All around him, people ambled in and out of the house, woefully unaware of what’s taking place on his mind. It was his own world and his own realization and Chanyeol wanted to scream. He knew, though, that they’d only look at him like he was crazy, but maybe he is. What he had discovered, though, was beyond crazy. It was insane; frighteningly insane.

Because Chanyeol realizes he is in love.

He has been in love for the past three years, maybe even longer.

He is in love, not with Kyungsoo or Mina, or with any other girl or boy in between.

He had been in love and is still in love with only one.

He is in love with his best friend.

Chanyeol is in love with Byun Baekhyun.

And it , because he’s late.

His heart clenches as he sees Baekhyun’s lips on Kris’s.

Chanyeol didn’t see it coming. Perhaps, he saw something or more like felt something– like how his stomach churned when he saw his best friend walking hand in hand with Kris or how his heart had painfully slammed against his chest when he saw his best friend scribbled words that soon turned into poems and Kris’s name was on every single one of them but Chanyeol refused to acknowledge what his heart was whispering to him. He was busy tending to his own girlfriend, making sure she would experience the best relationship. Until Chanyeol realized what was missing.

Chanyeol is in love with Byun Baekhyun.

And maybe he is always too late.




***




“Baekhyun.” Chanyeol, barely audible tries to stay calm because ever since that day when he realizes he’s in love with his best friend, he can’t really think of anything else.

“Yes, Yeol?” Baekhyun says into the phone.

Chanyeol waits for a few seconds before replying, “What will happen when you’re already 28?”

Chanyeol is betting on something he doesn’t even know what.

“I don’t know. I still have a few years. Why?”

“We had a pact remember?” Maybe it is a plead but Chanyeol doesn’t mind.

Baekhyun is taken aback because it came out of the blue. Yes, he remembers the pact. Yes, he remembers he agreed to it but he didn’t take it seriously because he has Kris.

“Will you stay with Kris forever?”

Baekhyun doesn’t know what is happening. Why is Chanyeol asking him bizarre questions? Why is everything suddenly seem so frightening?

“Yeol, I..”

“I know Baek, I know. Call you tomorrow. Bye.”

Baekhyun stares into his phone.

“What the hell is happening?”



***




From: Chanyeol
I need you Baekhyun, it hurts too much.

But the text is left unsent.




***





“This is the best birthday” Chanyeol shouted like there’s no tomorrow. Everyone laughs, Baekhyun has the brightest smile because he is too elated seeing his best friend screaming in joy. The weeks have been confusing with Chanyeol suddenly dropping hints. Baekhyun notices because he isn’t dumb but he refuses to accept. He flatly pays no attention to it. He thinks maybe Chanyeol is experiencing the break up syndrome or something. So he continues to take no notice of Chanyeol’s consistent I think we look good together Baek. I think we can make a good couple. Luhan said we’re cute together, do you think so too?

Baekhyun thanks the God when it suddenly stops. Because if it didn’t, Baekhyun can’t bear to go home to Busan and celebrate Chanyeol’s birthday because he thinks it isn’t right. Chanyeol needs to get his together and realize Baekhyun has Kris and Chanyeol is just confused.

“Time to go home.” Minseok announces.

Baekhyun makes his way towards Sehun, “You’re not drunk right?”

“Of course.” Sehun grins.

“Good” Baekhyun pats the younger’s back. “Make sure Yeol gets home safe, okay?”

Sehun smirks and put an arm around Baekhyun’s shoulder, “Of course hyung. I will, you don’t have to worry too much.”

“Thanks.”

“I think Chanyeol hyung needs you there.” Sehun points at a drunken Chanyeol waving his hands wildly.

Baekhyun sighs and softly mutters another thanks and quickly makes his way towards his giant best friend.

“Chanyeol, time to go home, get out of the pool.” He warns while trying to help Xiumin pull Chanyeol from the pool.

Chanyeol recognizes him and tries to step out of the water, “Oh, hey there Baek.”

“Time to go home.” Xiumin says again.

“Baekhyun.” It’s deep, hoarse and scary.

Baekhyun feels the need to suddenly run away because he senses trouble, he deems something will happen and he doesn’t want it to happen whatever it is. So he quickly moves away and chooses to be with Luhan.

“Why are you here?” Luhan asks and the question is scary too.

“I don’t know.”

Baekhyun treasures friendship and right now, his friendship with Chanyeol is his most precious one. He wants to keep Chanyeol as his best friend forever; he doesn’t want his friendship with Chanyeol to have scars that aren’t erasable. He wants it to be just the way it is.

So his heart is suffering from agony when Chanyeol pours his heart out.

“Baekhyun. Baekhyun. Baekhyun.” Chanyeol screams. “I told you before; I told you many times, you don’t need Kris. You can leave Kris. I’m here Baekhyun. I’m here.”

Blood drains from Baekhyun’s face because Chanyeol didn’t just announce something so outrageous. He feels his heart vessels constrict. All of their friends are staring at him strangely. Sehun has this sad face and Sehun isn’t the one who shows his sad face, it’s always either a poker face or a extra happy teasing face.

“Yeol, you’re drunk. You need to go home.” Baekhyun spats but he isn’t looking Chanyeol in his eyes.

“No, I am not. I’m perfectly okay.” Chanyeol screams again while he zigzags.

He really is drunk.

“Chanyeol…”

 “Baekhyun!”  Chanyeol screams on top of his lungs. Every fiber of his body is screaming with him , “you can leave Kris, you can dump him, please leave Kris, please leave him because I’m here. I’m always here.”

Baekhyun’s heart is violently hammering against his ribcage. It feels so right but so wrong at the same time. Chanyeol is his best friend, no more, no less. Best friends don’t fall in love with each other right?

“I’m always here Baekhyun.”

“I’ll always be here.”

“Baekhyun, I know why Kyungsoo and I never worked out. I know why despite of trying hard, we never worked out. I know why it never worked with anyone. Baekhyun I know why.”

Chanyeol was in tears. He doesn’t know if it was the alcohol doing all the talk or his heart had been leading his confidence but everything he was blurting out were the truths, were his realizations – the painful reality he refused to accept.

“It never worked out with anyone because there was always you.”

“I’m never satisfied with anyone because they are not you.”

“I’m never really happy to be with any of them because I’m happiest when I’m with you.”

“Baekhyun, it never worked out because all of them were not you.”

“It never worked out because ever since then, it was you, ever since then, I have loved you.”





***




Park Chanyeol: You left without saying goodbye. I’m hurt.
Byun Baekhyun: Sorry, I didn’t want to wake you up. You pretty much needed the rest
Byun Baekhyun: You drank too much.
Park Chanyeol: I don’t remember much from last night.
Park Chanyeol: Did you bring me home???
Byun Baekhyun: Sehun did. Aside from me and Luhan, he’s the only one sober.
Park Chanyeol: HAHHAHAH
Park Chanyeol: My head hurts :(
Park Chanyeol: I shouldn’t have drunk too much alcohol.
Park Chanyeol: When will you come back?
Park Chanyeol: Christmas?
Byun Baekhyun: BRB Yeol, Kris’s here.
Park Chanyeol: Ok.



***



Yixing watches as Kris puts a protective arm around Baekhyun’s shoulders as they walk around the university hallways. They look perfect, he thinks. But something in Baekhyun’s smile today that he can’t put his finger into. It seems different. 

“See you later?” Kris asks while he softly plants a kiss into BAekhyun’s right cheek.

“Yes, see you.” Baekhyun replies.

Yixing waits until Kris’s image fades away from the crowd when he drops the bomb.

“What’s your problem?”

“I don’t know me.” Baekhyun replies simply without any denial.

“Is that even grammatically correct?”

“This isn’t the time to correct my choices of words Yixing.”

Yixing laughs but he knows he shouldn’t be laughing. “It’s just a phase.” He offers.

“Phase?” Baekhyun looks even more confused than before.

“Yup. Just a phase in your relationship”

It took Baekhyun a while to realize what Yixing is referring to, he sudden has this eureka moment when he mentions “Chanyeol.”

“Yup, Chanyeol is just a phase.”

“I’m confused.”

“Of course you will be. Who wouldn’t? You spent your years with him the longest. He knows you more than anyone else. And now he’s confessing he loves you? You’ll be confused.”

“He didn’t confess.”

If the words leave Kris because I’m here doesn’t constitute as confessing then what is it?

Baekhyun sighs wearily, he isn’t supposed to be confused because he’s one hundred percent sure he loves Kris. He even dreams of getting married to Kris. He is more than a thousand percent sure he isn’t just in love with the idea that he loves Kris. He loves Kris, he’s sure, isn’t he?

“I love Kris” He says.

“I know.” Yixing smiles, dimples showing. Baekhyun hates that smile.

“But you want a perfect relationship. And somewhere in your heart, you think you’ll have it.” Lay briefly pauses, “But why are you thinking of having it not with Kris but with someone else?”
Baekhyun looks lost because for the longest time, he knows his perfect relationship is with Kris.

He knows it, Yixing knows it, and everyone knows it.

 “It isn’t wrong to dream of having a perfect relationship, Baekhyun” Yixing reaches out for his hand. Baekhyun doesn’t want to hear anything anymore but he can’t shut down his system so he continues to listen to Yixing’s words “Baekhyun, there is no such thing as a perfect love.”

“You love Kris. I know, we know. But the question lies within a question, Is Kris the only one you love?”

Love will bring you happiness but it isn’t love if you won’t feel pain. Baekhyun closes his eyes, he needs to rethink everything. He needs to make a decision.

“I don’t want to hurt him.”

“Eventually one of them will get hurt.”




***




From Ludeer:
Hey Baekhyun!

From Baekie
Hi Luhan!

From Ludeer:
How are you?

From Baekie:
I’m fine.

From Ludeer:
So are you going to pretend nothing happened?

From Baekie:
It’s for the better Luhan.

From Ludeer:
But Chanyeol remembered every word he uttered Baekhyun.

From Ludeer:
He meant it.

From Ludeer:
And you know it.





***





It’s really unfair.
Baekhyun isn't sure how long he's buried under the sheets of his bed. Everything hurts. It's painful, so sorrowful and he can't move, he doesn’t want to move. He shuts himself with everyone – even with Kris. His mother tried persuading him to eat but he shoos her. He knows he‘s being disrespectful, he mentally notes to apologize after all the things have been sort out but Baekhyun is sure, it will take a while. He doesn’t get out of bed even when his mother announces Yixing has visited him or Kris has been staying for hours on their living room. He doesn’t need anyone. 


He flinches when he hears the door being opened and footsteps coming towards him. He’s too exhausted. He means it when he says he doesn’t want to see anyone.

“Mom, how many times do I have to tell you.” Baekhyun spats. “I want to be alone.”

Baekhyun hears his mother sigh, oh wait, it isnt his mother, the sigh sounded like a man. 

“Baekhyun” He hears a familiar voice. It isn’t Yixing’s or Kris’s. 

“I know you want to be alone.” The voice starts and Baekhyun feels like dying. “But you can’t solve this on your own.”

Baekhyun tries to ignore the words. Everything is too painfully excruciating. 

"Kris just went home. He looks sad Baek.”


Baekhyun’s mind clearly perceives Kris’s face and he hates himself because he knows he’s the one causing the sadness. Baekhyun puts his palms into his ears preventing to hear the words. 
Soon, he feels the sheets being removed, he doesn’t resist though. Baekhyun eyes squint from the sudden light. “Come here.” His friend snatches him and hugs him tightly. "You know Baekhyun, what you need is a best friend.”

The boy doesn’t let go, “And I’m here because I’m your best friend, right?”

Baekhyun cries all over Kyungsoo’s shirt while he nods repeatedly. It took awhile for Baekhyun to calm down; Kyungsoo has been a great support. He patiently waits for Baekhyun to stop crying and assures he won’t leave him. 

After a few minutes, Kyungsoo feels the needed to start solving the issues. 

“Everything will be all right.” Kyungsoo encourages, “But I think Kris deserves an explanation.”

Baekhyun’s eyes are red and puffy and they hurt too.

“Chanyeol needs and answer too.”

Baekhyun doesn’t answer and keeps his head down.

“You know” Kyungsoo is smiling at him, Baekhyun missed this smile. This is a genuine smile coming from Kyungsoo. “I have always known that Chanyeol likes you.”

Baekhyun is now staring at Kyungsoo wide eyed.

“Chanyeol lights up when he’s with you. Chanyeol is himself when he’s with you. Chanyeol is never happier when he’s with you.”

“I think that’s why we never work it because Chanyeol has always been in love with you.”

Baekhyun can feel his tears running down from eyes, again.

“But I love Kris.”

“I know. I can feel it.” Kyungsoo wipes away the fallen tears, “But don’t you think you love Chanyeol too?”





***






“I love you Baekhyun.”

A tall man walks in front of him, Baekhyun smiles. His heart is overflowing with happiness. He waits until the man envelopes him into a hug before he whispers his answer.


“I love you too, Kris.”