Yunho’s POV 

Yunho’s breath hitched hearing those words. He waited so long for them to be uttered. But now that Jaejoong said them aloud, he wasn’t so sure of himself. He got used to the idea that he lost his chance with Jaejoong, but knowing that there is a sliver of hope for him to be a family again with Jaejoong broke him.

It scared Yunho because he wasn’t sure if he would be able to take it if Jaejoong rejected him once again. Yunho wasn’t the once prideful, self-confident man he was. He became someone that even he no longer realized. He was scared. Scared of the world, and scared to love.   

Yunho was always strong, not because he was born strong, but because he had to be strong. But ever since he lost the people he loved most, he had no one to be strong for. 

He gave up, and neglected in taking care of himself. Gone was the playful smirk, the hardness in his jaws, and the sparkle in his eyes. Gone was the man that everyone admired and feared, and in its place was … Yunho. Just Jung Yunho. 

A man’s whose eyes were filled with regret, gone was the self-assurance, consumed by doubt. His smiles no longer reached his eyes. His eyes were sunken in, clouded by anguish, showing the world what he once had was now lost. 

Noticing that he still hadn’t given Jaejoong an answer he meekly replied, “I …see… can I come pick you up?” he said cheerfully, masking the pain inside. Hoping against all odds that Jaejoong would agree, and he did. Making Yunho’s heart skip a beat, just maybe, maybe there is still a chance for them.   

After going round and round
I arrive at your house that’s so familiar and tears fall
After spending a long day finding this place
I feel like I am lost

Against my heart, I memorized the route to your house. After so long of both you and I running from our feelings, it feels unreal that I am here. I feel lost, I feel lost without your love and unwanted. My heart died inside when I knew you were doing well without me that you were able to live happily without. I wanted to scream and yell, and to beg you with all my heart, that did you miss me like I missed you? 

Mustering up all my courage, I walked the few steps to your front door and knocked. I knocked lightly, afraid that Changmin might have been sleeping; I knocked lightly because I wanted to postpone what was about to come. I knocked lightly because I knew that this would be our last chance to meet, I knocked lightly because deep inside I knew I was not ready. 

You answered the door in all your graciousness; you were still as beautiful as I last saw you three months ago. 

  We sit next to each other in the car but there is no music
I always held your left hand but now you’re picking at your lips

I remembered all the times you told me your hands were cold, and I would clutch them tightly to my chest. Holding onto them never waiting to let you go. And you would giggle and call me silly, but truth was I never did intend to let you go. I was too much of a coward to admit that I was wrong. 

I wanted so badly to hold your hands again, but you held them securely by your sides.

“Jaejoong,” I whisper, turning to look at him with sad eyes, “there’s something I need to say.” 

He finally turned to look at me with grim eyes, he opened his mouth to say something but nothing came out. 

 

I know what you’re going to say, please don’t say it
Don’t know why Don’t know why
I want to draw out each minute, each second
But the empty road rushes me on

I knew that look he was giving me, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I knew that he wanted to tell me things were over for good, and that I should have never came back. My heart ached as I realized that I lost my chance. But not wanting to give up so easily, I spoke first, interrupting him as I wanted to tell him everything that I bottled up for so long over the past couple of years. 

“I … I just want to say I’m sorry,” I whimpered, “I want to a