We’re both sitting in silence in the back seat of the black sedan. I thought riding to school together to talk about what happened would be a good idea but it’s a bit uncomfortable, especially when my driver is within earshot.

 

“I tried telling you I’m new to this.” His voice covers the silence. “I never had to care or did care about anyone’s feelings before.” He hesitates to look at me. “I meant what I shared that night.”

 

I look out the window to avoid any eye contact. “So you hook up with Siyeon, that makes sense.”

 

He scoffs and I hear him laugh at the same time I turn to look at him. I can’t believe he finds this situation funny. 

 

“No, I’m not laughing about that.” He quickly defends himself. “I didn’t hook up with her. I was freaking out and I think I just used her.” He pauses. 

 

Thank god we’re pulling up to school because I need to get out of here, I no longer care and I definitely don’t want to hear this nonsense. I want out of this car so bad that I don’t even wait for the door to be opened for me. I quickly walk away to make sure I leave Baekhyun behind.

 

“Okay...” He continues as he’s trailing behind me. “That sounded a lot worse than I wanted it to.” 

 

“Just forget about it Baekhyun.” I use a stern voice. “You can do whatever you want. You don’t have to explain yourself to me.”

 

He steps in front of me. “No, we need to talk.”

 

“Now that I think about it, there’s really nothing to talk about. You helped me, I’d thank you but you seem to hate it when I do.” I cross my arms and shrug. “So, that’s that.”

 

“No, that’s not all.” He replies. “You need to know I didn’t hook up with her. Maybe I did use her but only to hide behind her.” He sighs. “To hide from these scary feelings you make me feel.”

 

I raise an eyebrow. “Scary feelings?”

 

He nods rubbing his neck. “I like you, alright.”

 

“Alright?” I shake my head. “Look, I don’t think you like me. You like making me look like an idiot.” I walk around him.

 

“I mean it Yeji.” 

 

 Now it’s my turn to scoff, “Yeah? Well you have an interesting way to show it.”

 

I feel him gently pull on my arm and turns me around to bring me in close to his body, his hand around my waist and another cupping my face as his lips touch mine. Our lips lock and I stay.

 

My entire body feels this electric, powerful, and beautiful sensation. Almost as if our lips were meant for each other, the perfect fit. Some would call it the spark, but this is beyond more than a spark. It’s like I’m no longer in control of gravity and my body is light as a feather, lifting me away from where ever I am. 

 

He slowly breaks the kiss and whispers. “Betcha, I like you Yeji.” He rests his forehead on mine. “I don’t want to be this way anymore.”

 

I can’t help my smile from growing. “This is crazy.”

 

He smirks in return. “I’m crazy about you.” 

 

 

 

 

| S U M M E R 

 

I’m trying to scream through the painful tickle attack I’m receiving on this sand but all that escapes from my mouth is pure laughter. Baekhyun was trying to get me out of the ocean water, he didn’t want to get in so I about being a scaredy-cat and that was enough to prove himself. 

 

So he had picked me up and took us out, only to place me down and tickle me to death until I take back for calling him a wimp.

 

“Come on, apologize!” He playfully threatens.

 

I manage to say no in between my laughs but I don’t get a break. At this point, I’m starting to cry because it’s excruciating how much it tickles.  

 

Baekhyun pulls away laughing, “What the ? You’re actually crying now.”

 

I smile with victory. “I win.” 

 

He nods, “You’re brave my Yeji.”

 

“I’m not afraid of you Byun Baekhyun.” I support myself with my arm as I look into his warm brown eyes. 

 

He leans in and gives me a soft kiss, the tender ones, the ones I love the most because even though it’s gentle, it’s enough to feel all his true emotions for me.

 

He rests his forehead on mine. “You’re crazy my Yeji.”

 

I reach for his lips and lean back to bring him slightly down with me. When I release the kiss I say, “Crazy in love with you.” 

 

Every word felt right and every word I meant with all my heart, I didn’t have to second guess it. I stare at him knowing he’s the one, the one I want to spend everyday with and I can just feel there will be no one else that can make me feel what Baekhyun makes me feel. 

 

He kisses my forehead and stands up. “Are you hungry?”

 

At that moment I have an ache in my heart. I’ve gotten used to the way Baekhyun is but this moment wasn’t just anything casual. I opened my heart without fear and now because he didn’t acknowledge what I said, I feel small. I’m questioning if he loves me or if he can even love me. I stand up and just nod. I lost my appetite but I’d rather go back to the room then stay here.

 

 

 

Back in the suite I’m admiring the beautiful view of Jeju island. The sun is starting to set and I still haven’t gotten my appetite back. 

 

I feel Baekhyun’s hands wrap around me from behind. I lean back and rest my head on his chest, suddenly feeling warm.

 

He whispers in my ear, “It’s really nice here.” 

 

I nod. “Do we have to go out for dinner?”

 

He kisses my head. “We don’t. Do you want to stay in then and just order room service?”

 

I gently release myself from his grip and walk up closer to the railing. “I’m not really hungry. But you should order if you are.” 

 

I can hear him take a deep breath and exhale it out. “I’ve been thinking...” he pauses “thinking how I can feel all these emotions but struggle to express exactly what is going on inside my mind or heart.”

 

It grabs my attention but I don’t turn to face him, I’m still debating within myself if I should just ask him the question. 

 

He continues. “But, this is real for me Yeji. I’ve never felt this way about anyone. Never.”

 

I slowly turn my body to face him, having enough courage to say what I’m about to say.

 

“But, you’re just not in love with me.” We make eye contact. “Right?”

 

There’s worry in his eyes and he reaches for me, placing his arms around my waist to have me close to his body.

 

“I’m crazy in love with you.” His hand caresses my cheek. “I didn’t know how to say it back down there but I feel the same way Yeji. Betcha.”

 

I see him leaning in and I meet him in the middle to surrender to his lips. As the kiss turns more passionate, the closeness we have is making us push even more closer. He starts to feel me up and I allow him. I pull his shirt over while he slides my silky robe off. 

 

Our bodies never separate and our lips never break away as we walk back inside towards the bed. I sit down and softly pull him down with me. He hovers over me and without hesitation I start with my straps from my short satin nightdress, to expose myself to him. 

 

Baekhyun places his hand over my hand, realizing what I’m about to do and stops me. “Baby...”

 

I reach for his lips with mine. Then, I whisper to him. “Make love to me.”

 

His warm brown eyes turn fiery, burning with desire, but at the same time he seems gentle. “Are you sure?”

 

I nod and take his hand to help what I was starting. “I want you. I want it to be you.”

 

My strap comes undone to my arm halfway and we do the next one. “Let me know when to stop.” He kisses my head.

 

I nod in agreement to his request. I got a little nervous but not because I’m unsure of my decision, just nervous that this day is finally here. There was never any pressure with Baekhyun and he always respected when things went to far for me. I am certain of this. It’s not only the fact that I have someone who waited but it’s with someone I truly love, someone who loves me back.

 

He never knew that was what I wanted. He never knew I wanted someone to be in love with me to trust them with my choice to give them myself entirely. That’s how I knew he’s really the one, that’s how I know he is my one.

 

 

 

 

| Y E A R  O N E

 

I don’t mean to slam the door to the bedroom, especially since it’s not my own home but finding out Baekhyun had this plan to move without discussing anything with me really worked me up. 

 

I hear the door open and he calls my name. “Yeji, this is why I didn’t tell you. I knew you wouldn’t be able to handle it.”

 

I cross my arms. “So, you decide to keep something like that from me? This is so typical of you! Always keeping me in the dark. Why?” I nearly shout uncrossing my arms and slamming them to my side. 

 

He rubs his neck. “There are things you don’t need to know.”

 

I scoff. “—And I was supposed to just be okay with this? Wake up one day and find out you’re moving?”

 

He uses a stern voice. “Well, I’m not okay with this. I’m not going to live here. I don’t ing belong here Yeji.”

 

“What does that even mean?” I reply frustrated. “Why do you always find a way to ruin it when we’re good?”

 

He runs his hands over his face. “I’m not. This is just how it’s supposed to be.” 

 

I shake my head. “What are you saying then? That this whole thing was just a game, some summer fling?”

 

“Don’t do that.” He slightly speaks above me. “Don’t put words in my mouth, don’t make it seem like something it’s not.”

 

“You leave me no choice but to come up with my own answers! You never talk to me about anything, you hardly ever share exactly what you feel.” I sigh. “It hurts you know, that you know so much about me and I get nothing back from you.”

 

“I’ve been doing this relationship Yeji. That’s a whole ing lot. Maybe not for you but that’s giving you everything from me.” He scoffs with annoyance. “You’re lucky I didn’t just you and leave you after.”

 

That last comment completely hit my chest. I didn’t see that coming and I never imagined he’d say such a thing. I’m in shock to even argue back so all I do is move my feet to get out of that room as quickly as I can. Baekhyun calls me by my name but I don’t stop for him. I’m out his room. Maybe even out of his life.

 

 

 

The next morning Baekhyun’s grandmother calls to make sure if he’s with me. Apparently he didn’t come home last night. She’s not sure if he actually ran away or if it’s like before, where he would just go get drunk and be returned by the police. Mrs. Dasom explains that this time around it will be different since he’s old enough for the police to consider him a missing minor. 

 

I ask if she may possibly know where exactly he would be right now and thankfully when this has happened, police had always mentioned to her where they would find him. 

 

After getting names of certain bars I drive downtown and try to call Baek. As predicted, he never answers any of my calls and at some point he turns off his phone. I need him to not be stupid or get into any trouble, I have this urge to protect him.

 

When I arrive to the first bar, I feel relieved that I didn’t have to go searching for long. I spot him at a table taking shots with a couple of guys, I’m assuming his friends. While I walk down this uncomfortable place, I hear random guys whistling and saying inappropriate things to me.

 

I finally reach him. “Baek.” He turns to his name being called and he reeks of liquor. “We need to talk.”

 

He smirks. “To tell me how I keep ing up. No thanks.” He gives me his back.

 

I walk in front of him. “So you meant what you said last night?”

 

He rolls his eyes and takes another shot of whatever he was drinking before walking away. I’m already upset but his actions upset me more. I follow him and half way down the bar, some guy grabs me and starts grinding on me. I tell him to back off and demand him to let me go. I slap him and try pushing him off but he gets aggressive quickly and before this guy forces me to kiss him, Baekhyun pulls him away and starts beating him. 

 

The way Baek starts attacking this guy, I’ve never seen before, he’s violent and it scares me. Blood starts to show and no one seems to stop this, I’m begging Baekhyun to stop and by a miracle the sound of my pleas makes him snap out of his rage. 

 

We rush out of the bar and he doesn’t seem to feel any pain on his hand.

 

“Why the did you come here!” He shouts as we walk to wherever he’s going. “ing stupid to do that!”

 

“Hey!” I try to pull his arm to have him face me but he’s too strong to stop him. “Why are you acting like this? Don’t keep me in the dark, I want to understand!” I raise my voice and the way I do, it’s obvious I’m in devastation. 

 

He turns back and grabs my wrist. “You want to ing understand?” He leads me to this parking lot.

 

We enter his car and I begin to wonder if he’s even okay to drive. He’s speeding like a lunatic, passing almost all street lights that are turning red. I’m in absolute fear that he’s being so careless. My heart is breaking to see this side of him, I don’t know who this Baekhyun is. 

 

We reach what looks like an abandoned apartment complex. He opens the passenger seat car door and doesn’t care to notice I’m crying and afraid. 

 

“Here Yeji.” He looks at me emotionless. “You want the real reason why I don’t want the life you have.” He walks away and I hesitate to leave the car but I end up following him. 

 

He opens the door to a specific building. When he uses his phone as a flashlight because there’s no power, I realize there’s no furniture as well. It's just empty and Baekhyun stands there while pointing to almost each area in the house where his mother would get beaten and where his father would hurt him. 

 

“I told her and begged her to run away with me and she didn’t want to. She was too afraid. It almost felt like she didn’t trust me that I would protect her. I got so mad that I just left that day, I didn’t know where to, the only place I thought of was the park I used to run off to as a kid. The next morning, I decided to come back and apologize to her.” He pauses. “The first thing I see is my mom on the floor...drenched in her own blood.” His hands ball into a fist. “She was beaten to death and that ty man, not too far from her on the ground. The ing piece of shot himself instead of rotting in jail for what he did.”

 

He collapses to the ground and starts sobbing. He breaks down in his painful memory. He even screams at one point.

 

“She didn’t deserve the bruises, the pain, the crying! She deserved a much better ing life!” He catches his breath. “I can’t ing live a life where butlers and maids are around me. The stupid fancy clothes, the meaningless fancy parties or dinners, the stupid money! I can’t ing have that life when she never had a chance! How can I accept all that while she died unable to have that chance?” He stands up. “That ing man had it all and he never gave it to her!” He punches the wall a couple of times. “He ing had it all!”

 

He finally stops hurting himself and slides down on the wall. I slowly walk up to him and finally come to understand his fights with his Grandparents, his uncomfortableness at the formal events, his desire to move here. I sit next to him and carefully bring him close to me, he allows me to hold him and he lets out his pain, he lets it all out.

 

 

 

There isn’t a fight to bring him to the emergency room. His hand is being wrapped by the nurse. He fractured his knuckles and will be in an arm cast for about 10 months. I feel him staring at me while I observe the nurse to make sure she’s being careful and isn’t hurting him. I know it’s silly because this is her profession but I can’t help but feel worried.

 

His gaze is strong so I decide to make eye contact with him. I see hurt, pain, and sadness in his warm brown eyes but I see the Baekhyun I know. Once the nurse leaves, he immediately speaks.

 

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for all of it. The way I spoke to you and for what I said last night.” I stand up and rest my forehead on his. He continues. “I didn’t mean what I said last night, I swear. You mean so much more to me than you can ever imagine.”

 

“Stop.” I gently interrupt him. “I love you.”

 

He shakes his head. “You shouldn’t, I don’t deserve you. I don’t think I can give you what you want.”

 

My kiss is full of passion and it’s deep for him to see how much love I have for him. I slowly break away from our kiss. “Let me in. That’s all I want. I don’t want secrets. I want to know you and that means all the bad along with the good.” I pause. “I want you to feel like you trust me enough to share it all with me.”

 

He takes a deep breath and exhales it out. “I’m going to disappoint you. I wasn’t myself when I unlocked my dark past, I was full of hate.” He gulps.

 

I lift his head with my hands and stare deep into his eyes. I his eyebrow as I admire his charming face. “Try, please. Just try.”

 

It takes him a moment but he finally nods. I give him a small grin and we kiss. 

 

“Also, don’t get mad but I called your Grandmother.” He gives me an unpleasing look. “Well, she was going to find out either way. Your under her medical insurance.” I smile shyly hoping he understands. 

 

He sighs, “So, she’s coming here isn’t she.” I nod and he adds. “There goes my freedom.”

 

I chuckle knowing perfectly well what he means by it, his Grandmother is going to smother him. My smile slowly fades knowing the amount of care and attentiveness Mrs. Dasom will put on the staff for Baek. It worries me this will push him to the edge and have him run off again, especially now that I know a confession to his troubled past. Suddenly I begin to have questions I want to ask but I don’t want to ruin this moment, I just want him to be okay.