After Daehyun left, Himchan decided to take some time to contemplate what to do. Of course he wanted to find Yongguk, but perhaps he should figure out what to say first. And there was the matter of figuring out where the hell Yongguk even was, because Himchan still had no idea, and neither did any of the people he had called about it. He had even tried Natasha’s phone, but she said she hadn’t seen her brother either. She did promise to let him know immediately if he showed up, apparently realising it was urgent. Then again, it wasn’t like Himchan talked to her on a frequent basis, so why else would he contact her now?

He leaned his head back and closed his eyes, not even bothering to open them when he heard the door. It wasn’t until he heard a small ‘hyung?’ that he finally looked at whoever had disturbed him. He raised his eyebrows questioningly when he ended up facing Junhong and Jongup, who both looked pretty nervous.

“Did you talk to Yongguk hyung yet?” Junhong asked, startling both Jongup and Himchan (and seemingly himself, considering how surprised he looked afterwards) with those words. “Well, it’s just, he disappeared and-”

“I told him,” Jongup quietly admitted, looking almost scared, although Himchan couldn’t really bring himself to care. He would’ve preferred it if Junhong had remained unknowing in all this, but that wouldn’t have been fair. The tension was noticeable enough in the group that he must’ve noticed something anyway. Besides, after the whole thing with Daehyun…

Junhong shrugged. “I kind of guessed already. Yongguk is always touching you, you’re always with him, Daehyun’s always running after Youngjae, who pretends-”

“Daehyun and Youngjae?” Jongup interrupted, looking at Himchan in confusion. “I thought the plan was only for you to get together with Yongguk?”

Himchan cleared his throat, but Junhong started explaining things to him before he could do so himself. He wondered how the other boy could possibly have noticed all these things and decided they should all be a lot more careful around the maknae. Jongup nodded along, making comprehending noises a couple of times, until Himchan finally interrupted.

“I’m sorry, Jonguppie… It wasn’t my place to tell you about Daehyun.” He felt slightly relieved when Jongup waved his apology away, although he hadn’t really expected the other to do any differently. “And I’m sorry for not telling you anything at all, Zelo.” Junhong merely shrugged, not looking too bothered. Perhaps he was happy he hadn’t been too involved in all this; Himchan knew he would be.

“And no, I didn’t talk to Yongguk,” Himchan continued. “He’s very skilled at avoiding me,” he mumbled.

“I was rooting for Daehyun hyung,” Junhong blurted out after a short silence, turning red when the other two stared at him incredulously. “What, I was!” he said defensively. “You guys seemed happier around each other and Yongguk hyung… He just keeps running off.”

“That’s all very well, but I love Yongguk and Daehyun is in love with Youngjae, remember?” Himchan felt the need to point out. He wasn’t sure where this conversation was going, but he did know he didn’t want any part in it.

“Is he?” Jongup said hesitantly, seemingly contemplating what Junhong had just said. “He did kiss you and didn’t even go after Youngjae immediately.” When he noticed Himchan’s face, he hastened to add: “I’m not saying he’s not into him at all, but maybe he’s into you too.”

Himchan shook his head. “He only kissed me to make Yongguk jealous, which seems to have worked. It was all part of the plan, okay?” He shifted and looked away from the two, feeling embarrassed. “…Besides, we tested if we had feelings for each other, and we don’t.”

“How do you test that?” Jongup asked curiously.

Himchan sighed and rubbed his head. “We kissed,” he admitted. “And, yes, it was nice, but we both agreed we didn’t feel the same as around Yongguk and Youngjae.”

There was such a long silence that Himchan was almost afraid to turn his eyes to the others, but when he finally did, they were both looking back at him with very unimpressed faces and he was sure Junhong rolled his eyes at him, although it went too fast to be sure.

“Have you ever been in love before you met Yongguk hyung?” the maknae asked.

Confused, Himchan nodded. Yes, he had been, and although it hadn’t lasted for very long, he had been happy. Still, he wasn’t sure what this had to do with anything, and was about to say so when Jongup asked him the next question.

“And did you feel exactly the same way around this person as you do around him?”

“…No?”

The two boys gave him knowing looks, and this time it was Himchan’s turn to roll his eyes. “Okay, I appreciate the input, but you guys have no idea what you’re talking about,” Himchan said, ready to put an end to this conversation. Daehyun and he had worked things out and he really didn’t need anyone to confuse him right now.

“I think you’re just comfortable being in love with Yongguk hyung,” Junhong said. He bit his lip and gave Himchan his best apologetic face when he realised what he had just said. “I’m sorry, hyung… But I do think it’s true,” he said softly.

Jongup nodded and placed his hands on Himchan’s knee to keep him calm. “I agree. You and Daehyun look good together, but you’re both only looking at what you’re used to. It’s not easy giving up on something you wanted for so long, but maybe it’s not what you want now.”

Himchan eyed the both of them suspiciously, wondering where this was all coming from all of a sudden. Just this morning he had been sure Jongup knew only a little while Junhong knew nothing at all, and now they were acting like they knew more than him. He wasn’t sure he liked this.

“You’re wrong,” he said firmly, the two nodding and lowering their heads as they mumbled apologies, telling him they were out of line. He really wanted to agree, but he knew they had only wanted to help. Luckily, that was the moment Yongguk finally made his appearance, freezing as soon as he stepped inside and noticed three faces pointing in his direction. Jongup and Junhong mumbled some more and left the room, leaving the two of them alone in an awkward silence.

Eventually, Yongguk sighed and stepped closer. “…We probably need to talk,” he said quietly, Himchan nodding in agreement. He gestured at the settee and Himchan, uncomfortably aware of the fact he and Daehyun had kissed there not too long ago, sat down quickly.

Another silence followed, neither sure of how to start, until Himchan had had enough. “Why have you been avoiding me?” he asked, deciding to get straight to the point.

Yongguk blinked, then stared down at his hands. “I thought that was obvious… I didn’t like seeing Daehyun kiss you.”

Himchan smiled a little, but shook his head. “I didn’t just mean today. I meant all the time. You avoided me after our moment in the bedroom, you avoided me after I woke up in the car to you cuddling me, you avoided me after you felt me up right here, in this spot, and, to be honest, I don’t understand why.”

“I don’t either,” Yongguk admitted with a sheepish chuckle. “I kept worrying I was ruining our friendship and I thought you and Daehyun were a thing, so I felt it was better to keep my distance.” He smiled at Himchan gently. “That was difficult, though… You’re very tempting.”

Himchan grinned shyly at that, but something was nagging at him. “Didn’t you think we were ruining our friendship with everything we did?” he said carefully. “Because friends don’t get so intimate without meaning. …Well, not while sober. And definitely not that often.”

“I know,” Yongguk said immediately. “I know, believe me. And I kept thinking we should talk, but I wasn’t sure how to start. Besides, as I said: there was Daehyun.”

“That was nothing,” Himchan interjected hastily. “We… had a plan. To make you and Youngjae jealous.”

“Daehyun likes Youngjae?” Yongguk asked, raising an eyebrow, shoulders sagging in relief when Himchan nodded. “That’s good.” He bit his lip and lifted his hand to brush Himchan’s hair away from his face, smiling softly when Himchan turned his head to kiss his fingers. “I haven’t been very good to you, and I’m sorry for that,” he continued, his voice a little deeper than usual. “But, if you’d let me, if you’d give me another chance, I could be. I do love you, Himchan.”

Himchan’s eyes fluttered closed when Yongguk leaned in and kissed him at last, the full lips moving smoothly over his own, parting them, deepening the kiss until they were pressed up against each other. After they broke apart, Himchan stared at Yongguk without saying a word, eyes travelling over the other’s face slowly. He had waited a long time to hear those words, to feel Yongguk’s touch, yet, he didn’t feel as elated as he had thought he would. Jongup’s and Junhong’s words came back to him, and he suddenly wanted to cry.

Yongguk seemed to understand, for his smile turned sad and gentle, his hands reaching down to grasp Himchan’s. “I guess… I waited too long, huh?” he muttered. He shook his head when Himchan opened his mouth. “It’s okay. It’s my fault, I should’ve gone after you sooner.”

Himchan put his head in his hands, wishing he could throttle the two youngest, but at the same time knowing they had nothing to do with this. They had simply pointed out to him what he should’ve already known. He had even said it to Yongguk: friends don’t get that intimate with each other without reason. He could use the plan as an excuse for their kisses, but Daehyun and he had had that almost kiss when there was no excuse whatsoever. And if they hadn’t been interrupted, what then? And what about all the times they had found themselves cuddling up to each other, kissing each other’s cheeks, sometimes holding hands, even when it was just the two of them? Starved for affection or not, that wasn’t supposed to happen.

The more he thought about it, the more he realised he had somehow, somewhere, started to care more about Daehyun than he should have. Yes, he had focused on the plan, on Yongguk, but when he had felt upset after Daehyun told him about his and Youngjae’s kiss, was that really only because he hadn’t kissed Yongguk yet at that point? Suddenly he started to question everything and cursed himself for being such an idiot. He finally had a chance with Yongguk, and he couldn’t take it.

He kept muttering apologies and felt Yongguk wrap his arms around him, hugging him and telling him it was fine, everything was fine, he’d be fine. When he finally lifted his head, Yongguk was gazing at him lovingly. Funny, he always looked at him like that, but he didn’t realise it until it was too late.

“You should go after him,” Yongguk said kindly. He chuckled when Himchan only stared at him in return and he nudged him lightly. “I mean it. I want you to be happy, Himchan, even if it’s with him instead of me… So talk to him.”

Himchan shook his head swiftly. “He’s gone after Youngjae,” he whispered, not sure why his voice suddenly didn’t feel strong enough.

“Maybe he hasn’t found him yet,” Yongguk offered. “Do you really not want to find out?”

Himchan took a deep, shaky breath before slowly climbing to his feet. “…Yongguk?” He clenched his hands together when Yongguk looked at him. “You’re still my best friend, right?” he asked, almost desperately.

Yongguk chuckled and nodded his head, although he looked a little pained. “Of course, Himchan. Always will be.” He smiled at Himchan momentarily before pointing at the door. “Now go! Before you really are too late.”

Himchan nodded and flashed a smile back, after which he walked out the dorm, effectively turning his back on the one person and the one thing he had thought he wanted more than anything else in the world, only to go after the one person he had been sure he didn’t.

Daehyun was singing to himself as he walked through the building. He had first gone for a walk to clear his head before deciding to make his way over to Youngjae. It had been surprisingly easy to find out where he was: Jieun had told him. He turned another corner when a voice nearly made him jump out of his skin.

“You’re not Yongguk… But maybe that’s a good thing.”

He swirled around, finding Himchan leaning against the wall, his hands in his pockets, dark eyes looking straight into his own. “Wh-what?”

Himchan looked left and right before pushing away from the wall and taking a few steps closer, though still keeping a good distance between the two of them. “I talked to Yongguk,” Himchan began. “As it turns out, you were right: he does love me.”

Daehyun went to congratulate him when the other chuckled bitterly.

“And then it turned out I didn’t love him anymore. Not like that. Not…” Himchan swallowed hard and Daehyun was getting worried now, wondering what on earth the other could be talking about, because he wasn’t making any sense. The visual averted his eyes to the floor, anxiety practically radiating off him. “Not like how I care about you.”

For a moment Daehyun was sure the other was joking, but one look at Himchan’s face told him he definitely wasn’t. He wondered whether this was some weird, messed-up dream, because there was no way Himchan was confessing to him. Impossible. That wasn’t part of the plan. Himchan was supposed to be with Yongguk, Yongguk had even finally admitted his feelings, so what the hell had happened?

He groaned and tugged at his hair in frustration. “Don’t do this to me,” he whispered. “We agreed there was nothing, remember?”

“I do,” Himchan replied softly. “But as was pointed out to me, we were looking for whatever it is that we feel for them. And that’s… not how it works. I could never have the same feelings for you as I do, or did, for Yongguk. Because you’re not him.”

Daehyun shook his head, not wanting to hear this. This was not okay. How could Himchan say this to him right now? “I’m on my way to Youngjae,” was all he said.

“I know.”

A deep sigh left Daehyun’s lips and he turned to the other pleadingly. “Please, hyung, tell me you’re joking. What do you even expect from me? We can’t…” He trailed off, not even sure himself what he was trying to say.

Himchan only smiled, shrugging his shoulders. “I just wanted you to know, that’s all. I’m sorry for upsetting you.”

Daehyun wanted to tell him he hadn’t upset him, but they both knew that would be a lie. He bit down on his lip so hard he was sure the skin would break, not knowing what to do. Why couldn’t Himchan have realised this a little earlier, when he hadn’t just gathered all his courage to talk to Youngjae? He was literally mere metres away from the other boy, able to see the door to the room he was in from here. And then Himchan had to come and distract him.

“I can’t do this right now,” Daehyun said desperately, glancing over at the door he knew Youngjae was behind.

Himchan nodded understandingly, which only made him feel worse. “Of course…” The visual gave him a small, forced smile. “Good luck, I guess.” He looked like he might say something else, but instead turned around and left, leaving Daehyun to stare after him.

Daehyun took a few moments to collect himself, then made his way over to Youngjae. The younger looked up at him with a slightly surprised smile when he saw him at the door and excused himself from the vocal coach. He motioned for Daehyun to step back outside, where they sat down on a small bench, just far enough that the coach wouldn’t be able to hear them but not too far to be suspicious.

“So… Can I take this to mean you’ve made up your mind already?” Youngjae asked, smiling prettily.

Daehyun nodded and smiled back, grabbing one of Youngjae’s hands and it softly, his smile growing when Youngjae’s eyes lit up. The younger moved closer to kiss him, but when their lips were only a breath away, Daehyun panicked. “Wait,” he said, so softly he wondered whether the other had even heard him, but he stopped, so he must’ve done.

His stomach churned and he wished he could punch his hyung for his earlier words. He was so close to finally being with Youngjae, and now all he could think about was Himchan. Himchan’s face when he basically rejected him, Himchan’s face right after their last kiss, Himchan’s face moments before they nearly kissed the first time. Again he wondered: why now?

He looked into Youngjae’s confused eyes and his lips nervously.

“I need to tell you something.”

A/N: ...I guess there's nothing to say here except: SURPRISE? ^^;