Violet

I bet the worst feeling in the world is to hurt the one you really love and to know they’re hurting because of you. I couldn’t stop blaming myself for being so stupid since yesterday morning. How could I even manage to utter those words to Kai about his parents when I know what he had been through. And when we went through the day not talking to each other, it’s beyond painful.

But I’m more than thankful that he’s here now. I’m not sure if he would accept my apology in the first place but seeing how tight he holds me now I guess he somehow forgives me. We stay like that in each other’s embrace for the longest time and when we hear the sounds of camera clicking, that’s when we let go of each other.

“I think somebody’s watching us.” Kai mutters under his breath. It’s hard to tell in the dark actually, I can’t see anyone apart from us. “Let’s continue this somewhere private.” And I swear, I can see him smirking at me even in the dark.

We walk to his car as fast as we can. I’m quite disappointed actually, I’ve prepared a blanket and a lantern so we can lie down and watch the stars and fireflies. I want to do what we did in the past, but because of one stupid paparazi, it’s all ruined. It’s the price that people pay to actually made it to the frontpage on national newspaper. My dad’s right, we’ve been having people tailing on us since last week, that’s why I and Kai didn’t go out anymore after school, and that’s why I focus all of my energy to get back at Amy.

“My place?” Kai asks once he starts the engine of his car. I nod, seriously, where else can we get any more ‘private’ than his own apartment.

*

I didn’t talk at all through out the whole ride, I’m still quite mad at myself for hurting Kai and still is disappointed that my first attempt in planning something romantic for him got ruined in the drain. Before I know it, we’re already at his place.

“You’re awkwardly quiet.” He says once we step into his apartment. He hasn’t change his password I see, it’s still ‘1795’ which I eventually figure out that it is my birthday.

“You got that awkward part correct.” I answer and we both sit on the couch.

“What is it?” He asks while caressing my cheek. How can he act like everything’s okay while I practically wound him yesterday?

“How can you just forgive me just like that?” I ask him, because honestly, I’m curious. “Are you not hurt at all? About….what I said..yesterday?” I ask slowly. He smiles a weak smile at me and then he shrugs at me.

“Well, I’m hurt, but it hurts more not talking to you.” Kai admits. Oh, his honesty is really disarming.

“Kai, no, you can not just forgive me like this.” Now I sound like I’m crazy. He scoffs at me immediately.

“You apologized didn’t you? The purpose of asking for an apology is to be forgiven, sweetheart.” He tells me like I’m some kind of 5 years old annoying little kid.

“I know, but what I did was over the line, you are probably still mad at me.” I tell him and he heaves a sigh.

“I was mad, yes. But I can’t stand not talking to you, it drives me crazy. And you apologized, I’m not mad anymore. Violet, why are we talking about this? It’s done, drop this please.” Kai says. I want to open my mouth to argue but close it as soon as I realize I’m running out of rebuttal. I do want to be forgiven, but because he forgive me so easily it makes me feel more guilty. How can I hurt this boy?

“Forget about it, and you didn’t tell me anything that I didn’t know, it was all true, anyway.” Kai continues. Oh , that makes me feel even tier about myself. It was all true, the parents, the lack of attention, oh my poor boy. I lunge forward to hug him this time. Oh lord, if only I could have just shut my mouth yesterday. I secure my arms around his waist and I notice how he startles a bit but eventually lean in. To say he’s completely comfortable with me touching his body is not entirely correct, but he’s making an effort to get better. I feel his arms around waist now and I smile immediately. Hmm, how long has it been since we last make out? I lift my head slowly to look at him and find he’s already looking at me.

“You sure I’m forgiven?” I ask him one last time but he snorts at my question and quickly push his lips against mine. He gives me that usual mondblowing kiss he always gives and I find my arms tighten around his waist automatically. After a while, he pulls away.

“Is that enough convince you?” Kai asks. What? Convince me what? Ah, that I am forgiven? I clear my throat, feeling slightly embarrased that I forget the question I myself asked him not long ago. But I guess that’s what he does to me. He makes me forget about the world, and I don’t know if that’s a good thing or bad thing.

I nod, humming at him before we start again.

*

“Morning Violet.” My mom greets me in the kitchen. I’m not really on a talking term with my parents since my dad announced that I’ll be sent away. I sit down on one of the chair quickly and pour the milk into my cup.

“Morning.” I manage to reply. My dad is not here, I’m guessing he’s visiting his firm today.

“Violet, your dad wants me…to ask you something.” My mom says hesitantly, oh oh, this is not good. I know my mom long enough to know there’s something wrong in her tone.

“What is it?” I ask after I take a sip on my drink.

“He says that you should choose wher