~*~

"What is it? Why do you sound so serious Taeyeon-ssi? You're s-scaring me..." he admitted, his voice shaking.

He almost choked, and I could see through the fear that visibly covered him. He looked rugged the moment he stepped foot on my house. Now he looked rugged and scared. I couldn't take this fear against him. It probably mirrored the way I felt scared the moment I tested positive. Just like I experienced, questions must be pouring in inside his head, slowly weakening him and lessening his breath.

Should I tell him? Should I even bother him?

I actually wanted to confront him and ask him tens of questions. What kind of condoms do you use for them to be  ineffective? Did you even use the condoms littering your floor? Or were those from a previous night's lay? I felt small as I realized this. I stopped taking the pill since Jungsu and I broke up. Part of me was proud, and very sure, that I wouldn't sleep with anyone else other than Leeteuk. Condoms offered the best protection for me, so I became angrier at myself upon realizing that I entrusted my safety to this ual partner that was a stranger. And this stranger turned out to have slept with other women, thus really not putting me to safety on that January night.

Should I mess up his life? Maybe ruin his future? Should I let him know of his slip-up, his irresponsibility, because this was his fault as much as it was mine?

It seemed almost unfair to do so. I felt bad for him. Honest. Unlike me, I could assume he wanted his life the way it was. He loved fame. He enjoyed popularity. He lived for his name. G-dragon. Big Bang's leader. Korea's youngest power leader. The next cultural president. The icon of our generation. Asia's biggest popstar.

I know too much about him for my own good.

"What is it that you want to tell me?" he egged me, and he was frowning, now really worked up and close to panicking.

"I'm..." I began to answer, but I was still weighing the options in my head. I looked him in the eye, getting a complete reading of him, because I hoped his reaction would help my dilemma.

Was he a good person? A gentleman? A person with principles and a sense of responsibility? I couldn't get a reading. Not even a feel. My gut was telling me he had the right to know, but my shame was holding me back. How could I just let this person, whom I considered to be as arrogant as his CEO who constantly challenged my group and my company to a war, be entangled in such a messy and personal issue?

"I'm..." I repeated, but still unable to complete my thoughts.

Beep. Beep. I literally jumped at the sound of my message alert. That was how much I have held my breath since Kwon Jiyong entered my place. Relief covered me as I grabbed my phone on the center table separating G-dragon and me. He watched me read my phone, worry and anxiety still painted on his overall demeanor.

PJS wrote:

I'll be there tonight. Our future shall be written tonight. I love you, however the future turns out to be.

I felt an incredible discomfort on my stomach as I absorbed these sweet and sincere words from Leeteuk oppa -- my responsible and selfless Park Jungsu. How could I break his heart over and over again? He messed up my options once more. There was that gut feel, which wanted to let in G-dragon. There was that shame, which wanted to keep both men out of the picture. Then there was my heart, which wanted nothing but build a family and a future with Jungsu.

"What?! , what is it?!" Jiyong now anxiously shouted, and I was brought back to his presence. His uncomfortable presence.

"...getting married," I finally completed my answer to him.

And of my gut, my shame, and my heart, something already stood up and won. That same day as the sun towered high in 12:04pm Seoul, my stomach rumbling from hunger, my chest beating from uneasiness, my legs jellying from fear... I looked into Kwon Jiyong's eyes and have finally decided not to untangle him.

Well didn't you just put an idea in his head, Kim Taeyeon? Foolish. Foolish. I quickly regretted my choice. Surely, he wasn't densed. With this act of summoning him to my house in such an odd time of a Wednesday, I must have planted an unnecessary doubt in his head.

"Oh," he blurted out, completely flabbergasted. I saw the way his shoulder drooped from... relief? Disappoinment? I don't know, shoot. "O-okay. C-congrats? I guess..."

I could hear the air wheezing in and out of my lungs, my nervous breathings giving me away. Calm down Taeyeon. Don't be so damn obvious you just lied your off! My mind was racing, and I tried to calm myself off. No avail. I was going to faint soon from all this lying. I was so praise-worthy for always faking a smile and aegyo to the media and the public, why can't I fake breeziness in front of YG's G-dragon?

"Am I invited, then?" he followed up, now with a small smile. He was definitely much more at ease. Was he thinking what I thought he was thinking? "Is this your unique form of invitation? Inviting your guests over, even those who're technically strangers, to your hidden villa?"

So he noticed the conspicuous spot of my unit, the tight metal and military-designed security of my door. I swallowed. Hard. I was thinking of a quick counter-attack to his sarcasm and doubts. Fudge. He was really thinking what I was thinking. Work Kim, work! Convince this doubter otherwise!

"Or are you pregnant and you don't know who's the father?" he asked, and I almost didn't hear him as my mind was too busy thinking of a response. But when I did, my heart dropped, and so did my stomach, that I felt more nauseous than I ever have during my morning sickness.

"W-what? What did you say?!"

"It's a shotgun wedding, isn't it?" he answered matter-factly, almost insulting me. "Aside from me, who are the other candidates for father-of-the year?"

Bingo. You have no out now Kim. My stupid, thoughtless, foolish, and completely senseless plan. .

"Get out," was all I could counter. There was nothing more I could think of.

I stood up, walked past him, and immediately went to my bar to grab the half-emptied glass of brandy. This was the sole act that would convince him I wasn't pregnant. I drank the leftover alcohol in one shot, my back him. This afternoon was not going as planned. Heck, there was not even a plan at all! I dialed his number with no deep thoughts in mind. My words of invitation for him let slip during that call (which was a result of my semi-drunkenness).

"I'm not pregnant, and you're wrong on all possible levels," I spoke again, but my back remained him. I poured myself another shot and added, "This was a wrong move of mine, so just leave."

"God knows how many nights I wondered whether or not we used protection. Because up until now, what happened that night was a blur to me. And I don't usually forget."

There were three used condoms on the floor, fool. I said to myself.

"When you left, all I could find were protections I definitely did not use on you."

You think? . You're not just a player, you're also disgusting with zero hygiene. I was getting more exasperated with the knowledge that he was so irresponsible as to not use a on me. I was drunk! I was less at fault at this than he was!

"Didn't you hear me? I said just leave!" I shouted, now turning my back to address him.

"Why did you call me here just to tell me you're getting married when we're practically strangers?!" he shouted back, and now he even stood up to approach me in the bar. I slid out of the bar stool, until we were both standing erect, face-to-face. "Goddamnit, are you pregnant with my child?!"

"You're used to this, aren't you? I'm not the first woman you got a pregnancy scare from, huh?"

"This is not a scare for me! This is my future! So ing let me know what's gonna be my ing future?!" he shouted at the top of his voice, his looks filled with potential to break all the glasses and crystals in proximity.

I got scared of his tone, and it must have been displayed on my face, because he softened his expression, and when he spoke, his voice was much calmer. "Look... I've always viewed you as a decent and respectable woman. You wouldn't scare someone just because."

We stared at each other for a long while, until I broke the half a minute gazing. It was burdening me.

"My fiancé hates you, okay?" I lied, turning away from him, yet still anxiously walking back and forth in a space that was of comfortable distance from him.

"What?" he clarified.

"He hates you. I called you to ask you if you ever told a living soul that something happened between us. I sure as hell don't want my husband-to-be to ever find out that his fiancé slept with the man he hates the most." What a lie. What a stupid excuse. What a lame attack. . I didn't even bother meeting his eyes, too ashamed of what was happening.

"Who is it, then? Which one from Super Junior are you marrying?" he asked, and of course it didn't surprise me that he would know that my fake-fiancé was from Super Junior. After all, it was four of these burly men who had a brawl with him last year regarding Krystal Jung.

"So did you let anyone else know we had s- two months ago?" I answered his question with another question, this time confidently meeting his eyes. Was my grand plan convincing him?

"No. Not one," he coldly replied.

"Good. Neither did I," I also replied. But to my dismay, he approached me so that we were once again in a discomforting proximity.

"I'm going to ask you one last time. Are you pregnant?"

I looked up and finally set in my head that this next answer of mine should not be lame, because it shall save me from this self-incriminating encounter. With only a foot between our faces, I answered, "It's none of your business. All you need to know is that January 2014 needs to stay buried in the hatchet..."

"...and I'm asking this as a favor," I added, this time in a softer tone. I realized that ultimately, I was the one in need.

"I was doing great pretending like I never kissed SNSD's leader before. I was Blue Dragon-worthy for acting like strangers, rivals even, whenever I passed you by in events or broadcasts," when he spoke, he didn't even blink, and he was talking so close to me. "So until the day your number popped up in my screen, it was buried in the hatchet, as I left it. You're the one who unburied it."

"G-give me your phone, please," I muttered, stepping back and turning away from him. "I want to personally delete my number."

I expected him to hesitate, because I was reaching with such a request. Yet the next thing I know, he was already offering his phone to me.

"Here. Pass code is MKJK," I took it, then awkwardly clicked the iPhone button. "Your named Soshi's Taeyeon."

But just as his Spongebob wallpaper took me by surprise, so did the one sole SMS that was previewed before I even slid the screen to unlock the phone.

Princess K wrote:

I can't make it this weekend. I'm sorry baby."

So he was in a relationship. Or was Princess K one of whose fluids littered his disgusting bedroom floor?

"Y-you have a message. Just make sure you delete my number," I said, returning his broken iPhone to him and avoiding any eye contact whatsoever. "You can l-leave now. Thank you for coming by. I couldn't risk calling you or texting you, afraid that someone else might find out."

Gosh Taeyeon, how defensive of you. But I was calmer now, because his confrontational demeanor was gone. I was hopeful that he believed my act, amidst being so foolish. He was just poker-faced, calmer too, yet still a little worked up.

"Relax now, Mr. Kwon. If I was ever pregnant, I would never bother your life," I slipped up, so I added, "Not that you're the father or whatever..."

He just nodded, and then muttered, "Bye stranger."

He began to walk past me, heading towards my door. I followed him, the weight on my shoulder somehow lifted. I was sure that when he left, I'd breathe a huge sigh of relief. And then I'll probably kill myself for being so stupid. I watched Kwon Jiyong wear his high-cut Givency leather sports shoes, then bowed at him to show my gratitude.

"Thank you for taking time. Really. I appreciate it. Take care Mr. Kwon."

As he held on the knob of my metal door, he said, "I gotta say I'm relieved you're not pregnant. I mean..."

He looked back at me and his stare lingered, to which I began feeling uneasy with. He was looking at me with quite the judgment. It almost hurt.

"...what kind of mother would deliberately drink that much knowing she's pregnant? So I'm really glad. Take care, too, Miss Kim."

With that, G-dragon left my house. His last words were more than enough to send me to tears once more, curled up again in the corner (this time of my living room), from one in the afternoon until the sun set, finally darkening Seoul.

Another day has passed, and I was still alone in this endeavor.

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