150114 (III)

Last January
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15 January 2014

 

Jongin's body slumped at the couch and his eyes were b with tears.


"Damn it damn it."



He looked at his phone before throwing it away.



Yura.



He had hurt Yura.



Before, it was Kyungsoo. And now Yura.



“I love you too, Jongin-ah"



"I love you and it somehow hurts."



"I knew that you love my brother and he loves you too. But it has never occurred to me that you love him in a different way. And when you proposed to me, it's just-- Do you really love me Jongin? Do you love me the way you love my brother?"



"Do you love me the way you love my brother?"



"Do you love me the way you love my brother?"



"Do you love me the way you love my brother?"



Yura's voice echoed in his mind again and again. It frustrated him a lot. He pulled his knees up to his chest before he put his head in between them.

Does he love Yura?



It was the same question that he kept asking to himself. Yes he loves her, but it's not the same.



It will never be the same way.



Not like the way he loves Kyungsoo.



He still remembered that day.



The day when kyungsoo's father called him for lunch together, it surprised him a lot but he said yes anyway.



He still remembered what Kyungsoo's father had said to him; word by word.



He still remembered everything vividly.



The way that heavy voice said:



"Do you think your love will bring any good to my son? He will inherit my company, and who are you? Do you think people will accept him if they know that he's in love with you? You're going to be nothing but a flaw to my son's future. If you really love him, you would just leave him. I hope this will be the last time I see your face."



That was the day his heart torn into two.



The day cold reality tossed him to the ground.



The day that he promised to himself that he would leave his feelings unsaid.



If protecting someone you love means that you have to sacrifice your feelings.



Then it's okay.



If he is not able to see Kyungsoo anymore.



Then it's okay.



If he will be the only one who is hurting.



Then it's okay



If Kyungsoo will hate him afterwards.



Then it's okay



As long as he can see Kyungsoo live happily.



As long as he can see Kyungsoo breathing and alive.



As long as he can see Kyungsoo grow into a successful man and get married with a woman and have kids.



Then it's okay for Jongin.



But then he accidentally bumped up into Yura on the streets.


And that was when a spark of hope came into his heart.



Maybe there's hope.



Maybe he will still be able to see Kyungsoo everyday



Maybe he will still be able to be near Kyungsoo everyday.



Yura.


Yura will be the sweet escape.


With Yura, he will be able to stay.



With Yura, Kyungsoo's dad will let him stay without being so suspicious.



Maybe he will be able to fall in love with Yura too.



Maybe he will get married with Yura and raise a child.



That idea sounds so good at that time.



He never knew that idea will turn into this agony.



But Jongin knows that he is just being a selfish brat.



And that's why he thought that he didn't deserve to live.



Jongin got up from the couch lazily and made his way into the kitchen. Tears were still running freely down his sore cheeks. He opened the top drawers and found two bottles of pill. One is anti

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Comments

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glukaise
#1
Chapter 10: i come back to this masterpiece regularly everytime i get sad. it’s like a little old friend, an emotional support that we be fighting the same darkness & misery.
nicorobin
#2

hey, so I don't know if you still read the comments or not
but a reader left a comment on the video trailer on my channel
maybe if you have a youtube account you can reply it

"My life is tearing apart and I remember this fic all of sudden. I remember vividly this is the first exo fic I have read and it helps me coping with hardness in life 6 years ago. I am so thankful for this fic. it may not matter much to anyone or even the writer, but had not been for this fic I might have ended my life back then. thank you."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cQEsy5K_ds8&;lc=UgyaAJc6hf6fqtp8l9R4AaABAg
12hlui #3
Chapter 13: although its sad its very beautiful
DeeDeeGK
#4
Chapter 14: Ok, so- I had this on my subscriptions, I guess I already read it five years ago but I don't remember. I saw the update and thought "well, I will read it again, why not?"
I loved the story but I loved more your notes at the end of every chapter. I somehow undersant the way Jongin feels, I lost my loved one (no by death but breakup) and I still feel so ing alone and sad even when I'm smiling and joking around. I understand too the feelings Jongin had on his parents funeral, I lost my dad 10 years ago and that's exactly how I felt.
You sound like a beautiful person or that's how it looks on your notes. I wish I have someone like you near me.
MissAngel
#5
Chapter 14: This story is like a fresh of air. One that I never know I needed. I've been tending others' heart, I lost myself in the way. I thought I was okay, but does crying myself to bed, having people around me loving me dearly but still feels so lonely is okay? I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I can go through this. But sometimes I feel like, who am I again. What am I doing. Why am I such a disappointment. So this story, it gives me the answer I need. I can't run, it's inevitable. But I can face it, stronger, and with facing my fears then I can calm it. So thank you, for making me realised. They say the way you interpret a story is the way you see life. I see this story as the answer I've been mindlessly searching. Thank you so much, thank you.
cyd4294
#6
Chapter 13: Accidental death and he didnt get to say 'I love you' to Jongin ㅠㅠ