a beguiling anathema

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peach blossom

i am your captive

The first time Donghae had seen Hyukjae was at the age of twenty-four, when he saw the male visit Mrs. Lee from next door. He thinks it’s fate that they met, because as soon as his eyes landed on him he felt his heart pound hastily and nothing else mattered then; certainly, not the furniture from his old home inside the delivery truck that was waiting to be transported into the new house. He had found his Prince Charming. He doesn’t know much about the man, and truthfully speaking, he absolutely knows nothing other than the fact that they have the same surname, and that he was male.

Duh, Donghae.

Another thing he didn’t know at the time was that Lee Hyukjae was far from Prince Charming. In fact, he was a promiscuous man, a flirt. When Mrs. Lee (the other one, Donghae's mother) had found out about her son’s not-so-secret-crush on a male whose mother happen to live next door to them, she was not pleased. She knew her son was gay, and she doesn’t mind it. At all. It was his choice of partner that worried her.

Her son is a typical naïve romanticist mainly from the product of those classical lovesick novels that sends the boy weeping for days (cough cough Pride and Prejudice). And although to a certain level it was nice that her son can enjoy this precious sentiment called love on the other hand it was rather troublesome. Donghae's first heartbreak, with a guy named Choi Siwon or something, broke her heart too. Tears did not stop until a month after the Choi guy had finished his dirty work: proclaiming the cause of the break up was from Donghae, for being too innocent to the point of frustration.

For a short period, her son changed. Instead of being his usual self, he was different. He changed his name to Aiden, and along with that change came his different persona and friends. She remembers the day Kibum runs to her, teary faced and wailing in pain because Donghae had shrugged him off, leaving with the cool kids of their school. It never occurred to her that a breakup could potentially become very serious because she thought it was the time of their life when boys go through puberty.

Soon, Donghae stopped socialising. Because he was Aiden, the mysterious handsome dude with heavy metal music deafening those around him. He was the guy who doesn’t give a about moles in chemistry, and he was definitely a guy who would scoff at the mention of love.

One day, Mrs. Lee had tried to talk to her son about his habits but it got so out of hand and then she slapped him. That was the beginning of the waterworks. Almost instantly, Aiden reverted back into the little heartbroken boy, Donghae; and for the first time in ages he had crawled into the comforting embrace of his mother and bawled his eyes out.

Cool boys do not cry.

Yet he did.

Does that make Donghae any less of a man? And less than his peers? The answer is no. In fact, the previous predicament only strengthened Donghae and his beliefs in finding someone who will treat him right.

Now, he has learnt to forget and move on. Forgive? No chance in hell (he didn’t tell anybody about the voodoo doll shoved under his bed along with a book on black magic, spending a month on torturing the poor lifeless thing he bought from Amazon (for a cheap price of only £2.99, much like his ex-boyfriend)).

And somehow history seemed to be repeating itself; only with a man named Hyukjae. Before anything, Donghae's mother had persuaded her son to forget the said man, but everything was easier sad than done. In the end, she had given in and even supported him.

That was the spark.

+++

It took Donghae approximately two weeks to realise that Hyukjae (yes he had bugged his new neighbours and learnt his crush’s name) did not live with his mother. But that did not put out the itching curiosity burning slowly in his heart.

He can still recount the time when Hyukjae's mother was carrying five bulging bags of groceries and whatnot and she seemed to be struggling with each step towards her home. Being the kindhearted male, he helped his neighbour to carry the items home. From that day he learnt where Hyukjae's gummy smile came from.

She had invited him over for tea, which he had declined kindly but was steadfastly refused as she makes her way into her cream pastel kitchen, humming a happy tune as she pours boiling water over some dried tea leaves. Over two cups of tea and a plate of mini home-baked mini chocolate muffins, he describes his family and his job and they exchange details about their lives.

He loved those cute funny stories of Hyukjae when he was young, like that one time when Mrs. Lee found the cookie jar half-empty she had asked Hyukjae whether he was to do with the crime, and the little boy shook his head innocently with crumbs covering his face. Needless to say, as punishment he was told to clean the kitchen with no rewards. Slowly, without the owner himself noticing, he was falling. Falling too hard for a certain monkey.

That night, as he lay in his bed, he giggled to himself imagining a little Hyukjae.

+++

The second time he had interacted with Mrs. Lee was under a complete different circumstance.

 “Oh, do you work here Donghae?” She asked, very surprised to find Donghae in the library as she hands over two thick books, both by Dan Brown.

Scratching his nape shyly, he ducks his head and starts scanning the barcodes onto the computer and he swipes the library card he was given. “No, this is a volunteering job I applied for to kill spare time.”

Blushing, he began to stamp on the due dates for the two books, as he puts them together and hands it back to the older woman whilst replying,

 “These are wonderful choice of books.”

 “Oh? Have you read them before then?”

Dipping his head down trying not to blush, he raised it when he answers, “Yes. I love the themes running inside this book as the plot unfolds. Like I said, it is a wonderful choice. I hope you will enjoy it as much as I do.”

+++

Meetings with Mrs. Lee seemed more frequent and less awkward. She treated the younger like her own son, and vice versa. It was so comfortable talking to Mrs. Lee that in a slip of tongue he told her his biggest secret: his crush on her son. She wasn’t disgusted at all. On the contrary, she had her assumptions and when they were proven to be correct, she was ecstatic.

And soon, her plan came. He was watering his mum’s beloved orchids when Mrs. Lee gestured for him to go over. And the content of their conversation? It was basically a formula to grab Hyukjae's attention.

 “So how long have you liked my boy?” Wow, talk about bluntness.

Donghae had been dumbfounded, and the question had to be repeated several times to make sure he wasn’t hearing things. The good thing is, he knows Mrs.       Lee isn’t objective to his silly crush, judging from the small smile playing on her lips and the dimples that had appeared because of it.

 “I truly like Hyukjae, ma’am. I would never lie about such things.” Donghae recalled himself saying, and Hyukjae's mum never once let the smile fade or diminish. On the other hand, it seemed to grow bigger and bigger the more Donghae talked about Hyukjae.

 “Well, Hae, I never doubted you in the first place. Now, it will take some miraculous occurrences to get that blockhead of a son of mine to realise this and notice you,” she paused, inhaling a lungful of air before continuing, “I trust my son in your hands. You are an angel.”

+++

Everything he is doing is for the sake of his happiness, Donghae tells himself. And even if by the end of the plan, Hyukjae still detests the married life then he will back away. Quietly, unnoticeably, as if he wasn’t inside Hyukjae's world in the beginning.

So, on the night of actions, when Hyukjae went to the bar and drank out his heart to the crowd, Donghae made the first move. By sneaking into his loved one’s house, and un-shamefully lying in his bed, he waited. It was a choking silence; the long and painful wait made his mind wander to forbidden areas. Like what if Hyukjae finds out? Will he hate him before Donghae has a chance to voice out his feelings and apologise?

But like how the saying goes, once you start, there's no return.

That night, when Hyukjae came back with a random boy in his arms, half making out in the doorway, Donghae experienced his second heartbreak. In a way, it’s pathetic, he thinks, as he watches the boy scrambled frantically out of Hyukjae's loose grasp on hearing Donghae's title in the home; husband. By then, the drunken male was already on the floor, passed out from the large volume of alcohol he had consumed.

After the hardship of putting Hyukjae in bed, Donghae had crawled into the warmth and dared to stare at the man of his dreams at such a close distance, enough to feel the breaths on his neck, count his eyelashes and hear his paced heartbeat. And finally, when his eyes felt too heavy to hold up, he found that the space between Hyukjae's shoulder and neck fits his head perfectly.

+++

Mornings contain many surprises, whether they are planned or improvised. It certainly was a surprise for Hyukjae, who had fallen out of bed on seeing Donghae. The younger brunet had to stifle bursts of laughter escaping his lips. That was the beginning of everything.

Hyukjae was so darn shocked that it made him look stupid, and as garbled junk words came flushing out of his mouth, it only proved Donghae's point more.

 “Argh!” And Donghae watched with hidden amusement the man of his wet dreams fall off the bed ungracefully, long limbs tangled like a polymerization reaction. Gosh why was he in love with such a dork? Deciding that it was probably too early to get up, he scooped back into the warmth that smelt awfully like Hyukjae, but to him it was nice. Love does wonders.

 “Stop shouting Hyukkie.” Honestly, the nickname slipped completely, and after he uttered the two syllables he tensed. Would Hyukjae find out? How would he react to it? The name was something Donghae had made up ages ago when he was thinking of couple names for Hyukjae and himself (baby was too general and norm). In a way, no wonder Donghae had accidentally spilled the beans; from the amount of times he secretly practised saying it out loud alone and in his head would make anyone praise Donghae for not messing it up sooner. Hyukjae is extremely smart and then this lie would be seen through.

 “Who are you?” Okay, maybe he wasn’t that clever. Donghae resisted the urge to smack his forehead and say, really Hyukjae? But this is good news, because it meant that his cover is not blown and he can continue being Hyukjae's spouse.

After answering a few questions of low intelligence from his husband (and scaring him a bit with some physical contact), Donghae made the elder to go and wash up whilst he prepares breakfast. Desperately wanting to impress Hyukjae, Donghae set about raiding the refrigerator and as he thought, there were only three cans of beer, a half empty bottle of soju and a random leek rotting away quietly in the corner. He swiftly checked his coast, before running like a ninja to the home telephone and called Hyukjae's mum. The night before, she had planned meticulously and had warned her son-in-law beforehand that Hyukjae probably don’t have much food in his house and therefore she had bought a bag of groceries, and that Donghae were to call her if there is nothing in the fridge and she will bring it up.

Two rings later, the call was connected and almost instantaneously disconnected after a short command filled the silence, and minutes later a man in black handed him- very professionally- a plastic bag containing materials that will make a good and nutritious breakfast.

Once the pan started sizzling and oil sparks going off, he dropped the first raw egg and started cooking. By the time he finished, Hyukjae was still taking his bath and he began to set the table, as well as pouring in the coffee beans into an expensive coffee grounder and maker machine. Skimming the contents on the table, he thinks he had probably over-done it…but oh well. Donghae now only hopes for Hyukjae to like it and eat even a single bite.

+++

Hyukjae ate like a pig. An adorable pig, though. But before eating, he noticed how Donghae wanted to sit closer to him from the looks he caught from the corner of his eye, and he had allowed it.

As he moved his chair closer, Donghae decided to test Hyukjae. “Why aren't you calling my Donghae or Hae like you always do?”

Donghae saw the male fidget and avoid his eyes as he spoke, voice deep and velvety, “Ahaha…you know, I must have been really drunk yesterday…” If he were to speak the truth, Donghae was disappointed with Hyukjae. The mere fact that the latter had lied to him, blaming the alcohol he drank for forgetting him when he doesn’t actually know Donghae in the first place.

But it’s okay, Donghae thinks, opening his mouth and lips wrapped around a forkful of eggs, because I will make sure to be a good husband and train Hyukjae into an even better one.

They ate in the clatter of utensils for some time, before Donghae eyed Hyukjae weirdly as the elder reached over while saying “Can you get any messier?” and ever so gently with little force applied rubbed above his lips. He flushes a deep lovely crimson colour and chokes on nothing, or maybe just Hyukjae's caring manners.

+++

Legs tangled, chests adjacent and breaths in sync, Donghae and Hyukjae lay on the sofa, enjoying the tingling feeling in their stomachs.

 “I wish we could stay like this forever.” Hyukjae murmured to him. How I wish the same, Donghae thinks with slight bitterness knowing how much they had gone from being awkward around each other to hugging like real lovers. Feeling as if he could get separate