Yixing did not give a , about anything. Or at least he doesn't want to. So of course, he did not care that he is in for detention, third time in a row this week. 

 

 

He sat there on his seat tapping away on the table, or his feet tapping on the hard floor, chewing away on a strawberry gum, his attention was focused at the analog clock in front of the class. He could not stop muttering swear words under his breath. But at least, he was less impatient when he can kept his mouth busy with gum. 

 

 

His habit of chewing got him into trouble a few times, but he was quite cautious enough to not get caught. It was like becoming a routine for him to visit the principle in his office, he'd almost familiarised himself of how it looked liked, since he'd be in there more times than he can count. But this did not mean that he wanted to be in there, bored out of his brains. Usually he just sat there thinking of hundred ways he can kill the principle without anyone finding out. 

 

 

He was a smart kid, academically, it was another thing he just did not want to try harder. School is so stupid to him, he'd write an essay on it and easily get an A. But, instead he had to write 100 lines, or something, for not handing in work on time. Or, he would have to do service for the school because he was mocking fun of the teacher, distracting other classmates in the middle of classes, answering back or wearing his uniform deliberately against the dress code. 

 

 

But Yixing has an originality and he was hilarious, which is why most people was fond and attracted like moths to flames. Yixing was all about charisma and creativity. His attitude let him down but that was the only way he'd express himself. Being different is a motto of his life because normal is everywhere and overused. 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

And Lu Han was his best friend, his only source of happiness. The only individual he can go to in order to clear his head. Lu Han was the absolute impeccable for his own mentality. He didn't trust anyone else. Lu Han never complains, never judges, unless Yixing is doing harm to himself. He literally knows Yixing more than he knows himself. 

 

 

"Let's skip History, I'm going to switch off in that lesson, it will be a freaking waste." Yixing suggested in a bored tone. 

 

 

Lu Han frowned and looked up to meet his dark eyes. "I don't think that's a good idea at all, just because you get good grades despite not attending classes, does not mean the teacher's aren't going to inform your parents." He said shutting the thick book in his hands. He picked his own bag and got up from their usual spot. Yixing followed him. 

 

 

"My parents don't care anyway." Yixing shrugged, nonchalant. 

 

 

"But I do, and every second drags..  without you." He said the last two words quietly, trying best to not sound as disappointed as he feels. 

 

 

"Then come with me." Yixing like it's the most obvious option to go with. 

 

 

Lu Han's heart briefly stops beating, because the way he said that, was casual but so in depth. It was like Yixing wanted to spend every moment with him, like Lu Han desires so much himself. He ignores the feeling instead and rolls his eyes. "I can't, I'm not smart like you, I need to be in class." 

 

 

Yixing clicked his tongue in disapproval. "Come on, it will be fine. I'll give you a kiss later." Yixing grinned and winked. 

 

 

"You're so weird, don't say stuff like that, or ing wink at me." Lu Han glares at him as he softly punched his arm. Yixing mouths a mock 'ow'. They walked in silence before Lu Han asked, "Oh, and hey what did you do with the cigarettes?" 

 

 

Yixing made an annoyed face knowing what Lu Han was getting at. "I wasn't even going to, okay, now don't get all parenting on me."

 

 

"I would never, stupid, I know you didn't because you don't smell of cigs but like strawberries. Did you really throw them away?" Lu Han asked skeptically. He only asked him to get rid of them once, he wouldn't believe Yixing would obey. 

 

 

"No actually before I got the chance, Mr Wendell took them off me, I made up a story of how they were my Dad's, which they were by the way, and somehow ended up in my bag." Yixing said avoiding looking at Lu Han. 

 

 

Lu Han was silent for few moments before he said, "That's it, he believed you?" 

 

 

"Yeah he is an idiot; whatever." Yixing shrugged. He didn't want to talk about this. 

 

 

Lu Han rolled his eyes and sighed. "But you were going to use them, you're like only seventeen Yixing, why are you so hell bent out to destroy yourself?" Lu Han asked genuinely, a frustration mixed with anxiety was evident in his voice. 

 

 

He clenched his teeth slightly in annoyance, "I'm not, why the -" Yixing said the 'not' assertively and was preparing to walk off. 

 

 

"Yixing, wait!" Lu Han exclaimed grabbing Yixing possessively, but not noticing it himself. 

 

 

"Listen forget that, don't want to see them again, ok? Like let's just do whatever you're planning, or going, but you better behave and not do weird ." Lu Han warned eyeing the younger carefully. Yixing smiled. 

 

 

"Now you're being all sly from your nerdy self. You need to loosen up and be more carefree. And by the way, I will do whatever I want." The younger smirked putting his arm around the other's neck and pulling him closer. 

Lu Han was immediately uncomfortable, not because he didn't like it, but it was nearly impossible to breathe. Yixing smells amazing. He was sure the smell of cigarettes pn him would make him hotter than he already was. 

 

 

"So what did he make you do in detention?" Lu Han asked making small talk because he loved Yixing's voice. 

 

 

"Sit in silence, and the time was going slow so I tried to sketch something on this paper, turned out like a piece of doodle, then he took the paper off me." He said completely uninterested. 

 

 

"He didn't notice you chewing?"

 

 

"He doesn't care anymore, he's so done with me; it's really funny Lu Han." Yixing laughed. 

 

 

Lu Han couldn't help but laugh with him. "You little , when will you straighten up?" He asked more to himself. 

 

 

"I probably won't, ever. 

 

 

- 

 

 

 

Yixing feels like his every move is a wrong one. He feels guilty for the things he does; and for what he does not do. Deep down he wished so badly that he could love Lu Han like he loved him. Lu Han was strange because he loved him, Yixing, the one person in the whole school who was quite emotionally detached, misunderstood mostly, but got into a lot of trouble for disciplinary behaviour; the Yixing who was found himself to be boring, painter of the wall, a graffiti artist. Lu Han knows Yixing is one to act like he didn't care, but cared the utmost. 

 

 

Maybe so much that Yixing was afraid of himself, his uncertainty and indecisiveness was contagious; he doesn't know what he wants. He hopes not to infect his sorry existence on his best friend. He would isolate himself but Lu Han loves him, and when spending time together he could see it in his eyes, whenever they merely exchange nothing but a few words. Lu Han makes a casual meeting or conversation, into a staring-into-each-other's-soul, session. Yixing knows Lu Han's feelings for him, are there and they will always be there no matter how he treats him, but it sounds completely insane for him to return those feelings. 

 

 

Lu Han never leaves his side. Yixing can break himself but he can't break his best friend. Lu Han's eyes plead Yixing on many occasions, there is the same longing, heartbreak look which swims in his eyes. He wants to forget and erase that look. He can't so Yixing has to look away. 

 

 

It's unbearable when Lu Han touches him, smiles at him, even when he blinks; where there is Lu Han, there is Yixing. There is love beneath every thing that Lu Han does for Yixing. The two without each other sounded wrong, incomplete. 

 

I dont need to know why, but all I know is that I'm in love with you, emotionally, physically, in every way you could think of, I'm yours. 

 

Lu Han would randomly throw in confessions that made his heart stop. Lu Han made him feel like he's stuck in hell and heaven at the same time because Yixing can walk on pieces of glass barefoot but not feel anything; because there is Lu Han and there is no such thing as pain. Yixing is confused. How does Lu Han comprehend what being in love is at such a young age? When he did not in the slightest. 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

Lu Han held the cold paler palm of his best friend in his own, their fingers loosely intertwined. Lu Han was slowly and affectionately rubbing circles at the back. He was using his free arm to write down the notes Yixing missed out into his book. Yixing doesn't know why he was staring at his lips the whole time. He shakes the thought off. 

 

 

After some time, Yixing's irritation rises and he raises a brow. "What are you doing? I should be the one writing that." He mumbled, really wanting to snatch the pen off Lu Han. 

 

 

"But I know you won't or you'll forget, and get in trouble so I'm doing it, won't take long." Lu Han said. That was true though. 

 

 

"Why are you holding my hand?" 

 

 

Lu Han flashed him a beautiful innocent smile and Yixing blinked because cute. "I want to?" He said like it's normal to do that. "And you have not made a move to pull away either." He beamed. 

 

 

At that, Yixing did pull away, this time, though Lu Han expected him to, so he held it tightly in place. He rested his head on his shoulder. 

 

 

"Couples do that. If you cannot control your feelings for me, you shouldn't be around me." Yixing said harsher than he intended. This does not look good. Lu Han was stubborn and he was no less.  

 

 

"I have been controlling my feelings for you ever since I first saw you; and I don't want to anymore."

 

 

"Lu Han I don't like you like that." Yixing closes his eyes very briefly before he opens them. How many times have they been through this before? "And it physically hurts me to hurt you." He said directly looking at the older in the eyes. 

 

 

"Of course you do like me, right now you're looking at me like you want to kiss me." 

 

 

"No I'm not." Yixing said quickly. 

 

 

"Sure you are." 

 

 

"Are you going to argue with me over something this stupid now?" 

 

 

Lu Han has a playful expression and a glint in his eyes. He leans forward but stops half way at the pink luscious lips in front.

"This, what is between us, is not stupid, nor is it one sided. And matter of fact is, you know that better than me." Lu Han said confidently leaning away, casually going back to the book. Yixing unclenched his jaw because Lu Han makes everything easier, and yet harder. 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

Yixing and Lu Han both didn't realise when it became typical for them to sleepover, swapping around frequently but the thing which caused the most impact on both their hearts was the closeness. There was no need for awareness or mentioning. Yixing and Lu Han are two sides of the same coin, so Yixing could not stop himself from sleeping in the same bed as his best friend. Just before they fall asleep they lie on the soft bed facing each other, or the ceiling. They feel each other breathing, and the warmth making their nerves ten times jumpy. 

 

 

In moments like these, they just made small talk, because initially Lu Han is way distracted to sleep. And Yixing pretends to sleep. Yixing doesn't wear his heart on his sleeve to give away too much. Lu Han does that. He can ignore Lu Han's feelings towards him but that'll make him guilt ridden. It was impossible, especially when Lu Han acts like Yixing's very name was written on his heart. 

 

 

"Sometimes, I wish to hate you, but you were there for me when nobody else was. I wish like everything else I would not give a about you too." Yixing said. 

 

 

"Why?" He latter asked sounding slightly exasperated. 

 

 

"It's all easier that way."

 

 

"No it is not. It's selfish and you should feel guilty for pushing people away that actually care about you." Lu Han said lazily letting his hand around Yixing's waist. 

 

 

"That's the problem, you're the problem." Yixing says shifting his body and automatically tracing the elder's face with his finger. Lu Han hated it when Yixing would do little things to get a reaction out of him. 

 

 

But he only liked it because that is Yixing working on own his accord, but instead of his brain, his heart was controlling him. For Yixing to touch him was like a source of oxygen but at the same time it made him difficult to breathe. 

 

 

Lu Han sighed tiredly. "It's human nature, Yixing I will like you, love you, care about you, or hate you, that is for me to decide." 

 

 

"There are plenty people for you Lu Han--"  

 

 

"But you're the only one." He blurted his thought out loud. But he didn't mean to say it, it's just his mouth working on it's own. 

 

 

He didn't know what made him do it, but Yixing kissed his forehead, then his kissed his neck later. Lu Han gasped in surprised but also in ecstasy. "When you get older you will know that it's not me." He said warm lips against his neck. Lu Han smiled and shook his head, the pain grew in his chest and unshed tears now became apparent.

 

Lu Han pushed Yixing away and turned his back on him, ready to sleep, "Yixing when I get older it will only get more definite that it was you, is you, and will always be you." 

 

 

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