✽ el • o • quence [el-uh-kwuh ns] (n.)

"beauty in words"

5

Sehun just wanted to bury himself under a mountain of pillows, and maybe, die in his pool of shame and self-disgust, for added effect.

Jongin, looking up from his sketchbook and trying to ignore Sehun’s cat effortlessly using his head as a pedestal, gave him a look—one that said, “What the hell is wrong with you”.  Sehun looked back at him from his position on the bed before groaning in response, flailing his limbs and almost hitting his best friend on the chin with his foot. It was just the end of the first day of school and yet, the resident baby genius of Kitahoro 1-B already wanted out. He just didn’t want to go to school anymore in the hopes of not embarrassing himself anymore. He heard Jongin click his tongue, then the faint sound of a pencil being placed down on the table.

“Okay, what’s up, man.” It wasn’t even a question—Jongin already knew something was up.

“It’s just…oh gods, nothing, man. I can’t bring myself to say it.” Sehun sat up groggily, gently pulling his cat away from Jongin’s head and staring at it, absentmindedly petting it.

“Say it—before I stab you with my pencil if you swing your foot near my head again.”

“Just keep drawing, Jongin, and I’ll keep wallowing in self-pity here.”

“Self-pity? Why?” Jongin turned to him incredulously.

“…I…Promise me you won’t laugh.” Sehun looked at him seriously, and Jongin nodded nervously.

“U-uh, yeah, sure. I won’t.”

“So…uhm…you see, it’s Lu Ha—

Sehun almost jumped in surprise as Jongin burst out in hysterical laughter. His cat, Hunny, jumped away from him and went sprawling out of the room in fear—her master human was with an unstable mad human, and she needed to get away. Sehun kind of envied Hunny as he kept on watching Jongin laugh—more like choke on his own laughter. Sehun kicked him lightly to stop him, and it seemed to do the trick. Jongin wiped some stray tears before grinning at Sehun.

“Sorry.” Jongin said sheepishly, and Sehun frowned at him.

“…I haven’t even started, you idiot.”

“Well—it’s just in case I want to laugh later, you know. I’m letting it all out now so I won’t break my word.”

“......how have you survived this long with that brain of yours?”

“…is that a serious question?”

“Yes.”

“Well, I manage. Now, on with the story!”

“…well, you see, it’s Lu Han.”

Jongin sat up straight, crossing his arms over his chest and cocking an eyebrow. “What about Lu?”

“I always feel like throwing up when I see him, and I can’t stop my lisp when he’s talking to me. I start sweating all over, and I swear, Jongin, this is not normal.” Sehun said it all in one breath, and he felt like a burden was lifted off him after finally sharing it with someone.

Jongin just kept on staring at him, eyebrows furrowed in deep thought. Sehun awaited his verdict, holding his breath in case he just spontaneously started choking on his own breath from the shock. Jongin inhaled deeply, before gripping his best friend on the shoulders, and looking at him straight in the eyes. Sehun’s eyes widened, and before either of them could speak, the door to Sehun’s room opened with a grand bang and Sehun screamed.

“Oh my, Sehunnie, I’m sorry I scared you, son. I just wanted to ask if you guys wanted pizza for dinner or something else.” It was Mrs. Oh, and she had a phone in her hand. She looked genuinely apologetic at having surprised her son to the point of cardiac arrest.

“It’s okay, Mrs. Oh. We’d love pizza for dinner.” Jongin responded calmly, and the older woman nodded her head. She was about to close the door when Jongin called out to her, his hands still on an eternally shocked Sehun.

“Oh, and ma’am?”

“Yes, Jongin?”

“I think your son is gay.”

Mrs. Oh blinked at him, Sehun was saying something incoherent dotted with gasps, and Jongin looked as serious as ever. The older woman smiled, shrugging her shoulders.

“Oh, then good for him. Good for you, son!” She closed the door gently, and Jongin looked back at him slowly.

“…that’s what I think, too.” Jongin concluded, and Sehun finally returned back to Earth, pushing Jongin away and just staring wide-eyed at him.

“I-I-I-I-I-I can’t be gay, dude!”

“Saying dude like that won’t reverse the situation, man. It’s okay.” He picked up his pencil again, returning to his sketch and humming to himself.

Sehun was speechless. He can’t be gay. He can’t be! It was such a ridiculous and absurd notion that he was actually starting to accept it. It would probably explain why he always felt like throwing up when Lu Han was in near proximity. Not that he’d know, but it was probably the only explanation there is. Lu Han didn’t even come near to the word disgusting, so yes, that was probably the explanation. Probably.

“…I mean, you’d know this, right? This is how you feel around Do Kyungsoo, too, right?” Sehun asked gingerly, sliding down the bed to sit beside Jongin and stare at his sketch.

“Yeah, yeah, sure—wait, what?! N-no!!” Jongin spluttered, his pencil making a stray line on the sketch as he turned to Sehun, his ears turning red from embarrassment.

“I see…so you’re gay, too….this is nice, man. Just…no homo between us, alright?” Sehun continued, not listening to Jongin’s futile denial as he leaned towards the sketch, grinning.

“Sehun, I-I’m not—Kyungsoo’s not—

“This is nice. It looks like him.”

Jongin stopped sputtering like a fish and sat back down, face still tinged a slight pink as he glared at Sehun weakly before turning his gaze back to his sketch. He held it up for both of them to see, and with a resigned but slightly proud voice, he answered.

“Y-you think?”

“You got Kyungsoo’s smile down perfectly. It’s awesome.”

“….it feels so weird talking to you about this, Sehun. Seriously.”

“I know. Shh, just let the moment flow.”

“It’s weird.”

“Shut up.”

~ ✽ ~

“Okay, man, you see, the secret to talking to people normally is not feeling the urge to throw up at their faces. You can do this, Sehun.”

Sehun felt light-headed. It was the next day of school, and after recollecting to Jongin the things he did in front of Lu Han, he had been forced to redeem himself after getting told that he had acted like a total douche bag.

“But what if I throw up on him?! Won’t that make me seem more like a douche bag?!” Sehun pushed Jongin away as his best friend kept on fussing over his hair.

“Just say sorry if you do.”

“That’s not helping.”

“Just say hi, and apologize for your behavior yesterday.”

Before Sehun could protest any longer, Chanyeol, Baekhyun, and Lu Han came walking in through the school gates, laughing at something Baekhyun said. Lu Han’s face crumpled up in a weird, yet strangely beautiful way as he laughed, and Sehun felt the wind get knocked out of him as he watched him. He then felt the life get knocked out of him, too, when Lu Han looked at him, his face brightening up. Sehun’s mouth opened and closed like a fish, trying to look for words as he turned to Jongin for help. His best friend, however, had bailed on him, the said man already sprinting into the building (he probably hadn’t planned on bailing, but Baekhyun was chasing him with Chanyeol acting as damage control, so Sehun sort of understood).

Lu Han was left alone on the grounds, standing awkwardly as he internally debated on whether to follow after his friends or wait for Sehun to do something. Sehun saw his shoulders droop a little before taking a step towards the building. Without much thinking, Sehun suddenly yelled. Lu Han (and a bunch of other students near them) jumped in surprise.

“Wait!!”

Lu Han stared at him, eyes wide as he pointed at himself questioningly.

Sehun ran to him, face unbelievably red at having yelled for no apparent reason. “Y-yeah, sorry. F-for yelling at you…I…yeah.”

“…no, it’s okay, actually. I mean…getting yelled at is probably better than getting ignored, I suppose.” Lu Han answered, an unsure smile tugging at his lips. Sehun felt a slight tug of guilt at his words.

“Th-that. I’m, uhm…sorry. I didn’t mean to. I was having…issues. Thort—sort of.”

“I guessed as much, and I’m glad you fixed them now. I mean, I’m guessing you fixed them now, because you’re talking to me.” Lu Han smiled at him, and Sehun felt his face grow hot. He couldn’t help but loosen his collar and tie a little.

“I guess so…yeah. Uhm…about your offer of friendship…c-can we thart—start— over?” He groaned inwardly at his lisp, and looked at Lu Han, his smile unchanging.

“Hmm…sure.  I’m Lu Han.” He held out his hand, a warm and friendly smile on his face.

Sehun, surprisingly, didn’t feel like throwing up. He was blushing, yes, he couldn’t help it—but Lu Han made him feel a different kind of calm. His heart was racing, but it was calming. He smiled back, taking Lu Han’s hand into his and feeling a slight shock when their hands touched.

“I-I’m Oh Thehun.” He didn’t even mind his lisp, and Lu Han grinned.

~ ✽ ~

Kyungsoo stood by the class window, watching the students rushing to get to school. He was on blackboard duty that day, and he gently tapped a stick against the blackboard eraser, trying to remove some of the chalk remains. He could see their class president, Oh Sehun, and the boy with the nice pink hair talking on the school grounds. They were shaking hands, too, and Kyungsoo wondered why when he already saw them playing football the day earlier. He frowned slightly, too immersed in his duty and own thoughts that he didn’t feel someone walking up to him nor hear him call out his attention. A slight tap on his shoulder sent him squeaking in surprise though, tensing up and quickly turning around on his heel, the stick in his hand accidentally slapping Kim Jongin on the forehead. Byun Baekhyun, who was just a few seats away, saw the whole thing and couldn’t stop laughing. Park Chanyeol, too, had a smile on his face.

Kyungsoo, however, felt horrified.  There was a bright, red mark on Jongin’s forehead, and some of the chalk remains got on his face, too. He was scrunching up his face in pain, and Kyungsoo felt so scared. He knew that Jongin wouldn’t hurt him, because he seemed like a nice guy, but he still felt so scared.

“I’m sorry! Oh my gosh, I’m sorry! I-I didn’t mean to, Kim Jongin, I—

“Jongin.” Jongin said, rubbing his forehead and smiling sheepishly at Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo frowned. “…I’m sorry?”

“Just Jongin. You don’t have to refer to me by my whole name, you know.” He wiped away the chalk remains on his face, and smiled at Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo could only clutch the stick and blackboard eraser close to his body, staring and blinking at Jongin. “But…that would be impolite and informal.”

“And I’m saying that it’s okay. We’re classmates.”

“…but we’re not friends, and I just—I don’t feel comfortable doing that and I don’t want to pry and seem like I’m intruding and I’m just—I’m really sorry about the stick.” Kyungsoo muttered, and he felt like he was running out of oxygen because this was probably the longest conversation he’s ever had with a classmate.

“I—uhm, look, it’s really okay, about the stick. We just want you to talk to us, too—

“I can’t. People don’t like me, and you probably won’t like me either, so—bye. Uhm, I mean—sorry.” Kyungsoo kept his head down, rushing to the blackboard to put the eraser and stick back in their right places.

As he went back to his seat, Jongin was looking at him. Kyungsoo tried not to look at him. He felt so nervous and he felt like his heart was going to jump out of his ribcage and do the Macarena on his desk. He just wanted to go home, especially when Jongin suddenly leaned towards him, craning his head down to see Kyungsoo’s face.

“Do you want to come and eat lunch with us today?”

Kyungsoo held his breath, waiting for the punch line of the joke or something. However, Jongin just kept on looking at him, his ears tinged a slight pink as he waited for Kyungsoo to answer. There was an incident during Kyungsoo’s grade school days, when a classmate also asked him to lunch. He had felt so happy to finally join someone for lunch, but when he went to the designated place, nobody was there. He waited for the whole lunch time, and nobody came. He still waited, ignoring the tears streaming down his face as he held on to his untouched lunch box. He waited until the school closed, and he waited until his parents came to pick him up, panicked and scared that their son didn’t come home.

It was then, at that moment, that he stopped waiting.

He shook his head, not looking at Jongin. His hands curled into fists under the table, and despite his desire to join them, he declined.

“Sorry. I…I’m going to have to decline your offer. I…I have some important things to do during lunch, so…I can’t…uhm…I don’t want to make anyone wait.”

Kyungsoo suddenly opened a book, staring at it and deciding to focus on the words even though they weren’t making any sense to him. He didn’t see Jongin looking so dejected, and Baekhyun at the front urging him on to ask again. Kyungsoo was done with waiting.

~ ✽ ~

Lu Han had his hands full as he made his way back carefully to his friends. He had unfortunately gotten the task of buying everyone’s food from the cafeteria. Grumbling about how heavy the bags were and how Sehun or Chanyeol could have helped him, he was suddenly pulled out of his thoughts as he heard somebody sobbing. It was quiet, but Lu Han heard him. Trying to be quiet, he followed the sound and it led him to an unused storage room in a corner of a deserted hallway.

Peeking in, he saw a smaller boy crouching in a corner, skin pale and body shaking as he sobbed. If it hadn’t been daytime, Lu Han would have ran the hell out of the place, but seeing as it was still noon, Lu Han was still sane and calm. He quietly placed down the bags by the door, got out Sehun’s strawberry milk, and walked in.

“Hey. Looks like you could use a drink.”

The smaller boy started in surprise, and as he looked up, Lu Han realized that it was his classmate, Do Kyungsoo, the bullied one. He sat down beside him, pushing the carton of strawberry milk into Kyungsoo’s hands.

“I’m Lu Han. You are?” He smiled at him, and Kyungsoo, sniffling, wiped away his tears and wrapped his fingers around the drink.

“…scary.”

“Scary? No, you’re not.”

“…I’m Kyungsoo…I-I’m sorry.”

“What are you apologizing for?”

“…for my existence, I suppose.” Kyungsoo’s voice cracked, and Lu Han frowned, turning to Kyungsoo.

“That’s not something you should be sorry for.”

“...majority of the people don’t like my existence, so I suppose I’m a special case.”

“You’re not. They’re just dumb, alright?” Lu Han was annoyed that everyone’s stupidity was affecting Kyungsoo.

“…your hair looks really nice, by the way.” Kyungsoo whispered randomly, pressing the carton against his forehead and looking relieved for the coolness.

“Thank you. Your eyes are nice.”

“They’re supposed to be scary.”

“They’re not.”

“….I’m sorry…” Kyungsoo sounded like he was about to cry again, and Lu Han placed his hand gently on his shoulder.

“Come with me to lunch. My friends aren’t dumb. You’ll see. They’ll like your eyes, too.”

Kyungsoo shook his head, and Lu Han huffed. He stood up, and just when Kyungsoo thought that he had pushed Lu Han away, the older boy suddenly grabbed him by the wrists and pulled him up. He looked at Kyungsoo seriously, and Kyungsoo just blinked at him. He let one hand go and pulled out a handkerchief, gently wiping Kyungsoo’s face.

“Don’t do this to yourself. Your eyes are nice, and so are the rest of you. Don’t let dumb people tell you otherwise. Now, come to lunch with us. Alright? I’m not taking no for an answer. You have to explain to Sehun that you used his strawberry milk as an ice pack.”

“But—

“Nope! Not taking no for an answer. Now let’s go. Help me with the bags, too.”

Lu Han pulled him out of the room, and looking back, he smiled at a slightly terrified-looking Kyungsoo. He gripped his wrist gently, and Kyungsoo blinked.

“It’s going to be okay, Kyungsoo.”

For the first time in years, Kyungsoo didn’t feel like hiding.

~ ✽ ~

Baekhyun watched as Lu Han walked towards their little group, a terrified-looking Kyungsoo in tow. He elbowed Jongin in the ribs, and when the latter was just about to scowl at him, he pointed at Lu Han.

“Look who he dragged in!” Baekhyun said excitedly, and he ignored Jongin as he choked on a sandwich.

He stood up, running towards Lu Han at full speed. He passed by his best friend, and literally attacked Kyungsoo with a bone crushing hug. Kyungsoo yelped in surprise and slight pain, and Baekhyun pulled away, grabbing him by the shoulders and smiling at him.

“Hi!”

“U-Uhm…” Kyungsoo, wide-eyed as usual, was speechless.

“Baek, don’t scare him, Jesus. He’s had a rough day.” Lu Han cut in, trying to pry off Baekhyun’s hands that were probably digging into Kyungsoo’s skin.

“But it’s just lunch.”

“Well, you know how it is.”

“Oh.” Baekhyun sort of understood, and he let go of Kyungsoo, smiling apologetically at him. “Sorry.”

“I-It’s okay…I’m sorry.”

Lu Han, now sitting in his spot, looked at Kyungsoo. “You like apologizing, don’t you?”

Kyungsoo shrugged, eyes looking down. “I-I don’t like apologizing…it’s just…that’s the only thing I’ve ever really had to say.”

Baekhyun found the idea sad, and without a word, he pulled Kyungsoo to their group and pulled him down to sit. “There. I made you sit down on a shady spot. What do you say?”

Kyungsoo blinked at him, the rim of his eyes slightly red. “…I-I’m sorry, you can have this spot—

“Nope. No. Totally wrong. Chanyeol, give me a rice ball.”

Chanyeol threw a rice ball at Baekhyun, and he caught it without looking. Kyungsoo just watched him, unaware of Jongin watching him intently. Baekhyun forced the rice ball into Kyungsoo’s hands, and Kyungsoo still couldn’t get it.

“There. I gave you the rice ball. The best one in the bunch, too. What do you say?”

“…d-do you want it, because I’m really okay with the one that nobody wants—

“Nope.”

Baekhyun shook his head, before taking out his phone and opening the camera application. He pushed everyone together, and with expert selca skills, managed to squeeze everyone into the picture: a confused looking Kyungsoo, a smiling Lu Han, an ecstatic Baekhyun, a choking red-faced Jongin, a chewing Sehun, and a calm Chanyeol. He placed the phone on Kyungsoo’s lap, smiling at him warmly.

“There. I just took our first picture as friends. What do you say?” Baekhyun’s voice was gentle, coaxing, and Kyungsoo just felt like crying again, but for a different reason altogether. He covered his face with his hands, taking deep breaths.

“...thank you.”

“Now that’s it! You got it!” Baekhyun clapped him on the shoulder, and Lu Han rolled his eyes, but felt happy for Kyungsoo.

Jongin, finally done choking, sidled up to Kyungsoo and smiled at him. Kyungsoo, cheeks red from all the attention, just stared at him.

“So now, as friends, you have to come with us to lunch every day. Deal?”

Kyungsoo nodded, afraid that if he said anything, he’d just burst out crying.

“Of course, you don’t have to if you don’t want to. We’re not forcing you to be friends with us.” Chanyeol added, and Sehun nodded in agreement, chiming in a quick, “By the way, I’m sorry I called you creepy”.

“I-It’s…it’s okay. I’d love to join you all. I…”

He looked at Baekhyun, Lu Han, and Jongin. They smiled at him, and—it felt foreign to him and his face—but he smiled back.

“Thank you.”

His smile was breathtaking and pure, and nobody said anything, afraid to see it disappear again under the cloak of shyness and insecurity. They’ll fix it, though, because they’re friends, and Lu Han believes that that is what friends do—be there for each other.

A/N: I...Woah, I'm back. Let me just borrow Kyungsoo's apologizing skills here and...yeah, I'm sorry. I'm back. Vacation and prelims are done and over with, and I'm barely alive. But hey da hey, what's important is that I. Am. Back.

WASSUP MY LOVELIESSSSS

What people probably think how us fic authors are during hiatus:

How we actually feel during hiatus when we read your comments (tennis balls = your comments HAHA):

I just love Mako so much like woah