{  T h e   3 9 ^{t h}  :  O n e  }

 

 

I know dear that you'll be in a sudden change in there but you have to move closer to the school since you're in your college level now, and you know that we have a business here that your father and I have to manage. I'll surely miss the things we used to do years ago. Be careful, my dear. Take care of yourself and we will always send you your needs there. I love you, my little boy.

Mother

 

 

Staring at the letter, the newly-moved Luhan scans the paper once again, looking for any words from her mother about his favorite slippers. He sighs in dismay, and puts the letter on a brown envelope where he keeps most of his paper stuffs.

 

 

Luhan can hardly believe that it has been two years. He was like a bear at sleep and just woke up to this point, wherein he is independent in his own cave; a cub on a big world he used to face, but not alone.

 

He let himself around his new apartment. His new place is very spacious, for him it would probably fit 20 residents on it. He feels happy about how his parents bought him something very expensive, thus it keeps him comforted. Knowing it would be really different from the grassy fields he used to see first thing in the morning, with the crowd of vehicles and planted buildings around the building, he is rather lucky to face the sea instead of the sea-ty.

 

 

Luhan went to the kitchen, where he first noticed it's beauty. The walls were tiled and bricked, and the countertops were marble and its supports were wood. The mix of mediums was inspiring for him, giving him that persuasion to achieve his dream of being an interior designer. He looked over the counter and reached for his class schedule and placed his bum on the leather stool.

 

"Ah, I can't wait to attend my first day at college." He said to himself as he reviews his college sched. He brushed his hair upward and felt the temperature on his forehead. He felt warm and fine, and that gives him a little self-comfort. He breathed deeply repeatedly and wandered his eyes around once again in his new environment. He started wondering where he will start, and decided to go out and do some grocery shopping.

 

He was on his way out when he noticed a piece of his past over his luggages. He picked it up and flipped out random pages to scan over.

 

He suddenly ran to her, turning around and breaking their promise to never look back. He awfully wanted to tell her that it wasn't over for them. It was, in his mind, but it wasn't too late for them to start all over again.

To start a new beginning, and to begin in a new starting point...

 

He placed the book away from his sight and said to himself that he had to keep moving. He was in the mood of reading it, because he haven't even looked at it for almost 2 years but it wasn't just the right time for him to sit and reminisce the moments he was trying to forget.

 

 

 

Yes, it has been two years.

 

 

 

Two years of non-stop thinking about Sehun. After the accident, Luhan had never compiled up anything about Sehun. He was still worried every single day, and the urge of seeing him again grew worse. He wanted to forget him as much as possible, but he couldn't. Maybe he'll have a small moment of not thinking about him, but everything just flashes back; the disturbance insensates repeatedly.

 

 

 

Luhan relied on his senses and on a small Seoul map he picked up from the concierge at the  ground floor of the apartment. He started strolling the streets and quickly found a near grocery mall. He entered the large semi-refrigerated store and pulled his cart.

 

He went first to the cereal station, which is his favorite. He picked up boxes of meusli and the western, Cookie Crisps. Being at the section reminds him of an old friend, as they lunch over cereals and fresh cow milk from his uncle.

 

He also picked up several boxes of fresh milk and went on with the shopping. He then went to the vegetable and fruits section. The long display of greeneries and produces reminds him of his hometown; as he continues to smell and distinguish what is fresh and what is best like a professional.

 

"This tomatoes are great." He said to himself as he rotates the crimson red fruit on his hand.

 

At the corner of his eye, he felt something very electrifying that attracted his attention from a distance. He looked at the empty aisle and saw a man whom just walked past his section. He hurrily threw in a random bunch of tomatoes, losing his inspection on them and followed the man in an abaiser black bonnet and grey hoodie.

As he expected to see the man he was following, it passed another section so he had to catch up on him again, but along his way he keeps an eye on things he can put on his cart at the same time. It was like a game, but still he relied curious of who was that man. His mind was telling him something, and feels like he has to know what is in his gut.

 

Luhan then luckily catches up with the man and he felt a little bit uneasy of getting closer to him. He pushes his cart and his feet closer to the man who was checking out a limited edition pasta set. He was a feet away from the man when a bunch of ahjummas flooded in and covered him and the man in a distance. The ladies fought over the pasta set frantically, making Luhan lose his focus on the man he was following. He was stuck on the gush of carts in front of him, so he had to take a circle out of it.

 

He successfully got himself out of the screaming grandmas, still hoping for the last sight of the man. But as he saw him, he was already with his bags and was out of the store. Luhan tried to get out but a guard stopped him and said that he has to pay for his groceries before leaving the store. Luhan grieved and drops down his head, trying to shake off his sudden panic. He got himself back up and just thought of it as something... unnecessary.

 

 

 

"And the last: eggs." He carefully placed the little white porcelains at their holders and closed the fridge. He rested at the edge of the counter and let out a loud yawn. He went to the sink and washed his face and readied himself for a rest, because tomorrow is his first day at his university.

 

 

 

 

 

He seated like a Roman stone carving at his first class: orientation. It felt weird that everyone was getting around, and he wasn't. Even though there are a couple of people that were approaching him, he couldn't bear with them for long because he is still new with an amount of people, and no one interests him yet.

 

He kept clicking the end of his pen, wanting to snap out of his nervousness. And no one has seated next to him yet, so it was a bit awkward to reach someone to talk to. His feet was already slowly tapping the wooden floor until someone good-hearted seated beside him, someone who changed his atmosphere.

 

 

 

"You're new here?" A guy's voice appeared.

 

 

 

Luhan was looking down, clearing his throat and trying to get all of the Korean words that will impress this person, so he hasn't have to be alone anymore. He slowly looked up to the person beside him, leaving his mouth gaped.

 

 

 

"Oh Sehun?" Luhan pronounced his seat mate's name.

 

 

 

The guy looks at his seat mate's face and conjured a little giggle because of his seat mate's reaction. "How come you know me already?" He asked, trying to keep his laugh.

 

 

 

"B-but... You were my schoolmate bef-fore. And we... we conf..." Luhan stuttered, still pinned in his shocked and funny expression.

 

 

 

"Well, I did remember a few things about my old school but I never really remember anyone from there." Sehun dodged, proving out something that Luhan is confused of. "I experienced an accident years ago and lost my memory. So, sorry if you are the only who can recognize the both of us." He explained and smiled, and looked at the professor who was currently discussing about the school's facilities.

 

 

 

Furrowing his eyebrows as a shock of a head-ache starks him, Luhan looked down and buried his face on his hand. This is so unbelievable!, he said to himself. He never expected that after that happy beginning would be such a tragic ending; Sehun losing his memory, and specifically forgetting about him and what happened before.

 

His feelings couldn't hold it together but he decided to introduce himself as someone who seemed to just have known each other.

 

 

 

"Nice to meet you... again, I guess." Sehun situates, moving his mouth muscles. He looks back at the professor, who was discussing the school's facilities.

 

 

 

And he looked at Sehun, whom was interested with the words from the professor; he was smiling, he was giggling, he was laughing. Luhan felt the feeling that tingled him those days, wherein his eyes were always glued onto the younger one.

 

 

"You're really perfect." Luhan whispered to the air as he stares enchantingly at Sehun.

 

Sehun grasped his inaudible voice and looked at Luhan.

 

"What was that?" He asked, tilting his head to the left.

 

"Nothing." Luhan quickly replied and hid his red face from Sehun's perfection.

 

After a few seconds, Luhan looked up again. Sehun was still facing him, and he was smiling. Luhan's body started burning up; his face was really just so perfect.

 

He felt the feeling he had two years ago, and he wanted to tell him that... but the fear inside him, remembering the accident was too morbid... it was holding him back.

 

 

 

"I can't believe this." Luhan said to himself as Sehun passes by his stoned body. He puts his weight at the wall behind him, still trying to cope up with what just happened.

 

Orientation just got finished, and meeting Sehun again was just as hard as exchanging tentacles with the other students.

 

His mind panicked. How am I going to be close with him again? How am I supposed to get our love back on? ,these questions terrored his brain as he runs over everything. He tracked Sehun at the hallway and followed him.

 

Sehun was heading to the library, one of the most antiquated places in the world that a person like Sehun before wouldn't visit. And that thought made him remember the time that they both got detention in their high school's library.

 

 

 

"2 hours detention. That's final." Their angered fitness class teacher puts a lid to the bottle after arguing with her pleading secretary who sided with the students.

 

Thirty minutes ago, Sehun and three other students was at the fitness stadium. They went there without permission, and they used the basketball balls for playing dodge ball. They played for quite some time, and the balls unattendedly rolled all the way to the olympic pool. Luhan wasn't playing with them, but he was rather stalking Sehun. He thought they were going to attend English 4-A but the group pulled him right to the stadium. He thought about going back and ignore the, but seeing Sehun shirtless is an event he wouldn't swallow away.

 

And now, their 5'9 tall furious teacher caught all of them in the act, pulling the stalker into the scene because he was about snatch Sehun's towel as she arrived. Going back to the scene, their teacher and her secretary left the room immediately after decisioning. Two long hours is rather very stressful and void, especially if you are detented in a 26 year old library.

 

The three students started mongering thoughts about their teacher and disappeared into the piles of books, while Luhan tried to stay seated to join Sehun's loneliness.

 

 

"This ." Sehun ruffles his hair as he blatants out his anger.

 

He looked at Luhan's position, catching him off guard. "Of all the places, why here? Why in this old bookshelf? I hate the library!" He shouted, furrowing his thin eyebrows and looks back at the front.

 

Luhan responded with a blushing face, and looked down to hide his sweating face. He didn't expected that to happen. That was so extremely handsome for him to do, regardless of his anger.

 

Sehun stood up of his chair and wandered around the alignment of seats. Luhan didn't notice his direction, but he was closely watching his footsteps... his footsteps towards his position. He held unto his pants vigorously, trying to contain his exploding feelings.

 

He was sweating... He was burning up...

 

"Hey." A low voice templed around Luhan's body that sent shivers to every follicle in his skin.

 

He looked up, "What?" And responded as he wipes away his excessive sweat.

 

Sehun looked at both ends of the room and gave the other a wondering look. "I guess this place isn't too scary for you right?" He asked, softness inverted his harsh voice lately. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but there are three large ventilations here. You shouldn't be sweating that much." He concerned as he looked around Luhan's face.

 

 

Are you stupid? It's because of you, Luhan shouted in his mind. Anyway, why are you so close to me?, he murmurs in a low tone, completely about to go outrageous about how Sehun is near him.

 

Sehun never approached him, and Sehun never talked to him before... This happening wasn't written in Luhan's mind, and that's the reason why he can't normally move a muscle.

 

"You're quite silent for a stalker." Sehun popped out of his mouth out of the blue.

 

"What?" Luhan asked, his heart beating slowly.

 

"I just noticed this for a while, but I always see you staring at me at a distance." Sehun continues.

 

Luhan panicked and held Sehun in his shoulder. "No--" He stutters, his grip on Sehun gets tighter. "I mean, no! I am not stalking you. Maybe that was just a line of coincidences, I'm sorry." He unnecessarily explained to the other.

 

Sehun reacted with a shocked expression, and later then pulled himself away from Luhan's tight grip.

 

"That hurts." Sehun rubs his shoulders. "But, it's fine. You don't have to panic and explain. It just makes it more obvious."

 

"But..." Luhan looks down, hiding his embarrassed face.

 

"I'm approachable." Sehun sighs, escorted with a little irritation in his voice.

 

"Everyone thinks of me as some arrogant, snob, and fame-eating rich bad boy. But any of that isn't true." He slams his hand on his desk, making Luhan attentive of him.

 

"Maybe I look like it. But I went to States for medical reasons, and it isn't my fault if I was born with downright brows; it isn't just enough for them to conclude thoughts about me." He exasperated, breathing in and out loudly as if he was really angry.

 

 

Why is he telling me this things? As if I was someone so close to him. Luhan wonders, feeling the heartbeats through his skin.

 

I couldn't take so much of this. His emotions are to enormous for my heart to take...

 

But you are someone I really love, someone I would never let go...

 

Hearing his pain in my ears, sends aches to my heart... And I wouldn't want him to feel such pressure...

 

I'm sorry, Sehun...

 

 

"I'm sorry." Luhan apologizes.

 

"Why are you apologizing?" Sehun, still in his anger.

 

"I'm sorry you had to say those things." He explained and looked up to Sehun's eyes. "But differ me from them. I never thought of you as someone who's arrogant, snob, and I believe that you only eat regular foods, not attention."

 

"But I can't approach you before because..."

 

Sehun stoops closer, curious of Luhan's reason behind his distance.

 

"Because I li--"

 

The door suddenly slammed open and noises from outside started gushing inside the quiet room. Their secretary shows up and announced that she made their fitness teacher to agree to cancel their detention. The other three students cheered, grabbed their things and went out to join the flood of students at the hallway. Luhan stood up, grim in his face, and ran outside.

 

"Hey!" Sehun shouts to Luhan, who's name he hasn't known yet.

 

"Good bye, teacher." Luhan bades to the teacher instead, and ran into the flow of dismissed students.

 

I truly am sorry...

 

 

 

 

 

"Remember Sehun, back from high school?"

 

"Yeah. What's with him?"

 

I pressed the screen of my phone, printing random letters on my conversation thread with Chanyeol.

 

"paogfpaougwIopigagi[Iogjopaj"

 

"What? (=_=)?" He immediately texted back. His smiley tickled me in the cheeks.

 

"He's learning in my school."

 

"Really? Well... I guess someone is very happy. d(^ o ^)b"

 

"Yeah."

 

And after my last text, it took some time for Chanyeol to type back.

 

"But... Didn't you want to forget him?"

 

"I suppose. But... He lost his memory."

 

"What!? (@o@)!!"

 

"You heard me right. Because of the accident, he somehow lost his memory. It was quite morbid, but the new him goes on fine."

 

"Well... How is it for the both of you?"

 

"We're good. 'Just met' friends. Yeah."

 

"I hope that's fine with you. I don't want pressure on you, or on him."

 

He stares at Chanyeol's text, running at various things on his mind.

 

 

 

"I'm fine with it."

 

 

 

He drops his phone at the side of his bed after Chanyeol sent a, "Teacher's here. Tata. (^3^)/~". He laughed at his friend's cute smileys. But nothing did really cheered him up to the point that he could just let everything go and not stress out about routing back with Sehun's past.

 

He threw his legs and arms, imitating a starfish. He slammed his fingers into his unlocked phone, and it suddenly played a song.

 

Nal moreunayo?

Don't you know me?

 

Naega yeogi itnuen iyuneun geudaende

The reason I'm here is because of you

 

Luhan quickly grabbed his phone, and was about to pause the song... But something pulled him back, making his fingers tremble away from the button.

 

Nuni siryeowa mareul hal su eobtneyo

But my eyes tingle with the cold so I can't say anything

 

Honjaseo baraman bolppun

I just look toward you by myself

 

Ireoke gaseum kkeuti apado

Even if the tip of my heart hurts like this

 

Ireoke sonkkeuti tteollyeodo

Even if the tip of my hands trembles like this

 

Geudae saengakman najiyo

I can only think of you

 

Michige bogo sipeun saram

The person I miss like crazy

 

Michige deudgo sipeun neoui hanmadi

The words I want to hear from you like crazy

 

Saranghae saranghaeyo geudaeneun eoditnayo

I love you, I love you - where are you?

 

Gaseumgipi baghin geuriun saram

The person I long for, who is deeply stuck in my heart

 

Luhan looked away from his gadget, and stared at the view on windows. The quiet sea and the void night sky was beautiful, but his eyes can't take away the pain on his heart.

 

Guedae yeongwonhi ganjighallaeyo

I want to cherish you forever

 

Tears started haunting him, like a soul circling around the darkness on his eyes. He almost didn't noticed that he was crying, only that he felt the ice cold strings falling on his cheeks. He wiped it away, but it keeps falling back... It won't stop...

 

Naege mal haejwoyo nal ganjig handago

Please tell me that you cherish me

 

Hayahge jiumyeon andwaeyo

Please don't blankly erase me

 

Nae jeonbuinikka

Because you're my everything

 

He woke up the next morning, his eyes still feeling tired. He thought of it for a while before sleeping, and his dreams even revealed; he has to be positive for what is in front of him.

 

 

 

 

 

"I didn't know you attend Japanese class too." Luhan started as Sehun seats beside him on optional afternoon Japanese class. The room was small and the crowd was few and selected. It was odd for Luhan to see the younger one is such cases.

 

"I got to love anime and shouju mangas." Sehun answers as he brings out a large blue lecture pad and his mechanical pencil.

 

Luhan steers back to the teacher's view, and tried to listen as much as possible. It was quite hard for him to focus with Sehun so near him. The feeling he felt years ago was still anew to him. Months had passed and they had been friends for a while at the university. The things between them has been going as is, but Luhan still felt no past in Sehun's feelings for him.

 

 

"Have you seen Sehun?" He asked as he bumps into a familiar face.

 

"I think he went that way." He pointed.

 

And there he found myself running for no reasons why. Luhan just wanted to see him. After their Japanese class, he disappeared without his notice, and I had the itch to ask and discuss things that has been going around his head...

 

Wait...

 

Why will I?

 

He barely knew me. And we only had our time together during classes...

 

We never talk casually, and he's probably uninterested with my personality.

 

He stops into the large crowd of students, almost not the right place to think about his sorrowness.

 

I am so troubled to fix our relationship, I almost forgot that Sehun doesn't know me completely anymore.

 

He doesn't know any of our past... He didn't knew why he liked me...

 

He pulls out of the hallway and went to the cafeteria. It was oddly quiet, with few students in each corner. It was the safest place to cry.

 

"I'm so stupid." He cursed himself, tucking himself in to the wall. His tears dropped all the way to his collarbones, filling up the little hollows on his skin.

 

He had only one class remaining, and Sehun isn't attending it. He wanted to take away his worries and just distance himself from Sehun for a while, just for the day.

But as he was about to leave, something pulled him back.

 

"So, are you free tonight? I really need some Math tutoring for tomorrow." A girl's voice appeared, not far from Luhan's position.

 

"I guess so." Replied by a familiar voice, almost sounding like a heartbreak to Luhan.

 

Luhan paned his eyes away from the column that was blocking the two people he heard, and what he saw put an end to his tears.

 

"Thank you so much, oppa." The girl appreciated, and reached for the other's hand who was lying flat on the table.

 

Luhan, run.

 

"You could stay over the night too. My mom's a good cook!" The girl added, her fingers slipping through the spaces between Sehun's.

 

Luhan, you can't stay on this place. You'll just hear more that will hurt you.

 

"Let me think about it." The guy queued her request, whom was facing Luhan with his back, but Luhan is sure that it was Sehun.

 

Luhan...

 

His conscience spoke to him, and his tears came pouring back. He stormed out of the room, attracting the girl and Sehun's attention.

 

 

 

 

"Isn't that Lu Han?" The girl asked, with a dismayed face as Sehun turns from her and pulled his hand away.

 

 

"Y-yeah. He's Lu Han."

 

 

 

 

 

"Yes?" Baekhyun opened the door with his glasses on, busily scanning over some pile of papers, not bothering to look at who's the visitor.

 

He didn't receive any response, and looked up to the person who's in front of him. It was Luhan, with his face red, his hair wet with sweat, and his eyes looking tired and pressured.

 

"Luhan!" He panicked. He pulled his friend inside and closed the door shut. "What happened?" He asked as he guided him in to a seat.

 

"Sehun..."

 

Those two-syllables surfaced them, with the unbearable heat from the setting afternoon. The rays of the sun started soaking into the room's window blinds, and the wall fan wasn't really helping in changing the temperature.

 

Baekhyun knew immediately what happened, and he know how much pain Luhan will feel. He is the best friend of both Sehun and Luhan since high school. He was a part of Sehun's remained memories, as he remembers that Baekhyun was one of his closest friends.

 

He doesn't side with anyone in times like this, but instead he helps them to get something up together. But it was the first case for him to experience a problem of jealousy between the both of his friends. Thinking that Sehun had changed, he wouldn't think it was impossible for his friend to fall for another.

 

"I hadn't been attached with him lately because of schoolwork." Baekhyun dignifies, apologetic of lacking information to help Luhan with his problem.

 

"But, please tell me what really happened." Baekhyun asked.

 

Luhan cleared his sobs and tears away, and looked to his lap. "Well..."

 

"I was thinking about spending more time with Sehun." He started. "But, I then realized that it was completely unnecessary because he barely knew me for months... in his 'new mindset'."

 

"And that just got proved after."

 

"Proved what?" Baekhyun asked, leaning closer to the other.

 

"As I went to the cafeteria to cry, I found him with a girl. And they were holding hands... What bothered me is that it seemed so natural."

 

"I pushed myself to run away, but I couldn't take my foot off the place. So I heard how the girl invited him to her house to stay for the night." Luhan told his story, still looking pained. A few drops of tears inked his indigo pants, and he felt shapeless emotions welling up as these precious liquid soaked in to his skin.

 

He then faced Baekhyun, and held unto his shirt. "Baekhyun, I'm so scared."

 

"This is my only chance to make him mine again. But it just look more impossible as time passes by." He held tigther, almost pulling closer to him.

 

"I can't see him in the arms of other, Baekhyun."

 

"Please..."

 

Baekhyun saw the clear spheres, rapidly falling from Luhan's face.

 

"Help me..."

 

 

 

 

"I got home safely. Be careful there. Thank you again for the comfort."

 

Baekhyun quickly scanned over Luhan's text and placed his phone back to the desk he's leaning on.

 

"Sehun."

 

"Yes?" The younger one answered in innocence, not knowing a reason why Baekhyun called him at the student council office.

 

"How's studies? Are you finally playing well with this school?" He asked, jointed with a wry smile.

 

"I guess so. I feel okay, and sometimes I feel great." Sehun answered. "Remembering studying before was hard for me, but learning now is quite exciting." He added, amused of his thoughts.

 

"That's really good. You used to be delinquent when it comes to studying. But I wouldn't blame you for being smart, and that's why I envy you so much until now."

 

"How come? You're smart too." He avoided Baekhyun's praise. "Look around you. Books, piles of papers and thesis, journals, large dictionaries, atlas, language materials; and yet you still put yourself down to someone who isn't this extensive in learning."

 

"That's it. I have to make so much efforts, but you rather do it without any weight in your palms." Baekhyun laughed, not sure if he was praising the other or he is digging his own grave.

 

Sehun pinned his volume down, not knowing what to say after. He looked at Baekhyun and asked him a question.

 

"Is this why you called me?" Sehun asked, gripping the strap of his shoulder bag. "I have to do other things too, you know."

 

The positive aura turned into a silent straight line. "Sit down." He commands, his face still buried downward.

 

Sehun removes his hand from his bag, and places himself in his seat once again.

 

"Do you know Luhan?"

 

"The Chinese interior design student? Yeah, what's with him?"

 

Baekhyun moves his chair closer to the edge of the desk and heavily pressed both of his arms on the surface.

 

"There is a past between the both of you too before." Baekhyun said, making Sehun wonder of what possibility he can think of.

 

"What is it?"

 

 

"You confessed your love for him before."

 

 

Sehun blanked out and his body stiffened. He couldn't understand what just his friend said. His mind felt like it just tripped over a large hill and it couldn't keep on itself altogether.

 

"W-what?"

 

Baekhyun sighed and looked up to Sehun. "It was also the day of your accident. He was there, and the both of you were standing in the middle of the street. You told him you loved him since the first time you saw him, and your heart feels funny whenever you see him anywhere; emotions like that came out of your mouth."

 

He was shocked, but he wasn't troubled as it is something that his memory won't show. "So... Am I supposed to be sorry or what?"

 

 

 

"Are you stupid!?" Baekhyun outraged, slamming the table as he stood up of from his chair.

 

"You made someone fall deeply in love with you without any of your actions, and now you confess your love to that person. Obviously, that person will then will die in happiness and romantic senses, but after you left him and left him that sweetness alone." Baekhyun angrily pointed out to Sehun.

 

"Don't you know how painful that feels?" He screamed, his body getting worked up as he threw his arms and head in violent gestures.

 

 

"But I didn't remember it." Sehun, who was calm, explained his own. "If I knew I would have done something..."

 

"But you have to know that I went to such change that I sometimes just wish I was dead." He stood up from his seat, standing taller than the other. "You shouldn't be blaming me for his pain."

 

Baekhyun looked down, embarrassed of himself for being immature and inconsiderate.

 

"And else--"

 

"Else what?" Baekhyun said in a low voice.

 

 

 

 

 

 

"I love Luhan, for what he is now."

 

 

 

 

 

Baekhyun fell back into his chair, with his eyes stapled to the door where Sehun just went out. A set of questions like, do I have to tell Luhan about this?, or Sehun will be the one to bring it up?, what if Luhan thinks Sehun is still not interested in him?, and so on. The silence of the student council room pained his stressed head, but hearing those words from Sehun made himself at ease for a moment. He was still worried and sad for Luhan, but he wasn't also really that completely happy because of what Sehun had just revealed. All he know is that something is already there to fix those broken lines between the two.

 

 

 

"Japanese class was awesome! Even though we're still at the basics, I could feel that it will be soon for me to watch animes without subtitles."

 

 

 

Sehun shared as he was a cheerful dash at the sunset. Luhan and the younger one went to a Japanese bookstore after their classes, due to their mutual affection for anime, shouju mangas and kawaii illustrations.

 

 

"What did you bought?" Sehun asked after his smile went down a bit.

 

 

"Well, I bought different varieties of paper and wrappers, just for a stock at house, and a Junjou Romantica novel." Luhan enumerated as he showed his shop bag to Sehun.

 

"Wow! Sweet!" Sehun cutely uttered, making the other blush. "I bought myself school materials, and aids for our upcoming business report regarding children audience based companies. I also bought a cute notebook, without any purpose, but it had a nice design so I took it anyway."

 

Luhan stared at the notebook Sehun was describing. The notebook surface had a blurred forest-like sharp print, with Japanese letters on the middle saying "私の愛のため".

 

"Wow, that's really nice. I wish I had one."

 

Luhan looked away from Sehun and focused on the pavement. The sun feels heavier as it sinks downward at the end of the road. Behind them were purple hues forming, and a number of stars appeared early in such scenery.

 

He looked back to Sehun, and saw him handling over his newly-bought notebook.

 

"What is this?" Luhan confusedly reached for the notebook.

 

"It's yours." Sehun smiled.

 

"No!" Luhan quickly pushed back the notebook to Sehun's hands. "Your girlfriend might get angry with me.

 

"What?"

 

Oh , clumsy mouth. "Nothing." Luhan denied and walked faster, moving ahead of Sehun.

 

 

"W--wait! Luhan!" Sehun called him, almost running as Luhan was really fast.

 

"Luhan!"

 

"Luhan!!!" He repeated, but this time it was explosively loud.

 

Luhan stopped. The last rays of light from the Sehun refracted shimmers on the tears on his ducts, but he pulled it back and wiped his eyes, trying to contain his breaking feelings.

 

"Luhan!" Sehun hooks his hand on the other, breathing heavily.

 

He rotated Luhan's body, making them face each other. Luhan painted a fake smile on his face, trying to hide what he is hiding.

 

 

 

"You don't have to make me run, or force me to remember our seme-uke affair before."

 

"What?"

 

Luhan was shocked of what Sehun had said. He knows it? He remembers it? His confusion was severe and he couldn't spell what the younger one is picturing.

 

"I just can't adjust to that situation we're pushing through." He feebly confessed, facing a little silence. "Gomenasai."

 

"H--how did you know?"

 

"Baekhyun told me."

 

A little part of Luhan heated up, wanting to punch Baekhyun in the face, but he suddenly then realize that this might be the conclusion of their problem. If it's a no, then it is a no. At least he isn't bothered anymore.

 

 

"You're way too candid." Luhan spoke after a pause. He laughs after and shadow started forming in his eyes.

 

"But you're right. It is rather hopeless. I should have been aware. I'm sorry too."

 

 

The atmosphere was unbearable, but Sehun was clinging on the chance to tell the truth.

 

 

Sehun looked at how grudge embraced the other. It wasn't his intention to frank it out, but he was up to something else that made that come up.

 

 

"What I'm trying to say is..." He looked down and strands of hair blocked his nervous face.

 

 

 

"I like you."

 

 

Just like the time he confessed.

 

 

"I like you for being the Luhan I know. Not the old one, but the new one." He blushes and looks to his right, glancing at the long line of concrete walls.

 

 

 

 

"I like-- er, I love you."

 

 

The feelings I am feeling right now, is what I exactly felt before.

 

 

"I suppose that's alright?" Sehun asked in a flimsy voice.

 

 

 

At those sudden words, the past became as same as the cinematic scene in the present. Not wanting to end everything, Luhan suddenly pulled Sehun to the edge of the road.

 

 

"What was that for!?"

 

 

He looked at every direction of the road, and noticed it was empty. He breathed normally, and started walking again.

 

 

"Of course I wouldn't want us to get into another accident." Luhan states, raising one of his eyebrows.

 

 

"What do you mean?" Sehun asked, but Luhan continued to walk ahead of him. "Hey! What was that?"

 

 

"Nothing, kid."

 

 

Luhan had himself back up. He thought it was his breaking point, but it really wasn't. Sehun's words was completely enough to cause him tears and throw himself for a hug.

 

He was so happy...

 

Very, very happy...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"If you were my schoolmate before, could you share a few things about me?" He asked as he made a bite on his burger.

 

"Well... Before, you were really popular in the school." Luhan shared, feeling a little bit flustered because he was his fan before. "You were described as the 'ulzzang prince'." He added and looked down out of embarrassment, because he was also one of the fans that used to call him that.

 

"Really?" Sehun laughed out, saying that he can't believe that someone like him would be that attention-attracting.

 

"How about us?" Sehun shifted to the next question, looking straight into Luhan's eye.

 

There was this faint feeling of guilt in Luhan, that he had to start over again, confessing his love for the other, and possibly lose another chance of having Sehun love him too. His past memories were gone, and his views might have changed too.

 

 

 

"Ah, we never really talked before. But I know things about you... Yeah." The other lied.

 

 

 

 

"You're cute." And out of nowhere, Sehun complimented and pinched Luhan's cheek.

 

 

 

And like a raging bullet, Luhan's heart exploded at contact and he didn't know how to speak for himself at that moment.

 

 

 

"So cute, that I am lucky to be your boyfriend." Sehun extends his statement, trying to put the embarrassed Luhan at ease.

 

 

 

 

 

And every detail went clearer to the couple; they knew each other more and more. Sehun learned that Luhan was also included in the accident, and now they go together to the hospital for Luhan's annual check-ups. Sehun recovered from the accident in the span of two years and he didn't need the treatment that Luhan is receiving. Even Luhan didn't know the reason why he needed such sessions, Doctor Chanyeol suggested him to do it so he could watch over his health.

 

They had dates, they had night-outs, sleep overs, couple studies, holiday parties and even house visitings of each of their parents, which then later accepted the both of them. They even said they were a very cute couple!

 

 

 

Four years had passed and they had been what they wanted to be. Luhan became an interior designer in a service company and he has been very in-demand during his initial premises within the company. In the other hand, Sehun became a marketing director for a business holding a large chain of grocery malls. They both had been playing well with life and fate.

 

They are also living together in Luhan's apartment. Suggestively, Sehun later reveals himself as the guy who Luhan chased on the grocery store before which Luhan later explains on how he tried to catch him over a bunch of pasta fans.

 

Days like this kept happening, it kept dropping into their laps. The sweethearts knew that the epitome of love was lying on their shoulders and the words 'perfect' had been circling around them like halos. They continued with their hobbies: park dates, dog washing, visiting friends for a small feast once a month, and of course, Luhan's doctor attendance.

 

 

 

"It will be a different test for today." Chanyeol pointed a bulletless gun on Luhan. The couple couldn't guess what was the doctor's message, nevertheless they held each other's hands together tightly.

 

Luhan then looked at Sehun's eyes. He knew he was scared, but seeing Sehun makes him strong enough to go in a situation he wouldn't be in. He pressed his forehead in the other's cheeks for a moment before getting up in his hospital gown to follow Chanyeol at the room in front of them.

 

Sehun carefully followed Luhan with his eyes, wishing the best for his love as he clunches his fists together.

 

 

Chanyeol gave him a wry smile, an expression of something good will happen, but he is probably trying to hide the little fear inside him.

 

Luhan observes the capsule like machine before lying down on the board at the center of it. He was seriously nervous because his friend never did this test to him before, and it was out of his knowledge on what this is all about for... but he locked his tongue, thinking that knowing the reason might make him more scared.

 

The doctor glanced over the agitated patient and compiled the machine for the process. The capsule then started pulling Luhan inside.

 

It was like being placed in a blank empty white room, and that visual silence shooted him in his head. The capsule isolated him from the open air and oxygen started brushing on his skin. The bright lights went out and turned into a slight blue tint, almost looking like a worn-out Christmas light bulb. Luhan slowly pressed his lids together and took a deep breath, Chanyeol in the other hand had started with the examination.

 

It took him a while inside and Luhan started feeling very uncomfortable. His brain was being interrupted with little aches at each of its regions as a line of lasers scans over his entire body. But he tried to suffocate the kindling pain in his head, and purposely remained still and calm, hoping that the test will end as fast as he opens up his eyes.

 

A few moments after, the capsule opened and released Luhan from the incubated machine. He opened his eyes, and the air from outside started gushing into his nostrils.

Chanyeol gave him a steady eye-contact, with a messed up expression on his face. His heartbeat went from normal to tensed as he felt that something is already waiting at the line.

 

 

 

"Lu..." Chanyeol knelt in front of the seated Luhan.

 

Luhan's veins started bulging in his skin, and his breathing got harder and harder in each air he takes in. The fear in his head clouded like poison being injected from Chanyeol's presence.

 

Chanyeol reached for Luhan's shoulders and gripped it.

 

"I don't want to dismay you, but the results aren't pleasing." He glanced down, looking at the carpeted floor.

 

"Luhan..." He called the other's name again.

 

"You have a severe brain damage, and it could take your life at a given time. It might be the side effect of your accident before." He spelled at the silence between the both of them.

 

Luhan's eyes started to burn, and his whole body started heating and freezing at the same time.

 

"W-w-what?" His shoulders weakened.

 

"At this point... You only have a couple of months left. I-I..." He tried to explain further but he couldn't just take in the words that he is about to say. He talked to him closely and said everything that will be treated as soon as Luhan receives therapy.

 

"How did it happened? Sehun received most of the impact, but he rather looks like the healthiest between us." Luhan asked, with sobs between his words.

 

"I heard Sehun did received a lot of impact. But it was all physical damages, he didn't receive any in his delicate organs." Chanyeol explained.

 

The petrified Luhan cried over his friend and started to think that his existence was being counted all this time. Chanyeol elaborated that it can be treated and he shouldn't feel too worried about it... and as a friend he will do everything for him to be well, he added.

 

"If you have a notebook, just in case you want to make everything in your hands... Write on what you want to do for that span. But, I solemnly promise that I will do my best to bring your normal life back." Chanyeol wiped his friend's tears with his thumb and kisses his forehead. "You're going to be fine."

 

Luhan sniffed his worries and smiled at Chanyeol. He wiped the evidences of his tears and went out to surprise Sehun with a smile.

 

 

Sehun quickly responded as his partner walks out of the room. He walked up to him and gave him a hug. "I was so worried." He placed his head in the other's shoulders. He pulled back and cupped Luhan's face. "How was it?" He asked, tears almost starting to flow out of his ducts.

 

"I'm better than ever." Luhan tried to force his smile and showed his love that he is alright.

 

Sehun gave him another hug, he didn't want to break free. Waiting for him all alone outside was the hardest thing to do. Thinking of what if's makes him crazy worried for Luhan.

 

Luhan started to feel warmth on his shoulders, and noticed that Sehun was already crying on him.

 

He placed his arms on the other's back, massaging it in circular motions. "I am fine, Sehun. Stop crying." He said, accompanying it with a little giggle.

 

Luhan couldn't help but feel emotional too; Sehun really cares for him. But he made sure not to cry in front of Sehun, so his partner would never have to worry and to think too much about his health.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"He died last month because of brain cancer."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Their breathing was the only sound around his office. Chanyeol was a bit uneasy of what he had heard, condoling to the other.

 

 

"I'm sorry to hear that."

 

 

"It's nothing." The lady smiled.

 

 

"Well," Chanyeol triggers back and breathes normally. "be sure to back on Wednesday for your next check-up, and I'll be giving you new medications after."

 

 

His patient smiles at him and nods her head. She looks very uplifted and her presence was serene, despite of her hepatic disease.

 

 

"I ensure that." She agreed and reaches for a handshake.

 

 

"Thank you again, Doctor Park." She bade and walked away, leaving tracks of her positive aura.

 

 

Chanyeol lashes off the silence and looks at his palm, which the lady held. He felt happy that he has patients relying their lives on him, and it serves as a challenge for him to accomplish perfectly.

 

His sight switched to his office's window. What a bright day he saw. His mind started drawing ashes of wondering of what in the world is happening at this type of time. Someone might be walking in the park, someone might be working at a factory, someone might be at the school, and someone might be even staring at the window as same as he is...

 

And someone also might have died at these point.

 

 

Chanyeol grasps off the thought as his phone rings vigorously. He always forget to turn off that reeking vibrate that gives him surprises every time.

 

 

 

 

 

"Chanyeol, please come here. I need you."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"I remember when my mother told me that she once saw a very beautiful butterfly at our fields when she was still young."

 

Luhan reminisces as they both looked at the setting sun at Chanyeol's apartment. They were both sitting at the terrace, with coffees on their hands from the brewery shop were Luhan waited for Chanyeol after his text message.

 

"She said that it had bright markings on its wings, and as the butterfly flaps, it refracts the morning light into her eyes." He continued, inhaling the dew of the coffee climbing up to his nose. Chanyeol on the other hand, stares at the view and consciously listens to whatever Luhan is saying.

 

"But..." He drops the coffee at his side. "My mother saw an approaching bullfrog, about to rage to the butterfly."

 

 

 

 

 

"She was tensed." Luhan crumpled his jeans.

 

 

 

 

"So my mother did was she ran closer to the butterfly, spoiling her newly-bought shoes with mud. She pulled the butterfly away to another direction."

 

 

"She went to a place out of the reach of the frog and released the butterfly. Her smile was up to her ears as she saw the butterfly majestically opens its wings at the skies again." He smiled, playing his fingers around the cup's body.

 

 

"Then, she went home." Luhan giggled.

 

 

"And she was scolded by my aunt, for spoiling the shoes that my grandmother bought for her." He continued, covering his laughing mouth.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Chanyeol." Luhan calls, breaking the slight silence as he puts a period to the plot.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chanyeol looks at his friend, seeing no sign of happiness in his mouth. He was giggling just a second ago, but he didn't saw it on what was in front of him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"I'm scared."

 

 

 

 

 

 

His eyes started blurring like a river being disturbed, and as quick as the wind blew, his tears started falling like apples from a weak tree. Chanyeol rushes over him and buries his friend's face in his chest, and rubbed his back.

 

 

"Luhan, be strong." Chanyeol comforts the other.

 

 

"I am here, Luhan. To help you. Sehun, and Baekhyun... We are all here to help you get through this."

 

 

"Luhan." He repeated as he places his head on Luhan's shoulder as his tears went with their emotion.

 

 

"Luhan, please..." Chanyeol uncontrollably cried.

 

 

 

The sun was almost out, like a lamp half-way blown. The orange-violet tint around the  city grew balanced, and it shadowed everything that is in it.

 

The strangely quiet day feels like a pause of time for Luhan and Chanyeol, as their cries sang along with the wind that makes the moment alive.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Luhan's first month had passed and at that amount of time he planned everything he could to for that remaining months with Sehun. As suggested by Chanyeol, he filled up the notebook Sehun gave him with activities that he could treasure for each of those countdown dates.

 

At first, Luhan felt a little bit uneasy on worrying so much about his situation, but every time he just want to give up, he thinks about Sehun... The Sehun who smiles at him every single morning with a plate of his attempted omelette, the Sehun who blankets him with hugs after taking off the piece of fabric around him, and the Sehun that never gets tired of saying how he loves him every single day. He could never let such precious soul away with nothing to live up to. Luhan had the thought that he had to return every single love he receives from Sehun in double or more... that's how much he loves the younger one.

 

 

As the dates passes by, Luhan crossed out an activity space by space, but he noticed that Sehun was the one who made the most efforts between the both of them. He did things that Luhan never thought Sehun could plan into reality, some also brought him to tears.

 

 

 

 

 

 

"I know your company is a huge one. But I never thought they'll give out private cruises for each of their employees just for a business trip." Luhan concerned to Sehun as he checked out the luxurious sleeper boat he and Sehun was on.

 

"Who said this is a business trip?" Sehun asked, laughing slightly between his words.

 

"You!" Luhan turned to his boyfriend, already on his furious look. "What is this play, Sehun?" He asked, clunching his fists.

 

Sehun enters the shower room, already ing his shirt. "We're on sail to the Philippines. I'll be taking a shower."

 

He then closed the door as Luhan was about to complain about how he set him up in a fake business trip. It doesn't mean he don't want to be on a trip, but he could've just said the truth.

 

 

Luahn threw himself in the soft bed. The boat was perfectly built, with gold apple shaded lamps, neutral carpets and open-view bedrooms with aquatic glass floors... he couldn't think on how Sehun got himself to rent this out. He must have payed millions for this luxurious trip.

 

 

 

"So where's the 'business' venue?" He asked as he stepped out of the yacht.

 

"Let me see." Sehun pulled out his phone. "Boracay, Bohol and Palawan."

 

"How great!" Luhan pissed off as Sehun started walking like a man of happiness. "You said it was a week of business and such."

 

"It's the same as that. What's the problem anyway?" Sehun spoke in a distance.

 

"You made me bring seven suits, you !"

 

 

 

 

 

Luhan excitedly looks at the polaroid Sehun was holding as he flaps it.

 

Sehun smiles at the picture he was holding. "We look so cute." He blushes and flips the polaroid to Luhan's view.

 

Luhan smiles as he took a look. "Indeed." He smiled at Sehun.

 

 

 

"I love this type of moments..." Sehun tattled. "Just the two of us." And reaches for the other's hand.

 

Luhan was caught off-guard, and didn't notice that Sehun was already looking back at him. He steers his eyes away, looking at the high ground.

 

"Aren't you scared were at the top of a hill?" Luhan asked, still facing the other away.

 

Sehun places his fingers on Luhan's chin and pushed it up, making him face each other once again.

 

"Why would I?" Sehun uttered, his lips.

 

 

"I am here with you, hyung. Why would I be scared?" He continued and crooked a smile at Luhan.

 

 

They both hugged each other, Luhan still feeling a little warm about what Sehun had said.

 

 

His feeling suppressed beneath his heart, "I love you, Sehun." he expressed, burying his face on the other's shoulder.

 

 

"I love you too, Luhan-hyung."

 

 

They also first experienced sea snorkeling and it was such a romantic moment for them to see the depths together. They finished it with a romantic dinner at the emptiness of an evening beach shore, wherein Sehun surprises his lover with a sky of glowing golden paper lanterns.

 

 

October 2017, 28

Trip to the Philippines; first trip and picture together

How much I love this moment... Even thought he dragged me into something I should be annoyed at, my heart bursts warmth around me that I couldn't help to fall deeper in love for him... I guess this love thing for him is infinite.

 

 

After having a family Christmas dinner with both of their parents, relatives and friends, they both visited Jeju Island with Chanyeol and Baekhyun, who started going out a month ago, to experience a little warmth. They hiked on a tourist mountain and at the top of the snow-covered plateau, Sehun knelt down on the cold ground and pulled out a velvet red box in front of the view that clearly showcases the whole island, and in front of his sweetheart.

 

Sehun bestowed Luhan a diamond-encrusted silver ring, and a pair of it on one of his finger. The words of proposal circled around the majestic place, and Luhan's loud yes echoed on the entire mountain. It was one of their best moments together, and they both can't believe that they are finally engaged to each other. They went to harvest fresh strawberries and oranges on land, and reeled fresh fishes for their dinner at sea.

 

 

December 2017, 26

He proposed to me on Jeju Island

Sehun is the most romantic man I had ever met, and he does the most romantic things than anything I had seen. His proposal was breathtaking! I can't believe there is a ring in my finger right now.

 

 

"I don't know what to say."

 

 

 

 

"Well, my dearest..." He reached for the other's hand, under a floral arch.

 

"I will promise, that forever, you have my love and my trust in any consequences, and in any way we will go through. Because I love you more than anyone, more than your beautiful face, your long lashes and soft lips. It's you that I knelt down on the cold snow ground--" Sehun said his vows, but was cut off by the audience's laughter.

 

"--and it is you who I cooked for; I don't even do that to my parents." He continued as looked at his teary-eyed mother and father who giggled at his punch line.

 

"After all, of all people, it is only you who I fell inlove. My deerest, Luhan." He took a step closer.

 

"I will be your husband, in times of pain, sorrow and happiness. For better--"

 

Luhan's heart was uproaring as if it was a firework being lit up in the clear night sky. The happiness inside him is pouring out, it was already overflowing.

 

"--and for worse." Luhan continued as he held Sehun's hands.

 

"I am your Luhan, the one you're marrying in a grass field." He smiled as his tear ran down his face.

 

"Don't wipe that." He joked, followed by laughters from the people around.

 

"The Luhan, whom you knelt down on  the cold snow ground, and the one who you cooked for."

 

 

 

 

"I promise, the things you'll promise too."

 

 

 

Within a small amount of time, Sehun and Luhan said their vows to each other. Their wedding was held at Luhan's hometown, Namwon, and in the middle of his father's rice fields over the windy valentine air.

Luhan thought that it was the oddest place to hold a wedding, but inside his heart it was the perfect place for them to start another life as an official couple. Kim Junmyoon, their wedding pastor, was on his full support for the both of them and promised to do everything he could contribute to the newlyweds.

After that, they went to a nearby bar and rented it out for their after party. Sehun's gift was from Luhan's deepest archives, his bunny slippers. Luhan had that priceless reaction on his face and was so happy he started to toast for their wedding and the return of his favorite footwear. They then went to the edge of Thailand and there they had their honeymoon.

 

 

February 2018, 18

Wedding day

My home, I miss this place so much. Thank you Sehun for bringing me here! And back with a wedding on my favorite place, the grass fields just outside my windows. I am happy I married you, and as I vowed to you... I'll love you forever and ever.

 

 

Luhan's first chemotherapy session happened at this month, and he felt down because Sehun is not in his presence at that moment.

It was a set up of Sehun, telling him that he had to go abroad for his work. After that, Luhan commuted home after being bedridden for weeks to his apartment, he found out that his apartment is now occupied by another resident and he was also informed on how his things there was taken away by an unknown truck. He went out of the building, raging in fear, and started contacting Sehun, but he never received a single respond. Then Baekhyun appeared in his car with Chanyeol and forced Luhan inside.

It was a long ride before Luhan got to remove his blindfold, and found himself standing in front of a mini-mansion. He looked around and found nobody around him. He let himself in the open gate and walked in the house. There, he was surprised by a large crowd with party hats and large helium balloons floating around. He was greeted by long banners saying, "Happy Anniversary Sehun & Luhan" and "Happy Home Blessing". He rubbed his eyes and gasped over the life-size cake lying at their staircase, wherein Sehun was standing beside at, with a teddy bear on his arms. Sehun then slowly forwarded to his husband, accompanied with a love song playing on the background, and the guest's cheers. He handed the bear and kissed him in the lips, whispering happy first anniversary, honey .

As the guest faded away, Sehun explained everything about having a new house for the both of them, and also he did a lot of apologizing about Luhan's things that suddenly disappeared. But he promised that he placed it safely on their bedroom.

 

 

"Good morning, sweetie."

 

Luhan's slumber has been broken by the bright sunlight and his husband's cheesy greeting.

 

"Good morning." He replied as he rubbed his eyes, snapping out of the tequila shots he had last night.

 

"Sorry for not waking up early, I'll get down to make breakfast."

 

Sehun walks away from the bed and stands at the door, portraying something worth of surprising.

 

"You know it's my turn to make our breakfast." He said with a grin plastered in his face.

 

Luhan popped out his fingers and counted alternately between his left and his right.

 

 

"You're right." He agrees by the thought.

 

 

Sehun pulled his husband by the wrist downstairs, like a cheerful kid showing his friend a new toy. While Luhan was rather slightly nervous, with words in his mind circling around just lately.

 

"Sehun."

 

"Can't."

 

"Cook."

 

As soon as they got to the dining area, Luhan opened his eyes on a table with two plates of waffles and berries, green teas and milk, and a splendid rose bouquet on the center. He couldn't believe it; he really couldn't believe it.

 

They slowly walked together to their seats and Sehun got that smile of his still hooked up on his ears. Witnessing that his husband felt so surprised by the enthralling scene he made, made him as happy as it.

 

"This is so unbelievable."

 

 

June 2018, 10

He got us a house, and cooked for me for the first time

The house you bought is over the top, but I love it! It's so spacious, huge, and hard to clean! But it is indeed beautiful; a perfect place for us to start our life as weds.

 

 

The couple prepared a shabu-shabu party for Chanyeol and Baekhyun's first anniversary. It was the time when Chanyeol and Sehun got really drunk and they shamefully sang and danced for their partners.

They also went to China to visit Luhan's grandfather, for his death anniversary. There, Sehun introduced himself to his husband's grandfather's tomb, which Luhan found very fanciful and respectful to his ties.

 

November 2018, 27

Sehun introduce himself to my grandfather

I was so shocked when you placed a bouquet on my grandpa's tomb. And the way you knelt down in front of him and introduced yourself as my husband was so... overwhelming. I don't know how long I will last with the things you do, because it stops my heart and I always feel like dying in joy as you do those little things you do. I love you, Sehun.

 

 

The friends along with Junmyoon, celebrated new year and the couple's anniversary a month earlier at their house. Luhan will be going on a project overseas next month to design an estate's interior so they decided to celebrate their anniversary on January. They went crazy over the fried alaskas that Baekhyun made for them and enjoyed a marvelous firework show just outside the borders of Seoul.

 

 

January 2019, 18

Early anniversary celebration

I apologize for not being beside you in our first wedding celebration, but I am happy we made a way to celebrate it with our friends. I hope you'll be okay as I go, I love you!

 

 

Junmyoon decided to bring them to the woods for a three-week camping; a practical one. Junmyoon tricked them to place all of their neccesities on a seperate van where he hid in the forest for them to get really worked up.

He was hated by the circle, but they then enjoyed later on. Chanyeol was the biggest help for picking up fruits from high branches, while Luhan and Baekhyun bathed themselves in a river everyday to catch fishes with their bare hands. Sehun was unluckily in-charge of creating fire, where he was really challenged to do and had to take an hour to start a little blaze.

There was also a time where it rained really hard and their tents were flown away by the wind, resulting it to break, and they had to sleep in the van Junmyoon hid; also to finally enjoy the stuffs they brought with them.

 

 

April 2019, 24

Camp in the woods

I want to thank our wedding pastor for bringing us in the woods. Even though at first it made me really annoyed, but as we stayed there, with just us to go through each day, it was really fantastic and fun! I wish this won't be the last time.

 

 

Both of them agreed to have a short vacation on Osaka with Luhan's foster parents, specifically to bring Luhan's stepfather to the place of his dreams and to discover and taste more Japanese cuisines for his birthday.

It was a special moment for them and Luhan's foster mom and dad knew their son's husband even more. One night, his mom and him decided to leave the hotel to stroll at a night market. There, his mom confessed that at first he didn't like how he let his son fall inlove with a guy, but later on, and after knowing that Sehun is such a respective gentleman, her mother said that he made the perfect choice to be with him. Mentioning that that man doesn't only make her son happy, but also her son's family, including her. They had a long conversation about what things had happened and more things about Sehun. Her mother added before they start to head back to the hotel that if ever they won't be present in this world anymore, it is Sehun who they rely on to take care of their one and only son.

It gave Luhan that extreme comfort, for that he is truely fitted perfectly on Sehun's arms at the end of the rope, and what his mother said made their relationship even more stronger.

 

 

August 2019, 04

Trip to Osaka

The feeling you left on my heart sings with the happiness I am encountering right now. I'm really glad that my parents are comfortable enough to give you the responsibility of taking care of me. I feel so happy! I love you!

 

 

 

Supposedly they will visit another foreign country, but one day a letter from Sehun's parents arrived at their doorstep saying that they are strictly invited to go to their house, adding that they would love to meet Luhan once again for a few closer conversations. They did follow Sehun's parents, with the help of Luhan's persistence, and they arrived with a feast on the table for a little 'family' dinner.

Mr. and Mrs. Oh was really amused and interested with their son's husband that it made Sehun state that they loved him more rather than their own son. His parents presented their culture to Luhan, which he went with and respected, and he also found it very important to know Sehun's side. After leaving, Sehun's mother handed a box of homemade kimchis. On the road home, Luhan scolded Sehun for not telling that they have such delicious specialty.

 

 

December 2019, 13

Family dinner at Mr. and Mrs. Oh's house

I didn't exactly know why you didn't want to go to your parent's house. I always had the urge to meet them, so I was really grateful to meet them. I was also surprised that they were the one who invited us into your home. I love your parents, and they seemed nicer than the stories you tell about them. I would love to visit more often, so I could know more about your side. I love you, Sehun.

 

 

 

Another month for an another anniversary. It is their second wedding anniversary, and the last in Luhan's mind. He never talked out to Sehun about his disease because the results from his check-ups got better and better, but Chanyeol warned him that it is not treated yet and they both can't be sure.

With the last few months on Luhan's palm, he wanted to make every bit of it special. For their celebration, Luhan brought Sehun to a private farm, where they spent their day with horses and racing. They got really silly and even had the chance to bathe and groom a horse. They also went to a carnival and enjoyed their time together the whole day.

 

"Your skin feels warm."

 

 

They were both at the arms of each other, under the moonlight.

 

 

"Your's feels cold. Do you want me to melt them with my heart?"

 

 

"That sounds familiar."

 

 

"Junjou Romantica."

 

It was weird for the both of them to be in such place, but Luhan agreed to have their first , since they were already married and had been together for such a long time... he thought that it might be the right time to give in.

 

"Sehun." He faced his lover. He cupped the other's face and closed his eyes... he was letting him do the rest.

 

Sehun raised himself up, and leaned his face closer to Luhan's. He locked in a passionate kiss, brushing his fingertips on Luhan's smooth, milky skin.

 

The points where Sehun touches him burns up, making Luhan groan in pleasure.

 

 

"Luhan..." He called in a low-tone between his heavy breaths.

 

The heat and the pain jointed all over Luhan's body, as Sehun enters him.

 

"Lu--han." Sehun trembles, as he pushes in and out of Luhan. "Is it o--kay?"

 

Luhan didn't replied, but his glittering eyes stared at Sehun. He wasn't refusing, and he wasn't pulling away. He love the person he is with now, and nothing other than that matters.

 

 

"S--Sehun!" He groans in pain as the other went deeper in him. His sweat was dancing at the hollows of his flesh, his bones bulging in his bare skin as he held onto Sehun's shoulders.

 

It went on a night, and it lasted as their hearts continued beating. Their first time was romantic, and that satisfied the both of them.

 

 

February 2020, 18

Second wedding anniversary

I'm sorry I only took you to a horse farm and a carnival, but being a little ordinary isn't bad. Am I right? You were happy anyway. And we had... the thing we did last night anyway, so I guess it's enough. Thank you for winning me a large teddy bear at the darts. I love you, Sehun! Happy second anniversary.

 

 

 

Sehun suddenly got a serious cold, but he refuses to get his 40 degree temperature treated at the hospital. Luhan didn't know what to do because he had never been in such situation im his life, so all he can do is to hug Sehun all day. He also sponge bathed him and cooked him bowls of soup from breakfast to dinner, and after that he'll get back with the hugging.

That day had passed, and Sehun got well. Sehun picked on Luhan on how he was so concerned and had his worried face on all day. Luhan responded with a heavy punch on the other's shoulder, that made Sehun bawl in pain.

 

 

March 2020, 06

Sick day

You're quite ill today so I had to take care of you. I did my best right? Your cold was gone in a day. You should thank me, and treasures moment like this. But, next time don't refuse to go to the doctor, so you'll be used to it. Because the time might come that I can't take care of you anymore.... Anyway, I love you, Sehun! Forever!

 

 

 

 

 

 

November 2020, 14

Last

This is my last log here in this diary... I'm sorry, but I have been a liar all this time. But I still can't tell you. I love you, Sehun. Take care!

 

 

Breathing normally after his last session at the hospital, Luhan locks his fingers to Sehun's. His nervousness spun down the drain and he could stand properly after the tension that tired him out. They waited outside Chanyeol's office for the results, hoping that Luhan's prayers were answered; he has to live more than this. He knows that he needs Sehun and Sehun needs him. By those thoughts, his eyes started glittering like a sunset stream, which his husband noticed.

 

"Lu, are you okay?" Sehun checked on him, reaching for the bottom of his eyes.

 

"I-I'm okay. Don't worry." He said as he wipes away his tears and declines Sehun's hand.

 

Sehun then stood closer to him and rubbed Luhan's arms. Chanyeol went out of the door and invited Luhan in for their final talk about him; about his situation at this race.

 

 

 

 

Chanyeol slowly shuts the door and locks it. "You still haven't told him?" He asks, pushing the door tightly.

 

"Yeah. I-I still c-can't..." He stutters between his tears, predicting that what awaits is bad news, and was about to trifle what Chanyeol has to say after.

 

 

 

Chanyeol  places weight on Luhan's shoulders and sighed.

 

 

But that was the opposite.

 

 

"You don't have to worry anymore, Luhan." He smiled. "You're okay now."

 

Luhan looks up, losing the glist on his eyes and blinded Chanyeol with the glow on his face. "Really?"

 

Chanyeol nodded as a reply, which then gave him a wrap of his own arms.

 

 

 

After all that hard work and sessions, they finally made it.

 

 

 

His goal to save his friend's life is achieved, and that brought him to tears... brought him to a heaven-like feeling... as a doctor, and as a good childhood brother.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Luhan flips pages from the notebook he used to write at. It has been days since he heard the result of his health. He smiles at the things that he crossed out, counting the checks and laughing at the pages wherein he can still see his tear marks around it.

 

He felt the surface with his palm, feeling the essence of something that he was afraid of is what now makes him very happy.

 

He turns to the last page; their supposed last activity.

 

 

 

Stay up to 12:01 on the last day of the month.

 

 

 

The words written made him look up to his phone's calendar. He knows to himself that it isn't really necessary to do, but it wouldn't hurt if he'll just call it their intimate slumber party. He giggles at the thought and looks at his husband who is driving beside him.

 

 

"Hey, honey. What about staying up late for our third anniversary?" Luhan suggested. "We can watch movies, eat smores and oreos, or play Monopoly if you want to." He added.

 

 

Sehun faced his lover and gave him an eye-smile. "Of course, honey. Anything you want." He agreed without hesitation and looked back at the road.

 

Luhan then closes the notebook and stucked it in his sling bag. He smiled and took a deep breath, and watched the road ahead together with Sehun.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Luhan!" Sehun called the other's name for the nth time at the living room.

 

Luhan then hurriedly placed down the plate of pancake smores at the table and wiped his hands on his pajamas. He ran into the living room to put his husband to silence.

 

"What is--" Luhan was cut off by the scene in front of him. Sehun was holding his long lost book when he was on 8th grade, A Visit To Heaven, and he had the most annoying look at Luhan. Luhan blushed at what he saw and looked down, compiling every reason he can say on his mind.

 

"This was my favorite book. If you found it 11 years ago, why didn't you returned it to me?" Swinging the book in irritated gestures. Sehun tapped the carpet with his foot, waiting for Luhan's reply.

 

"I was supposed to, but I loved the book and..." He gulped. "And I didn't had the guts to return it to you. You know that I had the biggest crush on you at that time." He embarrassed himself in exchange of an explanation.

 

Sehun lets out a sigh and places the book on the coffee table. He then throws himself to Luhan and hugged him. Sehun pestered his husband's cheeks with kisses and chafed their noses together.

 

 

"You are so adorable, Lu-honey." Sehun cutely uttered, staring at the baby face in front of him.

 

 

"You're so innocent and precious." He continued complimenting Luhan as he touches his smooth face.

 

 

"How innocent and precious?" Luhan asked as Sehun rubs his burning cheeks.

 

 

"Like a..." Sehun pauses and thinks, wandering his eyes at the ceiling.

 

 

Catching a magnificent example, he looks down to Luhan. "Innocent and precious, like a deer." He nods and made a proud smile.

 

 

Luhan smiled at Sehun's comparison. He found it very adorable for Sehun to compare him to an animal. This little things, he agreed to himself.

 

 

"But..." Sehun pulled Luhan closer to his legs and threw the book on the other's lap. "Do you know the ending part where they promised each other that they would never look back at each other, because it has to be the last time that they will ever meet?" He questioned, showing the other the cover of their favorite book.

 

"Of course!" Luhan confidently answered. "That was my favorite part! It was on Station 39." He emphasized.

 

They both laughed, having the unanimous thought. "And they ended up facing each other, because their love for each other was so strong, they couldn't keep their promise."

 

"I even cried at that part." The other confessed.

 

 

 

 

And they continued on their night and played Snakes & Ladders instead of Monopoly, whilst Luhan watches closely to his calendar and the time. With nothing to do and lack of interest with the movie, Sehun slept on the amused Luhan's chest while watching 'Letters to Juliet'  together.

 

Luhan looks at his notebook, smiling widely at it. He's contentment went final, and he felt freedom from all what used to bother him.

 

He haven't noticed the time and he was also sleepy, making himself be drifted away with his husband and rested on the other's head.