I was quite convinced that Lu Han was right. I do have feelings for him. It all sounds so familiar and like poison in my blood to accept this, maybe because I deem myself unworthy. These feelings are chewing me from the inside. They always have but I was so good at not letting them sustain. Or at least I don’t remember the last time it would bother me so much. How the did you end up like this, Yixing? Weak, but you always were so feeble, masking it behind that pathetic attitude of yours. Letting the only person in your life that promises to never leave you, begging him too, to get off your back; in reality you’d never wanted that. Yixing couldn’t live out Lu Han. But why does he put up with you? The answer is straightforward. He is in love with you. Always has. You don’t deserve to be his friend, let alone be someone so important to him.  

“Don’t believe in that negative stuff you tell yourself so late at night.”  Lu Han comforting voice distracted him from his thoughts.

“What was that?” Yixing asked confused.  

“What?” Lu Han mimicked also having a lost expression on his face.

“You just said something.” Yixing responded. 

Lu Han looked knowing this time, so held his book up a little, “Just reading, didn’t realise I said anything out loud.” He said quietly.

It was the weekend, routine wise it was normal, but instead of Yixing getting up to no good with his other friends, he insisted on staying over at Lu Han’s.

They were both just lazing around in Lu Han’s bedroom. Most of the day had passed with them playing video games, and then Yixing creating a commotion with Lu Han’s younger brother and painting a mess of the kitchen, while baking. That’s when the three of them had wasted an hour cleaning up, most with Yixing’s mind occupied with Lu Han and just watching him in fascination. Yixing finding ways to distract him so he isn’t tempted to go and do something wrecked, are not working. Plus, he could not keep himself away from the other. They acted like a couple, it was true enough.

It was better to have company then do something Lu Han’s going to hurt by or want to be involved in. Since Lu Han takes the blame for the wrong things Yixing does. The anger he felt towards himself recently was getting the best out of him, he wasn’t feeling in control, anymore.

Right now he was lazily seated on the couch, eyes flickering to Lu Han every now and then. Lu Han was the most interesting view to look at, but he knew he’d get caught so he tried not to hold it for too long.

The TV was showing football which he didn’t realise when he tuned out from truly watching it. He was only staring at it because he was distracted by a certain someone.

“You’re such a nerd, put that damn book away.” Yixing mumbled amused, trying to avoid looking at him. It was just something about looking in his eyes, which really punishes Yixing. The older was always apparent with his feelings, and now he was recognising his own.

Lu Han didn’t obey. “Are you okay these days, you look kind of thoughtful?” Lu Han asked a look of concern plastered on his face. Yixing looked at him immediately eye locking, which soon became concentrated. There was passion and all that good stuff that made Yixing’s heart squeeze. 

Yixing, you could do this now, or you can do this never. He challenged himself. 

Yixing breathed letting out an audible sigh. “Yeah, I... I don’t know.” Yixing said genuinely, shrugging slightly he got up and made his way towards Lu Han.

That’s when Yixing for once listened to his heart, at the same time hoping it will calm down. For what he had already made his mind up, this was going to be ease. But also fearing what happens next, uncertain if this changes anything between them? That’s cliché of an excuse; you know each other for years.

Before he had anymore inner battles where his heart and brain debate with each other, Yixing had pulled up his sleeves up to wrist length and his fists both tighten in nervousness as he quickly leaned down to press his pink lips on Lu Han’s softer ones. The book was lying somewhere next to them, forgotten, and Lu Han was only recovering from the shock. It was ground breaking addicting, the scent and flavour of their mouths mixing; Yixing biting and the of lips it was like sparks of intimacy. Their first ever real kiss, a sense of warmth and completeness embraces them.

Yixing feels all his turmoil now makes sense, and his answers were given in this kiss. Lu Han was a little mawkish when realisation sunk but he handled it well. Yixing has kissed him other places, his lips weren’t an option. He got what he longed for.   

And he knew he was never going wrong in his gut feelings; the desperation was obvious in closed eyes, on the lips that met again and again, of the gripping of clothing. Everything was a lie and this was no dream, it was truth; they both could just halt the time, enough to capture this. This is perfect.

When they pulled away, some seconds flew in absorbing what happened and breathing going to normal. Lu Han spoke first, “I knew, you’d do that sooner or later, but didn’t hope for it to be this soon.” He bit his lips “I thought you’ll wait till I grow up because you so adamantly believed that I will change my mind about you.”

Yixing took Lu Han’s hand in his own. “It was getting tough, when I just felt how much you love me, even when you so much as breathe next to me, it makes me uncomfortable. And, I’m sorry it took me so long. Maybe I was leading you on because I needed the physical contact, so the whole time I thought you were getting the wrong idea, but it was my fault.”

Lu Han smiled wide and teeth, a smile that touches his eyes. “I don’t care; it doesn’t matter because you were always an idiot, but my idiot that figures it out eventually.” He rolled his eyes. 

“I think I love you more than anything in this world.” Yixing smiled with a dimple and put himself in a comfortable position, fully onto the couch and resting his head into Lu Han’s lap.

Lu Han shuffles around a bit and looks down at him. “You think.” Lu Han highlights the two words as a statement, not a question. Because who knows, if Yixing has room for doubts, which he probably does.

“I do not have anything to be ‘in denial’ anymore.” Yixing said like he read his mind. “When that, what’s his name? Sehun kid was hitting on you at the school canteen I knew that I wanted to punch him in the face. It felt stupid. It was maybe the first time I felt jealous, and I hated it, that felt like , you know?”

Lu Han chuckled and pinched his nose, and then dug his fingers in Yixing’s locks, smoothing and playing with them affectionately. 

Yixing was being true to himself. And he was so glad that he finally was being vulnerable, unlike his cool, uncaring self. It was pretence for the world to fool, not Lu Han. And Yixing’s intimate feelings towards him were always closeted, locked away somewhere he could not see, but existed.

When Yixing kissed him again, that was confirmation that feelings were reciprocated.

Maybe, this is all that I’ll ever need, he thought. 

AN: After Uni work I got procrastination time so I decided to make a part two for this. Maybe it was necessary since I just randomly ended it and upsetting people because one sided LayHan (it wasn’t really one sided btw) anyhow, I was kind of eager to get this out, so there you go babes!

Thank you if you have supported me in any form, either by subscribing, voting or commenting. It really means a lot even if you did just once. I want to individually thank you, but I haven't so this is for you ALL: <3 I'm not confident with my ty writing so those of you who like it are infinitely beautiful ok :’)