Donghae woke up twenty minutes before his alarm clock on Monday morning. Sleep hadn't been easy that evening, and he had tossed and turned for most of the night. It had been nearly impossible to get comfortable in bed. The sheets had felt prickly against his skin and the pillows too flat. He had even kicked off the comforter and then pulled it back up more times than he could remember.

Despite having slept only a few hours and poorly at that, Donghae didn’t actually feel tired. Instead, he felt anxious and like he was ready to throw up at any moment.

Today was the day everything he knew would change. His entire world as he knew was about to be flipped upside down.

There was a tiny prick of hope, some small bit of wishful thinking that nothing would change at all, but Donghae knew that wasn’t going to happen. Having gone to school with most of his classmates since they were children, Donghae was confident that the metaphorical was about to hit the proverbial fan this morning. It was the only way he could think to describe it.

He groaned as he stretched his arms above his head, grabbing onto the bed frame to work the stiffness of his poor sleep away. He savored the sensation that enveloped his body as he stretched his body before he fell limp against his mattress. Donghae took a moment to take a few deep breaths in an attempt to calm his nerves, but it was a fruitless effort.

He could hear and smell his mother cooking breakfast in the kitchen, and usually, this would have made Donghae smile and jump immediately out of bed, but at this moment, it only served to make his stomach turn and bile rise in his throat. His nerves were getting the best of him, and he couldn’t get himself out of bed. He didn’t want to face the day even though this day was all his making.

Since yesterday afternoon, his anxiety made the day feel eternal. After his call with Eunhyuk, Donghae had spent most of the day trying to forget all about what the other boy had said.

“I hate you.”

Those three little words had hurt Donghae more than he wanted to admit. He’d been feeling sorry about this situation since the words left his mouth on Friday night, but hearing Eunhyuk proclaim that he hated him, had served to make Donghae feel like the scum of the earth. He didn’t even know it was possible to feel that low, to feel like gum stuck to the bottom of a shoe.

And on top of all that, Donghae had even threatened to tell Eunhyuk’s parents about what happened.

“ my life,” Donghae whispered into the silent bedroom. “Why did I think this was a good idea? This is so ing stupid.”

Donghae knew the right thing to do was to call off this whole charade—just end it. He could call Eunhyuk and save him from what was sure to be a miserable rest of his senior year. There was no need to make either of them suffer.

Nonetheless, Donghae couldn’t do it. Deep down, he didn’t want to. It was unbelievably selfish and downright wrong. He was about to out Eunhyuk to his group of friends before the other was probably ready to do so. However, Donghae had a suspicion that Eunhyuk had no intention of ever telling his friends about his uality. It was in the way the other boy carried himself around his friends and the mention of the Paris trip that solidified that belief for Donghae. 

What right do I have? Donghae thought as he finally slipped his glasses on and climbed out of bed to head toward the bathroom.

He washed his face quickly and held off on brushing his teeth until after breakfast.

Staring at himself in the mirror, he still found it odd to see the short hair. He ran his fingers through the shorter locks wishing that he could still hide behind his long hair.

What the hell am I getting myself into? He thought to himself as he looked at his reflection.

Donghae quickly huffed in frustration and hurriedly walked to the kitchen, making sure to be quiet as he could hear his brother was still sleeping. The last thing he needed was to deal with his older brother, especially on this morning. Today, he just wanted to run out of the house without talking to him; his brother was not a morning person, not even in the slightest.

He found his mother getting ready to leave when he arrived in the kitchen. Typically, she would already be gone by the time Donghae was up, but breakfast was always on the table. With him waking up so early, he was able to catch her before she left.

“Good morning, my love. You’re up early today,” she greeted him while she finished cleaning up around him. She wasn't one to ever leave a mess.

“Morning," he grumbled.  "Couldn’t really sleep last night,” he quietly added and walked up to kiss his mother on the cheek. She smiled warmly at her son and directed him over to the table where she had breakfast ready for him and his brother.

Donghae took a seat at the table and just stared at the fried eggs and sausage on the table with uncertainty. It smelled fantastic, but he didn’t know if he would be able to eat anything without it coming back up.

His hesitancy caught his mother’s attention. She was putting on her coat and getting ready to leave for work and stopped before slipping on her scarf. She quickly took a seat across from her son.

“Sweetie, are you okay? You love breakfast; it’s your favorite meal of the day, and you’re just staring at it.”

Donghae softly chuckled as he looked up to find the concerned eyes of his mother looking at him.

“I’m okay. I promise.”

His declaration didn't appease his mother; she was always good at knowing when he was hiding something. She stood up quickly and walked up next to his seat and placed a hand on his forehead, shaking her head when she felt Donghae didn’t have a fever.

“Are you sure you’re alright? If you’re not feeling well, you know you can stay home. You know I don’t mind; you never miss school.”

Donghae swiveled in his seat to look up at his mother and smiled as brightly as he could up at her. She and his brother were all he had now since his father’s passing. He didn’t like that he was making her feel worried especially as the reason for his state was entirely his fault. She would be mortified if she knew what Donghae was doing.

“I’m good, mom. Just didn’t sleep well…couldn’t get comfortable last night.”

“Alright, if you say so,” she began. “But if you’re still not feeling well, please stay home. No point in going to school if you can’t actually pay attention to the lessons.”

“No problem. But I’m fine. Just got no sleep.”

His mother nodded and leaned down to hug her son as best she could with him still seated. He quickly hugged her back.

“Okay, my dear. Call me if you do stay home. Your brother will be home today so he can take care of you if you’re not feeling well.”

Donghae threw his head back as he laughed imagining his brother taking care of him. He would be a pain about it the whole time, but he would still do it.

“I don’t know about that one, mom, but I’ll be fine.”

“You know I can make him do anything I say,” she jokingly replied and winked at her youngest child. “He has to listen to me.”

Donghae smiled, feeling slightly better as his mother finished getting ready to head out for work. She had a knack for improving his mood.

“I mean it, Hae. Stay home if you’re not feeling good,” she proclaimed again when she got to the front door.

“I know, mom. Have a great day.”

“Have an excellent day, my dear. I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Donghae called from the kitchen as he heard the front door close.

With all the noise, Donghae had half-expected his brother to wake up but relaxed when there was no movement or sound from Donghwa’s bedroom.

Donghae shifted in his seat as he reached out and grabbed two eggs and a sausage and moved them onto his plate. He stared down at the food on his plate and hesitated before taking a bite. He barely tasted the sausage as he swallowed. It felt like a tennis ball going down his throat.

He tried to take a few more bites but ultimately gave up, moving the uneaten eggs back onto the tray and covering them to keep them warm for his brother.

Donghae just sat at the table silently and played with the droplets of condensation on his glass of orange juice, following their trails with his index finger as he continued to replay his conversation with Eunhyuk over again.

“Donghae, please.”

That desperate whisper had felt so loud in his ears. He could feel all of the grief and sorrow in Eunhyuk’s voice.

“You’re about to ruin my life!”

Donghae grimaced as he dropped his head to his hands and kept staring at his glass of juice. He could feel the few bites of breakfast ready to come up. He took a deep breath and lay his head on the table, delighting in the cool texture on his warm cheeks.

“Stop trying to be my savior. I didn't ask for this. Just let me live my life the way I want to. Who are you to judge me?"

Donghae felt bile at the back of his throat and took a deep breath trying to save himself from throwing up. It was the last thing he wanted to deal with this morning.

“I’m nervous. I—I—I’m really, really anxious about tomorrow and about this whole stupid thing.”

The irony wasn’t lost on Donghae now as his stomach was now in knots and he couldn’t make himself go back to his room to get ready. He just kept watching the condensation form trails on his cup and down onto the table.

It was another ten minutes of pointlessly thinking and staring at the cup before Donghae finally stood up and went to take a shower and brush his teeth. Even the warm water couldn’t soothe his nerves today; they were cloying and ever-present.

Stepping into his room, Donghae grabbed the uniform that Eunhyuk had handed him on Saturday. The other boy had remarked that Donghae wore his clothes “a million sizes too big.”

It wasn’t a lie.

As he slipped on the gifted pants, he was immediately aware of how much tighter Eunhyuk’s pants were than his own. Although the slacks were still loose in the legs, they fit on his waist perfectly and actually looked like a pair of pants as opposed to a bundle of fabric wrapped around his legs.

The button down was also much tighter than what he was used to wearing. It felt much snugger across his arms. Looking in the mirror, Donghae was surprised to see just how much more fitted everything was on his frame. He and Eunhyuk were pretty much the same size, but no one would have guessed with how much bigger Donghae wore his clothes.

Eunhyuk hadn’t provided Donghae with a blazer, so he had to wear his own which immediately made Donghae happy. His blazer that was too big for him and felt comfortable and safe helped hide just how much tighter Eunhyuk’s uniform was on his frame.

Donghae quickly slipped on a pair of thick socks and his boots before grabbing his coat and backpack. He finished getting ready by the front door, feeling the cold winter wind through the crack under the door.

He slipped his coat on and tightly wrapped his scarf around his throat making sure that the scarf covered any bit of skin his coat was unable to cover. Slinging his backpack on his back, Donghae slipped his gloves and a hat on before heading outside. Immediately, the winter morning assaulted his senses; the wind whipped violently against his face. Without his long hair, he could feel the wind much more than before.

The walk over to the bus was not going to take Donghae long, but it sure as hell was going to feel that way in this weather.

After a twenty-minute bus ride into the center of the city, Donghae walked over to the park entrance where he expected to find Eunhyuk and Sungmin. Instead, he found that only Eunhyuk was waiting for him. The other boy was sitting on the top step of the staircase at the front of the ice-cream shop entrance. The only reason Donghae could even tell it was him was due to the bright blue book bag that rested next to his feet. Eunhyuk was huddled and well-hidden into the crux of his coat.

It made Donghae wonder just how long his classmate must have been waiting in the cold for him to arrive. There was a slight pang of guilt at the unknown fact.

“Hey,” Donghae greeted Eunhyuk quietly, watching his breath form in the cold air. “I thought we were going to walk together with Sungmin.”

Donghae nervously looked down at his classmate who upon further inspection had pretty much cocooned in himself within his coat and scarf.

“He's sick—mentioned something about possibly having the flu on the phone last night.”

Eunhyuk’s head popped out of his coat as he looked up at Donghae standing directly in front of him. His reply was flat, and it made it unmistakably clear to Donghae that he was quite nervous and fairly scared about going to school.

Donghae couldn't help but sympathize despite being responsible for those feelings. He knew those feelings, all too well. They had been driving him mad for days now.

“Are you alright?” he asked sincerely.

Eunhyuk stood up quickly, taking Donghae by surprise. He had to take a few steps back or else risk falling on the ground. Despite the sudden actions, Donghae still found himself face to face with his classmate. Eunhyuk looked annoyed and disbelievingly at Donghae. It was clear that his classmate was not doing well and Donghae wanted to smack himself for asking such a stupid question. If he himself was not doing well, why would he expect for Eunhyuk to be feeling any better?

Much like Donghae, it looked like Eunhyuk didn’t get much sleep the night before. The bags under his eyes were much more pronounced this morning
than they had been in a long time; Donghae could tell.

“Do you want—” Donghae began to ask another question, but Eunhyuk cut him off immediately, his hand went up directly in front of his face to stop him from continuing.

“Can you just keep your mouth shut until we get inside the classroom?” Eunhyuk harshly exclaimed. “I really, really don't want to talk right now. Especially to you.”

“I think we need to talk before we actually head over.”

Eunhyuk rolled his eyes as he grabbed Donghae’s arm and walked him over toward one of the side streets. After a few moments, the two stood in front of a heating vent at the back of the local supermarket. Donghae immediately sighed as warm air suddenly hit his face.

“Why didn’t we meet here instead?” he asked as allowed himself to enjoy the warm air from the vent thawing his frozen body.

Eunhyuk completely ignored Donghae’s question as he too delighted in the warmth.  He looked toward the end of the street and could see students walking up the hill toward the school. It was the reason Eunhyuk had pulled Donghae down this street; he wasn’t quite ready to deal with his schoolmates just yet.

“What do we need to talk about?” Again, Eunhyuk’s tone was lifeless and disinterested. It served to remind Donghae just how much of an he was in this whole situation.

“I want to apologize,” Donghae began and Eunhyuk audibly gasped as he stared back at him. His eyes were wide as he studied Donghae, trying to grasp what was going on. Quickly Eunhyuk’s gaze changed and he was scowling back at his tormenter once more.

“Apologize?” Eunhyuk scoffed, jerking his head forward and closer to Donghae. “You want to apologize?”

“Yes,” Donghae quickly interjected sensing Eunhyuk's resentment bubbling under the surface. “I want to apologize. I know this isn’t going to be easy—that this isn’t an ideal situation.”

He couldn’t look at Eunhyuk and diverted his gaze to stare at a stain on his gloves he hadn’t noticed until this very moment. He briefly wondered how it got there, but brushed the thought aside.

“I’m asking a lot out of you, and you have every right to hate me. I would hate me. I'm actually kind of surprised you haven’t punched me in the face already.”

“Don’t think it hasn’t crossed my mind,” Eunhyuk interrupted with a cynical chuckle. “I’ve thought of much worse. Trust me on that one.”

“And you have every right to feel that way.” This time Donghae did look up into Eunhyuk eyes; he deserved to have Donghae’s full attention.

“What are you getting at exactly? Are you backing out now?” The hopeful expression on Eunhyuk’s face made Donghae feel like an because he knew that that was not going to happen.

“No, I’m not.”

“Then, why the hell are you apologizing? Are you trying to make yourself feel better?” Eunhyuk stepped closer to Donghae causing him to move out of the way of the warm air.

“Because I don’t accept it. You don’t get to say sorry. I won’t let you feel better about this. You’re a jackass. Deal with it!”

Eunhyuk’s words hurt Donghae, but he knew he deserved them. He sighed heavily and made to grab for Eunhyuk’s wrist, but the other boy took a step back, allowing Donghae to step back into the warmth.

“Don’t touch me!”

“You grabbed me first,” Donghae pointed out, and suddenly he could feel himself becoming callous once more.

“I grabbed you to get us away from the crowd starting to walk to school.”

Donghae turned to where the other boy was pointing and could see the droves of fellow students starting to walk toward the hill that led to the school’s entrance. The scene caused a flurry of nerves to form in the pit of Donghae’s stomach. He shook his arms to work the nerves away. He needed to get his wits about him once more. It was the only way he would be able to handle this.  

“Oh please. You just wanted to touch me,” Donghae smirked. “You could have just said let’s talk in the alley, but you chose to grab me instead.”

Donghae could visibly see on Eunhyuk’s face that the sudden change in Donghae’s tone had taken him by surprise. The other boy rolled his eyes and sighed in disappointment.

“I see you’re back to being a prick. I wondered where that guy disappeared off to."

“Oh, so you thought about me?” Donghae teased, hoping that this sudden burst of confidence was coming off authentically because he sure didn’t feel confident at all. 

Eunhyuk just stared at him in mild disbelief, shaking his head.

“Wow, you really are something else? You sure you’re not bipolar? It’s like you just a switch and became an entirely different person.”

“That would be multiple personality disorder. If you’re going to insult me, at least get the mental illness correct.”

Eunhyuk rolled his eyes once more, and Donghae chuckled. This action was becoming a common occurrence between the two.

They stood silently for a minute, unsure of what to do next. The two remained standing enjoying the warmth from the vent before Eunhyuk was the one to break the silence.

“We should head over now I guess,” he quietly announced and Donghae nodded unsure anything he said would be warranted.

“So—” Eunhyuk began again as he was the first to step toward the end of the street. He was biting his bottom lip almost violently, and Donghae couldn’t help but stare at the other boy’s teeth gnawing away.

“What—how do we walk in?”

Donghae stepped next to the boy as they turned the corner and fell in step with the crowd of students heading to class. He stared at his and Eunhyuk’s feet as they looked to be marching in step as well.

“I think we just walk in, and then you sit down next to me. I think that’s the easiest way to get the ball rolling,” Donghae whispered so as not to catch anyone but Eunhyuk’s attention.

“Okay,” Eunhyuk gently replied causing Donghae to turn his head toward where he was looking. 

No one around them seemed to be paying attention to them, but Donghae was positive that that had more to do with everyone wanting to get out of the cold as quickly as possible. Regardless of that, no one would even suspect that Donghae was walking with Eunhyuk even though they were walking next to each other. They were just two beings in a sea of more than 100 students. They didn't speak to each other any further and didn't even so much as look in each other's direction until they got inside the building.

Donghae turned to find Eunhyuk staring at him as they were only a few doors away from their homeroom. The hesitation in each of Eunhyuk's steps was obvious. It felt like he was trying to encourage Donghae into changing his mind with each step he slowly took. Donghae merely nodded his head in acknowledgment of what he was doing and kept walking forward. He had beat Eunhyuk to the classroom door.

"Here we go," Donghae softly said to himself before he opened the classroom door. Immediately, he was met with the sounds of the 10 people already in there loudly talking about some television show that aired the night before. Donghae ignored them all and headed toward his aisle seat by the window in the back of the room.

He had lost the little swagger he had when talking with Eunhyuk earlier as soon as he stepped into the classroom. His nerves were starting to act up, and he could barely make out what it was his classmates were saying about the show. As he pulled off his scarf and hat and began working on his coat, he noted that Eunhyuk still hadn't walked into the room.

Looking to his right, Donghae could see that only one of Eunhyuk's friends was already there, but unfortunately, it happened to be his best friend, Siwon.

Further along, he spotted Eunhyuk standing just outside the door looking terrified. It had looked like he was trying to talk himself into walking in. Donghae simply looked on, imagining what could be running through Eunhyuk's head. He thought about getting up and physically pulling the boy into the room, but that idea was interrupted by Siwon himself calling out to Eunhyuk.

"Hyuk, what are you doing out there?" he called out to his friend.

That seemed to have pulled Eunhyuk out of his thoughts, and he finally walked into the room, greeting Siwon quickly.

Siwon was getting ready to ask Eunhyuk something but stopped mid-sentence as he watched his friend walk toward Donghae. Eunhyuk motioned for Donghae to move over to the seat by the window so he could take the aisle seat beside him.

Although he knew this was going to happen, Donghae was nevertheless still surprised. Eunhyuk merely looked down at him with a bored expression.

"Hyuk, what the ?" Siwon asked. He stood up and stared in bewilderment at his friend and caught the attention of everyone already in the room. They all turned around to face the back of the classroom. It made Donghae feel uncomfortable immediately; Eunhyuk seemed to ignore it all focusing only on Siwon.

Eunhyuk turned around to face his friend while pulling his backpack and coat off.

"What man?" he asked dismissively surprising Donghae once again with how Eunhyuk was handling all of this.

"What are you doing?" Siwon asked. He walked closer to Eunhyuk as everyone else in the room remained silent just watching the conversation take place.

"Sitting next to Donghae," Eunhyuk flippantly replied while he turned to look at Donghae who had now moved over to the desk beside him.

"But why?" Siwon asked as he looked over Eunhyuk to observe Donghae.

Donghae, in turn, stared back timidly at Siwon as the other boy judged him with his eyes.

"Cause we're—" Eunhyuk hesitated on the last word which Donghae knew was not going to be easy and he opted to interject.

"We're friends," Donghae answered Siwon, much to the other's skepticism.

"Since when?" Siwon scoffed.

"It's a long story," Eunhyuk clarified as he took a seat beside Donghae.

"Is he tutoring you?" Siwon asked, not believing a word of what was said.

"No, Siwon. He's my friend, seriously. I'll explain more after class."

Donghae swallowed the bile in his throat as he watched Siwon stare back at Eunhyuk and then him.

"When did this all happen?"

"We've found out we had some things in common on Saturday and started talking over the weekend. It's not that big of a deal, Siwon," Eunhyuk protested, attempting to get his friend to let the topic go.

Donghae remained quiet in his seat, too afraid to speak up just yet. Eunhyuk was surprisingly calm at the moment despite the fact that Siwon kept pestering him with questions. He could only imagine how things would go when more of his classmates arrived.

"No, but seriously, Hyuk? What are you doing?" Siwon asked. He had now pulled up a chair and was sitting directly in the aisle next to their desks.

"I'm serious, man. Our mom's work together, so we met on Saturday when we were both helping them with groceries. It's not that big of a deal."

Siwon continued to stare at Eunhyuk, but eventually, he shrugged his shoulders and moved his seat back over.

"We'll talk after, man, ‘cause this is weird."

Eunhyuk chuckled in return, smiling confidently over at Siwon before turning to face Donghae.

"Why did you say friend?" he whispered.

"Thought it would be easier to slowly get everyone used to this. Plus, we didn't think of a reason as to why we would be hanging out, so we need to come up with some fake story."

Eunhyuk nodded in agreement. He turned to the right and found Siwon still staring in direction. He jokingly stuck his tongue out at his friend off, causing the other to respond with a laugh. From what Donghae could gauge, things were okay between them for the time being, but the day had barely started.

"Why did you say that our mom's work together?"

"They do work together. My sister mentioned you during dinner on Sunday night, and my mom brought it up."

"We could use that to our advantage," Donghae remarked. Eunhyuk only rolled his eyes in return.

"No , Sherlock. That's why I brought it up."

Before Donghae could defend himself, more students walked into the classroom including more of Eunhyuk's friends. Each of them took turns and stared over at them much to Donghae's chagrin. The looks of bewilderment and confusion were abundant, and that only served to anger and unnerve Donghae even more. Eunhyuk appeared to be unfazed by it all on the surface, but all the doodles on his notebook told a different story.

The school day had not even started, but Donghae was already counting down until he could leave.

Thank you to all the new subscribers of this story here and on AO3. Also, thank you for the lovely comments.

I'm incredibly grateful to you all! ^-^ I hope you enjoyed it; we’re only just scratching the service of this relationship, there’s a lot more to come. ^_~

Again, I thank you all for your patience.

❤ our_ballad