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Chapter Thirty-Three

"It's going to happen... isn't it?"

27th of February 2015

Hee Young nearly crushed her own bones, her fingers as she stared at the stone buried in the ground before her, two of them, actually. She kept staring at the names, hoping that it could transform into the people she was thinking of to save her from her misery when she analyzed whose voice it was – she didn’t like it one bit and she just knew, they wouldn’t like it if they caused a ruckus here. This was a graveyard, they were present at. Out of all places, out of all times… why here, why now?

“What are you doing here?” Her voice was soft yet it was able to leave echoes to sound around the area. The silence was actually deafening and to some, scary.

“Y-Your father said you weren’t in college, so—“

“Father?” Ironic, he didn’t want anything to do with me. She scoffed, finding this too amusing for her own liking—she didn’t exactly think she’d say this, to her, in a graveyard but, well, there’s a first for everything. “Who?” She asked, finally meeting gazes with her as Hee Young got up from the ground, locking eyes with the lady standing before her yet a distance away in between.

Her mother knew she was in a wrong, her mother knew that there was no possible way to make up for the things she’s done—but she is, after all, her mother.

”L-Look, he doesn’t mean what he said—“

“It sure seems like it to me,” The younger cut her off, reaching for her bag before tugging it over her shoulder. Then, meeting with her gaze once more, “And I don’t think it’s going to change—“

“He wants to apologize, alright?” She sounded desperate, so needy—yet very sincere.

Strange, she never thought she would experience that.

Not even in a decade she has ever thought of her mother saying that.

“And I want to do the same.”

This just took a worldwide turn to hell because this wasn’t what Hee Young wanted. This would just give another reason for her to need to attend this wedding, to need to keep in contact once more, to keep up with everything as if her mother has done nothing wrong in the first place. Was it wrong to be selfish and was it wrong to want to protect herself? You be the judge of that.

“I don’t want to hear it,” She spoke up, raising a hand as if her hand contained all the powers in the world to actually stop someone from speaking. In this case, in this moment, it worked, for now that is.

“You’re just going to apologize, and he’s going to apologize, and then what?”

The woman felt helpless and truly, she didn’t know what to do because… this is something she never thought she’d do, either. To Hee Young, she hasn’t seen her mother easily in five years more or less around that time period—why now, just because they were going to get married? that, Hee Young says.

And she would say it out loud but she’d prefer not to.

“If you want me to attend that wedding, to give you my blessing, to wish you to be happy, I’ll do it here and I’ll say whatever you want to say—“

“You will not talk to me in that way, Kwan Hee Young. I won’t allow you to.” Her mother’s voice was firm and stern but… vulnerable altogether. There was this certainty in her voice yet a tinge of an emotion that she couldn’t read, couldn’t process and she’d rather not at all.

“And you promised you would never let anything harm me, I guess we all have to tolerate with things we don’t like, don’t we?”

Without even listening to her reply, Hee Young her heels, kneeling down to bow respectfully and probably mumbling something like I’m sorry I was like this and also but you know I have my reasons to do this, to say these things, to feel these things before she actually decided to take her leave, going somewhere else she knew that maybe her mother wouldn’t figure out where.

But as she was leaving—

“I really do feel bad, Young-ah…”

Hee Young froze on her tracks, so close to her motorcycle yet so far away despite it only being five steps away. She didn’t even know how her mother’s voice managed to enter her ears but apparently, it did. Her angered heart and her wicked, messed up and tangled mind couldn’t help her either—she was beyond lost to tell apart between what she wanted, what she needed and what she would get from someone, someone whom she thought she’d never meet ever again, someone she’d swore she’d run away from the moment she laid eyes on her.

And man, has she failed in doing that.

She found herself growing weak but not weak enough to break down her own walls but weak enough to feel that she’s needed that attention she’s been dying to receive from a mother. A part of her still allows herself to converse with her, talk to her mother and despite with the cold tone she uses… she just wants to be loved.

“I know I can’t fix things but… Tell me what I should do, what I can do because I really don’t know anymore,” Her mother’s voice dripped with sorrow, desperation and there was just that piece of her emotions that Hee Young could tell.

Was it love?

“I can’t have you hating on me like this anymore, I really can’t,”

Hee Young closed her eyes, her fists clenching as her mind screamed your motorcycle is right there! But she couldn’t move. There was a deep anchor in her heart, plunging her down to the ground and keeping her firm stand on it, halting her from moving away even though she wanted to. Her arms wanted to just move towards her ride, to rev the engine and drive somewhere else—somewhere far away from here but it wasn’t possible.

Not when her heart was the one that called the shots.

Hee Young knows that she should run, she knows this isn’t something that can be forgiven and forgotten with just sorry and I was drunk and I had no idea what on earth I was doing because it makes no damned sense. You can’t come back all of a sudden and you can’t just do this to a person.

You can’t think that sorry and showing up after a few years will make things better for me because it won’t. I was broken then and I’m still broken now but why when I’m trying to pick myself up, you try to come back into my life and help me as if you think you can do it? As if you have the authority to do so?

And Hee Young didn’t know how she did it but she did. Those words flew out of , sentence after sentence, thought after thought, emotion after emotion. From pained, to hurt, to anger, to desperation—to everything that contained in her heart she spilled it out and put it on the line because it was about time.

It was about time she finally let out how she truly felt.

I don’t know what you can do for me and I have no idea what to say anymore. But I do know that I’m sorry, too. I’m sorry I ever ran away but… I don’t regret it.

What happened next and she wasn’t too sure how either but she was already on her way, on her motorcycle, heart slightly lighter than before but mind more messed up than before.

“You must be Hee Young,” The gentleman smiled at her as he let her into her sister’s office, opening the door for her with a megawatt grin and she swore that sometime in her life when she came here, she remembered that face. Hee Young casually sat down on the sofa and took note of the lad taking a seat opposite her but on a stool perpendicular with the sofa.

He had dark brown locks combed back and a red tie to match his black suit. A pair of round glasses slotted in his pocket along with a gold Rolex watch wrapped by his wrist. He had a scent of mint mixed with lavender and a pinch of lemon to knock it all off. One must be crazy to think of such mix but apparently, he did—and her sister loves it.

“I’m Joong Ki but sometimes people call me James here.”

She raised an eyebrow and crossed her legs, hands lazily draped on her lap, “Is that what my sister calls you?”

The man smiled but shook his head, “Not on the first day we met, no.”

Hee Young smiled a bit, remembering the first time her sister had ever mentioned this man. The typical coffee accident where one spills coffee onto the other and the one in the wrong buys a coffee for the other—cliché but oh so interesting.

“Does she call you James?”

“Sometimes, depending on her mood,”

Hee Young clicked her tongue, “James it is, I guess,”

The guy leaned forward, interestingly setting his eyes on Hee Young as he scanned through her features—they were definitely sisters, as far as he knows but there was just something he wanted to know. But knowing Hee Young, she’s not the type to beat around the bush.

“What do you want to know?” Hee Young cut to the chase, already noticing the stare she picked up from the lad in front of her. He offered her a smile and it was one that Hee Young could tell on why her sister would fall in love with that so much, “You’re very different from your sister, aren’t you?”

She scoffed a laugh, rolling her eyes and her back straightening, “We’re sisters—not duplicates.”

“But you’re very smart, as well.”

Without missing a beat, “I approve of you.”

Before Hee Young could answer, the door creaked open and the two already knew who it was. Heck, just by that little sigh she gave as she entered—it was too easy for the two. James stood up immediately, a grin on his face with a rather happy glaze in his eyes as he landed it on the lady walking towards them, “The meeting ended early?”

“Yeah,” Hee Min smiled, arms embracing Hee Young before they remained like that, a smile sent to James’ way, “And you’re interrogating my sister?”

The man had a slight tinge of pink on his cheeks, “W-We were just talking,”

Hee Young held two thumbs up, her tone over exaggerating but the smile on her face not fading just yet, “We’re best buddies, sis.”

James wasn’t dense and he was intelligent as well. He naturally reached over and swooped Hee Min in his arms, trailing her away from Hee Young in five seconds flat. Planting a kiss on her cheek, whispering softly I’ll leave you two be and a light on her lower back he had leaned away effortlessly. He hadn’t forgotten about her younger sister as he took three steps, lingering his hand in front of her, “I hope to see you again, soon, hopefully,” And with that Colgate smile, he had sealed off the deal.

“I really approve of you now,” Hee Young spoke, hands locked with James in a polite handshake.

He was earnest but proud in every little way as he took a step back and put his hands behind his back with an overdone bow, “Appreciate it.”

Hee Min used her hand, nudging him away with a tap on his bottom, “Get out.”

“Hey, hey! I’m leaving already!” He laughed, jogging towards the brown mahogany door that was left open slightly but once he was out, it was closed shut.

The two settled down beside one another, hand in hand, heart to heart as the two talked about whatever they wanted. Hee Min definitely let out her frustrations, something about smacking her boss until he flew to China or I’ll need to get a shovel because I need to bury some bodies once I kill them because of how stressing everything was. Being one of the people to have hold such a high position in a company, there were bound to be problems and Hee Min was going through that phase right now. Then of course, there came to how was class today?

And there was I didn’t go today…

“Why not?”

“Just… just because. I needed a break.”

With a loving smile, how could her sister ever go against that? Instead, a hand was placed on Hee Young’s shoulder, a warm tone used on her to make her heart feel at ease, “We all need a break sometimes.”

Along with a bittersweet smile, the younger replied that’s what dad said.

“She what?”

Hee Young exhaled and shook her head, face buried in her hands and her heart sinking lower and lower just talking about it. It’s not like she wanted this to happen either but what else can she do? After years of not seeing someone, days of not thinking about them, hours of ignoring their existence, minutes of having occasional moments of wondering if maybe they came back what would happen and seconds of regretting to have not moved far away—what do you exactly do when they just decide to come back into your life once more?

Hee Young wasn’t proud of running away and she can’t say it out loud that she abandoned the only family member she had in the country but did she ever had a choice? Yes, maybe she should’ve stayed and helped her mother out but what if her mother didn’t even want to help herself?

Would Hee Young be dead by now if she stayed? That’s something she wouldn’t risk—that’s why she ran.

But how was it possible for someone to have the audacity to return after such a long period of time, thinking that it was alright, thinking that if they just did something or just anything in general that things will be fine? If she was expecting Hee Young to be easy, this was going to be the opposite, then—and she’s not going to like it.

“I don’t know, I… I just don’t know. So many things are happening and… even… M-M…”

“Minseok?” Hee Min took a rough guess because wow, no one would’ve ever guessed it.

Hee Young sighed and nodded silently, hands pressed onto her cheeks so hard, fingers pressuring onto her eyelids that she could feel herself needing to disappear—why was everything crumbling down so fast?

“It’s time and… I just have a feeling that…”

“It’s going to happen… isn’t it?” The older spoke softly, her tone gentle yet the words were dead on as she wrapped an arm around Hee Young’s shoulder. Hee Young nodded once more, feeling her heart anchored down to the floor and she doesn’t know how the ending would be like, she has no idea how the outcome would be but she certainly does not want to break Minseok.

Hee Min could read the tone in her sister’s voice and knowing the personality Hee Young has, she knows Hee Young isn’t stupid. Hee Young was more of an observer than a speaker, brave than timid and strong than weak—she knows her sister better than her sister knows herself. So when it comes down to things like this, Hee Min may not necessarily know what her sister’s choice might be nor the outcome but she is certain that Hee Young would do what her heart feels is right. And it may not be the prettiest of all decisions but as long as Hee Young is happy, that’s all Hee Min could ever ask for.

“Well…whether you like it or not, it’s going to happen either way,” Hee Min started off delicately before she tugged her sister closer, holding her near, “But you can change how you will handle it.”