REVIEW BY: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/719370/f--st-e--sy---d-review-shop-closed-finishing-requests-request-requestshop-reviewshop-advertisementshop-advertisements-advertiser-reviewershop

Title: 4.5/5

It's unique, eye catching and fitting for the story. Hence I give it 4.5 five. I took a point of because it felt like something's missing... I don't know why but my gut keeps telling me that. Request at other shops to see what they think... because it may just be me :) 


Poster & Background: 5/10

It's a good thing that you introduced characters with pictures. It will give the readers a clear visual of how to picture them but you shouldn't do it on the main image. You can just create character profiles or whatever suits your fancy but never, and I mean never, put it on the main poster. It looks very messy to be honest. 

As for your background, I think that it could look better too. If you're planning on changing it, here are some shops that I highly recommend: (click the diamond to be directed to the shops.) 

♦ IceCream Graphics

♦ Chocolat Poster Shop

♦ Dark Heart Graphics


Description & Foreword: 6.5/10

I love your description but it's way too long. You should use that as your foreword and create a new, short, eye-catching and interesting description. 

Also, you should really fix your spacing. It's not consistent at all. Some spaces were bigger than the other. I have a feeling that it was on purpose though.

I think it would be better if you were to just make it a single line spacing. It won't look that spread out and be neater looking. 

Another thing, let me correct/ suggest some things. 

"HERE I AM TOO! KILL ME! KILL ME YOU DEVIL! THIS IS WHAT YOU WANTED! RIP MY FLESH; DRINK MY BLOOD; DO WHATEVER YOU WANT!"
 
"HERE I AM! KILL ME! KILL ME YOU DEVIL! THIS IS WHAT YOU WANTED! RIP MY FLESH! DRINK MY BLOOD! DO WHATEVER YOU WANT!" 

Don't you think it's better if you remove the too? And since everything is capitalized, I think it should end with an exclamation point. Not a comma or period. 

Her words were provoking...it could anger anyone and even the devil himself. 

Her words were provoking... it could anger anyone... even the devil himself.

And...

"I wanted you...and I finally found you."

"I wanted you... and I finally found you."

Always insert a space after a comma, a period or any other punctuation marks.
 


Plot: 30/35

Wow... Really unique plot. Never read a story where a devil kills a whole family just to violate one girl... I so did not expect that... I was thinking that he was going to drink her blood or something. The whole pregnancy thing and the father's a devil isn't really new though.



Flow & Consistency: 15/20

Your spacing isn't consistent... Sometimes there would be indents after a sentence and I'm really confused as to why the first part of the story is in italics?
  
Also, your poster keeps changing. You should stick to one poster, preferably the one that you used for your sequel and chapter three... but I also think that it could be better. 

The name of your characters were hard to remember xD They were just so unique... (unique for me.)

There's nothing wrong with the flow though so good job! :D
 

Reader's response: 2.5/5

This really needs more responses. You could either advertise this story your self or visit ad shops to let them advertise for you. 


Grammar: 9.5/10

I couldn't see much mistakes! Good job! ^^



Over-all enjoyment: 3.5/5

This is a good one but like I said, the names were hard to remember xD So I had to keep going back just to understood who was who. 

Maybe that's just me though :D
 


Total Score: 76. 5/100



Really sorry that it took so long! Just been a very busy week.