Chapter Fourteen: Irreversible

Edit: I uploaded this earlier but accidentally hid it again so here it is!

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1998

Christmas has always been Chanyeol's favourite time of the year. With just a week to go, Chanyeol was feeling the happiest he's ever been. He had always looked forward to the opening of his presents on the morning itself but this year was different. Because this year, he was more excited of the surprise he had prepared instead.

Grinning silly, Chanyeol made his way to work by foot, an airy bounce in each of his step. It was drizzling but even the morning rain couldn't put a damper on his mood. He greeted the lady at the front desk and every other colleague that passed him on his way up to his floorl, the smile never leaving his face.

But as soon as his phone beeped and he'd read the message he'd just received, his smile only grew, finally reaching his eyes.

From: Baekhyun

9.12am

Morning! Hope u have a good day at work. o((*^▽^*))o Can't wait to meet u tonight ～(^з^)-♡

From Chanyeol

9.15am

Morning 2 u too~ just don't keep me waiting tonight or I'll be sad （；￣д￣）

see u later (´ε｀ )♡

Chanyeol shook his head, still grinning, as he slipped his phone back into his pocket. Even a simple text from the boy could brighten his day. They’ve known each other for years now but Chanyeol always feels like it’s the first time. That very moment when he’d first laid his eyes upon the lost and terrified boy; the indescribable pull towards him is something Chanyeol never questions anymore. He had learnt to embrace the feeling because he knew that there was no other who could ever make him feel the way he did for Baekhyun.

All throughout work, Chanyeol couldn’t concentrate on anything besides what was going to happen that night. Yes, he did feel a sense of nervousness but there was not a single doubt he had. Even his parents had rejoiced when he had told them of his intentions. They may be young but being in love was an amazing thing. Chanyeol knew that whatever happens, as long as he had Baekhyun on his side, there was not a thing he couldn’t do.

Evening traffic was even more of a nuisance now than ever and Chanyeol could not stop fidgeting at the wheel. Glancing at his wristwatch every few minutes, he’d mentally curse at the situation he was in. He was close to an hour late and Baekhyun had been nothing but kind and patient with him, promising to wait for him no matter how long it took for the man to arrive.

He was close to an hour and a half late when he finally arrived. Haphazardly parking with skills that would make him the target of a slew of curses from other drivers, Chanyeol stumbled up the slope and turned a few corners along a desecrated pathway before his eyes finally clapped upon the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. Byun Baekhyun stood by the lake, a canvas of stars as the backdrop. The moonlight was dim that night but it made the man’s pale skin shine magnificently nonetheless; almost in an ethereal manner. His figure looked lonely from afar but a closer look and a stare into his eyes showed of the happiness and contentment of his soul.

“You finally made it.” Baekhyun’s smile was the most wonderful thing in Chanyeol’s eyes.

“I’m so sorry,” Chanyeol breathed as he took the smaller man’s hands in his own. “I wanted things to be perfect but it’s been such a mess.”

The disappointment in Chanyeol’s eyes were apparent but Baekhyun merely offered a warm yet playful grin as he reached up on his toes to kiss the tall man on the cheek. The loving gesture was one that made Chanyeol blush for he knew just how much it meant for Baekhyun to be giving kisses so freely as such. He felt like the luckiest man to be on the receiving end of Baekhyun’s love.

“Don’t worry too much, Yeol. I’m just happy you’re here.”

“But dinner…”

“It’s okay,” Baekhyun laughed, patting him playfully on the cheek, “We can have dinner there on any other day.”

“But today’s supposed to be a special day,” Chanyeol insisted, angry with himself and his horrible planning.

“I always feel like it’s a special day when I’m with you, Yeol,” Baekhyun said softly as his hand moved up to lose themselves in the tresses of the tall man’s hair, “You never fail to make me feel like I’m worth it.”

Chanyeol frowned slightly at this. “What are you saying? You are always worth it, Baekhyun. Don’t you dare think otherwise.”

Baekhyun’s only response was to pull his lips into a genuine smile. The I love you was sitting on the tip of his tongue but it was left unspoken because Chanyeol could already read it in his eyes, his touch along the smaller man’s jaw gentle as his lips molded perfectly against Baekhyun’s own.

“Chanyeol…” Baekhyun’s quiet gasp of surprise was great of a reward when they pulled away. Chanyeol watched in fondness as the other held his hand in front of him, gaping at the silver band that had been surreptiously slipped on in their moment of intimacy.

Chanyeol made a mental note to thank his mother for helping him choose the ring. It was gorgeous; almost as bright and pretty as the man who was adorning it.

“I love it when you say my name,” Chanyeol teased with a cheeky grin. A hand fell to Baekhyun’s waist, comforting and protective all at the same time. Before the tall man knew it, he was being attacked with feather light kisses to his face and breathless declarations of love.

When they pull away for the second time, Chanyeol didn’t miss the wet trail along the other’s cheeks. Instinctively, he held a thumb up to wipe them away.

“Why are you crying?”

“I can’t believe it…” Baekhyun managed to utter through quiet sobs.

Chanyeol laughed, though not the usual boisterous laughter Baekhyun’s used to. This time it was soft and held so much amusement, fondness in his gaze.

“I promised, didn’t I?” A calloused hand reached for his own and Baekhyun’s felt like a child’s in Chanyeol’s overly large one. Baekhyun didn’t have to ask because he knew exactly what Chanyeol was referring to. They’ve spent countless of afternoons lying in the grass for it to be ingrained into Baekhyun’s mind; Chanyeol’s telling of his plans to make Baekhyun his, to start a family and grow old together.

“Are you going to make me wait for an answer, now?” Chanyeol teased, eyes playful, though Baekhyun could sense the insecurity and nervousness in the slight wavering of his tone. Baekhyun didn’t know why Chanyeol would feel that way when it was him who should be the one filled with insecurity and dread for the day when Chanyeol would realise that he didn’t want Baekhyun anymore, the way Baekhyun knew he would always want Chanyeol.

“Baekhyun, would you spend the rest of your life with me and let me love you for everything you’re worth?”

Doubts aside, all Baekhyun could see was the love Chanyeol had to give him.

Baekhyun reached up for the man’s neck to tug him down for a slow kiss, savouring the way Chanyeol would move his lips along with his. He broke the kiss but kept his lips hovered over Chanyeol’s, whispering the most fervent and certain yes he’s ever uttered in his life.

And then the most magical thing happened;

The first snow fell as they were kissing, and Chanyeol knew that he’d made the best decision he could ever make in his life.

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2007 

They never planned for it to happen.

But it had, and though there was a tiny, tiny part of him that wished for things to be different, Chanyeol knew it didn’t matter. They were going to get through this, as a family. Him and Baekhyun; they were going to come out of this stronger.

Baekhyun’s been edgy ever since they were told of the news. Chanyeol couldn’t blame him. Baekhyun had told of the countless of horrible encounters Sehun has had with the other children’s parents. Some would look at him with pity, but others who were less sympathizing merely looked down on him, on them as a family. Whenever Sehun was shamed for his actions that were difficult for others to comprehend, Baekhyun was the one who took it the hardest. He'd come home crying in anger about how unfair people were.

Chanyeol tries his best. God knows how hard he tries to appease his husband, to keep the vow he'd taken years ago.

After all, they love each other more than they could ever put in words. That's enough, isn't it? 

2008 

“Chanyeol, come on, stop being so difficult. It’s bad enough Sehun’s throwing a tantrum, I can’t have you mad at me as well.”

He sat on the floor with his back against the foot of the bed, choosing to ignore Baekhyun’s persistent knockings. He knew his actions screamed brat but he couldn’t help it. He was just so pissed and fed up with Baekhyun and he didn’t want to deal with his husband right then. Call him childish, but he knew that the sight of Baekhyun would only fuel his anger and irritation. It was best if he distanced himself for awhile so that he could cool down before he talked things out with the man when they weren’t bent on trying to rip each other’s throats out.

“Chanyeol. Can you just come out? Help me with the kids.” Chanyeol ran a hand through his hair in frustration but kept mum, still.

There was another pause.

“Yeol… please.” The desperation was evident in his tone but Chanyeol was ing stubborn. He wasn’t going to give in. He’s done it before, he’ll do it again. Baekhyun would find a way to sort things out on his own.

Even through the wood, Chanyeol could hear his husband’s heavy sigh before there was the heavy shuffling of feet that gradually faded.

Chanyeol let out the breath he hadn’t known he’d been holding.

What happened to them?

He could feel it slipping through the cracks but it felt like he couldn’t do anything to save what they once had.

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2009

Another day, another fight.

One thing remained constant; the topic of their argument that would always spiral out of control.. One argument always led to the build-up of another and before Chanyeol knew it, they’d be screaming at each other about things they never fought about. Stupid, inconsequential things like whose turn it was to do the laundry, things being left around the house, if the kids would stay with Chanyeol's parents that week. Their irritation towards each other only grew when both worked over time just so they had enough to pay for Sehun's therapy alongside their piling bills.

It hadn't been a unanimous decision. Baekhyun had been all for it, but Chanyeol was hell bent against it. Chanyeol hadn't seen much of a problem with their second son, but Baekhyun seemed to have a completely different perspective on the issue.

“Chanyeol, we’ve had this discussion.”

Chanyeol let out an annoyed huff. Sure, they’ve had this discussion. But it had always ended with Chanyeol giving in to Baekhyun’s requests. The latter doesn’t even try to be nice about it anymore. He just demands, persistent in his orders.

“Baek, just one night. Can we just have a nice, peaceful dinner without having to talk about this?”

Baekhyun was livid at Chanyeol’s response. The utensils fell to the plate with a loud clank as he trained a glare at the tall man.

“We wouldn’t have to fight about this if you’d just—“ Baekhyun cut himself off with a frustrated shout and a heavy exhale of breath, dropping his gaze to his plate instead. There were angry tears burning in the back of his eyes and he’s just so mad. He’s exhausted. How many times must he repeat himself for Chanyeol to understand?

“It’s really beginning to feel like you don’t give a , Yeol,” Baekhyun admit, voice threateningly low. His words only sparked Chanyeol’s anger.

“What the—!” Chanyeol yelled, fists knocking against the wood. His voice was louder and deeper, the sound booming in the room, startling the kids who had been having their dinner in silence. Chanyeol’s eyes were red, but Baekhyun knew it was only out of anger.

“Stop attacking me, Baekhyun. This isn’t fair. It’s not ing fair at all!”

Instead of standing down, Baekhyun straightened up, bracing himself for a round of provocation, “It’s true though, isn’t it? If you don’t care anymore you can just walk away, Chanyeol. Nobody’s stopping you.”

Chanyeol shot out of his seat at those words. In a second, he was hovering over the smaller man, a hand poised and ready to strike. Baekhyun's eyes glossed over, flinching when Chanyeol approached him. As sudden as the impulse had occurred, Chanyeol's heart was overwhelmed with regret as his raised hand dropped to his side. Baekhyun refused to look away, eyes boring into Chanyeol's confused soul.

"What's stopping you, Chanyeol?" Defiance and retaliation shone brightly in Baekhyun's eyes as he provoked further. The tears had finally spilled over the threshold of his eyes but he refused to acknowledge them, pressing on in a quiet voice, It's not like this is the first time anyone's done this to me."

Baekhyun's voice was barely above a whisper, dangerously low, the lump in his throat awfully constricting, "You should know, shouldn't you, Yeol? That they've done more than to just hit me."

"Stop it," Chanyeol warned. Baekhyun was quick to lift his shirt, eyes never leaving Chanyeol's as if daring him to look. The latter couldn't help but be reeled in by the countless of fading scars of Baekhyun's past that littered his chest and torso. They varied, each of different sizes, but they all brought the same pain to Chanyeol. He's seen it before, and though they were all faint, they contrast strikingly against the paleness of Baekhyun's skin. Chanyeol swallowed hard; the pain was always as unbearable as the first time.

Their eyes locked in a charged moment but Jongin's gasp of surprise broke the pregnant silence that had befallen upon the room. Before Jongin could even get the chance to voice his curiosity, Baekhyun was already tugging his shirt down and wiping at his eyes.

He turned to Jongin. "Go to your room and take Sehun with you."

His tone left no room for argument. Jongin did as told, pulling Sehun along up the stairs, glancing back ever so often until he disappeared into his room.

Chanyeol let out the breath he hadn't known he'd been holding when their children were out of earshot. He fell to his knees, frantically reaching for Baekhyun's hands. Baekhyun watched as Chanyeol cried against his hands. "I'm sorry, Baekhyun, I'm so sorry. I don't-- I don't know what came over me."

Chanyeol was ready to grovel for forgiveness but what he hadn't expected was for Baekhyun to turn his cheek as he said in the most impassive tone he's ever heard the man use, "It's fine, Chanyeol."

"I need an answer from you, Chanyeol. I can't take your uncertainty anymore. Are you with me, or do you want out?"

"I can't believe you think I'd choose to walk away," Chanyeol choked. 

"I don't know with you anymore, Chanyeol. I don't know where we stand," Baekhyun admitted in a small voice.

"Tell me what to do, Baek. Tell me what it is I should do to fix whatever this is," Chanyeol scrambled to his feet, gesturing to the imaginary wall that had erected in between them.

With a deep breath, Baekhyun declared, "I want you to save our son's future if you still care."

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2010 

Chanyeol had always had big dreams for himself. He'd get his master's degree, start up his own business and earn the big bucks.

But all that changed when he met Baekhyun.

Suddenly, a materialistic life with everything wasn't as appealing as a life with Baekhyun. Of course, it would be ideal to have the best of both worlds, but truth was, Chanyeol knew he'd still be happy and content if he had nothing but still have Baekhyun by his side.

Things were going to get better, he'd told himself on his way home after a great day at work. He was overjoyed; he'd been promoted to senior consultant which meant a higher salary and better commission. It also meant that Sehun could finally continued his therapy classes like Baekhyun had wanted. 

"I bought dinner today," Chanyeol announced once he stepped through the doors, toeing his shoes off.

"What for?" Baekhyun snapped from the kitchen. "Dammit, Yeol, how much food did you buy? We can't afford to be spending unnecessarily.I've cooked dinner today. Now what am I supposed to do with the food you bought?" 

"Jeez, Baek. Can't I do something nice for my family once in awhile?" Chanyeol groaned.

"You know it's not like that, Chanyeol," Baekhyun berated, "We've barely enough for this month's electricity bill, how do you expect to be saving for Sehun's therapy or Jongin's school fees when you're spending stupidly?" 

"Sometimes I wish you'd use your ing brain," Baekhyun huffed. 

"Look, Baekhyun," Chanyeol sighed, setting the food down. "Let's not argue today."

"I've got great news." Baekhyun merely turned his back and returned to his cooking. Chanyeol felt a tinge of disappointment but ignored it, letting himself be comforted with the news he was about to deliver.

"I've been promoted," Chanyeol started with a huge grin, "It means more hours, but the pay's not that bad."

"Enough for Sehun's fees?" Baekhyun asked shortly with his back still turned. Chanyeol's face fell this time.

"Just enough for a few months... we've still got his previous year's debt to clear." Baekhyun let out an annoyed tsk  at this.

"That's not enough, Yeol. Sehun's turning five and doctor's say there's a time frame for him to be picking up new skills, skills normal childrenn should have already picked up," Baekhyun explained impatiently, "We're running out of time here." 

Chanyeol was about to retaliate, argue that Sehun would learn them at his own pace, but he thought better ofit. It would just be another endless cycle of debate and he knew he could never win with Baekhyun.

"It's not enough." Baekhyun repeated with an air of finality.

Chanyeol was wrong.

Things did not get any better; whatever he did... it would never be enough.

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