The Exhaustion of Healing

How Far Until Footprints Vanish - Undergoing Revision and Finalization

The Exhaustion of Healing

*

               It was itchy, whatever he was feeling. His body was itchy and on fire. There’s pain too, crazy amounts of pain. Chansung opened his eyes and gasped quietly. He found himself in familiar settings. His side and shoulder were burning, and when he moved just a little pain erupted all over his body. He could feel the scratchiness of the bandages and cringed at the smell of disinfectant. He was sure he hadn’t been that injured. Well, asides from being shot and stabbed, the memory and realisation made him cringe. Turning his head at the sound of soft breathing, a smile immediately pulled at his lips.

                There, sleeping soundly at the edge of the bed, was Wooyoung. The warmth and familiarity of Wooyoung’s room comforted him immensely. A calming feeling spread throughout his whole body, negating the pain just a little. Then, he recalled Baron telling him the blade was laced with poison.

                “Wooyoung...” He croaks softly. He’s alarmed. What had happened to him? What about Min-Jun? What about the poison?

                The sleepy man jerked up instantly, eyes red, his face puffy and pale. He exhaled heavily and covered his face, hiding the look of relief. His hands then descend and grasp his right tightly. “You're awake. You...” he starts and bites his lip. He shook his head and met his eyes. “You finally woke up. You scared me you idiot cat.”

                Smiling, he clutched Wooyoung’s hand tightly. “I’m alright–"

                “No you’re not, Chansung...” He said shakily and pressed his hand to his forehead. “I was so relieved every time you called, but then I never heard from you again. I thought something terrible had happened. There...was so much blood all over you. You looked like you were in so much pain. The poison...if Teri hadn’t figured out the cure...I would – we would have lost you...”

                Tensing, he slowly sat up and looked at his side. The memories of what had transpired came to him in pieces. Junho whimpering and being distrustful of him, Min-Jun losing his sanity, and Baron – he felt instant rage upon recalling the fights, his words.

                “I had...I had to fight him, or I really was going to die. Worse, they would have gotten away with Junho, and I don't want to think about what would have happened to him if they did.” He said and smoothed his hand through Wooyoung’s hair. The burning pain in his side and shoulder lessened a little, but it hurt. “I would have done the same for you.”

                “I don’t want to hear that!” Wooyoung growled but didn’t move away from him.

                Chansung couldn’t help but smile. “Where’s Junho and Min-Jun?”

                “They’re safe. Junho is still at the hospital. Min-Jun was affected by the same poison, but not to the extent you were. Taecyeon still thinks you should be at the hospital.” He answered as he leaned into Chansung's touch.

                “Oh? Why am I not there?” He asked, focusing on just how desperate Wooyoung really looked.

                Wooyoung glared at him though, and sniffled. “Because Min-Jun said you would be alright here. Plus, it’s been three days, and...yeah you’ll find out anyway. But you, the wolves of Nocturna, and Min-Jun managed to save sixty hybrids. Baron was arrested alive and so were most of his men, at least the ones they could find, and you all came back home.”

                Chansung’s chest tightened at the word home. Indeed, they did come back. “So it was worth it.”

                Wooyoung rose and grabbed his shirt. “You...You almost got killed, you idiot!” He screamed. “Don’t be so selfish! What would I have done if I lost you?!”

                The words were so loud and Wooyoung’s tone so desperate, and his scent flew everywhere and all around them, Chansung could do nothing but stare.

                Wooyoung gasped and covered his mouth. “Damnit, I...I hate this...” His hands began to tremble.

                Eyes widening, Chansung watched the shock also mask that distraught face. Chansung couldn’t look away, no. “Wooyoung...”

                Wooyoung bolted out of the room and disappeared, his scent and warmth gone with him. Chansung felt a hollow feeling rise up in his chest and the numbness spread throughout his entire body. He reached up instantly and found the pendant still there. Taking a deep breath he fell back and winced as pain rushed throughout the right side of his body.

                Min-Jun came through the door and sat beside him. “Are you alright?”

                All he could do was nod. He didn't know what had happened just then, but it was evident Wooyoung was fighting within himself, too. The distress built up in his chest and tears flooded his eyes. He didn’t want Wooyoung to be mad at him, either. Was it so bad to have saved hybrids? 

                Min-Jun sighed and lay down beside him. “Let it out," he soothed softly.

                Chansung shook his head and gripped the blankets tightly. He rolled onto his left side and pressed his face into the pillow. “Why does it hurt so much?”

                “I'm sorry he's being stubborn.” Min-Jun hugged him close and rubbed his back. "You need rest..."

                This was more painful than anything, the constricting feeling of failure in his chest. He gripped the pendant tightly and just cried. He didn’t know when he fell asleep, but his dreams weren’t any better.

                *

                Chansung was strewn out over the cold snow, his pendant before him. Slowly gaining his bearings he rises to his feet and snatches up the golden gem. There is minimal light and the trees go far, covering the rolling hills. He’s back in the forest. Then he notices the footprints and he slowly starts after them. He feels weak and groggy. Looking up, gentle green streams of light pass overhead from sunlight filtering through the trees.

                 Hearing the loud crunch of snow behind him, he spares a glance back and spots the large body of a brown bear. “M...Min-Jun...”

                “Hush, it’s alright to keep walking. Your injuries will heal.”

                Nodding, he turns back and sees the small dot in the distance.

                “What about Junho, Min-Jun?” He asks and looks back, but the bear is no longer there.

                Pain wells up inside his body and he collapses. Closing his eyes, he begins to sob as his chest tightens painfully. Rising once more he continues on.

               "You're tenacious, kid."

               Chansung turned immediately and faced Baron.

               "Do you want to know what happened 20 years ago?"

               "Yes, please, I need to know."

               "Then go to the Realm pool."

               Chansung hesitated, but he turned and continued on.

               It feels like hours of complete agony before he arrives at a clearing. The small pool of water rests in front of him as well as the small silver fox. He collapses at the pool’s edge and grips the pendant tightly. He feels so utterly weak. Noticing movement, he watches as the fox comes closer. His ragged breaths form clouds of vapour before him and he holds his shoulder and side.

               “No matter what happens to me...I’m going to continue.” He promises and smiles.

               “Why do you try so hard to follow me? Don’t you feel tired?

               Shaking his head, he begins to feel hot. “No matter what pain I experience or what trials I face, they mean nothing until I find you.”

               “What makes you think I wish to see you in pain?

               Surprised, he looks up to find the fox even closer.

               “Do you think it doesn’t harm me?

               His vision hazes with tears and he collapses. “The pain doesn’t matter...I have to find you.” He sobs and shuts his eyes tight.

                “You silly cat...”

                Eyes opening, a gentle hand runs through his hair. He can’t help but chuckle. Attempting to look up the sun blinds him.

                “I’m going to find you...”

                *

                Eyes opening slowly, he notices that it’s dark out. Hearing the sound of writing, he turns and finds a familiar figure at Wooyoung’s desk. Groaning softly, he looked over the tender features of his father's face him. Was he delirious? Was it the poison? He knew Min-Jun wouldn’t have him at home if he wasn’t safe.

                “You look better than yesterday...” He said as he came nearer.

                "What're you..." Chansung’s words stumbled out as his vision cleared and he realised it wasn’t his father standing before him but Taecyeon. “Ah...I...I thought you were my dad.” He couldn’t help but mumble.

                “Oh? Are you sure you're alright?" He asked as he rested his hand against his forehead. His skin felt so cool against Chansung's flushed skin.

                "Did we accomplish anything by going after them, Taecyeon?" He couldn't help but ask. "What happened to Baron?!"

                "Don't think about that right now. Just focus on getting better." 

                "Just tell me, please?"

                "You did, you did so much, Chansung." He said softly and brushed back his hair.

                Chansung couldn't help but bask in the comforting touch.

                "Thank you...for what you did for Min-Jun. I knew you were important to him, but I'm amazed you didn't get hurt when he was lost to the rage." Taecyeon admitted. "Min-Jun is really, really fond of you - and Wooyoung was so stressed out over you. I don’t think he slept for two days.”

                “How long has it been?”

                Taecyeon checked his watch. “It’s been four days since you left the hospital.”

                “How’s Junho?”

                “He’s anxious to see you.” He answered with a smile, continuing to brush back Chansung's hair.

                Looking up at the wolverine in disbelief, he couldn't hide it, he didn’t. "Taecyeon...I have new information about the attack on my family."

               The wolverine straightened up. "How?"

               "Baron, he was there, he was working with the Porta family."

               Taecyeon snarled, "what else did he say?"

               Chansung took a deep breath. "He was the one behind the bombing. I don't know how else he was involved. He also said someone gave him and the Portas a tip that my family would be...here...in Fortune."

               "I'll be sure to inform the authorities. I don't know how this will work with you still being a fugitive. I know other hybrids would be happy to help, but this is big."

               "So long as something comes of it, even if I have to take the witness stand and be arrested, I'll do it." He said with as much gusto as he could muster.

               Taecyeon smiled gently. "I'm surprised you remember."

               Chansung all but glared at the ceiling. "I've been trying to find information about this incident for years. There's no way I could forget." Taking a deep breath he stared at the ceiling until Taecyeon’s soft words invaded his mind like a thorn.

               “I guess I have more to tell your father."

               Chansung looked at him in disbelief.

               "I...I know you probably didn't want me to, but yes I called your father.”

                Fear rose up within him. If he knew then so did she.

                “He had often spoken to me about how you never really told him things you've gone through. I just had to, Chansung. He deserved to know-”

                Chansung glared at him. “You had no right-"

                Taecyeon reached up and cupped the back of his neck. “I had every right to tell him, Chansung. You are his cub.” Chansung went quiet and turned his head away and tried to fight the hold but he couldn't. “Don’t you know what it’s like for a father to only hear after the battle, without evening knowing, that his precious son has been hurt – nearly killed?”

                “I never wanted him to know.”

                Taecyeon’s grip tightened and he forced him to look up. “You’re not alone, Chansung. What would your brothers and sisters think if they lost you without even knowing?”

                Those words made him ache deeply. “Don’t make me feel guilty about that, I didn’t think it was going to be that crazy.” He defended and tried again to push back but found it taxing.

                “No, of course not, and you know, I don’t think this will ever change. I know you want to find the foxes. I know you have a goal. I know you want to help people and make sure there’s justice, but you’re only one person, Chansung. You’re one hybrid, and you can’t do all that by yourself. You have to believe in other people. Like you have by sharing with me about Baron.” Taecyeon said, tone urgent yet caring. “I understand that you’ve been through a lot since you were very young. I know you probably have a lot of apprehensions with trusting people, but, this is the result when you face too many battles without asking for help.”

                Chansung’s eyes widened as Taecyeon sat back, his scent making him feel emptiness and hurt all at once. He did not like this feeling.

                “I know all about it, Chansung. There isn't any length I wouldn't go to save Min-Jun or Wooyoung. But...I have had help, and it is okay to ask for help, too." He said tenderly and held his hand, and erased those discomforting feelings instantly. "When...we finally got you back and checked over you...you really fought without so much as one care for yourself, didn’t you?”

                Breathing becoming fast he gripped the blankets tightly. “Please stop it-"

                Taecyeon cupped his face and brought them closer together. “Wooyoung was so hurt, Chansung. My cub...doesn’t get attached to many people. You’re dear to my family, you are important to me, and I say these things not for our benefit only but yours, too. As a parent, please understand why I told your father. He said he knew you would be alright, but enough is enough.”

                “It doesn’t matter!” He snapped. “I know - I know it looks bad, alright? Don’t you think I realise just how much I hurt the people I care about? But you should know - you know what she's said to me - what she's done! You know!” He gripped Taecyeon’s arm and pushed him back, trying desperately to get away. “Not just her – what everyone has said to me, ‘this quest isn’t going to reward you’, ‘you’re never going to find a fox’, ‘why are you trying to do something so stupid?’, ‘it’s pointless what you’re doing.’ On and on and on and on, the only person I had this whole time, was myself. I know my dad cares but he didn't believe me either! He's supported me – sure, but he's always listened to her."

                "I know, Chansung, but she isn't here. I am, so is Min-Jun, and he thinks the whole world of you, and of course, my cub. Wooyoung might be angry now, but he cares so much. We all do, and I hope you believe that. You have so many people that care about you, even in the Capital."

                "I...I know. I love my brothers and sisters, and Fei, they’re the only reason I would go back to that ing place. Other than that, with everything that has happened to me, I have a hard time believing what you're saying. I don't know what I can believe anymore!" Chansung fought with all his being the comfort that Taecyeon was trying to provide. He knew it was ridiculous, but he didn't want it. Out of everyone, Taecyeon should know what he was running from. "You better not tell her what I've found out. She would use it against me, Taecyeon."

               "I wouldn't do that, Chansung." Taecyeon promised. "I want to help you find out the truth." He said gently. "You should rest."

               "This...this is the first time I have felt like I have a home again in a very long time, and I seem to have caused nothing but stress and pain since I’ve arrived...” His side and shoulder began to throb with pain and he hugged himself tightly. Looking at his hands, fresh blood coated his hand and began to bleed into the bed clothes, and he groaned in absolute pain.

                "You haven't caused any stress or pain, Chansung." Taecyeon said as he lay him back and looked over his side. “Come on, maybe it would be best if I take you to the hospital.”

                “No! Just...please don't, Taecyeon, please don't, let me stay here, please?” He gasped and balled up tighter. “This is why...I don’t get close to anyone. I don't want to feel like this.” He murmured and the tears kept falling. “Who would miss an idiot that goes wandering after something unattainable anyway?” Taking easy breaths, the pain finally faded and he rolled onto his back. “Can you get me a basin of hot water and scissors?”

                Taecyeon hesitated, and smiled. "I will, but I want you to know that I would miss you, because I've seen what happens to those I love when I don't realise it." He said and left.

                Chansung sighed as he reached up behind him and switched on the lamp. He looked over his blood stained clothes and hauled off the shirt. He was too physically, emotionally and mentally drained.

                It was Min-Jun instead, not Taecyeon, who returned with the basin and surgical scissors. Chansung did feel more at ease but he knew Taecyeon had been right. He just couldn’t do anything about it in his current state; he didn't want to do anything about it.

                Slowly he cleaned away the blood and Min-Jun helped him with the sutures.

                “Are you sure you should be taking those out?”

                Chansung chuckled and shrugged. “Trust me, my body can’t heal with human medicine. I haven't had the strength until now, but these have probably hindered my healing more than anything.” He said as he clipped the threads.

                When they’re all finally removed he reached up and  on his fingers. He focused on his glands and tangy liquid fills his mouth. He smoothes his wet fingers over his wounds and feels instant relief. The ache dulls considerably and the blood finally stopped.

                “Wow, you have regenerative abilities? Don’t see that every day...”

                Chansung leaned back and finally catches his breath. “That’s the only special thing I can really do.” He says breathlessly. The burning sensation of potential infections ebbs away to nothing and his skin began to mend.

                “The only thing he says. You really..." Min-Jun sighed. "You’re an amazing person, Chansung.”

                Shaking his head, he collapsed and coated his fingers in the liquid again and lathers more over his remaining injuries, especially his side. The pain dulls even more and he finally relaxes. When he managed to catch his breath the tension began to ebb away from his fatigued body. He knew it would be a couple more days before he’s able to work again. Recalling his dream, he felt even more confused than before.

                “Ne, Min-Jun..?”

                “Hmm?” The bear inquires as he cleans up.

                “Do you think...trying to find a fox...is stupid?” He asks, voice shaking.

                “No, why?” Min-Jun genuinely looked like he didn't find it ridiculous.

                “I...I saw a fox with her kits at the festival. She said some things and so did...whoever that elderly lady was, that really...assured me I'm in the right place but I'm just so...” He began to shake. "I'm so tired..."

                Min-Jun heaved a deep sigh and sat down beside him. So many emotions crossed his features and several times he looked like he wanted to say things, but didn't. “Okay...okay." He took a deep breath and rested his hand against Chansung's neck. ", I hate this." He laughed bitterly. "It hurts me to say this, and I don’t want to because you’re going through enough right now...but, some people would say that the fox will always be unlucky.” He says quietly. “However, I believe that people like you are making the difference. And! You were able to see one! That’s great, Chansung. As for your journey, no one but you can determine whether or not what you’re seeking is worthwhile, only you can do that. I just...I know this is a lot to ask from you, but I want you to be patient for a little while longer.”

                “The fox wouldn't be considered unlucky if people didn't treat them horribly.”

                Min-Jun shrugged. “Yes, I agree." He brushed his hand over Chansung's hair. "As for this cute thing between you and Wooyoung, just...take it easy between the two of you, okay? We caused...a lot of worry.”

                Chansung flushed deeply and nodded. “Can I change his bed clothes? I don’t want him-"

                “I’ll be right back.” Min-Jun assures and left.

                Chansung sets to work and hauls off the sheets and pillow cases. Min-Jun returns and helps him with the bed.

                “Wow, if I’d known you were able to heal yourself I would have tried to get you to do it sooner.” The older man laughs and claps him on the shoulder.

                “My body has always rejected human medicine. I can’t tell you how much it . I still feel utterly terrible and it's going to take me a couple days to feel normal. I seem to be alright with painkillers.”

                “Well, I’ll bring some up and hopefully it’ll help with your fever too.” Min-Jun said as he gathered up the sullied bed clothes.

                Managing to make it back to the guest room where he finds it almost exactly how he left it, Chansung collapsed onto the bed.

                Min-Jun returns with water and a bottle of painkillers. “Rest well, okay?”

                “Are...are you okay?” He asks.

                Min-Jun sat beside him and hummed. “Thanks to a certain someone, yes, I am.”

                Chansung flushed. “Take me serious-"

                “I am!” Min-Jun laughed. “Did you think I would hurt you?”

                Chansung hugged himself. “I...” He could see it vividly: Min-Jun’s gleaming red eyes and Baron hanging listlessly from his mouth. “I really thought you were going to kill him.”

                Min-Jun’s expression fell then and his jaw tightened. “I never wanted you to see me like that...”

                “I’m more scared of Taecyeon than you.” He admitted.

                “That doesn’t comfort me in the least.” Min-Jun ruffled his hair and pushed him.

                Chansung chuckled. “Sorry...but it’s true.”

                “You better get some rest. I have a feeling tomorrow is going to be a pretty hectic day. Knowing you you’re going to want to be up and about.”

                “I don’t like staying still...”

                “Yes, I know.” Min-Jun smiled fondly. “Take the pills and go to sleep, Chan.” There it was, the same comforting tone Min-Jun always had.

               Chansung didn’t know what to say yet, he and Min-Jun had been through a lot, and he didn’t know how to come to terms with it. Or, maybe he didn’t really need to. While it seemed like nothing changed between them, things were definitely different. Min-Jun felt different to him, and Chansung just wanted to stay close to him. 

                “You know, I’ve been thinking of who you remind me of and why I feel so comfortable around you.” Chansung said, looking at the bottle of painkillers and the glass of water in his hands.

                “Oh?”

                “You remind me of my grandmother.” He said softly and couldn't help but smile. “She knew I was going to travel. You really give me the same feelings as her. If she found out about any of this I think she'd send me to my grave.” He laughed.

                Min-Jun cupped his chin. “You’re still such a kid sometimes. I'm honoured that you think we're similar. Sounds like she's been able to reign you in.”

                Chansung pouted. The memories of his family roused feelings of loneliness. Feeling the bed dip beside him, he glanced at Min-Jun who was looking at some pictures hanging on the wall.

                "I haven't been able to say it, Chansung," Min-Jun began softly, "what it means to me that you're here."

                Not being able to help chuckle, he said quietly, "I feel like I've disrupted things more than anything else."

                Min-Jun tugged him close and bumped their heads together lightly. "You haven't, not in the least."

                Chansung basked in the comforting hold and in the warmth Min-Jun was sharing with him.

                "Don't think about your parents if it hurts." Min-Jun whispered.

                Closing his eyes, Chansung curled up into Min-Jun's side. "I'm so grateful to have you with me, Min-Jun." He cried quietly.

                "Shh, I know you're scared to tell me, but I'm always here." Min-Jun kissed his temple and hugged him close. "I guess I needed you as much as you needed me." He said and rocked them back and forth. 

                Smiling, Chansung nodded.

                "Want me to stay with you?"

                "No, that's too much. I'm almost 30-"

                "I don't want you to be lonely. No cub is allowed to feel lonely in my home."

                Chansung hugged himself. "Would you?" He asked brokenly. "I finally...feel safe."

                "Yes, get ready for bed. I'll be five minutes."

                Chansung nods and downs two pills and some water. He hoped he could manage falling sleep. Opening his eyes, he could smell the faintest traces of it: Wooyoung’s scent. All his emotions crash down on him again. Soon though, he felt gentle, warm hands in his hair. Min-Jun was probably the only reason he was able to relax.

                “It's okay, Chan, just rest."

                The lull of sleep came even stronger as Min-Jun continued to run his hands over his hair. Chansung closed his eyes. "Thank you, Min-Jun."

                "Shh, it's okay. You don't need to thank me."

                The warmth, the comfort, and Min-Jun's scent had Chansung drifting. It was like he was home with a loving parent. He missed it so much.

*

Next chapter...The Appreciation of the Rescued

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gummimoon
Story update - Mar 1 2024: revisions with major and minor updates have been made in chapters 18-34.

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brat2104 #1
Chapter 50: Please post the extra chapters and the conclusion...

I really love chansung but there are so many unfinished story of him...
poisoncheecks
#2
oh my god i haven't visited aff for years! and to see that you really came back and finish your master piece, i'm giving you a standing ovation really HUGE THANK YOU for doing this even though you didn't owe us readers, but you still came back to us. i suddenly remembers aff and decides to check out and came back to you finishing the story 😭🤧 thank you so much. i wish you always have a good health and living a good life, bc you're an amazing person. THANK YOU ❤️
hwootestjang #3
Chapter 50: After so many years, you congratulate me for staying and waiting but you mesmerized me more. You kept your promise to return and rewrite the story. Making it better you said, it was soo good back then and this is even so much better. This story is packed with emotion. Truthfully, this is one of the best story I have ever laid upon. Youre such an amazing writer probably because youre such an amazing person. Stories like this should be published instead of some those in the market.

Thank you for writing this masterpiece. Sad that this is your last but what a grand retirement. I always wondered why I kept holding on this account. I guess this is it that Ive been waiting for. The end to such a beautiful story. Well another bonus you said. But yeah. I read because i love chanwoo but this story is so enticing and so so good. Im not good with words and I am jealous how good you are with it. You and your ways with words. Not sure if youll read this. Knowing you was one of the best Ive ever had. This site has given me so much that I couldnt fathom or know it over the years. You are one of it. I wish you happiness and everything you wanted. So long my penpal(?).

Thank you so much for this.
Linnyxx17 #4
Chapter 37: Aish! I'm late to reading both updates! But I was thrilled to have two chapters all to myself! Wonderful again simply wonderful, and Kaiden! his eyes!!!!!!! I knew it had to be her somehow! *standing ovation* I love it, I remember the date being planned in the original which sadly i never read because you are now writing this wonderful change, from here on out im on the edge of my seat with waiting for new things that are coming!!! <3333333333
ELFQUEEN69
#5
Chapter 35: This update shook my heart up so much! So happy that Chansung and his family are on the path to healing though!!
Linnyxx17 #6
Chapter 35: Yes!!! finally some of the big reveals that I remember from the first draft of this! Gosh its still so wonderful and I'm still on the edge of my seat! I'm completely worried about Chung-Hee's health! Chan can't lose him! Aurora is gonna get what is coming to her I just know it! Hehe you have me shouting at my screen reading as if Chan and his dad can hear me XD

amazing update yet again!
Linnyxx17 #7
Chapter 34: This was such a wholesome chapter! and you are now just being cruel with the teasing of them being intimate!!! *dies* I seriously love this I can never get enough, I hope next chapter Chan and Woo get more closure and Chan can start moving more towards healing, though he is doing wonderful now on his journey, I need answers for him as well!

Thank you for another lovely update! <3333
ELFQUEEN69
#8
Chapter 33: This is the most amazing chapter!! I’ve been on such an emotional roller coaster but loved every second of it! Thank you so very much for this beautiful update!! I hope you are safe, happy and healthy.
Linnyxx17 #9
Chapter 32: Ah! just keep pulling me closer and closer to the edge of curiosity! Such a wonderful update! <3333
babikhun
#10
I'm so excited to see your updates when I just got back to read stories!!!!!!