The sound Junhyung hears goes from Gikwang and Dongwoon’s soft conversation in the backseat to an Indie hip-hop song that a friend had recommended. He thinks that the band is good but he spares no time in actually enjoying the music. All he wants to do is sleep on the entire ride back to the dormitory—the day had consisted of nothing but dance practice and he feels so tired he could sleep for a week (a meaningless phrase since the other members will wake him up at some point even before one day can pass and, if he refuses to get up, their manager will kick his out of bed).

He leans on the car door glass and closes his eyes. He feels himself quickly fading into that comforting darkness which welcomes everyone into Dreamland. His conscious thought processes stop, his breathing slows, his body becomes lighter than air—.

“Hyung,”

Ignore. 

“Hyung,”

Doesn’t he realize that I’m sleeping?

“Hyung, a fan gave something for the two of us,”

Goddammit.

With a heavy heart and an exhausted mind, Junhyung wakes up to say an entire sermon with his eyes. He does not see who he expects to see, however, and is greeted by the words ”Give Me Everything” printed in large, bold Hangul across a piece of paper whose top edge Yoseob peers over with both of his eyebrows raised.

“The title is interesting, eh, hyung?”

“What is it?” He takes it from Yoseob and realizes that there is not just one sheet of paper but a lot—fifty-two, to be exact—and all of them have text printed on both sides. He suddenly spots his name on one page…and Yoseob’s as well.

“It’s a fanfic,” answers Yoseob. He leans against Junhyung so he can look at the fan’s gift closer. “What’s interesting, though, is that it’s about us, hyung,”

“What? Why would anyone write about—?” Junhyung does not continue his question when he notices a certain paragraph. He rubs his eyes to make sure that he is not just hallucinating. When he looks again, the same words bombard his vision.

Junhyung was one to take and take and take, a greedy person in layman’s terms, but when it came to a bouncing ball of energy named Yang Yoseob, he was willing to give him everything he had. Yoseob never asked for much, however, and merely stood in compliance whenever Junhyung d him in public or whispered naughty things in his ear. Yoseob was greedy, too, because despite knowing that Junhyung wanted him in unthinkable ways, he showed no signs of giving up any part of himself, especially the one thing that Junhyung sought after most: his “delectable” body, as the rapper had put it once.

“WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?”

~

Junhyung is the first one who gets inside the dormitory, and he opens the door with so much force that when it swings back, Gikwang hits his forehead on it and he sinks to the ground in pain. Still, Junhyung does not go back to apologize because his brain had been ed with for forty minutes in the van. During that time, the other members had gone through the story the second Junhyung let go of the papers, sheer shock evident on his face. He could not fall asleep no matter how hard he tried especially when Dongwoon and Gikwang had decided to read the steamy scenes.

Out loud.

With feelings.

Junhyung cannot even fathom now just how high his murderous intent for his band mates had been at that time.

“Hey,” Yoseob catches up to Junhyung with an apologetic expression. “I’m sorry, hyung. I shouldn’t have let them…and you…see that,” He bites his lower lip. “I didn’t want the fan to think that her efforts aren’t appreciated so I—,”

Junhyung sighs, cutting off the other. “There’s nothing to apologize for, Yoseob. It’s those two clowns who have hell to pay for later,”

“Here,” says Yoseob and hands over the short, brown envelope containing the fan fiction. “I think it’s best ifyou keep it. You should hide it where the others can’t find it, but since I want to read it, tell me where you’re going to place it,”

“You’re seriously going to read it?” asks Junhyung with one eyebrow raised.

“Well why not? She made it for us, I like the way she wrote it, and there’s no harm in reading stories,”

“But…the dangerous parts…”

“You can always skip them, hyung. I’ve read some fan fiction before and, usually, scenes are at the near end of a chapter so once you see it starting, you ought to head over to the next part if you don’t want to be, erm, perturbed,”

“Is that what you do?”

“No. For some reason, I’ve found that I can stomach those things,”

“You read them?”

“They’re not as bad as you think,” The sincerity on Yoseob’s face as he is talking scares Junhyung. He is talking about gay scenes, for crying out loud—should he not be even a little bit spooked? “Gikwang and Dongwoon may have made you think otherwise but when I listened to what they were saying a while ago, I realized that the content was actually quite good,”

Junhyung spends the next three seconds gaping. “You have got to be kidding me,”

“Suit yourself, hyung, but what I’ve told you is my honest opinion. It was really awkward for me at first because, of course, the whole thing revolves around you and me—,”

“—Which is absurd!” blurts out Junhyung.

“…Anyway. However, I learned to look at the narrative itself instead of taking things so personally—even though technically they are—and that was how I came to truly appreciate fan fiction. It’s more than flattering, actually, to see your name in something so creative, though I have to admit that some of them do get overboard… But, that’s not the point. The point is that you have to read at least this fan fiction personally given to us. It would be terrible not to,”

Junhyung clicks his tongue and looks inside the envelope. All of them are free of any appointments the following day so he will be able to finish reading. The big question is: will he be able to survive the task?

“I’ll go take a shower,” says Yoseob before leaving the bedroom. Junhyung sits down on his bed, the bunk below Hyunseung’s, and takes out a random page of the fan fiction. He wants to know just what he is getting himself into.

When they stepped out into the open field, a gentle breeze passed by and a blanket of soft sunshine came upon them. While the four other members walked on the grass while laughing and teasing one another, Junhyung and Yoseob kept their fingers intertwined and maintained a slow pace. As usual, Yoseob did not question the other’s motives for having grabbed his hand before they got out of the car. It did not matter to him whether it was out of spontaneity or slight malice because either way was fine. Either way was acceptable.

The reason for that reason, however, remained shrouded.

He decides to sleep early so he can wake up early. And start reading.

~

“He’s really concentrated on that thing,” says Doojoon in a soft voice when he comes out of the living room and joins the others around the dining table. “I’ve seen him read books before but never has he skipped breakfastand lunch just to finish one,”

“I thought he was a fast reader,” says Hyunseung, lazily taking a bite out of a banana.

“Yeah, but he seems to be reading every word,” explains Doojoon. “His every thought shows on his face and they’re priceless,”

“He must like the story then,” concludes Yoseob with a smile. “He was being stubborn about it yesterday, though,”

“Why can’t we read it?” complains Gikwang, pointing his thumb at Dongwoon who snickers.

“I forbid you two from reading anything aloud ever again,” says Doojoon. “I think I’m speaking for everyone when I say that I’ve been traumatized enough by your idiosyncrasy yesterday to hear any more of it in the future,”

“No fun,” says Dongwoon with a pout. “Gikwang-hyung and I were so good at acting, too,”

“If the intention of your mini play had been to make me barf, you did a hella good job of it,” says Hyunseung, glaring.

“I better make him eat something,” Yoseob pulls a banana out of the bunch in the middle of the table and takes his unopened carton of milk as well. “I’m glad he’s finally reading the story but I disapprove of his self-starvation,” He then cautiously goes to the bedroom. Junhyung is sitting on the floor with his back against the bunk bed’s wooden frame. He has his glasses on and, because Doojoon had pointed it out, his facial expression amuses Yoseob.

Yoseob plops down in front of Junhyung. “Hyung, I brought you something to eat,”

“Not now, Yoseob,” says Junhyung, his voice cracking. Yoseob supposes it is because he has not had anything to drink since he had woken up.

“C’mon, hyung. Aren’t your eyes tired yet? Here,” Yoseob lifts the milk to Junhyung’s face level. “I poked the straw in for you,” He says in a cute voice.

Junhyung freezes for a moment. He puts down the papers on his lap and looks at Yoseob whose arms are outstretched and with both hands around the blue milk carton. His expression is unreadable. Without saying anything else, he takes the drink and the fruit from Yoseob and starts consuming them.

“What chapter are you in now?”

Chew, chew, chew. Swallow. “Tenth,”

“Out of…?”

“Sixteen,”

“More than halfway. That’s good. What do you think of the story so far?”

Sip, swallow. “It’s okay,”

Yoseob laughs at the statement. “’It’s okay’ and yet you haven’t moved from this spot since 8 AM?”

“…Mind your own business, punk,”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” says Yoseob, calming down. A grumpy Junhyung is adorable but when he says to stop, you should really stop or else. “Give me a head’s up when you’re finished. Hey, you want me to bring you cookies? I still have some left in the kitchen,”

Junhyung nods in reply. He follows Yoseob with his eyes as the boy leaves the room. He remembers something from the story.

Yoseob did things that made his heart flutter, beat irregularly, do twists and tumbles like a circus acrobat, but instead of putting two and two together, he blamed it all on the excessive amount of cola in his system. It was not an accurate explanation, yes, but it was less frightening.

~

“Geez, Yoseob-hyung, eat slowly,” says Gikwang, frowning at his friend. “The food isn’t going anywhere,”

“But I’m so hungry!” whines Yoseob with his mouth filled with blackish noodles and onions. All the members had decided to go to the small restaurant near their dormitory for dinner since Junhyung has finished reading and needed a bit of exercise and fresh air. He had not spoken a word since he emerged from the bedroom—just grunted in reply when Hyunseung had asked him if he wanted to eat jjajangmyeon.

“Can we get ice cream after this?” asks Dongwoon out of the blue.

“Sure,” answers Doojoon. “You still owe me one from last time, by the way,”

Dongwoon nibbles on one of his chopsticks. “Oh yeah, I forgot about that…”

Yoseob reaches for the tangsuyuk. Because his arms are too short, Junhyung, who is sitting beside him, gets it and passes it to him. When he turns his head towards Yoseob, the rapper notices black bean sauce on the side of the younger boy’s mouth. He places his right hand under Yoseob’s chin and swipes his thumb over the small area.

Removing food stains around Yoseob’s mouth had been innocent once.

Not anymore.

“Hyung?” Junhyung snaps out of his daydream at Yoseob’s voice. “Are you okay?”

Not sparing him an answer, Junhyung moves away and goes back to eating. He figures that his mind is the way it is now since the story is still fresh in his mind. He hopes that by tomorrow, it will have gone back to normal.

His everyday thoughts consisted of only five things: lyrics, Twitter, Yoseob, Beast, and…Yoseob.

~

Two weeks later and the story is still in Junhyung’s head.

He finds it peculiar and annoying because Yoseob, too, has read it, yet he can manage not to think about it at all. Junhyung, on the other hand, equipped with a sharp memory and hyperactive imagination, has parts of the narrative flying into his subconscious whenever he interacts with Yoseob.

He tells Yoseob a joke, causing him to laugh.

The moment he realized that Yoseob’s smile was brighter than the sun and all the stars in the night sky combined, he forgot to breathe.

Yoseob hooks their arms together after a performance.

“Why is your skin warmer than the others’?” asked Yoseob in a soft whisper. “Did you know? Whenever you’re mad and I touch you, it feels like I’m being burned,”

Yoseob falls asleep in the car and on his left shoulder.

“You at an arm’s length away isn’t close enough, Yang Yoseob,”

“WHOA!” Dongwoon exclaims when Junhyung passes by and their shoulders collide. He rubs at the body part but the older man simply continues storming out of the dormitory. Yoseob witnesses the scene and, after quickly grabbing a jacket from his closet, follows the other.

Though the spring air chills his skin upon contact, Junhyung is too frustrated to care. Questions here, questions there, and all are without answers. Why is a fan-made story affecting him so much? Is he not supposed to be finish it and be able to move on right after just like any other reader? Why is it eating at him, permeating through his skin, and digging into his bones? Had it been a mistake to read it carefully to the point of memorizing so many lines?

How could he completely get away from it?

All of a sudden, it is warm. All of a sudden, Yoseob is beside him with a mildly worried look on his face and he has placed a jacket over the older boy’s shoulders.

They stand on the sidewalk looking at one another for several breaths, more for Yoseob since he had used the stairs after deciding he could not wait for the elevator any longer. Junhyung is not sure what he should say, how he can explain in the simplest terms why he had left though the situation is far from being simple.

Yoseob touches the tip of Junhyung’s left pinky finger. When he is not rejected, he slips his whole hand into his friend’s, squeezing hard enough to reassure but gentle enough to show that he is there and he will stay until Junhyung wants him to.

“Is it something you can’t tell me?” he asks softly.

“Not necessarily. It’s something…that’s too ridiculous to be told…” Junhyung throws Yoseob a glare. “I’m sure you’ll give me that pitchy, maniacal laugh of yours when I tell you the truth, you bastard,”

Quickly raising his free hand, Yoseob says, “I swear I won’t, hyung. If I do…um…um…I’ll buy you two months’ supply of Coke!”

“You can’t break a swear,” Yoseob nods frantically. Junhyung takes in a deep breath and exhales in mild defeat. It is beyond difficult to say ‘no’ to the other boy. Just because. “Alright. I…” He pauses, trying to think of the perfect words to describe his situation. “I think having read the story is taking a toll on me,”

Yoseob does not vocally react at once. His face goes through several expressions first: eager, taken aback, confused, and even more confused. Junhyung becomes uneasy and pulls his hand away but Yoseob holds on to him. He then looks away instead, focusing on a tree at the other side of the road. He is not yet ready to elaborate on the matter.

Yoseob makes a conclusion on his own after thinking about it.

“You…you like me, hyung?”

With eyes wide as saucers, Junhyung looks at Yoseob again. “OF COURSE NOT!” The volume of his voice and his tone makes Yoseob bite his lip while looking down, something that usually does when he is saddened. “W-wait! I didn’t mean that I dislike you. I like you! You’re my friend! How can I not like you—?”

“You didn’t like me before, remember?” asks Yoseob, meeting Junhyung’s eyes with his brows wrinkling a bit. “You’ve told me that I was too loud and stuff,””

“You’re still too loud sometimes but it doesn’t bother me anymore, you know that,” says Junhyung. He rubs the back of his neck in nervousness. “It’s just…after reading the whole thing, I’ve been…um…subconsciously obsessing over it,”

“Subconsciously obsessing?”

Way to go with the will-surely-not-rouse-panic-in-Yoseob words, Junhyung. “I don’t know how else to call it. All I know is that whenever we’re together, I think about the fanfic. I remember lines and situations and…and…” His cheeks heat up all of a sudden. “I honestly don’t know if the things I’ve been thinking of and feeling recently are still, well, from me and not from the story,”

“Are you saying that you think the story is dictating you or something?”

“I suppose that’s accurate re-wording,”

“But…that can’t be! You have your own thoughts, hyung. No fictional story can possibly control you,” Suddenly, Yoseob looks as though he has had a moment of enlightenment. He swallows dryly before he continues speaking. “Unless the story has more truth in it than you think,”

Silence.

“Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

“Think about it, hyung. It’s impossible that the fan knows what’s going in your head; she made everything up. You’re the only one who knows your own thoughts and emotions, and since you claim that the story is reflecting all those, that can only mean one thing,”

Junhyung holds his breath. Yoseob faintly blushes.

“Maybe there are things in the story that hold true for you but you refused to come to terms with them before. Only when you saw them written out, as in the story, did you even recognize them…” The pink hue on Yoseob’s cheeks deepens. “Maybe…a very small part of you does like me,”

Though he wants to protest, Junhyung feels incapable of doing so. Every reason, every statement negating Yoseob’s words seems illogical, easy to disprove. What Yoseob has said, on the other hand, makes a lot of sense. Perhaps the story is voicing out what has always been there but has been severely ignored; the plausibility causes a shiver to run up Junhyung’s spine. He makes eye contact with Yoseob, subtly taking in the younger boy’s soft, child-like features. It occurs to him that his apprehension over the entire matter is uncalled for—falling for him is far from undesirable, after all. If anything, it is perfectly fine since Junhyung is quite fond of him. In fact, if he thinks about it, he already treats Yoseob much like a lover would…

“This is so weird,” says Junhyung exasperatedly. “I guess now you’re going to start to avoiding me,”

“Huh? Why would I do that?”

“Because!” Junhyung quickly bites his lip. “Because I might…possibly…like you…in that way,”

“Oh. That’s alright, hyung,”

Ba-dump. “ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND, YANG YOSEOB?”

Shrugging once, Yoseob says, “I don’t see anything wrong with it,”

“So if I confess to you right now, you won’t be freaked out?” asks Junhyung, testing the waters in case things stop being hypothetical. His heart races, pounds, hammers as he waits for Yoseob’s answer, which ends up increasing his heart rate even more.

“I’ll say ‘yes’ to you,”

“WHAT?” The streets are so empty that Junhyung’s voice echoes. He and Yoseob stay still for a few seconds until Yoseob goes into a fit of laughter. “You said you weren’t going to laugh!”

Yoseob takes in a deep breath, coughs, and smiles at his friend. “Shouldn’t you be happy if that happens? Geez, hyung. I know I’d be,”

“You’re just saying that now but if it really happens…”

“Well then confess to me right now!” Yoseob takes a step forward and tugs on Junhyung’s arm. “Tell me something like…” He lowers his voice as much as he can. “‘Yoseob-ah, you are the cutest thing in the whole universe and you have long limbs for your height and’—,”

“Stop it,” Junhyung turns around to head back to the dormitory. Yoseob catches up to him and holds hands with him again. “You shouldn’t make rash statements like that, you idiot,”

“I’m not going to take it back because I meant it, hyung. I’ve never dated a guy before, though…”

“You . You still haven’t told any of us about your past girlfriends,” Not that I want to know about them.“Look, don’t tell anyone about this, okay?"

“About you confessing to me soon?” asks Yoseob in a sweet tone. He gets a glare for it.

“Absolutely not,”

“But hyung, it would be better if you gave me a hint,” Yoseob jumps in front of Junhyung to keep him from entering the building. “Will you confess to me tomorrow? The day after tomorrow? A week from now?” Junhyung gapes at him in disbelief. “Should I wear that shirt you said I looked good in so you’ll confess to me sooner?”

Hyunseung and Dongwoon are doing their laundry when Junhyung and Yoseob come in, bickering.

“Should I go back to my ‘Shock’ hairstyle? You really liked that on me, didn’t you?”

“No,”

“I should lose weight then? Ah, but my cheeks… You like my cheeks,”

“No, and yes,” Junhyung faces Yoseob with a blank expression. “I’ve had enough. Tomorrow,”

Yoseob blinks. “Tomorrow?”

“Yes, tomorrow, just to get it over with,”

“OH MY GOD!”

Since they can hear the conversation, the other two members look at one another and shrug. They know well how much Junhyung and Yoseob like to get into no-one-else-can-decipher-the-topic conversations and, usually, the rest of the group ignore them. Doing so spares them from headaches and confusion, especially after Gikwang had once joined in thinking the two were talking about going to the movies when in fact, they were discussing winning strategies for a certain game.

Dongwoon silently guesses that this time, they are planning on going somewhere.