He traced his steps slowly, chanhee swore that he tried taking the shorter path home but his limbs neglected each and every order from his mind. Aimlessly trailing along the streets of seoul, having no such idea of where he wanted to go the blonde haired boy closed his eyes, trying hard to swallow the painful envy that was burning his chest. He realized that if he had seen changhyun any sooner, the only thing that was going to happen was the hurtful things he could do.

To injure the boy even more as a compensation for his uncontrollable wrath. His absence, distance was one of the major reasons why yoo changhyun had survived.  And that was exactly why he needed to stay away but just like the gravity, the further he goes, somehow he still landed in front of their home. Shaking in front of the door, fearing that the moment he walks in, changhyun would be in his sight and made his heart burn. But he wasn’t, chunji walked inside slowly, inhaling the thick heavy air as he trailed his way to that familiar pathway.

“there you are….”

Slowly, very carefully changhyun walked into the vault-esque room, shivering from the below zero temperature maintained inside it. Even breathing felt like a dangerous action, so many times the teenager found himself holding his breath as he crept closer to an object that made his eyes sore.

It was a coffin like bedframe, made completely out of crystal clear glass. And inside it was…

“hi.. byunggie hyung”

Tears suddenly felt so right and ricky’s shivering hands travelled on the glass coffin trailing the beautiful features of Lee Byunghun inside, who was asleep. Actually, dead. Inside that coffin was the loving partner of chanhee and the warm fatherly guardian for ricky, and that angel was in a coma. An irreversible coma, where nothing could wake him anymore, a state that balanced between death and life.

Ricky stared at the angel, tears flowing free as he noticed how peaceful ljoe had looked. It brought a smile on the younger’s face, though a fractured one it was still a smile that spelled thousands of honest emotions. Changhyun loved the sight of ljoe, gold-ish brown hair that rimmed his eyes, those cute cherry lips that reminded the boy of strawberries, byunghun’s pinkish flush that made him look even more human compared to ricky’s pale skin and ljoe’s small cute fingers that used to be so strong….

A picture of perfection. 

“hyung…. How are you?..aa..are you. Dreaming of us?”

“ ugh I hate this…. Everything, me, seeing you while crying like this like the world crumbled.”

“but it did…. When you closed those eyes...it..”

“really did”

Ricky fell down to the floor as he felt the air came crashing down, making him completely forget how to properly breathe. Just sobs and wails was the only thing that made sense to his small body as the boy crawled beside the coffin, hugging himself as he cried to his heart content. That spot was the only place he felt right, crying there made the big hollow house feels small and warm. The fact was, being beside ljoe made him warm. It was always ljoe that could soothe changhyun’s fractured heart. And when he was gone, there was nothing that could heal the younger boy, exactly like what ricky said, when byunghun slept away, his world has crumbled from agonies alone.

“it should’ve been me. This damned coffin… I was supposed to be in it…”

“ lord not this beautiful angel. He’s…. everything, to me..”

“to chanhee…”

“EXACTLY…”

Ricky looked up, seeing a luminous figure standing at the other side of the coffin. It was the devil itself, chanhee was silently staring into the coffin looking straight to byunghun. The younger boy could see it clearly, chunji’s face practically spelled out the longings within his heart. His hand gently placed on the glass over byung’s chest, probably wishing that he could touch the dark brunette. Just like changhyun the sight of ljoe, lifeless inside that glass vessel made his eyes sore, tear were gradually b inside his eyes.

“you meant everything for me byunggie-yah…”

A whisper escaped those frozen burgundy lips as a tear fell down chanhee’s cheeks.

That gentle grasp on that glass became a trembling fist, as the pain and the yearning suddenly became unbearable. Each time, whenever chanhee went to visit ljoe the resentment grew just as much as his guilt.

“hh..hyung....”

“l..leave changhyun. I can’t look at you right now”

It wasn’t the first time ricky saw how broken the blonde haired angel were. Even so it still jagged his chest each time it showed, how wrecked chunji’s world was, scares him.

“pp..please…”

“can you just listen to what I say and leave. I want to be alone!”

That cold voice rang a higher tone each time ricky tried to speak. It made him feel so suffocated that he could never properly speak to both them and indeed slowly his heart had soiled of anger. Ricky was never brave enough but again he was never a coward. His quick paced brain translated chanhee words exactly like how the elder meant it and ricky didn’t like the message.

“I want..to talk. Okay”

Hearing that, chunji was even more aggravated. That slight defiance in his tone made the elder’s skin tingle.

“what the hell do you want to talk about yoo changhyun. Well I don’t want to listen so stop using that useless brain of yours to trick me into wasting my time”

“waste of time… am i? but hyung, does your clock even move? I don’t think so”

“what?! You dare speak to me like that huh”

Ricky’s words were spot on, striking the blonde elder in the guts and indeed only made him madder. Shooting his signature cold stare hoping that it would send the boy chills and drive him away, it worked perfectly fine before so it should now. Chanhee thought.

“st…stop looking at me like that. I know that those cold gazes are just your shield”

“from showing me how broken you are inside. But.. hyung we’re..”

“we’re both so broken”

“please…”

“JUST BLOODY GET LOST. GO OUT, JUST DISSAPEAR YOO CHANGHYUN”

“YOU BLOODY BLOODY IDIOT, WHY CAN’T YOU UNDERSTAND ME”

Those words were painful however they were familiar. So like he always does, changhyun swallowed the lump in his throat and kept on talking…

“why.. why do you hate me so much…”

“IM SORRY! IM SO SORRY ALRIGHT! I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE IN THAT STUPID COFFIN”

“im sorry that it’s the man you love…”

“im sorry I wasn’t me. Im.. so…sorry..”

“I didn’t die along”

Ricky’s smart mind could never stop those words from leaking out, it was his heart that was speaking. He was sorry and each time he tried to live better those guilt came flooding in and reminded him of how sorry he should be. Because actually ricky wouldn’t mind losing his life for his angels. Instead, he would die a happy boy.

“well...you should’ve”