What do you know? You’re rich with an influential father. You can get jobs the same way people get lint. I’m living on my last paycheck that is wearing thin and I don’t know where my next job is and it ing scares me. What can we possibly have in common?”

                “We’re both hurt. And in some way, ed up.”

                 Sehun leaned back and stared at himself in the mirror.

                Aren’t we all, in any kind of way, no matter how small or big, ed up?

                                                                                *************************************************

                It’s quite amazing how time flies so quickly. In a blink of an eye, babies turn one year old. Teenagers become full grown adults. Parents become grandparents. In that span of time (which is actually a month if you count by days), Baekhyun’s wedding was inching closer and closer.

                He clasped his hands together as he waited for his wedding planner to bring out his suit. He rocked on his heels, waiting for the big reveal.

                “Here’s your suit!” the bubbly wedding planner bought out his suit. It was a gorgeous white one, sleek and form fitting. Baekhyun’s hands automatically reached out to touch the fabric. Soft and luxurious.

                “Do you want to try it?”

                “You bet!” Baekhyun smiled. He slipped the tux on, admiring himself in the mirror. He couldn’t help but smile wider and wider at every look. He looked stunning.

                “You look so awesome. But let me tell you, your husband looks just as amazing.” She whispered.

                “Really?” Baekhyun perked up. He hasn’t seen Chanyeol in a tux since prom.

                “Oh absolutely. If I wasn’t married I would have tapped him already.” Baekhyun laughed at that, his smile reaching up to his eyes, pearly whites shining away.

                Of course, he just couldn’t resist taking selfies. He posed for a couple of shots and opened his messaging app. He couldn’t wait for Luhan to see…

                Oh.

                He looked at the date of his last message with Luhan. 16^th April. It has been a month. A month without talking to Luhan. He fell back against the chair in the dressing room. He put his phone away and got out of the tux.

                It feels weird and very empty to have the people you know you could call and text no matter when suddenly disappear. He could call Chanyeol, but this is one of those moments you just want a friend to share it with. Baekhyun was already going to walk down the aisle alone. He really didn’t want and need to feel so alone.

                “Hello?” he picked up his phone as he left the bridal shop.

                “Baekhyun? We have been summoned for mediation.”

                “Mediation?”

                “Yes. One last chance to sort out your contract before we take this to court.” His lawyer said. Baekhyun could hear his smoke-contaminated voice coughing softly. “Next weekend. Gather your stuff. We’ll head back together.”

                “Sure.” He hung up and headed back to Chanyeol’s house. Chanyeol was there, cleaning up the piano when Baekhyun came home.

                “Hey Baekkie.” He went over and kissed his fiancé on the cheek. Baekhyun squirmed at the tickly feeling. It was a good kind of tickly.

                “Channie, do you have time next weekend?”

                “Sure. What’s up?”

                “We are going back down to Seoul for mediation.” Baekhyun explained “Last chance to sort out my contract before we go to court with it.”

                “If you do end up going to court, we’ll have to postpone our wedding, right?”

                “Yeah. I really don’t want that to happen.”

                Chanyeol leaned forward to kiss Baekhyun’s temple. “I’ll go down with you. It’ll be okay.”

                Baekhyun was then reminded of his white tux. The tux he wanted to show to Luhan. Or maybe not Luhan. Just somebody that’s not Chanyeol. He spent his whole life around Chanyeol. Chanyeol is his most important human being, for he was sure that if it wasn’t for Chanyeol, he wouldn’t be alive. It then occurred to him that if Chanyeol were to leave, he would truly be alone, because it seems that everyone else has left.

                All of this is really an underlying message for one root point: he missed Luhan.

                “I miss Luhan.” He quietly whispered. “He was going to be my best man.”

                Chanyeol just kept quiet and kissed his baby’s forehead. “I know.” He breathed. “Do you want to go back?”

                Baekhyun nodded. “I want to go back to Luhan.”

                “And the industry?”

                He shook his head.

                But Luhan and the industry are a package deal. Chanyeol suppressed the urge to say those words and just kept quiet. For someone who swore that he could do anything for Baekhyun’s happiness, he certainly doesn’t feel very useful now.

                Baekhyun sacrificed his career for him, but what can Chanyeol offer?

                Love.

                If only that was enough.