“So… how’s classes?” She asks, breathless once she reaches her dorm, lazy once she flops down onto the softness of her bed.

He snorts, “I was almost late—“

“Again?”

“Yeah, it was hilarious. You should’ve seen the look on the professor’s face,”

Hee Young managed to smile, noticing how happy he sounded despite the sad departure nearly two weeks ago. She’s suddenly amazed to how time truly flies. “You sound happy, Minseok-ah,”

It was a statement Minseok couldn’t have said boldly but now, he finds himself being able to say proudly, “I am happy,”

The smile lingered on her face, as it did for him, “That’s good to hear,”

 

 

 

---

 

 

“Then what happened?” Minseok asked, grasping onto his phone desperately as he waited for her to continue on with her story—with what happened for the day and he’s more than just interested. He’s at the edge of the sofa, eyes wide, mouth agape and his roommate is bugging him for it.

“You look like she’s telling you the cure to cancer or something,”

“Shut up!” Minseok huffed, falling back onto the sofa and reaching for a pillow to toss it across the room where a snicker could be heard when his roommate got back to his own business, tuning his guitar and strumming certain notes that didn’t bother Minseok at all. Not when Hee Young is talking.

“He sort of appeared in front of the restaurant I was supposed to meet her in,”

Minseok let out a sound of awe, muttering softly, “How the hell…?”

“I don’t know, maybe he had a feeling she was going to meet me,”

“Are you saying he had a GPS on her?”

“I’m saying he followed her when she left the workplace,”

“Ah, right,” Minseok snapped his fingers, “They work at the same place…”

There was this moment of silence before Minseok croaked, “Then what happened?”

“The guy talked to me,”

Minseok’s eyes looked like they were about to pop and his roommate is having a fit, it was just too easy to mess with a guy like Misneok, “Dude, seriously, is this the first time you’re talking to a girl on the phone?”

Minseok mumbled something like hold on for Hee Young before he held his phone away from his ear and used a hand to cover the screen. He narrowed his eyes to his friend and said, “I’ll give you fifteen bucks if you get out of this room and come back at night,”

The guy cocked an eyebrow, “Twenty-five,”

“Twenty, and it’s not getting any higher,”

With a groan, the lad dropped his guitar onto the bed and stood up, holding his hand out, “Deal,”

After two solid minutes, Hee Young couldn’t help but ask, “Are you buying something there?”

“Yeah,” Minseok breathed, shaking his head, “I paid for my roommate’s absence,”

“Well aren’t you two getting along well,”

“Tell me about it—“ Minseok rephrased the words in his mind, “—wait! What did you guys talk about? Did you and noona patch things up?”

“One thing at a time, Minseok,” She reminded, sternly telling him that she’s not going to mash up two stories and tell him at once.

“Oops,” He laughed, clearing his throat, “What did you guys talk about?”

“He explained of his feelings, the situation…”

“You approve, don’t you?”

“Well it’s hard not to when he looks like he’s about to cry if I don’t—“

“Admit it, Hee Young-ah,” He smirks, “You feel happy for noona,”

“Oh what do you know?” She snaps, but he knows what she truly mean behind those words…which brings him back to…

“W-What about you and noona, though?”

“We…”

“Y-Young-ah…” The cooing of an older sister echoed in her ears and truly, it hits her hard that she only has her left in her circle of family—it was hard to ignore the fact that her sister was staring at her worriedly, it was hard to mute out the tone in her voice and it was definitely hard to block out any emotions her sister was feeling especially when she feels particularly the same way.

“I’m sorry,” Hee Young mumbled first and for the first time, Hee Min is unable to blink her eyes despite how wide they were.

Instead, her head bobbed forward and her eyes nearly fell, “What?”

With an exasperated sigh, the younger lifted her chin and said once more, deepened with sincerity, a tinge of annoyance, “I’m sorry…”

This time, Hee Min had decided to stay silent and Hee Young is thankful for that.

“I’m sorry I totally bailed out on the dinner because of how I felt and I should’ve thought of why you would do that in the first place and it was for my own good,” She snuck in a glance to see her hopeful sister’s gaze, “And I should’ve known that because you only love me so much to think that much for me,” She let out a sarcastic chuckle, “I acted so childish and… I’m sorry,”

Her sister didn’t say anything, not a word, not a chuckle, not anything else but just simply placing her hand on the table, turning it over to let her palm face up. Hee Young slowly yet surely placed her hand in her sister’s, feeling the warmth she’s grateful to feel all this time, the love that she’s always needed and the safety that promised her that it could last for a millennium, palm to palm and heart to heart.

Things were okay.

“If only I was there,” Minseok mumbled, already feeling the kick of unable to see the usual people in his life. As much as he was getting used to the environment around him, he can’t help but daydream or even think about the times he was back to here he was, feeling nostalgic every time he hears something that could remind him of the good old days…and it was harder to do when he’s on the phone with Hee Young.

Each second he’s on the phone with her is one second more to his thoughts in paradise.

 

 

---

 

 

“What are you doing after this?” Minseok asked curiously, staring at his nails, then around the apartment, then back to the ceiling with his eyes taking in the carvings above his head.

“Well… there’s dance practice…”

“At night?” He had an eyebrow raised, completely amused.

“Yeah,”

“Ah…” Minseok had a knowing grin—and Hee Young was one step ahead to picture it perfectly.

“With Kai?”

“Have I ever told you how much I miss you? Like, how much I miss smacking you hard?”

He snorted, shaking his head, “Hey, don’t get mad at me because I’m right.” He was quick to change topics, “Aren’t you supposed to leave soon?”

“I’m waiting until he—“

Minseok chuckled at the coincidental knocks on the door he heard on her end of the line, “I think we should end the conversation for the day,”

“Hold on, we don’t know for sure if it’s him—“

“Hey there, princess,”

Hee Young closed the door and grumbled something about him being a pain in the and then saying her goodbyes which made Minseok laugh once more, mumbling a quiet I’ll talk to you soon, have fun then he hung up. She switched her phone off and tossed her phone to her bed before reopening the door once more to see a happy face a moment ago that turned sour.

“Was it necessary to slam the door in my face?”

“No,” She breathed, a smile growing, “But it was hilarious,”

He narrowed his eyes at her, as if it could cut her with his stare but then he shrugged it off, pushing his hands into his pockets before he used his head to point down the hall, “Let’s go.”

 

 

 

---

 

 

“We’ve been doing this for two hours, Kai,” She groaned, still not allowing him to pull her up from the floor. His hand wrapped around her wrist and he wasn’t about to give up on yanking her up—he’ll even use all his strength if he had to, “I think we’re perfect by now,”

“That’s what you think,” He tuts, shaking his head, “One more time and then we’ll call it a day,”

“It’s nighttime, ,”

“Don’t get vulgar with me,” He snarls, grip tightening around her wrist and that’s a sign that she should try to get up so he can pull her up, “Now get up.”

With an overdone sigh, she rolled her eyes and allowed him to pull her up properly as she put in some effort. When she’s on her feet, he paces over to the stereo and presses play and he sees her in position in the middle of the vast dance room. He maneuvers his way behind her and catches her glance with the aid of the mirrored walls—just something about the look in her eyes makes him smile and she looks away the moment the beat comes in.

There wasn’t much more to say about their performance when they’re nailing every turn, every twist, every flip and every toss in the air, he’s there just in time to catch her in his arms as if his life depended on it. There were moments where he needed to stare into her eyes and he didn’t hesitate to do so like how he did weeks back. His eyes connected with hers when he spun her around and then twirled her in so his arms would be around her by the time she spins in to his embrace. He holds her close like she’s about to disappear and he dare not pull his gaze away from her, afraid she’d disappear even if he blinks away for one second. She feels the tight grip he has on her hands and his arms are not letting up to let her escape even if she wanted to.

Chest against her back, lips merely inches away, many possible thoughts went through his mind just like how it went through in hers.

The music died down and everything grew quiet, you could almost hear a pin drop—like the silent night that enveloped them both since the beginning. Has it always been this quiet between the two? Has it always been this way?

Why would the two only realize now?

His eyes still remain on hers before she sees his eyes trailing down, past her nose, landing at her lips. Out of mere habit, she pokes her tongue out to the corner, something he would remember quite well if he does that she’s nervous but before she can believe what’s happening, it’s happening.

It takes her two seconds to realize his lips are on hers, tightly pressed, hidden feelings slowly revealing, firmer grip around her and he’s not allowing her to move away. He doesn’t wait for her to reincorporate to the kiss because he’s already moving his lips smoothly against her sweet lips, eyes closed and it’s like there’s no turning back. He uses his tongue, lining it over the seam of her lips and before she knows it, he’s giving her a gentle to get her to open up. It’s like a little taste of heaven, a little bit of sweetness, a little bit of bitter—and it feels like a sin. Before she knows it, before her mind goes through on what she’s about to do, she’s doing things she’d never thought she would. What surprises him was the fact that he realizes it’s not just him and his lip movements—it’s hers as well. It makes him more confident, bolder and he slips his fingers away from one of her hands to rest it on her waist, giving her a light pinch and her lips pop open with a gasp. He smirks and mumbles something like cute before she could feel his tongue sliding in. It was merely five seconds of heaven, as he calls it before something in her mind kicks in until she nudges him away with both hands on his shoulders.

His eyes are open now, wide and diluted with nervousness and it’s amusing because this was such a contrast to how confident he was in kissing her earlier.

He his lips this time, seeing how far she’s created a gap between their bodies, and he has this feeling of needing her closer that he stretches an arm out when her hands falter from his shoulders, “H-Hee Young—“

“I-I need to go,” She mumbled under her breath, taking steps away from him and creating a bigger gap and it’s making his heart crack, “Wait,” He tries to stop her, latching a hand on her wrist when she’s almost towards the door, bag on her shoulder, heart out of place, mind in the gutter and she’s not looking at him when he gives her a nudge back, saying anything and everything to make her stay.

I like you.

She tries to get her hand back, but if anything, his grip only gets tighter because he needs an answer.

T-Thanks.

He gives her a harsh tug and then she’s facing him once more, seeing that fiery gaze in his eyes, that look that makes her want to blurt out everything bottled within but it wasn’t as easy as people would think. She has yet to think of how she’s going to say it, to what she’s going to say first and her mind is going all haywire much more thanks to him.

“This isn’t something to be thankful about,”

He loosens the tense grip he has on her wrist, allowing her to move her hand away when she says, out of desperation, “Then what do you want me to say?”

He shakes his head and makes use of both of his hands, lifting them up to place them at the sides of her head to draw her closer, nearer, “You kissed me back—that means something,”

She still found the strength to push him away and this time, it’s him growing weaker at her words, “I-It’s complicated,”

“Then explain to me!” He didn’t know where that sudden roar of voice came from, but it apparently was buried deep down inside of him when confusion took over. “You’re always dismissing something from me and I wish I knew what it was, I pray that I could recall something or whatever that could lead to the thoughts of what you’re thinking whenever you try to be discrete but I have no ing idea!”

The creases on his forehead were evident as he furrows his eyebrows, he clenches his fists at his sides, the anger that was once burning with a flame, blown away, dimming lower and lower until nothing was left. He felt the blood within him simmer down and he’s taking in puffs of air before he said, “You can’t keep hiding things from me… Whatever it is… I need to know.”

He gave her a few seconds, then a minute, then a few but nothing came. Not a word, nothing. And it feels like there was this sudden force of tug in his heart when she couldn’t answer him no matter how hard she wanted to nor say anything but just a soft I’m sorry before she took that chance, that pause of silence to leave the room.

He could only watch as her figure left the room, the door closing behind her and with a silent click, she’s no longer with him. His eyes blink once, twice, and then they fall shut along with his whole body as he fell to his knees, then to the floor as he lied flat on his back. His head thumped back on the surface of the floor and his eyes are closed to shut off reality with a hand on his chest, above his rapidly beating heart and he can’t think straight. There were clouds of confusion, of curiosity clouding within and he can’t sort out what’s going through—what to think.

He inhales, complaining, you had to kiss her, you just had to.

He exhales, arguing, it’s not like you didn’t like it.

He inhales once more, explaining, the performance evaluation is next week, way to ing think straight, Jongin.

He exhales once more, exasperation, who cares? Who… cares?

He inhales, deeper, realization, the look in her eyes… she’s afraid…

He exhales, harder, confusion, why was she holding back? Why… why…

It’s everything all over to square one when one moment he thinks he’s unravel the most part of her, he finds himself discovering and falling for a new side of her he’s never seen. It’s different each time but at the same time, it’s the same—it’s her in general and he’s wondering if he was this dense to not figure it out sooner that she’s one complicated person. He’s curious, he’s finding light in the dark tunnel she’s left him in…

He touches his lips… and unknowingly… a small smile appears.

…and he’s fallen deep.

 

 

 

---

 

 

Lying down on the bed, a million thoughts went through her mind and she doesn’t want to think about any of it at all. She’s tired, she’s worn out but she can’t sleep at all. Her mind tells her to stop, but her mind is being a hypocrite to replay the scene over and over again.

The softness of his lips engraved in her head, at the back of her mind and what surprises herself more is the fact that she kissed him back.

She remains lying on her back, her eyes wide as she stared up before a sigh left her lips. The temptation of calling the number one person on her speed dial was rather high but… it would only be selfish. Nevertheless, after five seconds of hesitation, she reached for her phone, switched it on and already a message came through—a name she had suspected to appear.

‘Are you there?’

She resisted to reply for at least two minutes, seeing that he had just sent the message but the urge came too soon and so did her reply: ‘Yeah…’

‘You’re going to think I’m a ing creep now, huh?’ Received, read.

‘It depends on what you’re on about.’ Sent, read.

‘Look… I know I’ve acted too rash just now… but I did mean what I said—and I’m not taking back the words I’ve said either.’ Received, read.

She swallowed and stared at the words, trying to accept it all over but there was something that blocked her from trying process it all in, to embrace it with both arms even though she desperately wants to—it feels wrong but yet… it also feels right. She feels like a liar if she doesn’t expose the truth, yet she feels secure if she doesn’t. Which was which? What is right and what is wrong?

Those are the questions she’s been longing the answers for and up until this day, for the many years behind her, she’s never thought about it.

That’s what makes everything harder.

Her fingers fiddled with a reply; I’m sorry but… she backspaced it all… and tried again. Kai, there’s something I… backspaced, cleared, trying again.

There’s something you need to know but promise me you won’t…

Backspace, clear, retype, backspace, clear, retype—it was too hard to encrypt her thoughts into words, it was too difficult to explain the situation with the technology of texting—she knows it needs to be done face to face, and that’s what makes it the hardest.

Before she realizes it, a message popped up.

‘Whatever you’re feeling, just… don’t push me away. We need to work this out. You’re still my partner, after all…’ Received, read.

She was about to type what she thought, something between the lines of what if I do? Or… I don’t know, Kai…

‘Goodnight, Kwan Hee Young—I’ll see you tomorrow.’

Received…read.

 

 

 

---

 

 

It felt like hours went by and there wasn’t a sign of her being able to fall asleep. She’s tossing, she’s turning, she’s doing all she can to fall asleep but nothing worked, nothing.

She let out a heavy exhale and then her eyes are popped, she looks up to the ceiling. There was this urge flowing through her and she’s holding onto her phone. Her eyes squinted for a second because of the brightness but soon adjusted to the blare before she scrolled through the speed dial, intending to call the number on one but ended up seeing the number on two.

Speed dial #2: Kai

There was a vague memory of him snatching her phone getting beaten up after) and doing something to it so... this was probably it. Her eyes closed for a few seconds, allowing the image disappear before she looked further. She’s lingering her thumb on the second option, moving to the third, Speed dial #3: Min but then sliding on the first option.

She allowed it to ring once, twice, thrice and she daren’t wait for the fourth because she’s probably asleep. She resorted to switching off her phone once more before rolling to her side where she faced the wall in agony, punching it because she has nothing else to do, giving it a kick because why the can’t she sleep and exhaling deeply before she turns to bury her face into the softness of her pillow.

 

 

 

---

 

 

Knock.

Knock knock, “H-Hee Young?”

Knock, thud, knock, “Y-Young-ah!”

She groggily gets up from her bed, funny, she never slept but once she reaches the door, she feels lethargic. She still has enough energy stored in her to budge the door open, coming face to face with someone she’d never expect to meet faces with.

“U-Unnie?”

“I got your call a little too late and I couldn’t call you back so I—“ She feels the arms of her sister around her and she’s letting out the breath she was holding in for her words but nothing came out when she feels her younger sister shaking in her arms. Hee Min grasps onto Hee Young’s figure properly, feeling her face pressed into her chest and there’s this hidden feeling building up in Hee Min that she wishes she knew what was bothering her this much. It was until she hears Hee Young’s voice, raspy and cracked, tired and done with life.

“W-What’s wrong?”

The younger shakes her head and clutches onto the older one’s waist, “What do I do…?”

Hee Min the back of Hee Young, slowly nudging her into the room, “What are you talking about?”

“I’m a horrible person,” She breathes in the middle of the silent sobs she’s been releasing quietly, lifting her chin up, allowing Hee Min to frame her cheeks in her hands, brushing the tears away, “Don’t say that…”

“I’ve been hiding this from him for years and just because of my stupidity, of the way I feel, of the way I think… it’s all happening again,”

“Shh…” Hee Min ushers, slowly nudging the younger one into the room before closing the door shut, “Tell me what you’re talking about, everything.”