Just One More Time

Description

He just wanted to hold him one more time.

Kiss him just one more time.

See his smile just one more time.

Just One More Time.

Foreword

i thinking i am digging myself a beautiful VIX fanfic hole and i don't know how i will ever climb out of it, but hopefully this one shot should be completed later today. think of it as an early christmas present to all you starlights out there.

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Comments

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Amalya #1 Sep 10, 2015 02:00:28

Chapter 1: Hmm. This was a very emotional story and it certainly pulls at the heartstrings. I'll give you that. You also paint a very poignant picture with that opening scene and we get a good look into Taekwoon's head. The whole setup is visceral and I like the parallelism you've established in the beginning in the end. You also do a good job of taking into account both of their feelings. Taekwoon's constant fear and worry with Hakyeon's stubborn determination save for when he breaks down.

The way that Taekwoon tries to care for Hakyeon is tender too. I think we're so used to seeing Hakyeon as the caretaker, it's a nice role reversal. Considering I don't know how one is supposed to act given the situation, it was a little bit odd for me for Hakyeon to be so strong one minute and then so fragile and breaking around the edges the next. I think something a little longer might have given us more of a reference point to better understand their shifting dynamics, but it works overall.

The vast majority of it was quite plausible, believable, and raised very few questions. That being said, I was a little bit lost with the progression of time. How much time passed after the accident before we first see them when Taekwoon wakes up? Likewise, how much time had gone by before Taekwoon walked out that door? Also, I did enjoy the parallel setup, even if it was rather tragic, but it feels odd that you used the exact same words in both scenes. I think it's odd because you didn't add anything new or omit anything in the dialogue despite the fact that it's an entirely different situation. So yeah...

Otherwise, you've crafted a tragic story that pulls at the heartstrings and makes you want to rewind time for them. Well done and interesting story indeed.