[a/n]: please prepare for uber long chappie.... It's too long. I'm trying countless times to update the whole chap... but I always failed D: I'm sorry, I'll post the second part right away!! ^^

 

 

HYUKJAE POV

 

 

I bit my bottom lip, harshly, carelessly, as careless I am to the world.

 

Even to this chest that keeps feeling so much pain, too much pain, the pain that pushing down tears, and bringing up those suffocates that starts to overflowing.

 

That painful suffocating feeling.

 

 

-FLASHBACK-

 

 

He cupped her face with one of his hands.

 

 

What the hell.

 

What the hell is he doing?

 

 

This is not right.

 

I felt my sight getting blurry, since I know; I know something wet covering my sight already.

 

It’s just a misunderstanding, of course.

 

 

 

Hae loves me.

 

 

He loves me lot.

 

He loves me more than he love his own life.

 

 

Right, Hae?

 

 

I keep watching them from a far, took a small step closer and closer towards them, making sure they just met; making sure it’s only a coincidence for him to meet that girl. Making sure that he’s going to do nothing.

 

 

I’m just too much.

 

 

He’s with Yoona, Hyuk ah.

 

Two of them.

 

 

No.

 

It’s not him.

 

 

When I approach them, he will just coming back to me, hug me and say that I’m his boyfriend who he loves the most,

 

Right?

 

I bit my lower lip.

 

 

Hae’s face is not towards my direction, but…

 

 

Eh.

 

What’s he…

 

 

Doing?

 

 

The more I stepped my feet, even inch by inch, the heavier it become.

 

He cupped her face with both of his hands, now.

 

 

What will he do?

 

Kiss her?

 

Kiss her with his lips that belong to me?

 

Stare at her with his killer charming stare that I thought it was just only for me?

 

 

Hug her?

 

Giving the warmth that is permanently mine?

 

 

 

Or all of it?

 

 

As if he read my mind, he quickly moved, which, I don’t know, it’s just too fast for me, too damn fast…

 

 

I know Hae hugged her.

 

I know he is hugging her.

 

 

 

I just can’t see it.

 

 

 

My heart…

 

 

Breaks.

 

 

 

-End of Flashback-

 

 

 

 

I couldn’t contain any more sadness as I sobbed really hard, messing my hair harshly and palmed my face desperately while squeezing my own phone that I just turned it off.

 

“Ah, um, I apologize, but I think I have to know your house,”

 

I sobbed once again and look outside the window, pointed to a house.

 

“H-here, just—“ I coughed, choked by my own tears. “Just stop here,” I added huskily to the driver.

 

Yeah, guess it right.

 

 

I spontaneously went home straight ahead, right after I saw Hae—darn it, I couldn’t even try to remember that scene.

 

I know that’s too much.

 

 

Not me.

 

Hae.

 

 

I quickly head out the taxi soon as it stopped, give him amount of money and stormed inside the house.

 

Ah.

 

I heard sound coming from the dining room.

 

Are omma and appa at home?

 

 

I won’t be able to face them like this.

 

“Eunhyuk?”

 

 

 

Without thinking, I ran towards my room.

 

 

 

---

 

 

 

 

I heard a soft knocks on my door, made me blinked and turned away from the book I’ve been reading for almost an hour already.

 

“Who is it?”

 

The doorknob moves, and slowly, revealing the most handsome creature on earth, the one I’ve been loving the most, with his kindheartedness.

 

 

My whole life, Hae.

 

 

“Hae!” I almost squealed, greeted him since I’m not expecting him to come this soon—in fact, I’m not expecting him to come at all.

 

I missed him so freaking bad and it’s just like he knew what’s on my mind.

 

He enters the room and closed it gently, while his lips that used to kiss me a lot, curving a smile. Actually, it’s a bitter smile.

 

I frown.

 

“Baby… Are you okay?” I asked gradually, stood up from my desk chair to start approaching him, soon after I realized that smile.

 

“Hm?” His brows raises, guiding me slowly to the bed as he shook his head in doubt. “What do you mean? I’m okay,” He answered.

 

 

 

We sat on the bed while his warm hand faintly wrapped mine.

 

Awh, that stare.

 

That sharp, charming stare.

 

 

I’m always able to drowned by that stare.

 

“Haeee,” I leaned my chin on his shoulder, unconsciously pouted a bit.

 

 

Like, why doesn’t he say something instead of keep silent like this?

 

I thought he has something to say.

 

Maybe there really is a problem he just doesn’t say it yet.

 

 

“What’s wrong?” I whispered lovingly, leaning closer to his neck while grab his arm with my other hand and sometimes got to kiss his neck gently, made him shivered.

 

The grip around my hand tightened.

 

He glance at me, bitting his lower lip and stared down, as if he’s thinking about something that has been bothering him all day.

 

 

“Mmm?” I asked, pulling myself to stared intently his handsome face. But then, instead of replying my question, he only letting out a deep, exhausted sighs.

 

 

Awh.

 

Something surely bothers him.

 

 

I think I have to cheer him up.

 

“Baby~”

 

Weird. Usually I got shy and even blushed every time I called him that way. But it’s not, this time.

 

I keep staring at him, while he just lowered his head down until I don’t know for how long, our hands keep tangled to each other as he suddenly tapped the back of my hand with his other one.

 

 

“I’m sorry,”

 

Eh?

 

I stared at him in confusion, waiting for him to say any other words. But suddenly he smiled—that smile.

 

 

Not that charming smile.

 

 

That general smile that he threw to those fans of his, but from his eyes, I could see some guiltiness.

 

The guilt, it stuns me.

 

 

I can’t even say any word, I’m unable to do it ever since, my tongue feels so numb.

 

That’s when I knew the grip is not on my hand anymore.

 

In fact—it’s not anywhere.

 

He released my hand. Without I even realize it, without I even recognize it.

 

 

And yet, everything seems too blurry for me to catch.

 

 

 

“I’m cheating on you,”

 

 

Wh-what..

 

My heart seems stopped beating.

 

“I couldn’t help it…”

 

 

His face didn’t show guilty anymore, I mean, he seems not guilty enough to say such those words.

 

My heart seems to break again and again.

 

 

S-so it’s true..?

 

 

Suddenly, I heard a loud knocks from the door, make me gasped and swallowed hard, as suddenly I felt the urge to cry.

 

That painful feeling I thought I will never feel it.

 

 

But I did.

 

 

The knocks continue to barks, but I’m just too stunned to even think of any, any little thing to think of.

 

Hae stared at me with that ing stare.

 

Again

 

 

He stabbed my chest by only forming that stare deeply into my eyes, again and again and again, and ing again.

 

“Sorry, Hyukjae, forgive me,”

 

I felt my breath getting sharper as the urge of needing air surround me so bad, getting my head become so heavy, my sight becomes so blurry, so painful, so…

 

 

So painful.

 

 

I love you so much.

 

I give you everything.

 

 

Donghae, I love you.

 

I love you.

 

 

I love you.

 

 

 

I lowered my head, smiling the most forceful smile I’ve ever tried.

 

In front of him, at least, I don’t want to see he’s getting guiltier.

 

He is…

 

Right?

 

 

“It’s… Fine,” I murmured, and without I even know and realize, I already destroyed my own pride ever since the first time I fell in love with this guy.

 

 

“Just…. You…. Still mine, right?”

 

 

Why I sounded like I’m begging?

 

 

Wait.

 

I really am begging to him.

 

 

I really don’t mind.

 

I really am.

 

 

 

I don’t mind if you’re cheating on me.

 

I don’t mind as long as you still claim me as yours.

 

I don’t mind as long as you’re still mine.

 

I don’t mind if you won’t do it again—

 

 

 

In fact,

 

Even if you did it again and again, I will…

 

 

 

Still able to forgive you.

 

 

 

I love you, and I’m obsessed with you.

 

Stop blaming me with this feeling.

 

I could kill myself just if you ask me to.

 

 

 

I’ll give you everything.

 

 

Suddenly, he stood up. He avoids my stare totally and I could hear his sigh, his heavy sigh that made me lost hope.

 

“I’m sorry,”

 

 

It breaks again.

 

 

He walked, leaving me and keep walking until he reached my door—where sometimes those knocks still exist, reminding me that there’s someone waiting for the door to open, someone I don’t ing know who it is.

 

As I saw him taking a deep breath, he glance at me once again, brows furrowed.

 

 

 

Just…

 

You know what to do, Hae.

 

You know what to say.

 

 

Just a simple I love you?

 

Or maybe if it is possible, walking back and wrap me with your warmth?

 

Or just…

 

Even just that charming stare, it will be so important to me.

 

That stare, that charming stare for me, that caring stare which contain so much love, making me feel like I’m the luckiest person?

 

Always for only me…

 

 

 

 

 

…No?

 

 

 

 

I felt my heart thumped so hard it hurts a lot, I couldn’t breathe normally.

 

The sight of mine become so blur, so ing blurry and annoyingly makes me feel pathetic.

 

 

I swear I waited for hours.

 

Until he just sighed so deeply I never saw him that way, and turned to the door to open it slowly.

 

 

That—when the last figure I want to ever see, appears before my eyes.

 

 

Y-Yoo—

 

. I couldn’t even remember her name without feeling sore deep down in my chest.

 

 

 

I know she’s beautiful.

 

B-but…

 

 

, what the is she doing here?!

 

 

I’m about to scream, yell, shout at her, but nothing comes out, there’s nothing coming from my throat,

 

Nothing.

 

 

“Hae oppa, have you told him already?” I heard she’s whispering, but ing loud enough for me to catch every damn word.

 

“Y…Yeah,”

 

“Okay, can we go?”

 

Her voice seems too blurry, but strangely I know what they are talking about.

 

I just stunned there, watching my… Boyfriend, leave with another girl in my own house.

 

 

I know I’ve experienced this back before.

The one when he left with Victoria.

 

 

But hell, somehow, this one is more painful.

 

He is my boyfriend.

 

 

He… Was?

 

 

 

N-no.

 

no.

 

 

 

I bit my lower lip, try to endure anything that about to burst out, and I swear, the more I tried, the more I’m feeling like I’m dying.

 

 

I swear those voices are still in my head.

 

Watching him go, never look back.

 

 

 

 

Donghae.

 

Baby.

 

 

D-Donghae…?

 

 

As if it’s magic, it reappears again and again in my head, creating such an undeniably awful feeling.

 

I hate this.

 

Come back.

 

 

 

Hae, come back.

 

Come back to me.

 

 

 

“Yoona,”

 

 

Come back and just call my name instead.

 

C-Come…

 

 

 

 

RING~!

 

 

I gasped, opening my eyes, panted so hard.

 

 

 

It’s…

 

 

It’s just a dream.

 

 

Oh gosh, it’s only a dream.

 

A dream.

 

Only a ing dream.

 

 

I roamed my eyes around my room, searching for my savior, my cell phone that has been abandoned for seconds already.

 

I glance at the nightstand.

 

 

Ah, there it is.

 

I bit my lower lip by sudden flash about the dream, and quickly shrugged it off, forgetting it instead.

 

Such a horrible dream.

 

Terrible dream—even I know, I have experienced more terrible dream than this one, I still…

 

My heart is so ing hurt.

 

 

I glance at the screen of my phone and gasp.

 

Hae.

 

 

I… Wait, I do think of something, but I didn’t remember what is it…?

 

 

“H-Hae?” I answered, decided to not making him wait for too long.

 

“Where are you?” he asked, and I could hear slight panic in his voice.

 

 

Is he searching for me…

 

 

 

“I’m home…”

 

“Can you just come there Hyukkie?”

 

 

Come?

 

Come where?

 

 

I bit my lower lip but comply instead, by walking outside the room and even my house, that suddenly reveals Hae in front of the house.

 

Why the hell… Do I miss him so much?

 

 

He’s standing beside his black car, the usual car he drives when he fetch me, as he looking at me worriedly while biting his lower lip.

 

I couldn’t help but to think that he’s incredibly handsome, as always.

 

 

“Hyukkie,”

 

I blinked and glance at his eyes. Something feels so strange yet, I don’t know,

 

 

Maybe because of the dream earlier.

 

 

Ah—thinking about that, made me want to throw myself to his embrace, let him soothe me, kiss me, or even do me whatever since I’m so relieve that it’s only a dream and in reality…

 

He’s completely mine, so does his love.

 

Only mine.

 

 

I unconsciously stepped closer to him and soon after I met his warmth, I quickly wrapped myself closer and closer to him, letting my head leans to his shoulder.

 

This addicting warmth, obsessing scent, I swear, I swear this feels just too good—

 

 

“Hyukkie…”

 

I didn’t answer—I know maybe I missed something before I went to sleep, but I’m too drowned to even care.

 

“Hey…” He my back, and I glance to him as I separate the hug slightly. “Mmm?”

 

“Come… With me,” He whispers, and before I could process what he said, he already dragged me inside his car and sits at the driver seat, began to drive.

 

I feel so sleepy even though I just wake up.

 

Damn, that dream doesn’t helping at all just because of my paranoids.

 

 

I don’t know if I sleep or what, maybe I did, because suddenly the car has stopped and I stepped out the car, stunned.

 

 

Beach?

 

Wait…

 

 

 

I do hate beach.

 

I hate the feeling I’m at the beach.

 

Just… W-why?

 

 

I can’t rememb—

 

“Hyukkie,” A soft voice called me from behind, make me quickly turned, revealing Hae who’s standing there already, looking at me with that worry face.

 

Why is he looking at me like that?

 

And besides, why we came to the beach again?

 

 

Eh—again?

 

 

I pouted at him. “What’s wrong, Hae?” At least, just by asking him that he would answer something makes sense.

 

But he shook his head in doubt, and not moving any inch before I stepped closer to him.

 

“Hyukkie, it’s just…”

 

 

I stopped my feet when I realize something.

 

 

 

Who the hell…

 

Is that?

 

 

 

“Hae, who’s behind… you?”

 

 

He looked at me apologetically—which I don’t even need it, unless he gave me some reason—and stepped aside, revealing the figure I thought I’m just imagining.

 

F-….?

 

 

Isn’t that the girl… In my dream?

 

Just now…?

 

Just now?

 

 

 

H-how can this be…

 

 

I bit my lower lip so ing hard, I even thought that I may bleed my own lip because I don’t know what to do, I don’t know what to react, oh god, I swear I really don’t.

 

I even afraid staring at Hae.

 

I’m afraid he’ll stare at me with that stare again.

 

 

I’m afraid.

 

I’m afraid.

 

I’m so afraid.

 

 

P-please, just…

 

 

Hae, I’m so…

 

Afraid.

 

 

I unconsciously stepped backwards, which I quickly catch a movement with the corner of my eyes, Hae is stepping closer to me.

 

“H-Hyukkie, listen…”

 

I heard he stammered softly but I’m not even daring to look up, instead, I’m just biting my lower lip even harder, trembled by my own thoughts.

 

I’m still affected by the dream.

 

God.

 

I’m trying, I swear.

 

It’s just…

 

 

Too similar.

 

 

I’m just standing there, about 3 steps from them, looking down and not knowing what to do. Time just seems like it’s stopped, only waits for him to speak up—maybe even her, I don’t know.

 

I swear I waited for hours—.

 

 

This is just… The same.

 

It’s like I’m living my own nightmare I had just minutes ago.

 

I’m getting more and more afraid.

 

 

I search for Hae’s figure with the corner of my eyes, checking if he’s still intent to speak to me, to explain what this is all about—yeah, I ing remembered about his scene, that heart breaking scene I saw right here, hours ago, maybe? I don’t ing care, I don’t want to ing care.

 

What is it, Hae?

 

What is it you want to tell me?

 

Speak it up.

 

I don’t want to wait for any longer.

 

 

I can’t wait any longer.

 

I can’t hold my urge to… to just run to you, taking you so far away from her.

 

 

“Hyuk…”

 

I froze.

 

Hyuk? What Hyuk?

 

Hyukkie? Hyukjae?

 

 

Talk to me properly and loudly, I can’t ing hear you.

 

“Listen—I, uh,”

 

I heard his footsteps getting closer, until I know he’s just in front of me.

 

She’s stay behind.

 

 

Suddenly, I felt some electricity roamed through my body as he touched my shoulder, made me gasp softly and glance towards his face.

 

That stare.

 

No.

 

NO!

 

 

He leaned closer to my ear and I can hear a familiar voice whispering softly at me.

 

“I’m sorry you have to see it,”

 

 

 

That, broke my heart.

 

Successfully.

 

 

 

It’s like you’re admitting you are cheating on me, right?

 

You’re so stupid.

 

You’re so ing stupid.

 

 

—No.

 

 

I am.

 

 

 

“Sorry I lied to you, Hyuk… Hyukjae,”

 

I widened my eyes, staring at him in disbelief.

 

“W-what?” I almost let out no voice, it seems something is stuck in my throat, and I have to keep swallowing it or else it will burst out as overflowing tears.

 

 

I can’t believe what’s happening.

 

I can’t—

 

 

 

“Can we… Uh, end this?”

 

 

 

I dropped my body until it fell on the ground; my knees are feeling so damn weak, I couldn’t even control myself.

 

Tears uncontrollably rolling down my cheek, but I seem too numb to even put any expression.

 

 

“Liar,”

 

I whispered behind my breath.

 

 

You’re a good liar, Donghae.

 

You’re good at making me hardly in love with you,

 

Yet making me hardly heartbroken.

 

 

Even though I know it’s just an act.

 

It’s just a ing act, right?

 

You did this before, you did this before when you’re in love with me.

 

And you did a very good job.

 

 

 

“I’m sorry,” I heard another whisper which made my heart thumped so hard it hurts—yeah, that, I know this is just… realization of my dream.

 

I know.

 

I know this is too real to be a dream, yet too blurry to be a reality.

 

I don’t want this.

 

 

I want Hae.

 

I want Hae who’s so caring about me,

 

I want Hae who loves me so much he’ll do anything for me.

 

I want Hae whose charming smile never fails to melt me.

 

I want Hae,

 

I want Hae like that.

 

 

I want Hae who hugs me.

 

I want Hae who kiss me.

 

I want Hae who doesn’t hug another girl in front of my eyes.

 

I want Hae who did the lovey dovey act to make everyone envy of me.

 

 

I want Hae,

 

I want Hae like that.

 

 

I felt tears rolling down my cheeks, made me feel so much pain everywhere, everywhere in my whole body. Inside, outside, I hate it, I’m hurt.

 

I couldn’t hold anything.

 

I’m trying so hard to just let out the tears, but unfortunately, it won’t make me feel any better at all, yet the soreness in my whole body just keep getting stronger.

 

 

“L-liar…”

 

I couldn’t help it.

 

I can’t see anything, since everything is way too blurry.

 

 

“Y-you… Liar…”

 

I kneeled down, looking to the ground desperately.

 

I know I couldn’t accept the truth.

 

Why?

 

Tell me ing why??

 

 

“Y-you bastard, you idiot, you jerk!!” I wailed, punching the ground furiously it hurts, I couldn’t even care if he’s still in front of me or not.

 

I can’t accept why he has to leave me.

 

Even if… It really is, an act.

 

I’m just…

 

 

“Tell me why, tell me, tell me, tell me!!!”

 

 

“I’m sorry,”

 

That lingering around my head like an annoying , just keep sounding and sounding like there’s no tomorrow, and I thought there’s really no tomorrow if he didn’t do anything about this.

 

And he didn’t.

 

I keep crying and crying, I’m searching for his warmth that usually wrapped me but I feel so empty, so ing empty, and I swear that part hurts me more than another.

 

 

“YOU JERK YOU BASTARD! I HATE YOU! I ING HATE YOU!”

 

—Of course that’s not true.

 

I just can’t accept.

 

I can’t accept.

 

I can’t accept.

 

That how Hae hugs her, I can’t accept if his lips is going to be hers, if that warmth is going to be hers,

 

I can’t accept.

 

I can’t.

 

I can’t.

 

I can’t.

 

 

 

“Hyukkie,”

 

I heard he’s whispering, but I don’t ing care anymore.

 

Maybe he’ll hug me?

 

I don’t ing care anymore.

 

 

That dream already punched me so hard on my chest it suffocates me, a lot.

 

What else does he expect?

 

 

I whine nonstop, I even knew I’m starting to get crazy, literally. Hae just dumped me, am I right? Hae just did?

 

Hae just did?

 

I can’t…

 

 

I started to gripped to my hair and screams, yells, anything I that could make him understand that  I couldn’t contain anymore sorrows for now, he’s just too much for me, I don’t want him to leave me.

 

I don’t want him to leave me.

 

 

Don’t leave me.

 

Don’t leave me.

 

Don’t leave me.

 

 

I screams.

 

 

 

“Hyukkie…”

 

I struggled, even I know I am craving for his touch, for his warmth, but my body doesn’t want to obey my own thoughts, it’s just keep struggling even I know, he’s trying to make me calmer.

 

Maybe he embarrassed seeing me like this?

 

 

 

“Sshh.. Ssshh..”

 

 

I keep yelling at him countless time, I don’t even know what am I yelling about.

 

 

My tears are already streaming like a river, yet I know I couldn’t even stop anymore.

 

Too much, it’s just too much for me to bear all of this.

 

 

You’re so mean.

 

You’re so…. Mean…

 

 

“Sssh, Hyukkie, ssshh…”

 

 

I don’t know how long it is already until I felt my throat getting hurt, and I could hear my voice getting hoarse. Good, now I hurt another part of myself.

 

But yet—I still couldn’t stop myself from shouting, and screaming.

 

 

I think I’m starting to get crazy.

 

 

That—when I felt a pair of hands wrapped me tighter, and tighter, I couldn’t even struggle anymore and I think, I quickly drowned by the warmth.

 

N-no freaking way…

 

 

I screamed again, but hell it’s so strong, I shriek and cried, until I barely even recognize my own voice. I want to stop.

 

I want to stop.

 

But hatred—that silhouette of a pair of couple that look good together, damn, I couldn’t, I couldn’t bear with those thoughts that seems so clear.

 

And the more painful thing is—it’s true. It’s real. He’s telling me himself.

 

 

That  is what I couldn’t bear the most.

 

 

I keep struggling for more hours, until I’m so exhausted, but that pair of hands never left mine, never.

 

“Baby…. Ssshh, sshh…”

 

 

B-baby…

 

I almost struggled again and scream to his face, telling that he’s a total jerk that I’m stupidly in love with, but I couldn’t, I love him too much I even curse myself to being so.

 

 

I can freaking accept the fact if he’s cheating on me.

 

But not on leaving me.

 

 

This is too much for…

 

For me.

 

I’ve lost count about how many times I choked on my own tears, coughing and continue to wailed, even my throats got so hurt, it might be begging for me to stop.

 

But what can I do?

 

 

He’s my life.

 

I’ve fell too deep into him.

 

I’ve fell way too deep.

 

 

And I couldn’t go back.

 

 

“Baby, enough, sshh… Stop it, please,”

 

I stopped screaming and wailing, but it’s not because he’s asking me to, it’s just because my throat couldn’t produce anymore sound so that I only sobbed so hard inside his warmth.

 

I couldn’t dare to open my eyes.

 

I’m afraid of his stare.

 

 

H-how could he do this to me?

 

I…

 

I gave him everything I have,

 

He’s even more important than my own life.

 

 

How could he just…?

 

 

He just…

 

 

H-he—

 

 

“Baby, calm down, sshh.. It’s only a dream,”

 

I froze.

 

 

It’s only a—

 

 

...Dream?

 

I couldn’t stop sobbing so hard but my mind already wanders to his sentence that made me realize something.

 

W-where am I?

 

 

I removed my hand from my face to see where exactly I am because the feeling is suddenly so different from where I thought so.

 

I…

 

 

I’m in my room?

 

On my bed?

 

 

Is it another d-dream?

 

I glance at the figure who’s trying so hard to calm me down, who’s looking at me with eyes full of love, who’s my hair and back to make me feel comfortable.

 

“D-donghae?”

 

He kissed my forehead and hugs me possessively. “Don’t cry anymore baby… It’s a bad dream, okay? Sssh, honey…” He whispers.

 

It is…

 

Another dream.

 

 

Is this a dream, either?

 

 I unconsciously trembled, touching his arm as if I’m checking if this is a real one, or not.

 

 

This is reality?

 

This is really, reality?

 

Is this not another dream?

 

Am I awake already now?

 

 

I gripped to Hae’s shirt, feeling that this warmth is like, so real, but…

 

I feel this way too, in my dream.

 

Yet this is just the best dream because I can feel his love in this one.

 

 

“I-is this… Real?” I gasped right after I heard my own voice. It’s really husky and almost not sounding at all.

 

So I really did screaming.

 

 

Hae stared at me with that concern eyes, but full of love. “Of course, baby…” he cupped my face and kissed my forehead again. “It’s all only a bad dream. Don’t worry… I’m here,”

 

B-but…

 

Why did I end up in this situation?

 

 

“W-wha—“ I flinched, feeling so dizzy but still unable to stop my sobs, made Hae soothe me again by my back nonstop. “What happened…?” I managed to blurt out with my husky voice as I looked around, but he quickly hugs me with his strong hands.

 

He inhaled deeply. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry to make you leave alone like that,”

 

I blinked.

 

Leave—oh.

 

Beach.

 

Sadly that part is true.

 

 

I tried to respond to his words, but I don’t know why, my head seems aching too much I could barely even move it. My body feels hot and uncomfortable—at least, it’s more comfortable after having Hae wrapped me with his warmth.

 

“Ssh, baby… Look, you make your fever become worst,”

 

I crossed my brows.

 

Fever?

 

Now it makes sense, why I had this uncomfortable feeling.

 

 

I close my eyes, trying to remember what exactly happening before I went to sleep—or even fainted, and having Hae hugging me like this.

 

Uhm…

 

I remembered, I saw that scene at the beach.

 

I went home, because—I don’t know why, I just did.

 

I even turned off my phone.

 

I ignored everything that went on my way to my room, and then…

 

I slept.

 

… Maybe?

 

 

Okay, I cried.

 

Until… I fell asleep.

 

 

And I had some nightmares which I thought I will end my life like that.

 

But I woke up for the 2^nd time, and this time, Hae said this is real.

 

 

Wait.

 

Why Hae…?

 

“Hae…” I whispered to the figure who’s been my back since then. “Yeah, baby,”

 

I opened my eyes and snuggled even closer to his warmth. “How did you find me?”

 

Yeah, thinking about that.

 

I didn’t even inform him that I went home earlier, leaving him with that girl at the beach. I know maybe Hae will panic and search for me, but I don’t know why, I’m so mad that time.

 

“Of course I finally went to your house, Hyukkie, after 2 hours of searching you at the beach back then,” He smiled and my hair lovingly.

 

He’s searching for me for 2 hours?

 

 

Suddenly, I heard knocks from the door and before I could react, the door opened, revealing a figure.

 

“Omma?”

 

“Neh, Hyuk ah! You finally woke up. Your boyfriend here is so worried about you!” my mom stepped inside while carrying a tray of foods before putting it on the nightstand.

 

Uh…

 

How long did I sleep, actually?

 

“Ah,” Hae sat up and helped with the food. “Thank you, umma,”

 

mmm…

 

 

EH?

 

U…Umma?

 

Hae hasn’t even met her and now he called my mom… Umma?

 

Umma smiled and nodded at him. “Just feed him, alright, I have to go in half an hour, going to sleep at a hotel, because early morning tomorrow Hyuk’s appa going to attend meeting,” She sighs, “But I know you will take care of Eunhyuk well, righty, Hae?”

 

Hae??

 

I blinked but then, umma chuckled at me. “I never knew that your boyfriend will be this handsome and kind,”

 

I blushed.

 

“Look, are you having nightmares? Your eyes are so puffy,” She stared at me worriedly, and turned at Hae. “Is his fever going better?”

 

Hae just give her a slight smile. “It’s going better, I suppose,” he said. “Don’t worry too much, I’ll take care of him, umma,”

 

“Alright then, Eunhyuk ah, I’ll be going now, don’t be harsh to your own boyfriend!” She stepped outside and closed the door right after she said, “He’s been waiting for you since 4 hours ago...”

 

I gasped.

 

4 hours?

 

I tugged to Hae’s shirt who’s now preparing the medicine or something at the nightstand. “Hae... What does umma means?”

 

“Huh?” He turned at me. “I don’t know...”

 

He doesn’t know?

 

Aish.

 

Nevermind, then.

 

 

“Baby, eat now, okay?” I heard Hae asked, but I really don’t have any appetite to eat that I think I will pass it.

 

I shook my head. “No, I don’t want to,” I said and closed my eyes again, feeling the dizziness before a pair of hands wrapped me and make me feel hundred times better.

 

“You have to eat, beautiful,” He whispered to my ear. “Your body temperature is surely high. After this, you’re going to eat the medicine and go back to rest all you want, okay?”

 

I pouted. None of those procedures make me excited.

 

“I’ll do it later,” I hummed on his chest, burying my face deeper so that I could feel his warmth even more.

 

“Nah, you’ll do it now,”

 

“What are you doing here, anyway?” I asked without seeing at him and I can heard a sigh.

 

“I’m sorry, are you feeling uncomfortable?”

 

I widened my eyes open. “N-no, I’m just asking, Hae,” I glance to his face and see his hurt stare that made me regret. I really didn’t mean that, I swear.

 

I know I’m still a bit traumatize because of the combo dream I had earlier, but seriously, if this is real, or even if it’s not, I still don’t want my boyfriend to get hurt.

 

 

“I’ve told you that I’m searching for you like everywhere at the beach, right baby?” He seems already forgotten my last harsh question and continue to my back lovingly. “But, I didn’t know that you are sick like this, which you have to go back. I’m really sorry,”

 

I bit my lower lip.

 

Does he thinking that I went home early because I didn’t feel well?

 

Of course that’s not it.

 

If that’s the point, I’ll tell Hae for sure.

 

 

It’s just because of I couldn’t tell, Hae, that’s why.

 

It’s because of him, anyway.

 

 

“You met my mom?” I asked between my heavy breaths.

 

“Uh huh, she said you’re having a fever so that she unable to wake you up and she told me to check on you,” he said, but then he suddenly snapped. “Ah! You have to eat, you won’t want to know how much I worry about you, that’s not important for now, baby,”

 

He quickly about to get up and take the meals I have to eat, but I held him, made him stared at me.

 

You won’t want to know how much I worry about you…

 

I felt so warm in my heart.

 

That’s the most important on top of all, really.

 

“C…Cuddle…” I murmured.

 

I only want to cuddle with him, I don’t want to do anything else.

 

I swear if I did that all night, my fever would be gone.

 

 

He’s just like my strength, right?

 

But then, I heard a delicious chuckles coming out from his lips. “I’ve been cuddling you for hours, you know? I could continue all the way until morning, but you have to first eat,”

 

I pouted and unconsciously let him feed me, but then I realize that maybe—the 4 hours of waiting means he’s been be with me along my sleep. By the time of the watch, I believe I had sleep for so long.

 

Awh.

 

My poor Hae.

 

Now I don’t want to ing think about that scene, I really don’t.

 

 

He loves me.

 

 

And nobody could change that fact, except himself, and he’ll be the one who tell me if he doesn’t.

 

If it’s not him, then hell in the world, I won’t believe it.

 

 

Until my nightmare become reality—I know, it won’t—I will keep believing Hae.

 

I will,

 

 

I’m always will.

 

 

 

---

 

 

I stirred up, feeling a bit better after having—I don’t know, a long sleep, maybe? And I bet it’s morning already.

 

Wait.

 

I snapped my eyes opened, remembering something.

 

 

“H-Hae?” I gasped, maybe a bit too loud, because I could see Hae who’s currently sleeping beside me, stirred from his sleep and quickly opened his eyes.

 

 

“Hey, baby,”

 

 

This is…

 

This is the real life, then.

 

 

I feel so loved.

 

Eh—wait. I don’t have time to think about this.

 

“Hae, aren’t you—“

 

I flinched.

 

 

, I’m still dizzy?

 

I quickly felt a warm hand on my cheek. “Baby, are you okay?”

 

“Umh…” I crossed my brows, feeling that I’m still not feeling better since last night. Aish, why I’m still sick? Now Hae will have to worry about me even more.

 

“Why aren’t you going to school?” I finally managed to asked, since I thought if it’s morning already, he will be late if he’s just keep being here without getting ready.

 

He raised his brows. “Why should I?”

 

Huh?

 

Isn’t this Tuesday?

 

Well…

 

“It’s school day, right?”

 

He nodded. “But… Why should I go there if you’re not going either?”

 

Awh, so he chose to be with me instead of going to school?

 

I couldn’t protest, though. He’s smart enough to cover every lesson that is given from school, he even still got the best scores among all the students.

 

But—ugh, I thought I’m feeling better, but..

 

This headache make me pissed off.

 

Hae’s already give his time for me and I still got sick, that’s terrible.

 

 

“Baby… How do you feel?” I felt a warm hand on my cheek. “Your temperature is getting better, are you still feeling unwell, honey?”

 

I blushed. He rarely calls me that, really. I just realize he starts to call me with some other lovely names.

 

“Just a bit dizzy,” I said, answering his question huskily. Seriously, I don’t even know what starts my sickness, it just so sudden, I woke up and realize I’m burning up. Thank God Hae is beside me.

 

Suddenly he got up. “I’ll bring some breakfast for you, okay? Hold on,” He said, kissing my forehead softly and before I could respond anything, he already left the room, leaving me, who feels the sudden cold.

 

I closed my eyes and pulled the blanket up to my neck, sighed but smiled.

 

 

Such a caring boyfriend, ever.

 

 

But—wait.

 

He’s probably the reason why I’m stressed out.

 

Wait, wait, no, that’s harsh, Hyukkie.

 

How dare you talk about Hae like that?

 

 

It’s just, can’t help.

 

Hae’s not cheating.

 

He’s not.

 

 

I just realize that I got too tensed up just after hearing those fake rumors about Hae and Yoona, I even have some wild suggestions to myself.

 

I have to believe in Hae.

 

I have to trust him.

 

 

Ugh…

 

Too hard.

 

 

 

--- ---

 

 

 

 

“Baby…”

 

I hummed lazily, responded to the call since I know it’s the source of the warmth that currently wrapping me up and bring me some comforts.

 

I’m not sleeping.

 

It’s just… I’m enjoying the warmth as long as I could still feel it.

 

And I swear my condition become well.

 

 

It’s just something has bothering me a lot ever since this morning.

 

Hae looks uneasy, I know he doesn’t want to tell me anything at all about it, but I really curious, what is he thinking about, since that expression, I know that expression of him when he’s thinking about something.

 

I just know.

 

And what’s that?

 

 

I may sound so curious and possessive, but ever since the dream—and yesterday, hell I never could stop myself from being too possessive in my own thoughts.

 

It’s not like Hae knows it, though.

 

 

And I’m not planning to ask him about it, yet.

 

I’m… uh, I don’t know.

 

 

Maybe I’m afraid.

 

 

I feel a really comfy feeling when a hand my back lovingly, sometimes kissing my head and whispering loving words such as I love you, get well soon and stuffs which made my heart fluttered.

 

“Are you feeling better, honey?”

 

I couldn’t hide my smile. “Mm-hmm,” I hummed back. “Thank you, Hae,”

 

 

It’s almost night time since I’m not going to school today. This morning I still feel a bit dizzy and the fever still burns me up, but Hae accompany me the whole time today which I know he’s the main reason why I’m feeling so, so much better than hours ago.

 

Hae is the only person that can make me feel that way, I swear.

 

And the more I felt the sweetness and the caring Hae, the more I couldn’t stop myself from thinking those scene that break my heart, again and again, since it’s already modified by my own stupid dream.

 

I hate it.

 

I hate how my feeling become so insecure when I’m thinking about my own love.

 

I hate it damn much.

 

 

“Do you think you can go to school tomorrow? Or taking another day off?” He asked softly on my ear, sounds like muttering.

 

Aish, if I’m taking another day off, I bet I’m already become healthy since I’m feeling so much better now. Which is that make me feel guilty because Hae will accompany me again… or not?

 

“Uhm… What do you think, Hae?”

 

If he’s not with me, I better go.

 

He looks like thinking for a moment, and glance at me. “I can’t decide, baby, I don’t want you to be sicker just because of me, so…”

 

Ugh.

 

“Will you accompany me?” I asked.

 

“Eh?” His brows raised. “Yeah, maybe… Why?”

 

 

yeah, maybe?

 

DRRRT!

 

Whose phone is… Is it Hae’s?

 

I glance up to see his face, but he just looking away far from my stare and not doing anything about the phone.

 

“Hae?” I whispers, mostly not make any sound but loud enough for him to hear it.

 

He didn’t answer, yet he just keeps on my hair lovingly, made me pouted.

 

His mind is currently disturbed by something, or he just getting tired of accompanying me? Since if he’s accompanying me, all he do just make sure I had my medicine and proper meal, tuck me in bed, and making me warm.

 

Which is, for me, I kind of happy with that.

 

 

Doesn’t he happy to be with me the whole time?

 

Aish—he got something to do, too, pabo. At least try to understand him a bit.

 

 

Music festival is coming soon, 3 days left.

 

And yet—Rakooga’s birthday event will come too in few weeks.

 

Not to mention the new soon to be Rox members he has to choose carefully because there might be so many students who want to be the one of them.

 

 

He will be surely busy, and now I’m sick.

 

I have to go to school, then.

 

 

“I think I’ll go, Hae,”

 

“Hmm,” he hummed, my hair. “Okay, but if you’re feeling unwell again, don’t hesitate to call and ask me to take you home, alright?”

 

I smiled and nodded, snuggling myself into his muscular chest.

 

 

Hell such a negative thoughts of jealousy I have.

 

He’s your ing boyfriend, Lee Hyukjae.

 

You have to believe in him, or else the relationship won’t work.

 

 

Or else the relationship won’t work.