I woke up to Ji Ae sobbing in my arms. I quickly tightened my grip around her and felt her let out a deep breath of relief.

“I’m sorry, grandfather!” she said through sobs. “I didn’t mean to cause you such pain. It’s all so much sadder than I wanted.”  I pulled her closer into my arms. “I’m sorry I asked. I’m sorry, I'm sorry,” she repeated over and over with his voice muffled into my chest.

“Shh, I know it is, darling,” My mind flashed to Luhan. “But you're right, you can’t focus on it. You can’t focus on the bad things in life because they’ll eventually tear you down. I know that better than anyone.”

She rubbed her eyes as she pulled back slightly. “But you said it was all you could think about.”

“I know, I did. And it was, for the longest time. But, in my defense, I also always tried to counter it.” I started. “I would think of all the bad things and I would sit and remember and regret. But then I reminded myself that even though I had all those feelings inside, it wasn’t the way other people thought of them.  Nowadays, we will remain in history as the group who couldn’t make it through; and that’s okay. But people who were there, people who experienced it all with us, they’ll remember the truth. Our fans, friends and family; these are the people who will pass on the true legacy. Bands will come and go and mistakes will continue to be made and as soon as something worse comes along, we will no longer be remembered.

But that little girl who used to stay up until the early morning lying in her bed listening to our music, she will always remember. And she will always remember the good. It’s them who will continue to keep us alive.”

I took another deep breath. “And all of those stories I told you and your sister while you were growing up, they were what really mattered in the end.”

She looked questioningly at me. “I don’t understand.”

I smiled. “The fairytale of the purple haired boy and magical voice. The young prince and his dogs. Or even the best friends who went out every day for their bubble tea until they blew up because they couldn’t drink anymore. I never hid this part of my life from you. You had always known about them. You just always knew these parts of them; the best parts. The parts that should be remembered.

Nobody should be known for all the wrongs they did in their life. When you think of your friends, you have to remember the reasons why they were your best friends in the first place. It’s the way they deserve to be remembered.” I pushed her hair back. “And now they live on even through you. Because they should never be forgotten.”

She cried harder in my arms. “I know you’re afraid of forgetting them but I promise I’ll never forget, grandfather. I’ll never let them be forgotten.”

We stayed still for a long while after that. I could feel my heart beat slowing down as hers stayed even as she lay in my arms. She never once let go.

It was only when I finally felt myself slipping away that I heard her voice one more time; a soft melody in my ears. Without any movement she asked “What do you remember the best, grandfather?”

I smiled as I closed my eyes and leaned my head back waiting for the sleep to overtake me. “Me? I remember the feelings. But just not any feelings. I remember the best feelings in the world. I remember the sounds. I remember the lights…and I remember their hands in my own.”

And I felt it then, just as I did all those nights many many years ago. I felt the gross sweaty palms.

I felt the slight shaking in my hands.

I finally felt the warmth again.

I could move on.

And finally, I no longer felt stuck.