“I still don’t understand. The other one was cheaper, why did we buy this one?” Yoongi whined.

“Because the other one was more teal, this one is definitely an olive color. It’s better for the eye and promotes concentration,” Nam Joon calmly answered.

Yoongi looked at the color sheets, “they all look green to me.”

“That’s because you’re uncouth.” It was Saturday afternoon, Nam Joon recruited Jimin and Yoongi to help him repaint the walls of his apartment. Taehyung and Hoseok were given the task of distracting Seokjin and Kookie for the day. Jungkook was sentenced to the library, he failed his last Physics midterm. They were almost done, all that was left was the kitchen.

“Do we have to put everything back when we’re done?” Jimin asked.

“No we have to let it dry overnight, that’s why Jin and I are sleeping at your apartment, remember?”

“Oh right,” they painted in silence for a while, “please don’t have on my bed, I study there.”

Nam Joon removed the roller from the wall and aimed it at Jimin’s face. Jimin evaded it, laughing the whole time.

~~

Seokjin stared at his reflection in the mirror, his eyes were red and threatening to spill. In his hand was a lock of hair, his hair. It just stuck to the comb. Fell off so easily, as if it were never attached in the first place. He turned his head, the missing patch clearly visible. Yes, the doctor warned him that chemo would make his hair fall out. Seokjin already gave his two weeks notice, but still, that was two weeks with a bald patch. This was too soon. He still needed that. It was too soon. Too obvious.

Half an hour later, the razor was returned to its drawer and Seokjin was sweeping his hair from the bathroom floor. It was better this way, he couldn’t go to the office with chunks of his hair missing.

His head was so cold now.

He found one of the beanies Yoongi always leaves at their house and put it on. It was just a cover, a disguise, a poor one.

He felt Kookie rub up against his leg. She didn’t bark or whine, just look up at him with a somber expression. For the second time, Seokjin cried into Kookie’s fur.

~~

Someone was knocking on the door at seven in the morning on a Saturday. Jimin would have yelled at them for waking him up so early, but it was Seokjin. Oh well, Jimin needed to study anyway. But not with Seokjin’s hyperactive dog. He volunteered a still fast asleep Taehyung as tribute.

“Jin it’s so early,” Taehyung whined, “and it’s cold, and I’m hungry, and I’m tired, and I’m hungry.” He was wearing four layers, a scarf, and a hat but he could still feel the cold.

“Come on, could you really resist her little face?” Seokjin asked. Kookie was trying to eat the snow before it landed. No, he really couldn’t resist her. Or her owner.

“You owe me coffee,” Taehyung grumbled.

“All right.”

“And a muffin. A blueberry muffin. And chocolate cake with white icing on it.”

Seokjin laughed. Kookie ran into the middle of the dog park. Taehyung tackled her in the snow, Seokjin walked slowly behind them. Even going on their morning walks was difficult at best.

Taehyung began piling snow onto Kookie’s nose, she shook it off.

“Hey Jin, Kookie is Jungkook’s nickname right?”

“Yup.”

“Why did you name her after him?”

Seokjin sat down next to Taehyung and began rubbing her back, “Nam Joon got her for me a few days after he introduced me to his family. Instead of accepting their son’s uality, they were disgusted about it, and told him so right in front of me. We were supposed to stay a week. We left after two days. Whenever Nam Joon tried calling home his mom would hang up the phone. When she found out that he was talking to Jungkook, she took his phone away, she didn’t want her oldest son tainting her baby. Nam Joon was worried that he would never see his younger brother again. So I named her after him, that way Nam Joon could see Kookie every day.”

“Kookie isn’t Nam Joon’s sister, she’s your child,” Taehyung teased.

Nam Joon shrugged, “it doesn’t matter now, he sees his little brother every day. Kookie became our daughter.”

“She got her hair from your grandmother.”

“Hey, Halmeoni has a great head of white hair for a woman her age.”

“Kookie is so white she blends in with the snow. You shouldn’t wash her so much, we’ll never be able to find her.”

Seokjin laughed, Kookie sneased.

“We should find a café,” Taehyung suggested. Seokjin agreed. Taehyung helped him up then hooked Kookie took her leash.

They walked to their favorite café. Taehyung got the coffee, the muffin, and the chocolate cake, just as he asked. Seokjin got Earl Grey tea. He didn’t take his hat off, so Taehyung kept his on too. He didn’t dwell on it. Besides, he had three weeks worth of office gossip for Seokjin.

~~

Seokjin couldn’t handle chasing after Kookie anymore. While Kookie was calm in the mornings, she still took off in all directions in the afternoon. If the snow was treacherous, the afternoon rain was twice as dangerous.

Jungkook became Kookie’s afternoon walker. It was difficult to adjust to, she was stronger than she looked.

“Stupid dog, stop running,” Jungkook whined.

She listened, and sat down in the biggest puddle around. Jungkook groaned, “You can’t do that. Do you know who is going to wash you? Me. Do you know why? Because Nam Joon comes home from work late and Jin can’t hold you down in the tub anymore.”

Her expression turned sad, she walked out of the puddle with her tail between her legs.

“At least you know to stay still when Jin falls asleep on you,” Jungkook grumbled.

She looked up at him with somber eyes. Pets really do take after their owners, her large eyes reminded him of Seokjin’s dark ones. He sat down next to her, “You know huh, you know why I’m walking you don’t you?”

She rested her head on his knee.

He rubbed at her ears, “I’m sorry, Jin can’t take you out anymore. But he’s tired. You make him tired you know that? He can’t chase after you, his lungs don’t work that fast. And you can’t jump on him anymore. He bruises too easily for that. What you should do is kiss him. Kiss his hands and face, whatever you can reach without jumping him. You should show him that you appreciate him while you still can.”

Jungkook remembered Tennyson and his crown of thorns.

He cried into Kookie’s fur.

He was still red eyed by the time they returned to the apartment. When Seokjin asked him what’s wrong, he wrapped his arms around him.

He cried into Seokjin’s shoulder and said “Thank you.”

Seokjin hugged him back, and his fingers through his hair.

~~

Nam Joon read his most recent text message and began laughing. A flash went off behind him

“What’s this? Is that a smile I see?” Hoseok asked, he looked at the display on the camera, “Why yes it is? What could have caused this miracle?”

Nam Joon rolled his eyes, “Seokjin is mad at me for sending flowers to the apartment.”

“Why would he be mad?”

“He says he’s not dead yet,” Nam Joon smiled. “It’s a joke of course. Anything to get him laughing.”

“That’s good. He has another round of chemo next week, right?”

“Yeah. The doctor says he’s doing well. He may exceed the nineteen months the doctor had initially predicted. Maybe the whole two years.”

“No chance of remission.”

“Not with AML,” Nam Joon’s expression turned somber. If only Seokjin had a more common cancer, a cureable one.

“Hey,” Hoseok shoved Nam Joon, “Let’s take a picture of our feet and send it to Seokjin.”

“What does Taehyung see in you?” Nam Joon laughed as he undid his laces.

“Hey! Taehyung and Seokjin did it to me first at Seokjin’s going away party. Taehyung asked me, do you want to see the cake? And I said sure. And then I look at the picture he sent me, and it’s of their feet. Consider this revenge,” Hoseok propped his foot on the desk. Nam Joon placed his foot next to Hoseok’s and took the picture. There was a flash behind them.

“Nice,” Yoongi smiled.

“Is that my camera?” Hoseok asked.

“I call it ‘Slackers’- by Yoongi.”

“Come on, that thing is expensive,” Hoseok laughed as he pried it out of Yoongi’s hands.

“What will the boss think when I show that to him?”

“Yoongi you have until five,” Nam Joon laughed.

Yoongi took off down the hall.

Nam Joon chased after him.

Hoseok snapped a photo, “I call this one ‘Phony Photographer Getting Killed’- by Hoseok.”

~~

The pamphlets didn’t prepare Nam Joon for this. How do you handle it? How do you watch the person you love most whither into something they’re not? How do you stop yourself from counting the visible ribs or tracing the veins under translucent skin? They look like a map, roads intersecting, all leading to the same end, the heart, the time bomb, the vital organ that will eventually stop and take Seokjin away. How do you watch as the simple things become difficult? How do you watch when your loved one can’t even vacuum the house? There are bruises everywhere across his skin. Just from small bumps, barely there touches. He’s fragile. He always was. To Nam Joon he always looked as if he would break, but now he really could. How do you deal? How do you take the pain away? How do you hug them without worrying about shattering their bones? How do you dream without seeing them in a coffin? Blue lips and lifeless. How do you hide your pain and be strong for them? Because Nam Joon doesn’t know.

But slowly he’s learning.

And he finds that it’s easier to pretend when Seokjin looks like a giant marshmallow. When he stops wearing sleeveless shirts because he hates his reflection. And he smiles when Nam Joon brings home a hoodie that looks like a zebra, because it is so ridiculous he has to wear it.

Seokjin stopped eating greasy fast food, they make him nauseous, so they started eating things they never thought they would. Pasta salad, ceasar salad, green bean casserole, and Seokjin eats all of it. And Nam Joon can pretend that he’s always been able to eat.

Movie night became game night. And it grew from just the three of them to seven. And Seokjin laughs when Jungkook doesn’t know who Cyndi Lauper is or Jimin does a perfect impression of Sylvester Stallone.

And even though Seokjin’s pale and fragile, he can still scare Hoseok to the point that he doesn’t touch Taehyung when Seokjin is in the room.

Seokjin may not be able to take Kookie on walks or put pans on the top shelf, but now he can tell you all about Thoreau, and solve a crossword puzzle before Nam Joon leaves in the morning, and pick Jungkook up from school, and he’s happy. He’s happy being at home.

There may be days where he can’t even eat the healthy stuff, or he squeezes on to Nam Joon’s hand because they need to stick five different needles, or he looks especially pale after a blood transfusion.

But when he’s home, and he’s playing with the dog, or typing away on his computer, or sleeping on the couch, he’s happy.

And when he’s smiling Nam Joon’s smiling. Because if Seokjin can be strong, Nam Joon should be strong. And they’re happy. They’re happy just being with each other.

Always.

~~

Nam Joon doesn’t understand how Seokjin stil loves mornings. But if he woke up every morning to Seokjin kissing his neck maybe he could love mornings too. Except he’s not going to admit that. Nam Joon was a grown man. He wasn’t weak to kisses.

“What?” he moaned.

Seokjin placed another kiss on his shoulder, “Wake up sleepyhead.”

“Why? It’s Saturday, we can sleep all day if we wanted.”

Seokjin scoffed, “Did you forget what today is?”

Nam Joon smirked, “Nope.” Then he flipped them over, pinning Seokjin to the bed, and began peppering his face with kisses. “Happy anniversary.”

Seokjin laughed, “You can’t do that, not today.” He hung his arms loosely around Nam Joon’s neck.

Nam Joon stopped his kisses in favor of smiling down on him. Seokjin’s expression became wary, and he pulled a hand away to attempt to hide his head. Nam Joon grabbed that hand, and kissed the spot it tried to cover. “Come on, I have something for you.”

“What is it?” Seokjin sat up, excited. His excitement went away when a hat covered his eyes. “Really?”

“Yeah,” Nam Joon laughed, “It’s a wolf hat, and it even has those long paws that you can put your hands in.”

“You’re ridiculous,” Seokjin beat him with the paws.

“Yeah well you’re cute,” Nam Joon leaned in for another kiss, “Come on, we have to get out of here. Jungkook told me they want to surprise us.”

Seokjin complied.

They spent the morning at the park. Sitting on a park bench, in front of the rose bushes, getting lost in each other.

When they received a text around noon saying not to come back yet, they went to the bookstore.

Finally they were given the okay to come home.

Kookie was sitting in front of the apartment door with a bowtie around her neck and an envelope in .

“You’re so cute,” Seokjin cooed. Nam Joon read the card, then pulled Seokjin and Kookie to the living room where everyone else was waiting. The table was filled with their favorite food and flowers, lots of flowers, all of the flowers, everywhere in the apartment. Nam Joon sighed, he needed to talk to Hoseok about how ‘less is more.’ But Seokjin was happy, that’s all that mattered. And they even had his favorite wine, white zinfandel.

Needless to say, everyone drank, even Jungkook.

 “Attention everyone. I have an announcement to make,” Yoongi clung on to the back of his chair so that he wouldn’t topple over, “I rewrote my best man speech to fit the occasion.”

“I was the best man at their wedding.”

“Nobody asked you Hoseok!

Nam Joon when you first told me you were engaged, I thought that was awesome. But then you said your fiancé was a dude. That was weird. But! That didn’t matter, because you two were in love. I saw it in the smiles, the looks, the way you guys were always holding hands, you two were so cute it was disgusting. I felt like the awkward third wheel when I went anywhere with you guys. And now here you are, six years later and still married, that’s ing awesome. When I finally find a girl, I hope our relationship will be like yours, without the butt. To Nam Joon and Seokjin!”

They toasted, there was a reason Nam Joon chose Hoseok for his best man.

“I want to make a speech too,” Taehyung sang, red faced. When no one stopped him, he dove right in, “Jin, thank you for helping me my first day at the office when I couldn’t find the copy room. Or finding me an apartment with a roommate when I told you I was living in a hotel. And helping me clean the stain out of Jimin’s room when I first moved in-”

“What stain?” Jimin interrupted

Taehyung ignored him, “You’ve always been there for me, so thank you very much! And Nam Joon, you were smart to marry him.”

“That’s all I get?” Nam Joon laughed, “Jinnie, gets a whole book of praises and all I get was ‘good job, you put a ring on it.’ This kid.”

Nam Joon made a motion to slap him, but Seokjin held onto his arm and Hoseok covered Taehyung’s head.

“Ay, hands off him,” Seokjin laughed. Hoseok quickly pulled away.

“You’re not my mother,” Taehyung smiled and wrapped his arms around Hoseok.

“Shots fired, shots fired!” Jungkook shouted. Turns out he held his liquor about as well as Taehyung did.

This was the atmosphere for the rest of the evening, plus or minus some dog barks, Jimin and Yoongi arm wrestling, and Seokjin banishing Hoseok to the hallway for kissing Taehyung.

It was fun.

Later, when everyone was going home and Nam Joon was helping Jungkook get to his room “Did you have fun?”

Nam Joon smiled, “Yes I did. You did a good job.”

Jungkook was smiling when he fell asleep.

Nam Joon walked into their room and curled around Seokjin.

“Jinnie,” he whispered, “will you save a spot for me?”

“Of course I’ll save one for you, but Kookie gets priority seating.”

Nam Joon smiled, “Even in the afterlife you value the dog more than me.”

“Because I want you to live a long happy life. You have to be there when Jungkook graduates college and give him a hug, and remind him that he never would have passed without my help. And you can watch all the movies that haven’t come out yet. And go to all the places you wanted to go, go see South Korea and South America, and eat all the guinea pigs you want, you horrible human being,” Seokjin tried to laugh.

Nam Joon lightly gripped his hand, wary of bruising, and wrapped his other arm around him. “I want to do all of those things with you.”

“You will, you just won’t see me.”

Seokjin leaned in, a featherlight kiss, and hid himself in Nam Joon’s neck. Nam Joon felt him cry, but didn’t say anything. He didn’t want Seokjin to know that he was also crying.

AN: favorite quote tbh