Lee Hyukjae.

 

 

As someone who loved, maybe you already know about this.

 

Lee Donghae is about to marry with Victoria Song.

 

He will engaged with her in no time, maybe after my marriage with Victoria's aunt.

 

 

I hope you can understand this.

 

I'm sorry to tell this to you,

 

It's just I wasn't able to hurt you to make you separate from Donghae.

 

Now I'm here to ask you a favor.

 

 

Please don't disturb this engagement.

 

 

Or I will take an action.

 

I will move him to US no matter what if he still stick to you, so you won't be disturbing his mind again.

 

You know he don't want to go there.

 

 

It's all your decision.

 

And I guarantee, he will be happy with Victoria. Just if you let him go.

 

 

 

Because he loves you.

 

 

 

 

---

 

 

 My feeling is like a mess.

 

I’m really happy.

 

 

I’m really sad.

 

I’m really confused.

 

 

I really don’t want Hae to go.

 

But I love Hae. So much.

 

 

“H-hyukkie?”

 

“Yeah?” I responded him with a weak voice. I hate this, I really hate this.

 

“do you heard me?”

 

 

I sighed.

 

I heard it really clearly, Hae.

 

 

I clenched my grab to the letter, making it crumpled messily.

 

 

My tears almost fall. “Hear what…”

 

 

 

No don’t fall, tears.

 

 

“… I love you, Hyukkie. I love you,”

 

 

My tears already fall.

 

Happy tears,

 

Sad tears,

 

I don’t know.

 

 

It just falls.

 

Makes me can’t say a word.

 

 

 

“… oh…”

 

 

-----===-----===-----

 

 

DONGHAE POV

 

 

I inhaled deeply, trying to steadying my breath.

 

God.

 

 

I really confessed to Hyukkie.

 

And I feel more relieved.

 

 

He gives me too much hope for me to confess, made me can’t stand it.

 

 

Besides, Teukie hyung…

 

 

*FLASHBACK*

 

I sat on the side of judo arena, just watched Kangin hyung’s competition.

 

“Hae hyung! You’re here,” I heard sweet voice called me. It’s Wookie, and beside him, there’s Yesung. Wookie take a sit beside me.

 

“I thought you didn’t come today,” Yesung muttered, sitting beside Wookie and I can see his left hand is sneaking to Wookie’s waist.

 

 

“Wow, wow… Yesung ah, don’t tell me that you both already—“

 

“ssh, don’t mention it…” Yesung cut my sentence and put his right point finger on his lips. “he’s easily shy,” he muttered while glancing at Wookie who is blushing madly.

 

 

Ah, so they already together.

 

“Yah, Hae!! Where have you been?” I heard a sound snapped at me and I turned. It’s Leeteuk hyung and Kangin hyung. Kangin hyung just finished with his competition and of course, he won to the finals.

 

“Hi hyung…” greeted them. “Congratulation,” I said to Kangin hyung. Kangin hyung nodded and smile while drank his cold plain water.

 

But then I heard Leeteuk hyung sighed, “Hae, what happened?”

 

I stared at him. oh, okay, he didn’t know that my dad is back to Korea and I was about to engage with someone I don’t even know.

 

But… should I tell him? it looks like he knows I have so many problems.

 

 

I lowered my head, didn’t know what to say.

 

Everyone is starting to leave the arena and only a few of people around. I sighed and stared at Leeteuk hyung. He’s looking at me, like waiting for me to say it. beside him, Kangin hyung, Yesung and Wookie is chatting about Kangin hyung’s competition earlier. so it will be only Leeteuk hyung who hear it.

 

I know even I don’t want to tell him, he will force me and I know I can’t keep my secret from my hyungs. They just…. Everything for me.

 

 

“Hyung,” I called him.

 

“yep,”

 

 

“dad came,” I said almost whispered, then sighed. I didn’t want to tell him actually, because it will only reminds him to the situation years ago, where he’s hurt because of me. And Kangin hyung too, Heechul hyung too. I even hurt myself.

 

 

But I really don’t want to remember about that right now.

 

I felt a hand rub my back slowly.

 

 

“so what I thought is right,” he said.

 

 

I just stay silent.

 

He knows it?

 

 

“what did he do? He didn’t force you to go to US with him, right?”

 

I suddenly thinking about Hyukkie.

 

 

I mean, about the engagement…

 

 

“no,” I shook my head, “it’s worse.” I said remembering I can’t be with Hyukkie when he already give me so much hope and affection.

 

Leeteuk hyung’s eyes widened, “really? What did he do?”

 

 

“he’s forcing me to engaged with someone,”

 

 

“oh, my…. When?”

 

I stared at him. “I don’t know and I don’t care, hyung.”

 

 

“I just don’t want to be with everyone except… Hyukkie,” I said, sighing while closed my eyes.

 

It’s hurt remembering that I can’t even say to him that I…

 

 

“have you confess to him?”

 

I opened my eyes. “n-no, I haven’t,”

 

 

Why I haven’t?

 

I don’t know.

 

I just…. Can’t.

 

Why?

 

 

“Yah!! Confess to him!” he suddenly yelled at me right in front of my ear, making Kangin hyung, Yesung and Wookie turned to our direction. I winced, “h-hyung… calm down. I… I can’t confess to him,” I said.

 

“and why is that!?” Leeteuk hyung asked furiously.

 

 

I messed my hair. Ugh, why is that?

 

“he… He’s straight,” I said, telling the truth.

 

Yeah, maybe that’s the main reason for me not confess to him. he’ll maybe feel disgusted with me because I’m gay. He maybe doesn’t want to be with me anymore if I confess.

 

But suddenly, I felt something hit my head. I looked up, and there’s Kangin hyung standing in front of me.

 

“y-yah, hyung! Why hit me?” I pouted, rubbing my head slowly because it’s kind of hurt.

 

 

“I know from my Jungsoo that you like that president of Fox. And now you said you don’t want to confess to him just because HE’S STRAIGHT?”

 

I nodded, still rubbing my head.

 

 

Kangin hyung sighed, “then you’re a pabo,”

 

My eyes widened, “what?? Me pabo?”

 

 

“you heard it right,” he said, sitting beside me so now i’m sitting between Kangin hyung and Leeteuk hyung. “don’t you know that actually Jungsoo is not gay?”

 

I blinked, then stared at Leeteuk hyung in disbelief. “what? You’re not?”

 

Leeteuk hyung just smiled and shook his head, “but now I am. For him,” he said and blushed.

 

 

Aw, they’re such a cute couple.

 

I wonder if I can be like that with Hyukkie.

 

 

“yah, you should confess too,”’

 

I stared at Kangin hyung. “how? I’ve said before, he’s straight.”

 

 

“and I’ve said before that my Jungsoo is straight before he become mine,”

 

 

“…so?”

 

“so you should confess!!”

 

Leeteuk hyung chuckled. “Kangin ah, maybe Hae didn’t understand. Back to those old days, Kangin confessed to me, saying he love me. That’s when we’re in junior high. I actually didn’t believe that I actually gay, so I reject him saying I’m straight,” he said.

 

“but Kangin didn’t give me up. He really loves me and day by day he always show his love to me, making me realize that I love him. so I finally accept him to be his boyfriend,” he added, sighing. “He’s a stubborn guy,”

 

“what? I’m not!!” Kangin hyung snapped.

 

 

Leeteuk hyung rolled his eyes. “yes you are,”

 

And then they both argued but my mind is not there anymore. I’m thinking about Hyukkie. He’s already gave me so much hope, and even he’s not gay, maybe he’s like Leeteuk hyung. He will realize it soon if he knows how much I love him.

 

 

And it doesn’t matter if he rejects me as long as he knows that I love him.

 

 

Damn, I changed my mind so fast.

 

And all thanks to Kangin hyung and Leeteuk hyung.

 

 

*END OF FLASHBACK*

 

 

Yeah, so now I just confessed to him, via phone.

 

I know I’m not suppose to confessed on the phone but I think I will get really shy if I see his eyes when I confess.

 

I can heard his breathe become unsteady.

 

Uhm, why he didn’t say a word?

 

Did he hear me?

 

 

“H-Hyukkie?” I tried to call him.

 

“yeah?”

 

He’s answering, but his voice is weak.

 

“did you hear me?” I asked for confirmation. What if I already said to him that I love him but he didn’t hear it? it’s useless, so I will ask him once again.

 

 

“Hear what…” I can hear his voice is getting smaller. Uh, why is it? maybe the phone, maybe the connection is not really good.

 

Then I smiled.

 

So, I should tell him once again? He didn’t hear it and that means I have to repeat it once again. I’m kind of happy I have to tell him my feeling once again. Because it feels so right when I say it.

 

 

“…I love you, Hyukkie. I love you,” I said softly and carefully, trying to make him got what I’m saying.

 

There, I even say it twice.

 

 

But then, all I heard was silence. Does he thinks that I’m a weirdo for loving him? or maybe he’s thinking about a good words to mocking me? Or…

 

Will he said that he love me too?

 

 

Aish, forget it.

 

 

Then, I heard his breathe. He inhaled deeply, making my heart beats like crazy.

 

 

 

“… oh…”

 

I frowned.

 

What? Oh?

 

Okay, it’s not a bad thing either. He didn’t hate me because of that, maybe. But he just… don’t he have another way to respond? This is a confession for heaven’s sake.

 

 

“uhm….Hyukkie,”

 

 

“mm?”he just hummed.

 

 

“h-how about… err, you?” I asked carefully. Hope is still so big in my heart and I feel like I’m super confidence, knowing that Hyukkie will love me no matter what.

 

 

“I…”

 

My heart is beating damn fast.

 

 

Please calm, myself.

 

I can’t even breathe.

 

 

C’mon Hyukkie, say something. Don’t make me waiting.

 

 

 

 

“I just… Let me think about it,”

 

 

I sighed in relieved because I was holding my breath before. Gosh, is this for real? I thought he will reject me straight directly because he’s straight, as I know. But… omg. This is just too good to be true.

 

He will think about that, it’s just the happiest thing that I’ve ever feel in past years.

 

He doesn’t even say he love me yet.

 

 

But…

 

 

I know he will.

 

 

“Thank you, Hyukkie.”

 

And smile never left my face since then.

 

 

I don’t care of any rejection, because I just want him to know.

 

 

 

 

That I love him.

 

 

 

-----===-----===-----

 

 

HYUKJAE POV

 

 

I felt my eyes become puffy.

 

This is Saturday which means the last day of sport competition, and of course I have to attend.

 

 

I don’t have to meet Hae, tough.

 

Seeing him maybe will kill me.

 

I cried for him all night long, and the result is these eyes.

 

Damn.

 

 

Damn that old man.

 

 

Why he have to always ruining Hae’s and my happiness?

Why he have to come when Hae said he loves me?

Why he have to make Hae suffered and not be a good father for him?

 

Why?

 

 

Now what should I say to Hae?

 

 

“Hyuk hyung?”

 

I turned and found Kibum behind me. Of course he’s with his new beloved boyfriend, Siwon. Of course.

 

“yeah?”

 

 

“today’s the final. What will you watch?”

 

 

I shrugged my shoulder. “maybe I’ll watch Xiah,” I said with my husky voice, not showing interest at all since I know Xiah will competing with Hankyung hyung from Rakooga and one of them will win. In another athletics competition, Hankyung hyung won. But last year, Xiah won. It depends on their lucks now.

 

“hyung, what happened?” Kibum suddenly asked me. And when I stared at him, his expression is already worried. Siwon stared at me too, showing almost the same expression like his boyfriend.

 

I just show my blank expression. “what do you mean? Nothing happened,” I said. Damn it, why does my voice have to be this husky?

 

“you sounds like you’ve been crying all night, Eunhyuk ah,” Siwon said and followed by his boyfriend nod.

 

 

“I’m not, you both are too much worrying. I’m fine,” I said and then about to leave them. “you should help out for the finals, Bum ah,” I said before leaving them.

 

My mood is not really good.

 

I better stay away from people so I won’t hurt them with my harsh words.

 

 

But suddenly, I heard someone yelled my name. “Hyuk hyung!!”

 

I sighed and turned. From the voice, I must know it’s Kibum. What is it again? I’m about to save him from my terrible mood.

 

But when I turned, I saw another figure beside Kibum and Siwon.

 

 

The guy I don’t want to see the most.

 

But deep inside, it’s the guy who I want to see the most.

 

 

Hae.

 

 

What is he doing here?

 

I don’t want to meet him, I don’t have any strength left to face him. but…

 

He’s now here, right in front of me.

 

 

“Hae hyung is searching for you and fortunately you just about to leave,” Kibum said smiling happily without knowing what I actually feel.

 

“I think we’re going to go now, hyung. Please be okay, if something happened just tell me, okay?" Kibum said and then leave while dragged Siwon.

 

 

Damn it.

 

Don’t leave me, Kibum ah.

 

I’m having a hard time now.

 

 

“Hey, Hyukkie,” Hae greeted me and curved a smile. uh, doesn’t he feels awkward? He just confessed to me yesterday.

 

 

I just nodded.

 

 

This guy.

 

This guy who I love so much,

 

Who loves me too.

 

 

But he just doesn’t know it.

 

And if he knows it, of course he will insist to cancel the engagement and be with me and…

 

His dad will know.

 

 

He will being force to go to US with Victoria.

 

 

“Hyukkie? Are you okay?” suddenly Hae asked me and when I realize it, his face is really near to me and staring at my eyes worriedly, making me unconsciously blushed.

 

“w-what? I’m fine,” I said, avoiding his eyes. Please don’t remind me with the kiss.

 

 

“really?” he titled his head. “your voice is really husky, are you sick?” then he moved his hand to my cupped my cheek. “and your eyes—“

 

I flick my hand right when he touches my cheek so his hand will off from my face. I feel like having electricity when he touches me. Besides, I’m really not in a good mood since I’ve been crying for him all night.

 

“d-don’t touch…me,” I murmured really slowly, even I kind of regret doing that. His face seems shock.

 

But then he sighed and smiled a little. “I understand, Hyukkie… I’m sorry for yesterday, okay? I mean, about the kiss…” he muttered, “I’ve said I love you, right? Maybe… that’s why I did that,” he added and smiled. His charming smile and cheeky one.

 

I love it.

 

I love it so much.

 

I want to hug him and say to him I love him too.

 

But I can’t.

 

 

 

It's all your decision.

 

 

… damn it. it’s like, Hae’s happiness now and suffer later or Hae’s suffer now and happy later.

 

Whatever it is,

 

I’m not happy at all.

 

 

I want him to be happy always.

 

I just don’t know how.

 

 

“that’s okay,” I answered him weakly. It’s incredibly fine with me, Hae. About the kiss… actually I want you to do that again.

 

I’m really happy to hear that you kissed me because you love me.

 

 

Then, his smile is getting wider and he grabbed something from his blazer’s pocket, since his uniform has a blazer like mine.

 

 

I glance at it, and my eyes suddenly widened.

 

 

s…strawberry milk?

 

Gosh.

 

 

“here, Hyukkie. I hope you’ll feel better by drink this,” he said and handed me a carton of strawberry milk. I just stunned in place while accept the milk.

 

 

He’s…

 

Stop please, Hae.

 

I can’t stand it.

 

 

“Thank you,” I said slowly, and then turned to leave him. I know I didn’t want to leave him, but the longer I am with him, the more I want to hug him and say that I love him.

 

 

“Hyukkie, wait!”

 

I sighed.

 

“yes?”

 

Please understand me, Hae. I just want to be alone.

 

 

He smiled at me with his eyes caught my eyes.

 

 

“I love you,”

 

 

My heart seems stopped.

 

It will burst out from happiness but… from sadness too.

 

 

Why I can’t say that I love him too?

 

I love you too, Hae.

 

I love you too.

 

 

 

“I know.”

 

 

 

-----===-----===-----

 

NO ONE POV

 

It’s been a week since Donghae’s confession, and Donghae keeps give so much affection to Eunhyuk since he believe Eunhyuk will love him sooner or later.

 

Eunhyuk still avoiding him because he don’t want to make Donghae knows his true feelings.

 

But he haven’t told Donghae whether he love Donghae too or not.

 

 

So the thing is, Eunhyuk is leaving Donghae hanged right now.

 

 

“He’s coming again Hyuk ah,” Xiah muttered to Eunhyuk after entered the library. Eunhyuk sighed but a slight pink color is formed on his face. It’s obvious that he’s waiting for him but he don’t want to meet him. It’s Donghae.

 

 

“M-maybe he want to fetch Victoria like usual,” Eunhyuk said pretends he don’t care. Xiah just crossed his hands in front of his chest.

 

“yeah, yeah, like usual,” he rolled his eyes, “and he always go searching for you like everyday, like usual. Right?” he said, shows a little smirk in the corner of his lips.

 

Eunhyuk’s face is now blushing like crazy. “stop it… have I told you I didn’t want to meet him?” he said.

 

 

“yeah, you’ve told me. But have I told you that you can’t lie to me?”

 

Eunhyuk rolled his eyes. Xiah knows everything now since Eunhyuk already told him, but Eunhyuk never tell Xiah that he loves Donghae.

 

 

“I’m not lying,”

 

“whatever, he will come in a minute,” Xiah muttered and right, there’s a door’s sound knocked and without waiting, the door’s opened, revealing a handsome guy who’s wearing Rakooga’s uniform but without the blazer, so it will looks the same like Fukuura.

 

His face is bright and smile always form on his face even the one who he love never say that he love Donghae.

 

“Hyukkie? Hi, Xiah,” Donghae greeted the only two of them. He stepped closer and then pulled something from his backpack that it’s obvious that is a carton of strawberry milk, the drink that Eunhyuk loves so much.

 

“for the one I love,” he murmured, handed Eunhyuk the milk while smiled cheekily. “sorry Xiah, I don’t have anything for you since I didn’t know I will meet you here,” he then said to Xiah.

 

 

“it’s fine, Hae ah.” Xiah just said and smiled.

 

 

Eunhyuk is already blushing madly and trying to hide his blushing face from Donghae but Donghae somehow always recognize it.

 

 

“you’re really cute today, Hyukkie,”

 

 

 

 

-----===-----===-----

 

 

HYUKJAE POV

 

 

I held my breath. Damn this guy. He should stop doing this.

 

Okay, I haven’t told him my feeling, whether I will say to him that I love him or not since I am now hanging him.

 

But this, his affection is too much.

 

I really feel his love.

 

It’s really strong.

 

From his act, his words, his eyes, I know it.

 

 

He really loves me.

 

And it’s been a week already since that day.

 

 

I hate myself.

 

I really hate myself because I can’t make him happy.

 

Being hanged by someone you love is surely suffering when waiting.

 

I’m sorry Hae.

 

 

“Hey, Hyukkie…”

 

I blinked. I stared around, and I only see Donghae in my sight. “Where’s Xiah?”

 

 

Donghae smiled at me. “what are you thinking, Hyukkie? Xiah left while ago. He said he’s hungry so he went home already,” he explained to me with his soft voice.

 

 

Wait. So that means…

 

I’m alone with him?

 

Wait. Isn’t he supposed to fetch Victoria?

 

 

“why are you still here?” I asked, trying to act like I didn’t care.

 

 

“hmmm, you don’t want me to be with you huh?” he muttered, faking a sad expression even I know he’s really sad.

 

“I mean… you’re supposed to fetch your fiancée,” I said.

 

 

He seems stunned with the word ‘fiancée’ after I said it. but then he quickly inhaled deeply and smiled charmingly. “I’ve sent her home,”

 

I can’t help but widened my eyes. “what? When?”

 

 

“about half an hour ago, when you’re just coming out from your class, which means her class too,” he said calmly.

 

 

Wait, if he already sent her home, why he’s here now?

 

 

“so why you still here?” I asked. Okay now I was the one who asking him questions.

 

“I want to see you, so I came back,”

 

 

…uh oh, wrong question. But, now I know why he always not gets caught by Victoria. He’s already sent her home everyday.

 

Just to see me.

 

 

“you’ve seen me now, isn’t it enough?” I said, still cold to him even my heart didn’t.

 

“I want to see you a bit longer,”

 

 

I sighed. For your note, Donghae. I’m not your boyfriend yet. or maybe never will be. Even maybe I’ll be so hurt because of that.

 

He’s sitting on the couch in front of me now, and we both just silence. This moment reminds me to the truth or dare game that we played almost 2 weeks ago. And Gina came ruining our moment but then, Hae’s saying that I’m his boyfriend.

 

 

So, he really loves me.

 

 

That’s why he hugged me.

 

That’s why he really cares for me.

 

That’s why he protects me.

 

And that’s why he kissed me.

 

 

 

I don’t even know why I am being this cold to Hae.

 

 

 

“Hyukkie?”

 

“hmm,” I muttered and turned to him. he’s staring deeply to my eyes with his smile still plastered on his face.

 

Gosh, I feel i’m thirsty. I have strawberry milk in my hand but I don’t want to drink it now since I’ll show my happy expression when drink it. Especially, it’s from Hae. Even he gives it to me everyday, I’ll always become really happy when drink that.

 

 

He bit his lower lip. “Why don’t you drink your milk?” he said, making me startled because he said it like he knows what’s in my mind.

 

“Oh, um, no,” I tried to stay calm. “I’m not in mood,”

 

He raised his brows, “really?” then I nodded. Yeah, I lied. I really want to drink this milk.

 

 

“I’m thirsty,” he murmured. “Will you give me that milk instead? You’re not in mood, right?” he said. What? Is he asking back what he already gave to me?

 

 

I just silence, didn’t give him any response.

 

 

s-should I give him my milk?

 

I lied before.

 

Ugh, I really want to drink this.

 

But.. but he said he’s thirsty.

 

And he just believe what I’ve said.

 

 

Aissh.. pabo monkey! Why I said that?

 

Suddenly I heard a chuckled.

 

I looked at Hae. He’s chuckling softly, staring at me. “you’re really cute. Please just drink it if you’re thirsty. I know you never lack of mood for drinking strawberry milk. Am I right?” he said, still smiling.

 

 

Why the…

 

Ugh, why he knows me too well?

 

Am I really that easy to read?

 

 

I just pout, not saying a word. How the hell he knows my feeling? It’s just not fair!!

 

 

“uh, Hyukkie,”

 

I glanced at him and his face looks uneasy.

 

 

“Don’t pout like that,” he muttered.

 

 

“if you don’t want me to kiss you again,”

 

 

My heart seems stop beating.

 

 

This is just too much.

 

 

 

 

-----===-----===-----

 

 

DONGHAE POV

 

 

I know Hyukkie will love me someday. Maybe it took a long time for him to realizing his feeling. But even he’ll reject me, I believe if I always show my love to him, he will love me back.

 

I just won’t give it up.

 

 

And now here I am, in front of him who’s now pouting, showing his plump tempting lips more. Damn, is he teasing me? I feel like kissing his lips.

 

 

“Uh, Hyukkie,” I called him, feeling uneasy because I’m unable to turn my gaze away from his lips.

 

 

He glanced at me.

 

“don’t pout like that…” I muttered before I continue my sentence.

 

“if you don’t want me to kiss you again,”

 

 

 

He quickly stopped pouting and now biting his lower lip. Gosh, he’s so cute.

 

If only…

 

I can claim him as mine.

 

 

 

“H-Hae,” suddenly I heard him muttered, with his face is so red. Damn it he’s so cute when he blushed. Is he shy?

 

 

“yes, Hyukkie?”

 

 

He stared at me and I could tell he’s secretly sighing. “I’ve know it now,”

 

My heart beating faster. Don’t say that…

 

“sorry, Hae. I don’t have the same feeling as you,”

 

 

I… kind of know he will say that, but…

 

It’s still hurt to hear that from his mouth. Ugh, damn it.

 

 

I just stunned in place, trying to calm myself down. Calm down, Hae. You know he’s blushing hard like that, it’s impossible for him to not liking you.

 

 

“that’s fine,” I said, smiling at him. his face is still blushing.

 

 

“w-why?” he seems shock with my answer.

 

 

“what is why? I just believe you will someday falling in love with me, Hyukkie.” I said calmly. Yeah, I just have to give him more affection.

 

 

To make him realize that my love for him is just not just a temporary.

 

 

Even now he’s rejecting me, that’s okay.

 

I still have much time.

 

 

I don’t care anymore about my engagement.

 

My only passion is Hyukkie now.

 

I even started to not care about the new member in my house. That bastard.

 

 

I already clinging to Hyukkie for a week and thank God he didn’t looks like to planned to hurt Hyukkie. That thought somehow make me relieved.

 

Even, I still want to protect Hyukkie and be near him as long as I can.

 

 

“d-don’t be too confidence,” he said, stared down.

 

I chuckled. Yeah, I’m super confidence. And I don’t care.

 

 

All I want, is only Hyukkie.

 

 

 

-----===-----===-----

 

 

HYUKJAE POV

 

 

I stared blankly at nowhere. I’m sitting in my class now, waiting for the teacher to come in. Ugh, I feel uncomfortable now.

 

In the corner of my class, there’s a group of girls who’s gossiping around. It’s Victoria and friends, I know. She’s making new friends already now, many friends. Such a really friendly girl.

 

 

“hey, hey, Vic~ how’s your Hae oppa now?”

 

My heart seems stopped. Her Hae? Okay, it’s her fiancée. About to be her fiancée. I feel slight jealous, but remembering the one who Hae loves, I feel like I win from her.

 

But I choose to eavesdropping while pretends that I’m busy writing something.

 

 

“Oh, Hae oppa. What about him?”

 

“When you both will be engaged?”

 

 

I held my breath.

 

“um… I don’t know, maybe after my aunt’s wedding. I don’t really think about it,” Victoria answered but from her voice, I can say she’s not really interested with the topic.

 

Eh, what the? I thought she’s really excited with things that related to Hae.

 

“aren’t you feel excited?”

 

I try to steal a glance. Victoria is shrugging her shoulders.

 

“mmm, not really…”

 

What! She’s not really interested? I will definitely blame her if she won’t take care for Hae. And… anyway, why is she not interested? I still remember her excitement when she told about her fiancée week ago.

 

This is weird.

 

 

“what! If I were you, I will definitely excited! You know, your soon to be fiancée is really handsome and besides, my cousin who’s in Rakooga said that Donghae oppa is rank 1 the whole school for the last exam, isn’t he really great?”

 

 

Aw, Hae’s rank one? Damn it, he’s really a genius. He’s having a nightmare before the exam and he still can have a perfect score?

 

Wait. I think I know who’s talking. That’s Yoona right? She’s…

 

Oh my god. She’s the owner of the restaurant that I eat with Siwon!

 

I just realize it.

 

 

 

“y-yeah, I was excited back then. But, now… I don’t think so.”

 

Wait. I thought she likes Hae…?

 

“whyyy? Aw, you’re no fun. You supposed to be happy! He’s a perfect soon to be husband, you know~”

 

 

My heart hurt when I heard that word. Husband. Yeah, even Hae said he loves me, he still gonna be her husband.

 

That fact is hurting me, a lot.

 

 

 

---

 

Bell already rang, telling that those times for schooling is already over.

 

I sighed.

 

I want to go home but I don’t think I can do anything in my house. I better stay still in the library.

 

I saw Victoria bid goodbyes to her friends, and I know that Hae’s already in front of the gate to fetch him. uhm, maybe he didn’t come to see me today.

 

 

“hey hyung, aren’t you go home?” I heard a voice when I was about to walk towards the library. It’s Jonghyun.

 

I stared at him and shook my head. “no, I’m not yet want to go home. How about you?” and he shook his head too.

 

“I’m not hyung, I still have assignment to do in the library,” he said and then smiled.

 

I just nodded and then walked with him to the library.

 

 

 

It’s been 30 minutes now I’m in library, reading nothing. I pick out some random books while accompanying Jonghyun making his assignment.

 

I’m feeling so bored.

 

 

Hae’s definitely won’t come to see me today.

 

He never come this late.

 

Besides, maybe he’s tired. He have to come back here again after taking Victoria home. It must be tiring.

 

 

But… I missed him.

 

One day without him clinging on me is really… I am feeling loss.

 

 

Damn it.

 

 

 

Suddenly, the library’s door is opened, revealing a figure that I know. Minho.

 

“Oh, hey Minho,” I muttered, feeling a slight disappointed because I thought it’s Hae who’s coming. Ugh, I really really missed him and I want him to come.

 

Does he already give me up because of I said that I’m not loving him?

 

 

Aw…

 

So Hae’s not loving me that much, right?

 

 

“Hi hyung, hey, Jonghyun ah. what are you both guys doing here?” Minho then asked. He then stared at me.

 

“oh, um, hyung. You have to know this,”

 

 

I glance at him. “what is it?”

 

 

Minho suddenly smiled. “outside,”

 

Huh? outside? What does he mean by outside?

 

 

“what do you mean?”

 

He crossed his arms in front of his chest. “go outside and you’ll know, hyung ah.”

 

 

My heart suddenly beating so fast. Yah, calm down, monkey. Maybe it’s only something unimportant, but why my heartbeat is beating this wild?

 

I stood up and walked outside. “yah, what is it…” I murmured but Minho just smiling and didn’t say a word.

 

 

When I’m already outside the library, I found nothing. It’s only an empty corridor since the most of students already went home and there’s nothing besides that.

 

 

I turned to Minho. “yah, nothing here,”

 

He chuckled.

 

 

“look down, hyung. To the field,” he said and pointing to the 1^st floor.

 

I walked to see the field from this 2^nd floor. In the field, I saw nothing too. But when I looked down, I found someone.

 

 

A figure.

 

 

 

 

Donghae.

 

 

He’s showing his cheerful smile and in his hands, there’s a…

 

Bucket.

 

Big bucket.

 

Of flowers.

 

 

Those beautiful flowers.

 

Omo.

 

 

 

“HYUKKIE!”

 

I heard him yelled at me happily, with hands tightly holding the flowers.

 

He showed his flowers to me, raising it so I can see it more clearly.

 

 

“I LOVE YOU!!”

 

 

My heart seems stopped.

 

I palmed my mouth in disbelief. His face looks really cheerful and happy and I’m hurt because I can’t say that I love him too. He already told me thousands time.

 

Every day.

 

 

“Wait there, I’ll run to you, baby~!” suddenly he said and then ran quickly towards the stairs to the 2^nd floor.

 

 

…

 

‘Baby’.

 

 

I turned to Minho, and found him chuckling. “he really loves you, hyung,” he muttered.

 

 

I felt my face is damn blushed. So, he’s coming. And, he brought a bucket of flowers. Is that for me? maybe not. Maybe just a fan of him giving him flowers.

 

 

Not until a next minute, I saw Hae in the end of the corridor, still running towards me and smile never left his face. I feel slight happy because of seeing him this happy.

 

 

“Hyukkie,” he called me, panting after he already arrived to face me.

 

 

“I’m sorry I’m late, do you miss me?”

 

My eyes widened. I… yeah, I missed him. but… of course I can’t say it to him. he will thinks that I love him. so I just look away.

 

“no,”

 

 

“aw, don’t be like that, I bought you this before going back here,” he then said and show him his flowers.

 

 

My heart beats were really fast.

 

 

So he’s late because he bought those flowers first before meet me?

 

 

He’s really romantic.

 

Damn.

 

No, this is really wrong.

 

 

 

“for you, Hyukkie.”

 

 

I feel like I’m going to cry.

 

But I know I shouldn’t.

 

 

I just shook my head and try to hold my tears.

 

 

“what? You don’t want this?” he pouted but then smiled again. “and I bought you your favorite milk too,”

 

He pulled out a carton of strawberry milk from his pocket.

 

 

I just stunned and froze on my feet.

 

 

 

This is so wrong.

 

I can’t hold it but…

 

I know I should.

 

 

He titled his head in front of me. “Hyukkie? C’mon, I already bought this for you, at least you have to accept it,”

 

 

I feel my hands stuttered when I received those bucket of flowers. the milk is still on his hand, but I kind of lost my appetite to drink it because I what I really want to do is crying to him right now, saying that I love him so much and thanked him for those really beautiful flowers.

 

“Hyukkie, are you okay?”

 

 

He must be asking me because he saw my hands are stuttering.

 

I just nodded in doubt.

 

 

 

I feel like I can’t hold it anymore.

 

 

 

Suddenly, my body ran itself to leave him, and unconsciously I entered the washroom.

 

 

 

My tears are already flowing hard.

 

 

Damn.

 

Hae…

 

 

Hae.

 

 

I can’t hold it anymore.

 

I let my tears flowing hard since I already away from Hae.

 

I stand before the door and hold the door with my back, then squatted down while palming my face.

 

 

This can’t be happening.

 

 

I love you, Hae.

 

 

 

Why you make this really hard?

 

Why you say you love me right when I know I have to let you go?

 

Why, Hae?

 

Why you keep showing your love even I already said that I don’t love you?

 

 

Why…?

 

 

This is really hard for me.

 

Don’t you know how hurt I am everytime I think about you?

 

Don’t you know how hurt I am everytime I hold myself to not to be selfish and choose to say that I love you?

 

 

 

I let out my sinful tears while beside me, a bucket of flowers lying beautifully.

 

There’s a little paper attached to it, and when I read it, I can’t help myself to stop this overflowing tears.

 

 

 

‘Hyukkie, I Love You.’

 

 

 

I throw that paper to the ground and cry harder.

 

 

I feel really mad.

 

I hate myself.

 

 

I just don’t know how to make Hae happy.

 

 

I’m clueless.

 

 

Please,

 

I’m feeling so much pain holding this feeling.

 

 

 

 

Hae…

 

 

Donghae…

 

 

I’m not okay.

 

 

 

 

 

 

=======================================================================================

[A/N]: sorry another late updateeeeeeeeeee! and many grammar errors or maybe typo DX

chem is definitely doesn't love me! somebody can help me with my chem? T_T

oh, and sorry for write another sad moment....i've said to u before, bear with me! ^^ kkk

this chap is a long one.. i didn't devide it! forgive me for everything ok? love you guys!! *kiss* *hides*