E p i l o g u e

Darkness.

Donghae was surrounded by it, but for the first time he wasn’t afraid. It kind of felt comfortable to be in the pitch-black darkness around him; maybe because he knew that it wouldn’t last long, maybe because he heard so many voices that made him feel like he wasn’t alone. And he wasn’t. He definitely wasn’t.

The loud and excited screaming of thousands of people brought a smile to his lips and just a second later sapphire blue dots appeared in the dark. Hundreds, thousands – it even felt like there was a million and more. Their movements got rhythmic as soon as the music started; they formed waves, became an ocean that left Donghae speechless. He simply stood there and stared at it, turned his head a bit and saw them everywhere around him. It felt like he was stranded on an island, surrounded by the most beautiful ocean in the world – and he didn’t want to leave it.

He smiled, grinned, and as some lights were , the screaming got even louder. The music continued and someone started singing; he immediately recognized who it was and it sent shivers down his spine. They were in the middle of their concert and yet he still wasn’t used to it, couldn’t tear his eyes away from the beauty around him.    
Eunhyuk and him, they had been welcomed with open arms and the cheering for them had been by far the loudest of all and it still was; every time they made a sound. There was no doubt in the faces he saw, no disgust, no judging. All he could see was joy, love. He couldn’t say it for sure, but it simply felt like it; it felt like there wasn’t a single soul in this whole arena that thought bad about him or Eunhyuk. Donghae felt so protected, like there wasn’t a bad thing in this world that could happen to him. Nothing could take away what he felt in that moment; being on stage, everything. He would've never thought to be able to stay there again and yet he was. It felt like he was dreaming.

This was the place he wanted to stay.

This was the life he wanted to live.

This was family.

This was… home.

An arm was wrapped around his shoulder and someone made him go forward. Donghae grinned as he saw the deeply contented expression on Heechul's face and the way his lips curled as he started to sing or rather rap his part of the song. The fans kept chanting, expressing their love for them and the brunet couldn’t fight the warmth rising in his chest. He couldn’t stop grinning, not for a second.

The others' voices covered his skin with goose bumps, each and every single one of them. Even though they had practiced so hard for this the last months and no matter how many times he had heard them singing then – this was different. It simply sounded so different, just so… beautiful. This slow song, one they had sang so many times already, the chanting fans and the lights… had it always been like that? He couldn’t tell, but if it had, he surely hadn't cherished it enough before.

As it was his turn, his words almost weren’t able to leave his lips because he was that overwhelmed. He kept haltering and his voice drowned completely in the fans' loud screaming as they lifted the weight to remember his text in a situation like that from him. So he simply stopped his attempt and let out a laugh; he would've been able to cry at the same time. Not because he was sad or ashamed for forgetting what to say in a song like that. It was because he was so overwhelmed that a simple smile or his laughter couldn’t express how this felt like. And he had no words to describe it.

Arms were wrapped around his waist from behind and Siwon rested his head on the brunet's shoulder as he started singing. Donghae's eyes travelled over the ocean of blue lights again as the taller body behind him slowly made him walk forward. The goose bumps didn’t leave his skin and only seemed to increase; he was sure to look like an idiot by now with this grin plastered on his face. But he didn’t care.

Time seemed to past way too fast as he spent almost the whole song in the arms of one of the members. This wasn’t the end yet; there still were a lot of songs to come. But Donghae didn’t want any of them to end; he didn’t want this concert, this whole tour to ever end. He wanted to let it continue, day after day, no matter how exhausted he was when they'd stumble into their hotel rooms at night.

The delayed Super Show was the biggest so far and to him, it also was the one that meant the most. Before all those things had happened, being on tour had been something he had been used to. It had been something fixed; there had been more countries they had visited with each show, more fans – but even during the tour they had already known that there would be a next one sometime. So back then ending a tour had been hard, but not too hard.          
Now Donghae had lost that way of thinking. To him every second was special and he didn’t even want to think about what would happen if this was over. He didn’t feel that hint of relief anymore; to be glad about the possibility to relax after travelling around the planet. Being on stage was way more relaxing to him than being at home could ever be.

Donghae had learned to love every part of it, even the exhaustion. He loved being exhausted because he had worked hard instead of taking too much of what he had thought was good for him. He loved falling asleep with memories of the last hours in his head instead of having a clouded mind, filled with voices he slowly learned to forget. He loved it, his job, even though it wasn’t really a job to him. It was rather a dream coming true. Instead of paying him for what he did, they most likely could've made him pay for it and he would still do it.

All this time he had been searching for his little paradise and had even thought he had found it in small bags filled with brownish powder. But this paradise had turned out to be hell – and he had been able to walk through it despite him stumbling badly. The real paradise had always been there, he knew that now, and it was just a few feet away. Because there was only one place in this world that he would rather be right now.

Kyuhyun let go of him as Yesung started singing once again and the grin on Donghae's lips impossibly extended even more as he saw that one person standing there across the stage, looking at him and smiling the way that always succeeded in making Donghae's heart skip beat over beat. He fastened his steps just a tiny bit and let out a small laugh as he saw the other spreading his arms to welcome him in a hug. And he gladly accepted h