To my luck, they both step out of the elevator and I have the biggest sense of relief knowing I don’t have to enter a personal hell hole. The internal silent anxiety attack I have slightly reduces.

 

I can sense Baekhyun staring at me as he’s walking passed me and I fight the urge to even check if my instincts are right. Suddenly, I realize I may never have this chance again or coincidence, whatever this was that the universe was placing for me. Is this my closure? 

 

“Baekhyun!” I blurt out sternly, slowly but surely my eyes look at the brown eyes I’ve loved for years. He stands tall and the audacity he has to seem hurt. That look alone encourages me to speak. “ you.”

 

I get in the elevator with Jinah following me immediately with a confused look on her face. The adrenaline running through my body has me shaking as I press the button to the lobby floor. I’m in desperate need for these doors to shut before he somehow builds any courage to say something to me but when I don’t see him in sight, I just watch the doors shut in front of me, that’s when I realize that my past is also being shut. 

 

 

 

I rush to my bar to open something quickly, I need something to ease my emotions. I wasn’t imagining this moment to happen and I wasn’t prepared. I know I must leave it behind but seeing Baekhyun’s face just has this power over me, he has the ability to break me.

 

Jinah slowly puts down her bag on my kitchen island and bravely asks me if I’m okay. “Yeji, are you sure you don’t want to talk about it instead?”

 

I shake my head and I realize I need something much stronger than wine. I hardly ever drink vodka but for this occasion I’m making an exception. 

 

Jinah breaks the silence. “Is that him?” She grabs my attention, making me stare at her. “Chanyeol shared with me how you were with someone for so many years and he just left without an explanation the day of...of the wedding.”

 

I chuckle to the memory. Instead of replying back, my focus is on getting the bottle open to start the remedy, the wrong choice but I need this. I grab ice and pour a glass, within seconds I chug it all, it burns my throat so I open a bottle of cranberry juice to balance the horrible after taste. I cradle the bottle and chaser and flop on the couch. 

 

 

 

My entire body is numb and stuck in the same position since I’ve sat on this couch. Although my body went numb, my heart didn’t, not when it’s aching as the vision of Sena’s belly is replaying in my head. 

 

I hear the doorbell echoing through my apartment but I don’t get up. I know I should answer it but I don’t have an ounce of strength to move an inch.

 

“Hi” I hear Jinah’s voice. . I forgot about her. She gave me my space since we came back from the hospital. Her silence during her stay made me forget she was here and now I’m wasted to take her home. I’m not sure how long it’s been but the sun is starting to set and I can’t believe I forgot about her. 

 

“I’m sorry if I troubled you to come down here. It’s just with both brothers out of town, I wasn’t sure what to do. I would definitely stay but—” Jinah’s gentle voice gets interrupted. 

 

“It’s no trouble at all. Sehun mentioned the situation.” Jongin. I hear a pause as bags are ruffling. “Chanyeol wanted to make sure I brought you this.” 

 

Jinah’s tone of voice is polite by thanking him but I sense she’s worried that I would hear. I don’t think she wants me to feel bad for neglecting her. Even if she understands the state of mind I’m in, especially since she was the only one to witness that I crossed paths with my ex and his pregnant...whatever Sena is to him, it shouldn’t excuse that I forgot to care for her.

 

Kai’s voice is soft, “My driver is waiting for you downstairs. Go home, I’ll take care of her. I promise.”

 

I see Jinah walking with Kai, as they stand in front of me, I can’t make eye contact with either one. Jinah says her goodbyes to me and shortly it’s just me and him. He kneels in front of me and carefully lifts my face to look at his.

 

“Talk to me.” He gently commands. 

 

I keep my eyes fixed on him for a few seconds and instead of saying anything, I take a sip of my vodka. My eyes look passed Kai as I have an image of Baekhyun’s face from today. I keep seeing how he looked with someone else, how someone else is getting everything great from him.

 

“He’s having a baby.” I sob quietly and uncontrollably. I know Kai won’t understand why this breaks my soul entirely but he still reaches for me to hold me in his arms. I respond to his touch by leaning in to cry in pain. 

 

Kai gives me a gently squeeze. “What happened?”

 

I manage to blurt out. “I saw him...” My breaths are uncontrollable. “I saw them...together.” I barely say the last word clearly. “I shouldn’t be crying! I shouldn’t be allowing him to have my tears anymore!” 

 

Kai grabs my face and hold my head up, his soft fingers wiping away the tears running down my cheeks. “He doesn’t deserve you.”

 

I lean into his touch and sob. “I wish I didn’t meet you like this, as a broken woman.” 

 

“I wouldn’t have hurt you.” He says it with so much promise. 

 

I feel sick to my stomach with myself, with my thoughts running in my mind because I’m still in love with someone who’s only ever put me through misery. I have this wonderful man in front of me who’s been patient and I can’t find a spot to let him in. What is wrong with me? I saw Baekhyun with her and I still ing love him! 

 

I feel anger boil inside me. I have to ing end this era of missing and loving Baekhyun. This deep wound and love for someone who will somehow find ways to hurt me in the end has to vanish out of my life.

 

I launch towards Kai and my lips press firmly to his. I straddle him and I don’t break the kiss. He gently pushes me to the side and removes himself from the couch to stand up.

 

“Yeji, you’re really intoxicated and I know this isn’t what you really want.” I hear him sigh. “I meant it when I said I will be here for you, I’ll be anything for you.”

 

“What if I want you to make me forget? What if I want you to make love to me and make me forget him?” I whisper without realizing how seductive I sound. 

 

I see him run his fingers through his lips. It’s almost like he wants to please me. He swallows. “Trust me, I want to but not like this. Not like this Yeji. I want you with a clear mind before you ever ask me to–“

 

My body shifts to stand up and I’m waking up to him. My body is closing the space between us and my face inches away from his lips. 

 

“Make me forget.” I whisper and while I stand, everything is spinning and it makes me nauseous. I don’t have time to react or do anything about it, next thing I’m vomiting on my marble floors next to Kai. 

 

All senses came back to me and a rush of heat overpowers my every being. I turn away quickly to hide my face from embarrassment but I lose my balance. Kai comes to my side and helps me stand.

 

“Take a shower while I make you something to eat.” He picks me up and cradles me into his arms. “I’m going to take you to your room, okay?”

 

I nod at him since everything is still spinning and I’m worried to throw up again if I open my mouth. Kai places me down once reaching my bathroom and double checks that I’m okay before stepping out to the kitchen. When I’m alone in the bathroom, I glide down against the closed door and begin to let it all out again. I’m reliving the pain from the past, the ache in my heart, the weakness in my bones, and the suffocation in my lungs have returned like before. After what feels like hours, I finally manage to stand up, wash up, and get ready for bed. 

 

However, the tears kept rolling down my face non stop. I had a moment where it felt like I no longer had tears but once I laid down on my bed, the tears returned. As I cry, I watch everything around me fade. 

 

 

 

The warm sun hitting my face would feel nice any other day but not right now...not at this moment. Although my eyes are still closed as I’m waking, I can feel a huge throbbing sensation in my brain and my mouth is extremely dry. My eyes begin to slowly open but barely manage, but I jolt up when I realize it’s Monday, and without thinking I quickly get out of bed in which I immediately regret. 

I notice a glass of water and headache pills next to my night stand. I try to recall what happened yesterday and little bits of memories replay in my head. I shut my eyes as I remember my shame of abandoning Jinah and utter embarrassment how I came onto Kai. 

 

I’m in pain...internally. I’m going to have to show face and I really don’t want to. I take the pills and chug my water, it’s clear I’m overly dehydrated so I decide to refill my glass. When I walk out of my room out into the kitchen, I notice Kai finishing up breakfast. We make eye contact and he stands still.

 

“I’m sorry for snooping through your kitchen but since you didn’t eat last night, I wanted to make sure you did this morning.” He gives me a caring smile. “How are you feeling?”

 

I don’t hide the truth. “Embarrassed.” I scratch my head. “I’m really sorry for all of it. I’m sorry for making you late to work.”

 

He shrugs. “I have the privilege to show up a little late if I want to. I told them I have a check up, they just don’t know I’m the one checking up on my girlfriend.” Kai begins to fluster with the orange juice and coffee. “You know. Not the official title but you’re my friend, my lady friend.” 

 

I chuckle. “Don’t worry, compared to what I did to you last night, yours is not the slightest bit awkward.” 

 

He nods. “I knew you would regret it but honestly don’t feel awkward. I understand, I really do.” 

 

I have the memory of wanting Kai. I know my heart is really fighting to give this a chance. Although I was intoxicated, my actions just didn’t come from wanting to use Kai, I wanted to break free of my fears and allow myself to feel love and to feel loved. 

 

“I don’t regret what I did but I do regret how I did it.” I pause. “I really like you Jongin. I only hesitated because I was still holding on to my past...” I have a quick flashback of my first love Baekhyun, what we shared, what we had, and what we could have had to now seeing him move on with his life. “I’m ready to let it go and I’m ready to move on. I’m ready.”

We both smile at each other and there’s no doubt in my mind that I meant what I said. It’s time to really open my heart to all the new possibilities, to the new beginnings.

Arriving at the office, I notice Jinah on the phone and seems stressed. When I reach her desk, she stares at me and gives me a genuine smile, almost relieved I made it into work today.

 

“I’ll see what I can do.” She says over the phone. “Miss Yeji arrived and I’ll discuss it with her. May I place you on a brief hold?” She sighs and looks at me. “Good morning. I know you’re just coming in but there’s a guest who is insisting to speak to the Managing Director about allowing him in Rubik.”

 

I raise my eyebrows. “As a private event? Contact Minah to check availability.”

 

She shakes her head. “No, not for later this evening. He wants to enter now. Front desk informed him of the operating hours but he still went down to Rubik. He’s been requesting access from security, they are with the guest and now he’s requesting to speak to the Resort’s Managing Director.”

 

I sigh and shake my head. “Alright, send a car for me please. I’ll head over now.” 

 

When Jinah picks up the phone to give an update, I wait for her to hang up to take my opportunity to apologize to her. 

 

“I’m sorry about yesterday.” I keep eye contact with her although I slightly look away from embarrassment, even shame. Especially after it hits me that she had cravings. “Oh my gosh! I’m so selfish and stupid, please tell me you emptied out my fridge!”

 

She gives me the most gentle smile and shakes her head. “I actually had snacks in my bag to hold me off but Kai brought me food. But please don’t apologize. Honestly.” She pauses. “I can’t imagine the pain you were dealing with, you had every right to feel what you felt. I’m sorry I couldn’t join you.” She teases.

 

The sincerity in her voice and look on her face eases me but I still feel horrible. “I’m still very sorry. You’re family, you’re important to my brother, and you are carrying a special member of the family. I should have—”

 

“Yeji, please.” She smiles warmly. “It’s alright. But if it makes you feel better, I will only accept your apology so you can drop it. You really don’t have to though.” She grins and excuses herself to answer the phone as it rings.

 

I nod and smile in return for her understanding. I let her get back to work as I put my things down in my office. I head out to the main drive way to meet my driver Jinah arranged for me to be escorted to one of the restaurants on property.

 

 

 

Getting out of the car, I notice security waiting outside the building and one approaches me to open the backseat door. He fills me in and gives a status of the situation. 

 

“Where is he now?” I ask while my eyes search for this guest causing problems this early.

 

The security guard leads me in the direction and I see the back of this male and my stomach drops as I notice similarities to the one person I’ve known for years. 

 

“Mr. Byun, here is our Resort’s Managing Director Miss–”

 

He turns to face me as he speaks over security. “Yeji.”  

 

I stay in place with my eyes glued to his face. It feels unreal that he’s here. I can’t believe the nerve he has to show up here after everything.