I was already on a bus back by the time I issued a third phone call to the supposed unknown number. He had yet to pick up the phone and the lady in the seat next to me looked ready to call somebody for the hysteric teenage girl crying at her cellphone in public transportation.

It all stopped abruptly when the third ring of the fourth phone call was cut short and a voice cut through the handheld.

“Hello?”

I gasped and hung up.

He was hoarse, maybe tired. I hadn’t seen much of him in two weeks and it felt like it had been way longer than that. But I was sure he was still here and that was enough to make me calm down and apologize to the lady next to me.

Unfortunately, I was already on a bus back and was going to have to wait till it stopped to catch another. I leaned against the window with a sigh, feeling a bit exhausted after such a rush. I probably shouldn’t have hung up on him—I knew that much when the phone rang after a few minutes.

I quickly cut off the unknown known caller. It was pretty ridiculous: I had told him to leave me alone and here I was calling him just to see if he was still alive. That would’ve been a pretty odd thing to admit to and I figured I wouldn’t have to if I just kept hanging the calls up whenever he tried to call again. Which was twice before I had even made it to the bus stop.

I was nearly ready to cut the thing off when I stepped onto the sidewalk, glad to leave the crazy-fearing lady on the bus. Contemplating if I was willing to wait for another bus or not, I picked at my battery cover with my fingernail as my phone rang again.

I was just about to remove the battery when I heard my name being called and the bus pulled away, leaving me planted in my spot still.

“Eunhui!”

My heartbeat took a momentary break and I refused to turn and confirm who the voice I’d just heard belonged to. In the same way I wanted it to be him, I prayed it wasn’t. I wasn’t sure that I could handle seeing him and resist the oh-so tempting urge to run into him, going back on what I had said to him before. Not only would I look pitiful, but I still doubted with what motivation that my feelings were here for.

“Eunhui, what are you doing?”

I recoiled from the hand that touched my arm, shakily turning to face the person. Looking up at him, I did a double take at the dark rings under his eyes, the messy nest of hair on his head, and the paleness of his usually pink lips. I couldn’t hide the surprise look on my face as I stared up at Sehun. How did he look so . . . tired?

“Why are you here?” I asked, looking down the street in hopes that another bus would suddenly appear.

Moving to stand in my line of view, Sehun looked concerned, eyes raking down me once as if to check for damage. Apparently not seeing anything to be worried about, his shoulders deflated and he sighed tiredly.

“You called . . .” He suddenly looked like a little kid after doing what he was told only to be yelled at in return. I wasn’t going to—couldn’t—fall for that.

“Do you just run outside when someone calls you? It’s a cellphone for a reason, so you don’t have to see that person,” I snapped, looking everywhere but him. In all honesty, I prefered to be hard hearted and mean than admitting why I called. I had already managed to get his hopes up high once, albeit unintentionally, but I would hate myself if I did it again, especially since it would probably in end my own hopes getting crushed. My choice had already been set and done and I wasn’t going back on it.

“I thought something might’ve happened since you just hung up,” he mumbled. “How was I supposed to know you were just calling and hanging up for the heck of it?”

Taking my eyes off of an old lady walking past us, I looked up at his troubled face. “Just go back home, Sehun. I’m fine,” I told him. Beyond my words, I was struggling to keep my expression leveled, my breathing stable, and the tears out of my eyes.

Instead of moving or speaking, he only cast his eyes downwards, obviously hesitating on something. Seizing the moment to leave before he opened a can of rotted worms, I took a step away.

“Wait—” Almost as quick as I moved, Sehun grabbed my hand. I shuddered and jerked my hand back, turning to look incredulously at him. “Eunhui, please.” He looked close to tears and my skin crawled. “Can I just talk? Just let me talk, please?” He was desperate, his voice was hoarse, and eyes b red.

“No, Sehun. I don’t want to talk to you.”

The glassy horror in his eyes made me sick to my stomach and I walked away, almost sprinting. Not even ten steps away, my breathing began to get uneven and I dug my nails into the palm of my hands to keep it together. I blinked and tears pooled with the image of Sehun’s desperately saddened expression as I declined him a chance.

I know it wasn’t you. But please don’t make this harder. Please, Sehun.

I was about to take off running but I lost all movement in my legs.

“I’m sorry! Eunhui, I’m so sorry!” echoed down the street, carrying the most heart-wrenching choked tone with it that brought even more tears to my eyes. Sehun wasn’t just crying, I discovered when I turned around to see he had almost caught up to me only to stop a few paces back.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” he bawled, face already blotchy as he pulled at his hair with both hands. He gulped, tears flooding his pink cheeks. “I don’t know what happened. I just—I—you’re perfect.”

I swallowed hard, fighting to keep my tears to myself. Shaking my head in denial, I stared back at him. It was rare, the look in his eyes; he looked lost and desperate. The night he showed up in the rain was the only other time I had seen that look and I was sure I would’ve seen it the night he broke down on the street if it hadn’t been dark out. But this was the Sehun I didn’t know how to deal with and my only instinct was to hold him, attempting to hold in all the angels that his demons tried to break in to brutally murder. That was his need, just someone, but I couldn’t be that one.

He took a shuddering breath, failing to calm himself. “I thought I could make it, be an like him and make it through just fine but I messed it all up.” Shaking his head fervently, he gnawed on his lip momentarily. Then he bega