Remained

Breath of Life
My eyes shut as I heard her voice call my name. This isn't what I wanted but I quickly pulled myself together before I turned around to face her. I stared at her as she walked up to me. She was pissed that I was leaving and while she told me things, Misung popped into my mind. After all these years, she broke a promise. 
 
Hayoung was upset and I knew she wasn't going to leave without getting what she wants. It's like she was asking to get hurt. There was only one way to do it. I ended up with telling her the truth, I told her how I wanted to up her life. As I said those things I knew that in my dumb heart that wasn't the reason anymore. I was leaving because I didn't want her to love me.
 
I didn't have a choice but I needed to bring up the past to push her away. I knew for a fact it would remind her of what I did, so she can open her eyes, leave, and continue on with her life.
 
“Yeah, you ed me. Except for me…” She gets on her tippy-toes placing her hands behind my head and I feel her warm breath whisper in my ear. “I made love to you.”
 
She lightly scratches the bottom of my hair holding me for a minute. I couldn't understand why she loves me this much, after everything I put her through. It pissed me off that no matter what I say or do she stays by my side. But, it pissed me off more that I felt the same way.
 
When she pulls away to give me another chance to tell her good-bye. I couldn't do it. I walk away not wanting to put up with this. 
 
I couldn't help but to think she's so stupid for risking herself to get hurt. Taking stupid chances and fighting for things she wants. As I continued to walk, I found my feet stopping me. 
 
I realized at that moment, I should let her know how much she's affecting me and that I'm the one who needs to leave. That I'm the one who doesn't want to feel this way anymore.
 
Stupidly, I walk back up to her. I couldn't speak but after a while, I finally managed to say something.
 
"I had it all figured out." I paused and continued. I was about to share something with her, something I didn't want to but I felt like I had to.
 
"What?" She demands "Tell me Sehun. What?"
 
When my eyes met hers, I lost it. For the first time I allowed myself to be vulnerable. My old self was slipping back. 
 
"I just wanted more time." I my lips as I waited a second to continue. "So, either way, I'd say you're the worst thing that's happened to me. Goodbye Hayoung."
 
It's true, finding out I had cancer wasn't the worst thing. Having her come into my life was, loving her was the worst thing to happen to me.
 
"I don't care how much time we have left" She rests her forehead with mine. "I'm staying with you until the end. Get that in your head stupid jerk."
 
When she kisses me, her words process through my mind. Her words kept repeating over and over in my head. She was willing to stay with me, she was fighting for me while I had given up on everything. She was letting me know that she doesn't care what's going to happen, all she cared about was being with me.
 
When I pull away I felt bad that she was crying. I wiped her tears away and confessed that I didn't want to hurt her. She begged me, begged me to stay. I couldn't stand the sound of her voice...it broke my heart. 
 
As the kiss got deeper, it reminded me how much I really do love her and how much I want to be with her. I didn't want to say goodbye, I never wanted to, and I wasn't going to.
 
My mind cleared off and I put my pride down. I decided to stay.
 


 

 

 

"I thought Yixing was coming?" Tao asked as we all got out of our cars when we arrived at Sehun's. 

 
Saerin, Kai, and Yixing planned to meet with us later on after dinner so they didn't come right after school like the rest of us.
 
"He said he'll stop by after he finished up a few things." I smiled at him.
 
Once we reached the front door. Misung stood there but there was something wrong. She wasn't staring at any one of us. 
 
We all greeted her but she still didn't make eye contact, she just bowed.
 
"I'm sorry to be the one to say this." She pauses "But, I'm afraid you're all going to have to go home."
 
"Is he not feeling well?" Chanyeol asked as he walked passed the doors quickly becoming concerned.
 
Misung held in her tears. "I'm sorry but...Sehun passed away earlier today."
 
In an instant tears blurred my vision, my breathing stopped, and everything went blank. The day I knew was bound to happen finally caught up. I had lost Sehun, forever.
 
Kyungri hugs me as I lost it between my heavy tears. It was something I didn't want to believe but knew it was real. The thought that crossed through my mind the most was that I didn't get to tell him I love him one more time, I didn't get to spend the last minutes with him.
 
 
 
 
 
 
Kyungri walked me inside my mansion. I didn't know what was happening all I felt was Euaerin wrap her arms around me. I felt my tears fall down again and I lost control once more.
 
"I'm sorry angel." She whispers as she soothes my head while tears continued to fall.
 
"I didn't get to say goodbye mom." I spoke through my tears. "I didn't get to say goodbye."
 
She squeezed me tighter and my tears got worse. 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
My eyes were puffy from crying non stop for days, especially this morning during the burial. My heart ached as I walked up the stairs. To a place that brought memories that I didn't want to remember at the moment, they were to hard to bare.
 
I see Daehun sitting at the edge of Sehun's bed. After the funeral Daehun didn't want to speak to anyone, even me. He ran up the stairs and I thought he went to his room but instead the double doors to Sehun's bedroom were wide open.
 
I softly murmur "Daehun" 
 
I paused, not sure what to say next. I got closer and it broke my heart to see his little eyes hurt and confused. I sat beside him and he didn't move an inch.
 
His eyebrows scrunched together. "He left me." I catch his eyes begin to build up tears. "I hate him."
 
"No," I feared those words, I didn't want him to feel this way. "You don't mean that."
 
"Yes I do." He raised his voice "He left me!" He wipes away his tears that were falling "I told him about my bad dreams and he still left." He spoke angrily between his tears. "He left!"
 
My arms quickly embrace him. "He didn't" I whisper as I lost control of my own tears "He's here," I pause "He's here." I said it trying to convince the both of us. 
 
His tiny arms hugged me back and I held onto him tighter. I kissed his small head.
 
"I won't ever leave you Daehun." I whispered "I promise you that."
 
 
 
 
 
 
I slowly felt myself wake up and the day hasn't passed, the light was coming through Sehun's bedroom windows. I realized that Daehun and I had fallen asleep, I wasn't sure how but it was most likely because we both couldn't stop crying. 
 
When I look over at his little face I wished he could stay that peaceful when he wakes up again. Sadly, that wasn't going to be the case, not for him, and not for anyone. It was going to be a long process for us to accept the reality of Sehun not being here anymore.
 
My eyes look away and around his big spacious room. Thinking how life is going to change and be different, it was going to be incomplete. I sighed exhaustedly and decided to use his bathroom since I didn't want to go back home and have Daehun wake up noticing I'm gone.
 
As I stood up I walked passed his desk and noticed two envelopes. One with my name and the other with Daehun's. I wasn't sure if that was there before or if someone had placed it there. Either way, I knew it belonged to me and I knew who it came from. 
 
Fear was what I felt as I stared at the envelope. I froze in place and it took me a while to move my fingers. I hesitated to grab it, debating with myself if I should read it now or later. I wasn't sure if I was ready...but would I ever be?
 
I stopped going back and forth, finally placing it in my hands, and taking the letter out. 
 
 
 
Cheon
 
You just left to school right now. I wanted to say goodbye to you then and there when you said you were coming back because I knew I wouldn't be when you did. Don't get mad at me because I wasn't honest when you asked me if I was okay. If I had said something, I wouldn't have been too happy with my decision the day you asked me to stay at the airport. I wanted to leave seeing your smile one last time. 
 
Remember when I said you were the worst thing to happen to me...at that time I really thought you were because of so many damn reasons. Well, I take all that back. You were the best decision I ever made. You made me very happy. You reminded me of the person I used to be and the person I could be. 
 
Keep the infinity bracelet. It's in the drawer next to my night stand. It made me think of you every time I looked at it and even though we won't be together anymore, we will in some way. I'm only giving it back because it's your time to have forever. Don't fall back into your old habits, continue dancing, and being happy.
 
I also left you Daehun's letter. It's to keep you in touch with him if you happen to end up leaving him for whatever reason. Don't give this to him while you're still in his life. But, I trust you, I know you won't ever leave him so hand this to him when he's a little older and when you think it's the right time.
 
 
 
Thank you for staying with me and giving me everything. Remember to take care of yourself but don't forget that I love you more. I'll be waiting.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
My tears began to slightly fog up my vision. I my lips and turn my body around. I looked at the nightstand near his bed. I walked over and once I opened the drawer, there it was, just like he said it would be. 
 
I played with his bracelet before finally placing it around my wrist. I stared at it and partly smiled while my tears fell down my cheeks. He was gone but there was still a part of him that remained, that we still remained. 
 

 

 

 

(Suho's crying face) Please don't hate me guys, I know you all didn't want this to happen and it's not that I was ignoring what you guys wanted, it's just how it was supposed to happen. Trust me, I didn't want him to leave either but sometimes that's just how life is. Sometimes there are situations that can't always have happy endings.

Don't worry, this will still have a sweet ending even though our precious Sehun is gone. I love you alllllll and I hope you guys still love me xoxo 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
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XOXODreamcloud
The support you all given BoL will forever be appreciated. Thank you all, seriously! Thank you with all my heart :)

Comments

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oohcouple
#1
Chapter 77: i just need to say i’m a mess… i have never cried this much for a story. this is truly a masterpiece thank you for giving us this amazing story <3
Wooyasaranghae #2
I love it!!!😭😭😭
Erponnn108 #3
Chapter 7: MASterpiece
dreamerc #4
Chapter 78: I have never cried so much reading before and this beautiful story definitely set a record. Thank you... this was truly a journey T^T
Sey-ra
45 streak #5
Chapter 82: Why did sehun die.....and by the end who is her husband I really need to know.
Indianexol #6
Chapter 46: I am in now episode 46...don't tell me Sehun will die....OMG, I can't read it :(
_nrlfatihah
#7
Chapter 80: its 3am and im a mess with all these tears
Soniabbh #8
Amazingggg