Chapter Thirteen: Other Side of the Wall

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Chanyeol stared at the dark screen on his phone. Yixing had hung up on him a minute ago but he had yet to recover from the weight of the man’s words. Was Yixing lying to him? Chanyeol couldn’t fathom the reasons as to why he would. He sounded dead serious and Chanyeol was mortified when Yixing told him of what had happened. Was that why Baekhyun was calling him earlier on?

Putting two and two together, Chanyeol felt an awful rush of a mixture of guilt, appal and distress. Beside him, Jongdae had taken to pressing himself against the other man’s side with a questioning yet thoroughly concerned gaze. Chanyeol blinked out of his daze and finally turned to face Jongdae, wanting to give answers to the man’s unasked questions yet finding difficulty in conveying the news in words.

“You’re really pale,” Jongdae commented, rubbing his hands on Chanyeol’s arms in an attempt to give him some comfort. The gesture did nothing so, coldness and dread seeping into Chanyeol’s bones as he stared blankly at his lover.

“Is… Is everything okay?” Jongdae’s head tilted in questioning but there was great hesitance in his words. He knew the answer to it yet he didn’t dare ask why.

To his surprise, though, Chanyeol managed a weak smile, one he could tell had taken a lot of effort to put on, before pulling them both back down onto the bed. An arm tugged him closer into Chanyeol as the latter nuzzled his hair.

“We should go to sleep.” And when we wake up, this will all be a bad dream.

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The following morning, Chanyeol woke up alone, Jongdae having went to work earlier to settle some things. The tall man went about his daily routine as usual, reading the newspaper as he ate his cereal in silence, getting showered and ready in his suit for work and leaving the apartment just in time for a slow drive to the office.

The whole day, Chanyeol’s phone sat quietly on his desk where he would glance at it from time to time, holding on to that fine thread of hope that Yixing, or maybe even Baekhyun himself, would call him and let him know that things were okay. Maybe Baekhyun would drop him a text asking if he were free for lunch, or maybe Yixing would give him a call to let him know that the divorce papers were ready for collection. None of those came. It remained silent for the most part of the day, only occasionally buzzing from a reminder text from his secretary about the files he was supposed to hand in to management by the end of the week.

By the time he’d left the building, the suspense was great enough to have him dialing Baekhyun’s home phone to inform him that he was going to swing by. He’d made up his mind, the lie of wanting to pick up some old clothes from their once shared wardrobe on the tip of his tongue. To his surprise, an unfamiliar voice, one as deep as his but a tad bit huskier, answered the call. The man said that Baekhyun was asleep, and Chanyeol had hung up quickly, not really sure what else to say in his fluster.

By the time Chanyeol was home, the idea of calling his Chinese friend came to him like an epiphany and the man had wasted no time in dialing the number, celebrating with a silent sigh of relief when he picked up.

“Yixing! Is everything—”

“Make it fast, Park. I’m with Baekhyun right now.”

“You are?” Chanyeol bit his lip. “Is he okay?”

There was a loud scoff on the other end of the line but after a few beats of silence, Chanyeol realised that Yixing wasn’t going to give a reply to that.

“Can I come over? Can I see him?” Chanyeol couldn’t stop the words from flowing out of his mouth, his mind preoccupied with thoughts of his last conversation with Yixing over the phone.

You’ve finally broke him, and I hope you’re happy you did.

The burning ache in his heart, one he was very sure to be guilt and shame, was almost unbearable as he willed Yixing’s words away.

"I don't think it's a good idea..."

Chanyeol sat upright in the driver's seat, "I'm already on my way and I won't take long, I just. I want to see him."

This time, the reply came swiftly and with menace, “You can’t come, I’m not letting you anywhere near him.”

“I just want to know if he’s fine,” Chanyeol said pleadingly, wincing at Yixing’s protectiveness.

“What do you ing think, Chanyeol?” The said man closed his eyes at the harsh tone, soul swamped with regret. “Do you think he’ll be fine after that?”

It was silent for a long time, and Chanyeol had nothing to say to that. There was a click and a continuous beep, indicating that Yixing had hung up, not wanting to wait for a reply.

He’s really done it, Chanyeol thought. Yixing was right. He had messed things up so bad.

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Yixing knew things weren't going to be easy.
 

He hadn't expected Baekhyun to suddenly forget everything that's happened and then go about his day as if everything was okay. Understandably, Baekhyun barely said a word in the following days-- his conversations with the younger man when he dropped by for his daily visits were practically one-sided. By the third day, Yixing wasn't even surprised anymore when he popped into the room to find Baekhyun where he'd spent all his time; on the bed, either asleep or awake, repeatedly going through the messages on his phone. To Yixing's relief, his friend hadn't tried texting or contacting Baekhyun through any means. He must have gotten the message after their little argument over the phone, Yixing thought. He knew it was for the best. 

By the end of the week, Yixing decided that it was time he pushed a little. Jongin was expected to return on the weekend, and Sehun had been asking non-stop for Baekhyun, as did Chanyeol. 

"Are you feeling better today?" Yixing greeted with a smile, just like he had been doing for the past week. He set the bowl of porridge he'd brought along on the table and moved to sit behind Baekhyun who was lying on his side, scrolling through the photos in his album. As usual, Baekhyun barely acknowledged the Chinese man's presence, merely skipping pictures that didn't have a certain someone in them but stopping and staring for a long time at one that had a silly grin and boyish charms. Yixing resisted the urge to scoff at the picture. If he had it his way, he would have deleted every picture and burned everything that had a trace of Chanyeol in it. But then he'd realise with a sad smile that Baekhyun wouldn't have anything left. Chanyeol had fit himself into the smaller man's life so perfectly, made it impossible for Baekhyun to move on to a life that didn't have the tall man with the handsome smile in it.

Yixing reached out to play with Baekhyun's hair for a moment before tentatively moving to caress his cheek, only to be met by the setback he'd encountered for the past few days. Baekhyun recoiled as if he'd been burned as soon as Yixing's hand made contact with skin. Though he no longer screamed and cried, he was still unable to help the whimper that came involuntarily. Yixing was glad though. This was good progress.

Yixing's hand retracted. "Sehun's been asking for you, you know."

At the mention of his son, Baekhyun froze. Slowly, he returned his phone to its place on the table and pulled himself up to sit. Yixing couldn't help the excited smile that tugged on his lips, watching his friend with an encouraging gaze. Baekhyun looked as if he were struggling to speak, opening his mouth to say something, only to close them again without a word.

"I want to help you," Yixing whispered pleadingly. Baekhyun's eyes snapped up to meet Yixing's and Yixing was almost as surprised as Baekhyun at his outburst, choosing to lower his gaze to wipe at his eyes before any of the sudden tears fell.

It must have been minutes before Baekhyun finally found the strength and courage; stemmed solely from the image of his troubled friend.

"It hurts," Baekhyun croaked, eyes glistening when Yixing gazed into them. The Chinese lawyer didn't have to ask. Baekhyun had a hand clutching at the front of his shirt and the sadness in his eyes was overwhelming, to the point Yixing could feel it in his bones. If he felt such way, he could only imagine what Baekhyun was going through.

Yixing was almost certain that Baekhyun was finally going to pour his heart out to him, so it came as a complete surprise when Baekhyun's eyes suddenly turned hard, his fists clenched in determination as he declared, "I want to speak with him."

"Baekhyun..."

"I-I want to speak to him, Xing," Baekhyun's breath quickened, "I want to speak to Chan-- Chanyeol."

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Chanyeol fidgeted nervously with a bouquet of flowers in hand. He'd lived there for the past twelve years but it was the first time he felt like he didn't belong. Like it was wrong for him to be there. But he couldn't turn his back. Despite how broken their relationship had become, Baekhyun is someone he had once loved. And just because they weren't together anymore didn't mean Chanyeol didn't care about him. He still does. Things like that don't just disappear without a trace. It would take more than just the embitterment of a relationship to change that.

The call from Yixing was unexpected but he welcomed it all the same. When Yixing had mentioned that it was upon Baekhyun's request, he couldn't help but feel relieved, however brief. 

"Hey," a voice brought him out of his reverie. Yixing stood at the top of the stairs, staring down at him with an unreadable expression.

Chanyeol gave an uncertain smile in return. "Is he--"

"--come on up." Yixing cut him off before turning around on his heels. Chanyeol hurried along, not needing to be told twice. Yixing had left the door wide open but Chanyeol still found the need to approach it with caution.

He hadn't really known what to expect but as soon as he entered, his eyes settled upon a small lump on one side of the huge bed. A closer look let him know that Baekhyun was asleep.

"He said he wanted you to come but he fell asleep waiting,"Yixing explained,adjusting the covers on Baekhyun before briefly running a hand through his hair. Chanyeol lowered his eyes. He had no reason to feel angry at his friend's gesture but it had brought back memories of the times he had been the one to tend to Baekhyun, and those were memories that were to be kept at bay.

"Is it okay if you came back another time?"

Chanyeol hesitated. "Could I maybe stay until he wakes up?" 

"Suit yourself." Yixing got up from the bed. "I've got to get to work."

He started to make his way towards the door but  paused where his tall childhood friend was, expression grave. "Promise me, Chanyeol. I want your word that you won't hurt him any more than you already have."

Chanyeol couldn't have meant his promise any more than he's ever had. "You have my word, Xing."

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Watching Baekhyun sleep made him feel like a creep. But he couldn't help it. Even though Baekhyun showed no signs of waking up anytime soon, Chanyeol still found it rather disturbing at how troubled the man was even in his sleep. He's lost count of the number of times Baekhyun would fidget or cry out something incoherent. The frown was permanently etched into his once soft features but Chanyeol couldn't find it in himself to reach out and calm the man down, protect him from everything, like he had promised once upon a time.

When it turned dark, Chanyeol had no choice but to leave without even saying hello. Sehun had been in Jongdae's care for a few hours now and though he trusted his lover with his son, he still felt uneasy. He got up from where he'd been perched on the sofa before the bed, making his way towards the door. As he passed the sleeping form, an unexplained pull brought him closer to the man. From where he was, he could count the number of lashes that fanned across Baekhyun's cheek. He may not feel the same love he had felt all those years before, but Chanyeol couldn't deny that Baekhyun was still as beautiful as he'd remembered that first night he met the young, lost boy.

A slight hesitation, but an inch closer, and another, and another, until his lips grazed a forehead that had been left untouched for years. But as quickly and impulsively as it had occured, Chanyeol recoiled as if he'd been burnt. Choosing to ignore the confusing rush of emotions and embedded memories of the mind, Chanyeol hurried out without another glance back.

He can't let it happen.

He can't be going back to the past; not if he'll have to go through the same heartbreak all over again. 

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