Chapter Thirty-Two

"That's life, isn't it?"

21st of February 2015

With a soft sigh that left her lips, it’s like she was lost at the moment. Well, not that anyone could tell that but she certainly felt that way. She leaned her elbows on the railing before her eyes gazed down to her wrist once more – why does it still feel like it’s her fault? She used her other hand, using her fingertips to brush onto the silver material wrapped around her wrist – she… could never forgive herself.

It felt impossible to.

“M-Mom, where’s dad and Joon?” The fourteen year old ask, her voice shaking as they were taking longer than usual.

Way longer.

The woman could only shake her head as she looked out of the window, hoping to see the familiar car come into the drive through but it wasn’t happening. Time was ticking by agonizingly slow and each minute that passed by only thickened the tension in the air. It felt harder to breathe just thinking of the millions of possibilities that could’ve happened.

And they weren’t necessarily good ones to begin with.

“M-Mom, could you please call dad?”

With a sigh, the woman gave a slight nod, “F-Fine.” She then paced over to the table, picking the phone up in her hands. She was about to press the number one on her speed dial list but another unknown call interrupted her. Her eyes widened at the number but she picked it up anyway.

Hee Young stood a few steps away but she could make up the bits and pieces of words her mother was saying through the phone.

“Y-Yes, this is she.”

“Wait… what?”

“No! N-No!”

Before Hee Young knew it, her mother was already shutting her phone off and dashed over for the car keys with a hurried, “Hee Young, to the car, now.”

Hee Young exhaled deeply and raked a hand through her hair, trying to calm herself down. Her mind, tried to aid in doing so. For today, at least.

Stop doing this to yourself.

Just stop thinking about it.

And every human being knows what happens when you do that. The more you tell yourself not to think about something, the more you…

“I… I’m so sorry but we’ve tried everything we could. The child has lost too much blood and the father had died on the spot of the accident.”

It happened so quick and it was so fast that the door that was supposed to be closed burst open. The doctor gasped, trying to see what had happened but it was too late.

She was faster than anyone else.

There the fourteen year old stood in the doorway of the emergency room. Above, the light that was lit up with a bright red had dimmed down after it was switched off and it summed up how Hee Young was feeling as she stood there. Not even her mother could do anything but watch her daughter stare at the person lying down on the bed, a white sheet covering the bloody mess beneath. The doctor stilled as he remained like that on the spot, unable to do or even move.

What was going on the mind of hers… it was left unknown

She wasn’t shaking nor was she trembling but inside, she felt like everything crashed. Promises had turned into broken ones. Bright skies and sunshine had turned into everything she could never have possibly imagined.

A nurse had the sane mind to take slow steps towards the child, placing a hand on her shoulder. Instead of flinching or any sort, the girl looked up calmly to the nurse when the lady had said, “A-Are you alright?”

The nurse could already see the tears welling up in her eyes but she was strong enough to give a nod. What she said next had stunned the nurse for about five solid seconds.

“C-Can I see him?”

The nurse had her hand remaining on her shoulder before she looked over her own to look at the doctor. The doctor turned to the parent of the respective child but no words were said.

“Please…” Hee Young pleaded, reaching to hold onto the nurse’s hand.

Jesus, she’s freezing, the nurse’s eyes widened as she glanced down to Hee Young. Like someone who got hypnotized completely, the nurse walked Hee Young towards the bed, standing right beside her. Her hands lingered above the sheets, unsure if she should really reveal what’s hidden underneath that could possibly… break her.

But…

“Please.” The fourteen year old said once more and it’s like there was nothing else the nurse could do but drag down the white sheet, disclosing what was supposed to remain hidden from people – people like Hee Young.

However, when the face of the boy was viewable, even the mother couldn’t see. It was too painful, too heartbreaking to do so. To see her one and only son… she wasn’t emotionally stable to do so since she had left to the other ward with one nurse escorting her as well.

The nurse standing beside Hee Young had gotten down on her knees, decreasing their height difference so the nurse could see Hee Young properly. She rested a hand on the younger girl’s shoulder, giving her a gentle squeeze, “I-It’s alright to cry…”

The girl simply shook her head even though she was already crying, the tears trickling down her cheeks as she stared at her only brother. The one who was there for her whenever she felt alone and when there was no one to hold, he was there to hold onto her. He may be young – but he’s still that strong person she knows.

“I can’t cry in front of him. He told me not to.” She croaked out softly, closing her eyes when she felt that it was too hard to look at a face she once felt so happy in seeing. It was too hard to see it now.

The nurse couldn’t help but feel so much pity for her. For someone so young, she’s already going through so much. The nurse turned Hee Young to face her, placing both hands delicately on her shoulders, “Sweetie, I know it’s hard but… he’s gone-“

“He’s not gone,” Hee Young’s eyes opened, showing how much she felt pained when the nurse had said that. She reached over to hold onto the nurse’s hand, directing it to place it on top of her chest, above her heart, “He’s always here.”

The nurse nodded despite feeling bad for even saying so – but someone had to. She her lips nervously and spoke, “O-Okay sweetheart, okay.” She then spread her arms wide before feeling Hee Young’s arms wrapping around her, silently crying in her arms, “It’s okay….”

Despite the tone the nurse was using, deep down in Hee Young’s itty bitty heart, she knows.

It’s not okay.

“God damn it…” Hee Young groaned softly, bending over to hang her head low with both of her hands laced behind her head. Her eyes were closed momentarily as she felt the soft gush of wind driving past her as she tried to get her mind back together.

“Can’t sleep?” A voice spoke up and on cue, Hee Young raised her head up and looked over her shoulder to see someone she’d never expect out here this late.

“M-Mrs. Lim?”

She smiled and stepped through the balcony, walking towards Hee Young before she leaned against the railing as well, “Surprise?”

Hee Young still couldn’t wrap her mind around her presence, “W-What are you doing here? At this hour?”

The woman smiled, reaching over to ruffle her hair, “Shouldn’t I say the same for you? You have classes tomorrow morning.”

Hee Young scoffed and casually looked away, not questioning what Mrs. Lim was doing here in the first place because she’s bound to get an answer, anyway.

“I’m not going to class tomorrow,” Hee Young breathed out, gazing up to the sky, “I mean, after what happened tonight, I might get expelled.”

Mrs. Lim frowned and sighed, shaking her head, “I’m assuming the dinner didn’t go as planned?”

Hee Young let out a laugh, turning to give Mrs. Lim a look, “It went way off from what I had expected. But at the same time, I can’t say I’m not shocked.”

Mrs. Lim wanted to say something but when Hee Young turned around, resting her lower back against the railing, she easily sealed her lips to let the younger one say her part.

“How do you handle a jackass like him? Don’t you have the urge to slit his throat midway of him talking?”

And when Mrs. Lim laughed out of the mutual feeling she understood, Hee Young went on.

“I mean, look at the guy, I just feel like… I don’t know. I want to do something horrible to the guy.”

Mrs. Lim reached over and patted Hee Young by the shoulder, chuckling, “Believe me, the real world , my dear. You’re bound to meet plenty of people like him.”

Hee Young rolled her eyes and looked away, “Then I’d rather not live in this planet…”

Mrs. Lim raised both eyebrows, “But from what I’ve observed… I’m sure there are people who are fond of you enough to keep you company.”

Hee Young raised an eyebrow, turning to look at Mrs. Lim once more, “And who are you referring to?”

“I would say the usual name all this while but… I think there’s a new name I would say-“

Hee Young raised a hand, “I know I’m being rude but please don’t.”

Mrs. Lim shrugged and eased her hand away from Hee Young’s shoulder, “As you wish.”

The two let the silence take over for a bit before Hee Young asked once more, “What were you doing here anyway? It’s late.”

Mrs. Lim slapped her forehead after finally remembering her initial reason why she came here for anyway, “Ah, right! I came here because I left some paperwork I’d need to get done by tonight.”

Hee Young leaned away from the railing, hands in her hoodie pockets, “Want me to walk with you there?”

Mrs. Lim raised an eyebrow, turning around as well, “That’s a first. Are you alright?”

“No but,” Hee Young already started walking with Mrs. Lim beside her, “That’s life, isn’t it?”

Mr. Kang checked the time on his watch before glancing back to the clock hung up on the wall. He tapped his foot on the floor impatiently before looking around to take note that indeed, she’s not here yet. As he locks gazes with Kai, he mouths discretely, “Where is she?”

Kai could only shrug, looking around to finally notice that indeed, she’s really not here.

Not being able to delay class any longer, Mr. Kang cleared his throat and stepped forward to the middle of the class, clapping his hands once to get the attention on him, “Alright, everyone. Attendance check.”

One person snorted in the flood of people in the room, “Really? It’s been ages since we’ve done that.”

Mr. Kang smirked but held up the board in his hands, hushing the guy up. As Mr. Kang called up the names, Kai slyly got up from his spot, walking over casually to the box where all the phones were kept. He noticed how Mr. Kang didn’t bother to glance at Kai’s way, as if he was waiting for Kai to do so let alone open up the red carpet for the opportunity.

“Jin Yee.” Mr. Kang called up and he noticed how it fell silent from then on. It was a sign that the respective student wasn’t there but he kept calling it over and over again just to make sure. Kai smirked inwardly well aware of what Mr. Kang’s motive was.

Buying me time? I’m not that slow.

With a few buttons here and there along with swift typing, he sent a message or two before slipping his phone back in. When he turned around, he heard a few coughs here and there from Mr. Kang, as if he had some sort of infection at his throat. However, when he tried to take his path back to sit down, Mr. Kang coughed even louder.

Kai closed his eyes for a brief moment and when a student asked, “Yo, Mr. Kang, are you alright?” And Mr. Kang waved it off?

Kai turned around and retrieved his phone, dialing the number this time.

A few seconds into the call, ‘Sorry, the number you have dialed is unavailable-‘

And then this went on speaker, loud enough for Mr. Kang to hear, ‘-please try again later.’

“Alright, and then right up until here-“

The buzzing of the PA system had the teacher and the whole hall of students to keep silent, patiently waiting for the announcement to be said. When the clearing of someone’s throat came up, Minseok nearly shuddered, fearing for that same message-

“Kwan Hee Young, please report to the principal’s office right now. Thank you.”

Minseok exhaled shakily and loosened the grip onto his pencil, mumbling softly, “No…”

But he got interrupted by another student sitting at the row behind him, a girl, he assumes.

“She’s always getting into trouble.”

Her friend agreed, “Yeah. Suddenly she means the world to the whole college.”

“Of being a wreck, that is.”

Luckily, Mrs. Lim wasn’t dense.

“Girls at the back, would you like to repeat what you have just said?”

Timidly shaking their heads, they swallowed hard and said their apologies loud and clear. Minseok sighed and shook his head, glancing up to look at Mrs. Lim who was already looking at him.

“Silent reading for ten minutes, guys. Start now.” Mrs. Lim announced and almost everyone dug their heads down at their books, hurriedly reading as Minseok raises an eyebrow. Then, she purposely turned her back on him, making him raise both eyebrows this time.

Is she…?

He slowly pulled his phone out and noticed how even when there were chatters behind him, she didn’t bother to turn back around to scold them like how she’d usually do. Quickly and being as careful as he could, he unlocked his phone and got typing.

When he heard the teacher coughing and clearing , it’s like lightning possessed him and he pressed send before slipping his phone back in. On cue, she turned around and Minseok’s head was already hovering above the book, reading what he was supposed to read.

“One day, I just want to run away for one day.” She exhaled, not even bothering to check her beeping phone buzzing in her bag. Her eyes closed shut and she has never felt so free and her mind had never felt such clarity in a long time. Though, she knew this wouldn’t last long, it was better than nothing. It was definitely better than sticking around in her dorms or even going for classes because here, no one can judge her. No one can tell her what to do.

Plus, she found this ironic when her eyes casted a look around in the vast area, so quiet, so tranquil, so lasting only for a day while she was here. She glanced down to the stones in front of her as she sat in between, her hand delicately running her fingers on the smooth yet solid surface, “Who would’ve thought I’d run away here?”

After years of not being able to do so, she finally found the strength to come here because she knows in her heart, this was the only place she could come to if she wanted to properly clear her mind. It wasn’t an ideal place to many but to her, it was more than enough – it was better than what she could’ve ever expected. And it was all thanks to Mrs. Lim.

 “What happened to your father… and your brother – it wasn’t your fault. I hope you remember that.” The older advised, a hand on her shoulder. Hee Young could only look away with guilt washing over her so quick, she thought she was going to drown, “But if it wasn’t for me, if they didn’t go out to buy that stupid cake for my birthday, they wouldn’t be-“

“Even if they didn’t go out on that day, what makes you think they would be safe at home? The freakiest things can always happen – freak accidents, they call it,” Mrs. Lim cut Hee Young off quicker than Hee Young could properly express her frustration. Mrs. Lim gave her a good look in the eye before continuing, “So regardless of where they were… it was their time.”

Her tone was much more subtle, gentle as she used her other hand to lace it on the younger girl’s cheek, “God wanted their angels back and nothing you do, nothing at all would’ve changed that fact.”

With the soft under Hee Young’s eye, Mrs. Lim whispered, “You can’t blame yourself for something you’ve never done. You’re smarter than that, Hee Young.”

She’s right, noona…

“I know she is, Joon-ah.”

I miss you, noona.

“You have no idea how much I miss you too.”

How’s school, my tiger?

“Well, not as good but… I just feel that running away one day can’t be so bad, right?”

Everyone needs a break sometimes, Hee Young-ah. Maybe today is a good day for you to do so.

“I know, I know,”

Y-Young… you might want to leave-

“I’d never thought I’d see you here.”