I feel so tired…. I want to give up now… physically and emotionally, I’m all worn out… Maybe it’s wrong to hope that he’ll change someday… maybe it’s wrong to fight for myself because in the end he’ll be the same devil I knew… I will be forever locked with him… forever be tortured by the same man I gave my vows to… 

“Lady… Lady Dara…”

I heard someone calling my name… does it mean I’m still alive…? Maybe I’m just exaggerating about dying… I know I won’t die just like that… but maybe it would be better if I did…

I slowly opened my eyes as I felt something warm touched my cheeks… I made a weak smile as I saw some of the maids surrounding me… they all looked worried… I feel so helpless and stupid… I hate it when people pity me… but right now I couldn’t help but to accept their sympathy… I feel so useless… incapable of protecting myself.

“Lady… you haven’t eaten yet since last night…”

One of the maids spoke… after she said that, I quickly felt the emptiness in my stomach together with my aching body.

“What time is it…?” I asked weakly

“It’s already time for lunch… we think you have to eat now to regain your strength…”

I noticed the first aid kit that they brought… slowly I reached for my bruised lips and felt the little band aid attached to it.

“Thanks…”

Is the only thing I could say… they already knew what I meant and they just bowed… gently, I tried to sit up… then an excruciating pain struck my lower abdomen.

“Uhhh…!”

I moaned in pain… the maids quickly went to me and supported me to sit up… I found my self only with my bra so I covered my body with the blanket… then there I realized that he’s not here anymore… well since when he waited for me to wake up…? 

“Lady… The young master left last night… he told us to tend your wounds and prepare a hot bath for you after you wake up…”

One of the maids said… really…? He has the guts to say that…? His stomach took it when he said that…? Since when did he care for my aching body…? Is it the kindness I’ve been waiting for…? But no… after what he did, it’ll be impossible for a sudden kindness from him…

Then I remembered…! I have classes today…! I already skipped my morning classes…! And if I don’t attend the afternoon classes, it’ll be my second time skipping it…! So without any thinking, I grabbed the blanket to cover myself and quickly jumped out from the bed…

I forgot my aching body so as I made my first step, great pain tingled my whole body which caused me to crash down…

“Oh my God Lady…! You’re still weak…! You should just rest…”

They all went to help me and sat me again on the bed… I told them that I’ll definitely feel better after the hot bath… I can’t miss my class today… so even they don’t want me to go… in the end they helped me to stand up and get to the bathroom… 

He really went far last night… my legs were both numb… I saw some blotches of my blood on the bed … my inner thighs felt like hell… the maids helped me to clean myself… I feel really filthy… he, my husband… me again… 

I wanted to cry… but as much as I want to, nothing came out from my eyes… I don’t even care if the maids would see my pathetic self but tears won’t really come out… maybe even my eyes are too tired already from crying… 

After a while… I told the maids to leave me for I could feel myself getting better… I want to drown myself in this tub… if I die now, would he be guilty…? Will it hunt him till he dies…? 

As much as I want to hurt him back… I can’t… I don’t know… but I can’t… thinking that he’s already hurt and by me adding to his pain would be too much punishment for him… I’m so stupid… so weak that I can’t even decide for myself… so weak that I can’t make myself to get back to him.

After the long hot bath… I checked myself in the mirror… I pity the girl in front of me… I want to help her but I’m too frail to do that… maybe to others he’s the one torturing me… but in reality… I am the one who’s torturing myself… since when did I became a masochist…? Just by the thought of that, a bitter smile crept on my bruised lips.

I went to my closet and dressed up… I couldn’t even wear pants today because it’s still painful down there… instead I wore some yellow dress I found in my closet… the length is up to my knee which revealed the bruised I got yesterday… never in my life I have wished to collect bruises but I guess marrying a devil would make me to expect more.

I went back in front of the mirror and took off the band aid at the side of my lips... covering up the bruise with powder… I put on some blush on to cover up the paleness of my face… it’s never been my habit to prepare myself whenever I go out but I can’t also show the people how feeble I look like.

I sighed… another from my best habits… another day… I wonder what more pain this day would give me…? 

I quickly went downstairs to eat… to fill myself up with the strength I would need to battle this new day… my stomach feels so empty and yet it won’t accept any food I take… I have to push everything by drinking water in each and every swallow I make… even by eating… it’s still a torture.

I went outside and Mr. Lee welcomed me with a warm and pitiable smile… I just gave him back a weak smile for that’s the only move my strength could give me… I didn’t spoke and quickly entered the car… It’s been a complete silence throughout the ride… I never liked silence but I’m too drained to speak…. It’ll still be a long day ahead, and I don’t want to waste the remaining strength I have.

We finally arrived… I bid goodbye without uttering a single word… just a nod and a weak smile… I’m sorry Mr. Lee but I’m too tired to be myself… I don’t know but once I made my way to the campus, people start