Where is He?

HYUKJAE POV

I’m really busy today.

Actually, it’s from yesterday, but I think today is busier.

Because I’m president in Fukuura, it means I have to take care of those Fukuura’s event and such. Not just taking care for those problems with Rakooga, but almost all of the Fukuura’s problem, I have to participate with it.

And I kind of feel thankful with Hae because since I won from the leader competition, the conflicts cases are getting smaller.

Yeah, it’s true that earlier I make those conflicts to those Rakooga’s students, but… I just not being myself that time because my mind is still not adapted well. Let’s just forget it.

Yesterday, I was helping around with the upcoming Fukuura’s little event that it has to be Onew and the others job. But, since they’re on the 1^st grade and were having so much assignments, I decided to help them.

But yeah Donghae still managed to meet me.

Remembering him, today is 3 days after he gave me that bucket of those beautiful flowers.

That day I was really sad.

Maybe even until now, I’m still sad.

But this busyness somehow helps me to make me forget about what problem I was actually facing with.

Even still, yesterday Donghae able to meet me since I didn’t finished so late, and gave me the usual strawberry milk that makes me really happy, not forgetting the magic words he always said to me.

‘I love you, Hyukkie.’

That makes me really sad.

Anyway... Today is worse than yesterday.

I’m busy making so many assignments. Since tomorrow is Saturday and I really hate making assignments at home, I decided to finish it today.

Maybe I’ll stay a bit longer today.

There’s a group assignment too.

But I’ve finish that one just now.

“I’m leaving now, Hyuk ah. thanks!” said one of my group mate as he leave me alone in the classroom. I just nodded and waved at him.

I still have 1 more assignment left, and now is already about 4 PM, so I think I have to finished it fast.

Suddenly, I remember Donghae.

He won’t find me here.

Always in the library.

But… I’m already feels comfortable here.

Wait. It’s already late tough. He must be going home right now. So... I guess he won’t be able to meet me today huh?

I’m fine with that.

…

Awh.

I can’t concentrate. Pabo monkey. Let’s just do this fast and not remember a thing about Hae. He maybe already go home after seeing the library is empty.

Wait, wait.

I left my backpack there.

Since… huh, why did I leave it there? Oh, I was doing my 2^nd assignment there earlier, and then go to the class to do group assignment. And now, I decided to do my 4^th assignment here.

Aissh…

But, still… Hae maybe thinks that I just left my bag there and go home. Or… maybe he don’t know that’s my bag, right?

Yah! Monkey. Stop thinking about him.

You know your heart feels pain everytime you do that.

At least, today...

You can take a rest.

---

I sighed heavily and tidy everything. Finally, I’m able to finish those sinful assignments perfectly. I have to submit it earlier at Monday, so I still have so much time to rest.

I glance at my watch. It’s 5PM. Aish, it’s so late now.

When I was about to go home, I remember about my backpack and decided to take it from the library. My class is in the same floor with the library, so I think it’s fine to take that first. Besides, my wallet is in there.

I opened the library door and walked towards the couch, the place where I put my backpack when suddenly I saw a figure lying on it.

My eyes became so big.

What the?

“H-hae?” I hissed.

There, on the couch, there’s Hae lying on the couch with my backpack as the pillow, sleeping calmly.

I gulped. He’s having a real angelic face when he’s sleeping. He’s really handsome and… awh, I really missed seeing his sleeping face.

It’s been a super long time since… I slept in his room because of him having a nightmare. That time, his face is not as calm as this. Maybe because he’s frightened.

But… wait. What is he doing in here?

Suddenly, I spotted something on his left hand. When I leaned to see what is it, I gasped.

It’s the usual strawberry milk he gave to me.

Gosh.

How did he know that I’m still in this school?

What if I already went home without taking my bag?

He’s waiting for me.

Since when?

Oh my god… I really want to hug him right now.

I kneeled down so my face is facing his. Aw, Hae… you really love me that much that’s why you waited for me, yes? But… I’m sorry I can’t say that I love you too…. Even I really am.

Remembering that makes my tears flow softly on my cheek. I quickly wipe it but those tears still insist to flow again and again.

I wipe gently those bangs that lie beautifully on his forehead. I smiled looking at his innocent look face but I didn’t realize that smile I curved is actually a bitter smile.

Hae…

If only your dad’s not came,

Maybe you’re my boyfriend now.

And I bet if that happens,

I now become the happiest person on earth.

I can bury myself in your warm embrace everytime I want.

I can call you baby like the way you call me sometime.

I can smile and laugh with you and lunch together with you.

And I can…

I can…

Kiss this tempting lips.

I unconsciously rub his slight opened soft lips with my thumb. I closed my eyes. This lips were once on my forehead, once kissed my hands and once…

Kissed my lips.

I missed those times.

I want him to kiss me again.

But…

Of course I…

Can’t…

Without I realize, I already leaned closer to his lips. My little heart holds me to do it, but I can’t help it. I really want to feel those lips on mine again.

I’m getting real close…

And my lips touch his.

This sensation again.

Warm.

Soft.

Addictin—

Suddenly, I felt a hand cupped my face, makes my eyes wide opened but lips still attached to Hae’s.

Oh no.

Oh no!

HAE’S WOKE UP.

Still shocked, I tried to pulled myself but now I felt another hand cupping my face so I’m not be able to pulled away the kiss. Omg. What should I do? What should I do??

“Hae—mmm… hh..” he deepened the kiss and trying to my lips.

I felt he’s smirking between the kiss while sat up. He started to bite my lower lip and my lips, asking for permission with his tongue so it can explore my mouth.

“H-hae—“

Uh oh, because of me calling his name, he took advantage from my parted lips so now his lips is already entered my mouth and battling with my tongue.

n-no, it’s not that I responded to his kiss… but… it feels so nice.

And hot.

His eyes are staring deeply at mine. And I found love, lots of love in it. This is the stare that makes me melt so much.

How I love this guy.

He switched position to me, pulled me then pushed me so I am now sitting on the couch while he’s in front of me, kissing me deeply.

“mmmh—“

His lips, his tongue is so addicting.

I closed my eyes, clenched on his front shirt and start enjoying the kiss.

Please,

Let me enjoy this.

Just once.

Suddenly, I felt loss as Hae pulled out the kiss, makes me panted hard with him and we both staring at each other.

Oh my god.

What did we just do?

We just kissed.

I started it.

Oh no.

Then I saw him smirking while still panting hard. “Hyukkie is really naughty,”

My face blushed.

“I-I didn’t mean to k-kiss… you…” I said, trying to reasoning.

He raised his brows, “huh? so what did you do with your lips? First you touch my lips then you kissed it, isn’t that obvious?” he said and chuckled.

I lowered my head and avoiding his stare. “I-I don’t… y-you are…. You are…Um.. drooling in y-your sleep so… I tried to clean it..”

Lame. Really.

He burst out laughing. “Clean it with your lips? Anyway, I never know that I drool in my sleep. I never do that,” he said, then lifted my chin with his finger so I can see his eyes. Aw, damn. It’s really embarrassing!

“you’re loving me now eh?” he asked with super charming smile.

My eyes widened and then I shook my head quickly. “N-no… I said, I didn’t mean to kiss… kiss you,”

He frowned, and I can see he’s pouting now. A small sigh can be heard.

Aww… Hae.

I’m sorry.

But then he smiled again. “okay, then. I’ll wait for you, baby. Here, I bring you strawberry milk,” he suddenly said and handed me the carton of strawberry milk beside me that’s beingignored since I kissed him.

I can’t hold this.

He loves me too much.

“H-hae…”

He titled his head, still smiling. “yes?”

“what are you doing here?”

“aw, of course I’m here to see you,”

I bit my lower lip. “but… you don’t even know I’m still here…”

“of course I know, I saw you in your class and I saw your backpack here, so I decided to wait for you, but I think… I unconsciously slept,” he said in sad expression but quickly smiled again. “thanks to you I could wake up quickly by your kiss~”

I felt my face blushing hard. Damn this guy.

So, he saw me earlier at class? How come I didn’t know?

And… he’s really sweet for waiting for me until he’s unconsciously sleep. Really, it makes me hate myself more because I still can’t reply his feeling.

“Hey, Hyukkie~”

I glance at him shyly and found his smile is still plastered on his face.

“you want me to accompany you home?” he asked, rubbing my shoulder.

Ugh,

Really?

Of course I want.

But...

I sighed while closing my eyes. “But I-I don’t love you, Hae.”

And I can hear he’s sighing softly while he caressed my cheek.

“I know. But I love you,” he whispered gently and I felt my heart is hurt because of that. This feeling is exactly the same like the day he gave me those flowers.

It’s hurt.

Makes me feel something suffocating in my throat.

Suddenly, Hae gasped and stare at me with full of concern. “H-hyukkie?”

Huh?

“w-what?”

Why am I stuttering?

he sighed again and stood up. His smile faded and now he’s hugging my head.

“Hyukkie, I’m sorry,”

Eh?

I unconsciously clenched to his shirt. I felt my heart is melt by hurt and happiness.

“ssh… don’t cry. I’m sorry baby,”

Wait.

I-I cry?

Oh. I really cry.

Why?

Because he’s giving so much pain for me to bear.

He my hairand kissed my head. “Mianhae, Hyukkie… please,” he squatted down again and caressing my cheek as he erased my tears with his thumb. “Don’t cry,”

I just silence while staring at him. his eyes is obviously showing that he’s hurt. But I can’t help it… These tears is flowing more and more. I palmed my face with my right hand, trying to hide my sobs and all but I can’t.

Then, I feel my other hand is held by him, being lift and being kissed slowly.

I can’t hold these tears any longer.

“I-I don’t… L-love y..you…” I said unconsciously while sobbing.

He keep kissing my hand, shushing me slowly. “I know baby, I know…”

My sobs are getting louder.

“S-stop calling m-me… that… I.. I don’t love… you,”

He just kissed my hand once again without saying anything.

I can’t see his face now.

I don’t want him to see me cry.

“Stop… Disturbing m-me…”

Monkey, what are you saying…

He’s not disturbing you at all.

Why you keep whining telling him that you’re feeling disturbed?

It’s not your true feelings.

Suddenly, I feel he released the grip from my hand, making my hand free.

I'm surprised. D-did he mad? Why he released my hand? Why he stopped kissing it?

Where did he go?

I still didn't dare to look at him. My tears is flowing harder and it makes me feel difficult to face him.

I never cry and I don't want to cry in front of him.

I didn't feel him touching me again.

Maybe he really go.

Even I didn't really mean it when I asked him to not disturb me,

I really want him to stay.

I love him and I really do.

I don't want to hurt him.

I feel regret filling my mind.

Makes my tears can't stop and I can't even breath.

It's suffocating.

And I hate this.

Hae.

Where are you...

I need y--

Suddenly I feel someone lift my body, makes my hand release itself from my face and realizing what's happening.

Omo.

"H-Hae...?"

My god.

What did he do?

He lifted me and carrying me bridal style, with my backpack hanging perfectly on his back. His body is warm and his strong arms securing tightly my body on his hands.

"sshh... I'll bring you home, okay?" he whispered while walking outside the library.

God.....

I couldn't do anything more.

He's staring at me super gently and charmingly. In really this instant, I feel safe and warm. Hae is the only one who can make me feel like this.

I feel like I don’t care with what’s happening in this world.

Then, I just hugged his neck and buried my face into it.

I’m happy and warm.

Hae loves me.

I love him.

It’s just….

Obstacles.

There are so many of it.

---

I opened my eyes and jolted up because I realized that I am in my room now, on my bed.

What the?

Am I dreaming?

I stared at my clothes. No, I’m not dreaming. I’m still wearing this uniform. Then I glance at my watch and found, it’s already 9 PM.

When did I sleep?

Where the hell is Hae?

What was happening?

I glance around and try to remember everything but my latest memory is only when I hugged Hae’s neck when he carry me bridal style. I felt warmth and really comfortable as my eyes were so tired from crying.

And he said something.

Oh.

“You’re tired, Hyukkie. Take some rest,”

My heart’s beating so fast.

Where is Hae right now?

Right when I was panicking, I saw my backpack beside me. I opened it, searching for my phone and right, there’s a message.

From Hae.

‘Hyukkie, I’m sorry for being like a thief for searching your house’s key in your bag and bring you inside. I just can’t wake you up because I know you’re so tired. Sleep well, k? I bought you dinner. Oh, and I’m sorry for make you feel disturbed. –Hae’

I feel something stab my chest.

Hae’s really caring.

How could I hurt him many times?

I’m feeling like I am the cruelest person in the world for hurting someone like him.

Pabo Hyukkie.

Why you even dare to say that you don’t love him when the truth is you’re crazy about him? why you even dare to ask him to stop calling you whatever he wants when the truth is you really want to call him the same way?

That’s ridiculous.

You’re stupid, Lee Hyukjae.

Really.

He loves you so much and what did you do to him?

He should be the one who cry.

I sighed.

I’m sorry Hae.

I’m sorry.

---Next Morning

I woke up again even I didn’t remember that I was sleeping.

Another Saturday morning. Glad I’ve finish my assignments. I can take a rest this whole day.

But something is missing.

Obviously, it’s Hae.

Last week, he visited me.

He bought me lunch and stuffs.

He said he loves me.

He gives me his sweetest smile.

But where’s he now?

I tried to calmed myself and thinking positive. Maybe he’s just tired because he waited for me yesterday until he unconsciously slept. He should rest too, right?

So then I force myself to do something else, like eating and watching tv even nothing interest me at all.

My mind is not here with me this whole day.

I checked on my phone but, there’s no call or even a message.

I missed Hae so much.

But of course I can’t call him...

I glance at my wall clock and frowned.

It’s 3 PM already.

Hae never...

Ugh, is he really stop visiting me?

What if he bored with me?

Or...

Don’t say that his dad knows?

What if he... go to US?

I shook my head furiously.

No, he can’t be.

I’m not too attached to him.

I’ve do what his dad told me to do to reject him.

And I know Hae’s always fetch Victoria even after that he always come to see me.

But...

I don’t know if his dad is that cruel.

Let’s just hope he isn’t.

---

I sighed and moved uncomfortably on my couch while the TV is broadcasting a music show. I don’t even care to watch it, because my mind is disturbed by something.

It’s Sunday, today.

It’s 7 PM.

Hae didn’t even come here or just message me, or maybe give me a call.

Right, he’s not my boyfriend but…

He never skips a day without at least communicating with me, even I always cold to him. He always smiles at me, and showing all his feelings to me that he loves me.

But today he didn’t come.

Even today is Sunday, last week he still visited my house when obviously there’s Yuka and Victoria in his house, just to see me.

He said that he missed me, so he sneaked out of his house and then called me. when I opened my door, he’s already standing in front of the door, just to give me my favorite drink—strawberry milk.

Aw.

He’s…

Really.

Making me go crazy.

I didn’t even know why I still can resist this strong feeling.

Back to reality.

He’s not coming today.

I’m really worried…

What happened to him?

Is he sick?

Why he didn’t contact me at all?

Time passed by, hour by hour and still there’s no sign of him will come. I felt really sad and uneasy.

Does he hate me?

Thinking about that makes me hurt. I can’t imagine if he really hate me and don’t want to see me again.

I hope he’s okay.

---Fukuura, Monday.

“aw, Vic! Have you read the latest magazine of this?”

I heard Krystal, my classmate and Victoria’s friend said behind me.

Ugh, you both! Can you shut it up? I’m trying to concentrate here. Why does Victoria have to be in my class? Thank god her another friend who’s actually Siwon’s cousin and a new student too, Yoona, is not here with her.

I will be very disturbed.

No, not because they’re talking so much,

But…

They’re, especially Krystal, likes to talk about Hae.

I know Hae’s most wanted guy in Fukuura, or maybe Rakooga too. Those fangirls of him is kind of shocked seeing him as my servant. Many people even said that we’re a gay couple.

But that not even make them stop being his fans.

Really, Hae is having so many admirers.

“um, I haven’t. I want to buy it later, since I’ll go to bookstore after school,” I heard Victoria replied her.

School time is almost over, and there’s no teacher right now. I’m so freaking bored, so I decided to just eavesdropping their conversation.

“really? Is that means you’re having a date with Hae oppa?”

My heart seems stopped.

Date…

With Hae?

Omo. Don’t say that. Please don’t say that.

“ uhm, maybe… I don’t know if I should call it a date or not,” Victoria answered calmly.

Gosh.

So that means… Hae won’t see me today?

Again?

Because of… Victoria?

Or does he really want it?

This feeling makes me suffered. So maybe Hae didn’t like me anymore and choose to be with her… maybe he’s tired for waiting me… maybe he…

Uh, stop it, monkey.

“ah, that’s definitely a date, you know! You it’s a great progress with your relationship with him!” Krystal exclaimed.

Great progress.

My heart feels ache everytime I think about Hae. I don’t even know if Hae is still love me or not, but because he said that like everyday, when there’s a day without him saying that…

I will feel like he stops loving me.

And I don’t want that.

Okay, I’m selfish.

I know.

But I love him.

So that’s normal right?

Besides, I love him since long time ago, maybe since first time I saw him which I know he still not liking me that time.

So when he said he loves me, of course I was so happy like hell.

AISH! Why can I be so stupid???

I said I don’t love him while crying when I didn’t meant that.

I denied it when he caught me kissing him, when inside my heart, I know I really did it on purpose.

I asked him to not disturb me,

When I really really didn’t meant that.

I want him to be beside me always.

The reason I said that is just…

I don’t want him to get caught by his dad,

I don’t want him to suffer because of my selfish act.

I just want him to be happy.

But I know I hurt him.

What should I do?

Maybe now he’s already give me up.

And, that’s…

Okay.

-----===-----===-----

VICTORIA POV

I feel my phone vibrated when I was still inside my class, waiting for the bell to ring so that we can all go home.

Hmm, it’s a message. From auntie!

‘Honey, you’re going with Donghae today right? Can I ask you to buy the book I told you yesterday? –Auntie Yuka’

I smiled. Of course she can! I’ll go to the bookstore with Hae oppa after school. It’s auntie’s idea actually… so I can’t refuse her, even… I didn’t really want to.

I type a reply.

‘of course, auntie! ^^ see you later! –Vic’

“Vic ah, is it Hae oppa?”

Suddenly Krystal who’s beside me, asked.

Uh, why she always talk about Hae oppa? It’s true that earlier I was really excited to talk about him since he’s my… soon to be fiancée. But now… day by day, I feel like…

I can’t try to like him more.

Aw, what’s with me? I never confused like this!

“um, no… it’s my auntie,” I replied her.

Of course Hae oppa never texted me, since I never texted him either. And, wait… we don’t even have each other’s number since we never actually chat.

He’s just silent everytime he fetch me and I don’t really have interest to talk to him. yep, it’s true the’s really handsome, smart and perfect… but still, I think he really against this engagement.

Besides!

I think I have someone in my mind right now...

A guy from Sapphire high school, which I really hate in the first impression, but… after he insisted to know me better for this last 2 weeks, I realizing something different in him.

I’m actually a girl who’s hard to fall in love.

But I think I’ve fallen with this guy named Changmin.

Aish, I really different these days! What’s gotten into me, really?

“Vic? Are you okay?”

I gasped. “ah, I’m okay! don’t worry,”

Krystal smiled. “The bell just rang, aren’t you go now? Hae oppa will surely waiting for you~!”

I just replied her smiled and nodded. “yes, I should go now! He must be waiting for me,”

Suddenly, I caught sudden movement in front of me.

Ah, it’s Eunhyuk oppa. He suddenly stood up and sighed heavily.

Why he looked so annoyed?

He took his backpack, hanged it on his back then…

Wait… did I saw him glancing at me?

Uh oh! Why? Is there a problem?

He then left the class without turning back.

“What’s wrong with him?” Krystal muttered beside me. I just smiled a little while try to think positively. “maybe there are so many problems, you know… he’s president right?”

And she just nodded. “let him be… he’s a hottie but I think your fiancée is better… right, Vic?”

“mm-hmm,” I responded unconsciously, still thinking about him.

He’s really different with the first time I met him. that day, he’s really cheerful but when he knows that I’m about to engaged with Hae oppa…

He mad.

Why he mad?

I still don’t know until now… but, hmmm~ never mind that!

I felt my phone vibrated again.

Oh my god~!

‘hey pretty, are u free now? –Changmin’

My heart is beating so fast.

Aw my god! Maybe I really am in love…

But, how about Hae oppa?

“Vic, c’mon, let’s go to the front gate together,” Krystal called me and I realized she’s already in front of the class. So I quickly stood up and followed her.

Uhm, I'm sorry Changmin... Maybe I'll reply ur message later.

---

“Are we going to go to the bookstore today?” I asked Hae oppa who’s driving calmly beside me.

He just muttered an ‘hmm’ really slowly, I even hard to catch it. hey, what happened with him? he used to be really cold and ignorant, but this Hae oppa is now looks sad and not having a spirit at all. It looks like he’s sleepless too…

“Oppa, are you okay?”

He sighed lightly, “yes, we are going to the bookstore Victoria,”

Huh? I asked him not because I was doubted him to go to the bookstore or not, but I really concern with his difference from the usual Hae oppa.

“I mean… are you okay? you didn’t look well,”

“I’m fine,” he replied without even changing his voice’s tone, still really flat like he have no interest at all. Okay he always like this, but! I know that something is bothering him.

Hmmm… let’s see.

Yesterday, auntie came to his house with me.

He…

Oh! He’s already different since yesterday.

I don’t really know about him in Saturday since I didn’t meet him that day… and Friday? When he fetch me, he still look normal, look the same.

So it’s since Saturday or Sunday. Or Friday evening? I don’t know.

But what happened that time?

Ah, actually, that’s not my problem,and... maybe I will just stop thinking about that.

The car's stopped and when I realized, we're already in front of the bookstore and I can heard Hae oppa's sighing.

"arrive now, I'll wait here,"

I raised my brows. What? But but but... Aish! Why he's hating me so much?

I'm fine with that, tough... But it's just not really good if he keep like this and we'll really getting married. My dream is actually get married with someone who I really love, not someone who's being forced to love me.

Uh, but since it's auntie's wish, maybe... I'll try to bear with him even I love someone else.

But,

I just realise something!

He didn't deny this engagement at all.

He never say 'no' everytime his dad who's my auntie's soon to be husband said something about our engagement.

It's weird.

I know he's against this very much...

"yah, aren't you going?" I suddenly heard his voice, makes me back to my consciousness.

I quickly nodded and stared at him. See? His face is really handsome and adorable but I know this expression is not friendly at all. I already used to this expression, tough.

I just wondering why he never say that he refuse this.

Or maybe he does without me knowing?

Never mind that.

I stepped out of the car and start entering the bookstore without him.

Remembering what Krystal has said, it's definitely not a date. Yeah, what kind of date it is when he only waits for me in the car?

I really hope he said to his dad that he don't want this engagement.

At first, I don't want to stop this first because I thought he's a nice guy and after we both know each other, maybe he can starts to liking me, and I can start to like him.

But I think I was wrong.

Okay, it's true that I'm starting to like him before, but that feeling is start to fades when I meet... Changmin.

So...uhm, I guess if Hae oppa against this, I will support him.

Of course I can't say that I against this engagement!

Auntie will disappointed with me and I really don't want that since she's the only one I have now and she's my everything.

So it's all up to Hae oppa.

After I'm done with buying some books I need and buying my auntie's book, I walked back to the car and entered it when I realized that Hae oppa is not inside.